Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for loveandsex

Cheating: Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?

By

Cheating is definitely a fear that most people consider their biggest relationship fears. Yet many people make the mistake of cheating on one of their significant others over the course of their dating career. What do you do when you find out that your loved one has cheated in the past? Is that an automatic sign that they’ll eventually cheat on you? Though we can never be one hundred percent certain of our mate’s fidelity, there are warning signs to look out for and traps to avoid.

Does Your Partner Have A Cheating History?

Nothing can throw a wrench in your relationship faster than finding out that your partner has a history of cheating. Suddenly your confidence is shaken, and you begin to suspect the worst. There’s no point in jumping to conclusions without further investigation, though. The most important thing you can do is talk to your significant other about it. If you find out that your partner cheated on a former flame, ask them about what happened. Was that the only person they’ve ever cheated on? Why did they cheat? Were they bored or unhappy with their partner at the time? How long did the affair carry on for, and how serious was it? Your S.O. may be ashamed to talk about it, so calmly let them know that you’ll feel better if you hear the truth.

After you hear their side of the story, you need to really think about what they’ve told you. If your boyfriend cheated once on a girl he dated for a month in high school, he’s probably not a player. You have even less to worry about if he immediately broke up with the girlfriend and started dating the other girl. That’s typically youthful poor judgment, and he tried to make it right in the end. If your girlfriend had an affair with two other guys over the course of several months, that’s a different story. You probably should be a little worried. You should be even more worried if you find out she cheated on her boyfriend before him, too.

Will Your Partner Ever Stop Cheating?

Anytime there is a storied history of cheating, you should tread lightly. People should be forgiven for a one time mistake, but repeated infidelity, especially with more than one partner, is a sign that your S.O. can’t really function in a monogamous relationship. Unless you have major evidence that they’ve changed their ways, you have every right to be worried. However, even if the person has only cheated once, it’s still important to know the circumstances around that singular event. It’s wrong to cheat no matter what, but some situations are worse than others. If your significant other was in a terrible relationship that he/she was trying to end, that’s not quite as awful as cheating on their loving spouse out of curiosity.

In The End, Trust Your Gut Instinct

Regardless of the severity of the cheating incident, it’s important that you hear your partner out and learn all that you can. If you feel they’re still worth trusting, then by all means stay with them. That doesn’t mean you can’t keep an eye out for odd behavior, like secretive phone calls and multiple unexplained date cancellations. You should definitely be wary of any weird changes in behavior, but you need to talk to your significant other about it before you jump to conclusions. If you don’t feel you can trust your partner to stay true to you, though, it’s time to end it. There’s no use drawing out the relationship and constantly worrying that they’re cheating on you. Suffering through the paranoia won’t be fun for anyone involved.

Kinky Sex: 6 Sex Fetishes You Didn’t Know Existed

By

There’s kinky sex and then there’s kinky sex. You may think that a little bondage and some fuzzy handcuffs in the bedroom is pretty out there, but it’s guaranteed that there are dozens (and maybe even hundreds) of different sex fetishes and fantasies that you didn’t even know about. From diapers to stuffed animals to erotic asphyxiation, check out these sex fetishes that you probably didn’t know existed!

Diaper Fetish

If you’ve never heard of a diaper fetish, now you have. People who enjoy diapers while making love (or just enjoy wearing diapers period) are called “diaper lovers” or “adult babies” and contrary to popular belief, they have no interest whatsoever in pedophilia. People who enjoy using diapers during coitus may like to urinate in the diapers or have their partners urinate in them, or may enjoy pulling the diapers to the side to perform oral sex on their lovers. Some adult babies will go so far as to purchase child like pajamas or even use pacifiers while sleeping or while making love. Now that’s kinky sex!

