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Help! My Boyfriend Wants To Be Tied Up!

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If your partner is into BDSM and you’ve never tried it before, it can be kind of intimidating if you don’t know where to start. Don’t be! You don’t have to start with whips and chains – there are lots of fun, light BDSM ideas to get you started and you can have fun with it from there.

 

Dear Dan And Jennifer,

 

My boyfriend wants to be tied up, but I’ve never done it before! What are some tame ideas that I can start with that are comfortable for both of us?

 

–Sheila, Texas

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFHeWPCnvtM&feature=channel_page[/youtube]

Tying Him Up

If you want to start by tying your partner up but you’ve never done it before, try using light bondage such as fuzzy handcuffs or silk ties. You can even incorporate a blindfold to make it more exciting! Loosely tie your partner to a chair or to a bedpost and make sure the knot is too tight. A good thing to do before you start tying your partner up – or start doing anything BDSM related at all – is to come up with a code word that either partner can use if something becomes uncomfortable or painful. “Stop” is usually inefficient in the heat of the moment, so come up with something totally unrelated like, “banana” or “fairies.” It may sound silly, but it’s a great way to communicate if something has gone too far.

What To Do Once You’ve Tied Him Up

Chances are, your partner wants to be tied up because he’s wanting to feel a little submissive. So slip into a more dominant role and lightly tease him! You can tease him using props, such as chocolate sauce or even a light feather duster. If you’re really feeling kinky, a light elastic whip might do the trick! Tease him with nibbling, kissing, light biting and possibly light spanking if he’s into it. You can also do a little anal play while he’s tied up, because most guys are unresponsive to anal play ordinarily. Be careful with this, but you might find that your partner enjoys being in a submissive position and would be more receptive to anal play this way. If you want to try anal play, be gentle and go slow! Also, giving him a nice lap dance can be a great finishing touch while he’s completely tied up.

Advanced BDSM

If you and your partner find light BDSM interesting, you might be more willing to venture into something a little more hardcore. You never have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, but if it turns you on, why not? There are lots of stores – real and online – that can provide you with costumes, toys, sexy shoes, gags, muzzles, leashes and anything you can imagine to help you get your BDSM groove on. Just make sure you have your safe word handy (or a safe gesture if you’re gagged) and you’re ready to go!

First and foremost, whether you’re engaging in regular sex or BDSM, it’s important that you’re comfortable with everything on the table. Communicate to your partner beforehand what you like and listen to what they like – be open and honest about sharing your fantasies and non-judgmental when it comes to acting them out. If you’re open to it, you and your partner can find lots of ways to enrich your sex life and have a more exciting and satisfying time with each other!

Sex Toys 101 – Vibrators Unleashed!

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Sex toys and vibrators are among the most taboo sex topics – who uses sex toys and vibrators? Where can you get them? Can couples use them, or are they just for solo play? What kind of vibrators can you get? Here’s what you need to know when it comes to sex toys and vibrators – and more!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’d really like to try using a vibrator – how do I know which one is the right one for me?

–Lisa, Texas

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=espLUD7yLyM&feature=channel_page[/youtube]

Vibrator Myths

There are a lot of myths surrounding sex toys and vibrators. First of all, vibrators won’t replace men! Many men are afraid that a vibrator will give a woman such intense sexual pleasure that she won’t desire actual sex anymore, but that’s simply not true! There’s nothing that replaces the closeness and intimacy of sex with your partner, not even the best and most expensive vibrator. Vibrators aren’t just for solo use either – couples can have a lot of fun with vibrators by sharing their pleasure with each other through toys. Vibrators aren’t all expensive and big either – they come in all shapes, sizes and prices to fit your needs best. Experiment with different types of sex toys and vibrators to find out which ones you like best!

G-Spot Vibrators

G-Spot vibrators are some of the most popular vibrators available. They’re curved and when used properly, they can help you reach the ultimate G-Spot stimulation! They’re fun to use with a partner or just by yourself and can be incorporated into many different types of sex play. Many G-Spot vibrators come equipped with clitoral stimulators that can help give you dual pleasure.

Clitoral Vibrators

Clitoral vibrators are also popular, because many women can only achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation. They can be used with or without a partner, and there are many types of clitoral vibrators that can be used during sex to provide heightened pleasure. Many are available in waterproof versions and most of them can fit almost any budget.

Discreet Vibrators

Many women prefer to use smaller, discreet vibrators that can’t easily be distinguished from another item. They often fit in a purse or a pocketbook and can be disguised as a lighter, a tube of lipstick or other types of every day items. They’re economical and contrary to popular belief, the right discreet vibrator can pack quite a punch.

Finger Vibrators

Finger vibrators are exactly what they sound like – vibrators that fit right onto your finger! While many couples use finger vibrators together, they’re great for female masturbation because they work well with the way a woman naturally masturbates. Some finger vibrators can be expensive, but many can be found at a good price.

Remote, Bullet and Egg Vibrators

Remote vibrators are best shared with a partner, although it can be equally fun to use a remote vibrator by yourself. It can be really fun to put your pleasure in someone else’s hands! Not all vibrators are big and bulky – bullet and egg vibrators are small and shaped like bullets or eggs, providing comfort, versatility and intense pleasure.

If you’re interested in buying a vibrator for use by yourself or with your partner, there are a multitude of websites that offer the widest variety of vibrators so you can find the one you’re looking for. Just remember, have fun and experiment with different vibrators! You might find that you like more than one!

The Lube Review – What Everyone Ought to Know About Sexual Lubricants

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There are hundreds of  different types of lubricants out there – some made for sexual use and others that just happen to work well for sex but might also be good on a slice of bread. Here’s the down and dirty on what you need to know about lube – what is not lube, what kind of real lube you should get, what you should use it for and why!

Dear Dan And Jennifer,

I’ve heard a lot about