Erotic Asphyxiation

A truly dangerous form of kinky sex, this is one of the sex fetishes you don’t want to mess with. It is more dangerous than pleasurable and is one of the only sex fetishes that can result in death. Either during intercourse or masturbation, a person who enjoys erotic asphyxiation will tie a cord, scarf or other item around their neck to cut off blood and oxygen to the brain during orgasm. This supposedly makes an orgasm much more intense and satisfying. At best, the person who is participating in erotic asphyxiation will pass out at the point of orgasm and come to a little later after the body resumes normal function on its own. At worst, passing out before the cord is untied will cause the brain to go without blood and oxygen too long – causing brain damage (if the person is discovered in time) or death.

Klismaphilia

Klismaphilia is often one of the sex fetishes that people who enjoy anal sex like, and this is a form of kinky sex indeed. Klismaphilia refers to the sexual pleasure that some people derive from giving or receiving an enema. People who enjoy this activity will often fantasize about getting an enema, and will get aroused and may even reach orgasm while getting an enema or during the elimination process. Klismaphiliacs may go to the doctor or hospital to get an enema under the pretense of being constipated, or they may engage in this activity in secret as many adult toy stores offer devices such as enema tools, latex gloves and vaginal speculums for those into medical fetishes.

Hybristophilia

Hybristophilia is a fetish that is described often as the “Bonnie and Clyde Syndrome” where people (most often women) have a sexual fascination with someone who has committed a violent or gruesome crime. Many prisoners with sensationalized murder cases receive “fan mail” in prison from women who have sex fetishes or fantasies about the perpetrators of the crime and may even fantasize about being a part of the crime or witnessing it happening. Since most hybristophiliacs aren’t able to experience this type of kinky sex in person, their sex fetishes are usually expressed during masturbation. Some women, however, have even been known to marry the objects of their affection while they’re in prison. Passive hybristophiliacs often stick to writing letters to violent criminals, while more active hybristophiliacs may even be an accomplice in a heinous crime.

Plushophilia

Plushophiliacs have sex fetishes with stuffed animals or people who wear animal costumes, such as sports mascots or holiday characters such as the Easter Bunny. Men and women who are plushophiliacs may enjoy having intercourse with their partners dressed up in plush costumes, or they may experience this sex fantasy during masturbation with a small stuffed animal. Both men and women can be plushophiliacs, but not all fans of furry critters enjoy them sexually – called “furry fandom.”

Burusera

Burusera is the Japanese equivalent of a “panty fetish.” Men with Burusera style sex fetishes enjoy smelling, touching, masturbating with and even licking a girl’s used panties. This type of kinky sex was so prevalent in Japan at one time, that many Burusera shops existed to cater to clientele that wanted to purchase used panties and swimwear for sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, many more young girls were targeted as providers of used panties than those over the age of 18, so many Burusera shops were shut down and laws were passed to keep young girls from selling their panties to individuals or shops.

5 Sex Mistakes Men Make In Bed – And How To Avoid Them

By

Most guys make sex mistakes in bed, blundering about the bedroom instead of knowing what they’re doing. The most common challenges they face when doing it with their partners is not technique or how to’s, but their own assumptions and misconceptions about making love from a woman’s point of view. Start putting yourself in her shoes and you’ll quit making rookie errors and start rocking her world and giving her an earth shattering orgasm. Here are the top five sex mistakes that a man will make in bed and how you can avoid them!

Assuming What Worked For One Woman Will Work For Another

Guys are notorious for thinking that if they did a great job pleasuring one woman – let’s say with oral sex – that the same exact techniques will work on another woman. They often will believe that because the first woman had an amazing, mind blowing orgasm, that he suddenly decoded how women work and can give every woman an orgasm if he simply just repeats what he did the first time on any other woman he ends up doing it with. This is one of the most common but jeapordizing sex mistakes a man can make! The reality is that no two women like the exact same things and discovering what a new lover likes is part of the beauty of having a new sexual relationship. Instead of assuming you know exactly what a woman wants or needs based on what you’ve done before with other women, wipe the proverbial slate clean in between each partner and get to know what they like and dislike through good old fashioned trial and error.

You Think You Offer Everything She Needs

Many women can’t reach orgasm without the aid of a vibrator or other sex toys. A lot of men share the misconception that if a woman needs a vibrator to reach climax that there’s something “wrong” with her. A lot of guys go into a sexual relationship believing that everything his new partner needs is underneath his belt buckle, but that assumption couldn’t be farther from the truth and is one of the more common sex mistakes that men can make. If your partner needs a vibrator to have an orgasm, think of the vibrator as a sort of “partner in crime” to assist you in making your partner scream your name while in the throes of pleasure.

You Forget The Lube

Unfortunately, one of the biggest sex mistakes that guys make is forgetting to bring – or use – a good, water based lube. A lot of guys think that if he just gets her turned on enough that she’ll get wet – and of course, the wetter she gets, the more he turned her on, right? Not exactly. A woman could be very turned on and not have very much vaginal lubrication at all, or vice versa. If she’s not slick enough, penetration is going to be extremely uncomfortable or even painful for her, and she definitely won’t enjoy it or have any chance at reaching orgasm. Avoid this rookie error and insist on using lube.

Underestimating The Power Of The Clitoris

A man’s anatomy and how he uses it for sex is simple, and therefore, he assumes a woman’s anatomy must respond the same way his does. It feels good to him when he puts his penis in her vagina, so it must feel good to her to have his penis in her vagina. The harder he thrusts, the closer he gets to orgasm, so the same must be true for her. This of course, is pretty much the opposite of how a woman’s anatomy really works and one of the more common but frustrating sex mistakes for women to have to deal with. Many women can’t climax at all from vaginal penetration alone and the quickest way to bring a woman to orgasm is to stimulate her clitoris. Doing this in addition to penetration will give her much more pleasure than just penetration alone.

Not Making Any Noise

Whether he’s embarrassed or just thinks that silence in the sack is better, one of the most common sex mistakes that a man can make is not making any noise when he hits the sheets. If she’s giving you an amazing blowjob, she wants to hear how great you think it is – even if all you can manage is a few moans here and there. If you’re quiet, she may assume she’s doing something wrong and start trying to do something else – which can be completely frustrating for you if she was on the right track to pleasing you in the first place. Instead of being quiet, allow your inner animal to escape and don’t worry about how you sound. Your girl will get off on the fact that you can’t hold your pleasure in!

Break Ups: When Is The Right Time To End A Relationship?

By

Break ups are tough for both people involved, so it’s easy to want to prolong the end of a relationship as long as possible. Sometimes relationships can resemble roller coasters—they’re up one minute and down the next. Even the most well adjusted couple you know has had or will have a rough patch at some point. So how can you tell the difference between a tough week and the final dissolution of your romance? Keeping track of the changes and shifts in your relationship can help you determine what’s for a moment and what’s for an eternity.

Define The Problem At Hand

Maybe things haven’t been so great lately, and you’re starting to wonder if you and your significant other are really meant to be together after all. Before you kick their heart to the curb, ask yourself what the problem is. Have you been arguing constantly? Do you feel restless in the relationship and bored by your partner? Has your partner been avoiding you or acting disinterested? All of these can be reasons to end your relationship, but you have to understand what’s behind the problem before you can make the ultimate call. Break ups are never something you want to rush into.

If some other terrible life event has recently occurred, that may be at the root of your issues. If you or your partner has fallen ill, lost a job, had a family member die, etc., one of you may be taking out your problems on the other person. Though all these things can be pretty tragic, it’s highly likely that you’ll both be enjoying happier times within a few weeks or months. If you’ve got major stress, realize that it could be making you more easily annoyed with your partner, or vice versa. Don’t let that inform your overall view of your relationship.

Just try to be patient and supportive of each other. Remind yourself that this dark period won’t last forever. More importantly, try to remind yourself that you love this person, and they aren’t responsible for the other bad incidents in your life. Misplaced blame will only hurt you both.

Have You Fallen Out Of Love?

What if there isn’t some unrelated reason for the discord in your lives? If you find yourself bored with your significant other and wishing you could get back out in the dating world, you probably have fallen out of love. Break ups due to falling out of love aren’t as hurtful, especially if your partner feels the same way. Sometimes two people are just ready to move on. The same goes for constant, pointless arguing. You or your mate may be picking fights in an attempt to cause a break up, possibly even on a subconscious level. Don’t drag things out if that’s true. Make a clean break of it and save yourselves a lot of trouble. Long, slow break ups are the most painful kind there is.

How To Tell If You Should Really Break Up

Still having trouble determining whether this is an acute or chronic problem? The ultimate test to determine whether you should really end it is to simply imagine a future without your significant other. If you can easily visualize yourself dating other people and ending up with someone else, then you’ve reached the breaking point. If you find it nearly impossible to imagine a life without your mate, then you still love them. That’s an indicator that you’ve hit a rough patch, but you want to work through it.

If so, talk to your partner more and try to get at the underlying problem. Work toward a solution together. If your partner isn’t helpful, however, you may have to accept that they’re passive-aggressively angling for a break up. Difficult as it may be, you should probably end things. It may be painful at first, since you still care for your mate, but you shouldn’t try to force a miserable relationship to work. In the end, you’ll both be happier for it, even though break ups hurt at first.

Long Term Relationships: How To Keep The Romance Alive

By

Long term relationships are the hardest relationships in which you can help the the romance stay alive. But whether you’ve been together for one year or fifty, it’s important to make sure that there is some element of romance in your relationship. Life often intervenes in the form of work, children, and other stressors, but you can’t let that stop you from dedicating time to your significant other. You may not be able to date with the frequency of your early relationship days, but a little effort here and there can go a long way toward getting your spark back. That’s important, because boredom and disconnect can lead to arguments, and have been the end of many long term relationships.

Having Romance Takes Effort

You might not have the time to spend on your long term relationships that you once did, or perhaps you’ve just grown complacent as the years have passed on. That doesn’t mean you should just throw in the towel. Instead, make the best of what time you’ve got. It might sound cliché, but establishing a date night once every few weeks can be a big help. Once you’ve got a date and time picked out, come up with a really fun date idea. Think back to your favorite dates when you were first together. Did you have a particularly great time that night you went bowling? Was there a restaurant you used to love going to that you stopped visiting once you had kids? Recreating an old date not only shows your sweetie how thoughtful you are, but it can also put some spring back into your step. You’ll remember all of the best parts of your early days, and that will put both of you in a great mood.

Other Ways To Keep The Love Alive

Planning the occasional date isn’t the only way to help your love stay alive. Regular physical affection is important, too. Never underestimate the power of impromptu hand-holding, hugging and kissing. It may be a small gesture to momentarily rub your partner’s shoulders after they’ve had a rough day, but it shows you care. Human beings need physical contact with other human beings, and making that connection will make both of you feel happier. Plus, you never know when a shoulder massage or particularly good kiss will lead to more. Sex is a very important part of long term relationships or marriage. If you feel that you and your significant other have had less and less of it lately, take action. Even if you’re feeling a little tired, attempt to go for it anyway. Usually once things get rolling, you’ll find you’re not so tired anymore. The more often you do it, the more often you’ll want it, and vice versa. Therefore the best way to have more sex is to stop fretting about not having it, and just start doing it again. Talk to you partner, too. Mention that you’d like to start spicing things up again, but do so in a non-accusatory way. Nine times out of ten, they’ll be glad you brought it up.

Loving Gestures

Aside from showing physical affection and working dates back into your routine, there are other ways to make sure your long term relationships stay interesting. Small but thoughtful gestures show your significant other that you’re thinking of them. Bring home flowers or a bottle of good wine for no particular reason other than to show you care. If your sweetheart’s had a bad day, offer to engage in one of their favorite activities together. If that means watching their favorite terrible movie, just go with it. Demonstrating your support and love is worth two hours of viewing a bad film. That can be all it takes to remind your S.O. of why they fell for you in the first place.

Ultimately, if you’re willing to put in a little time and effort now and again, you can make things interesting for years to come in your long term relationships. Do your best to remind yourself of everything you love about your partner, then use your actions to remind them of why they love you. That’s the best way to light up the fires at the home.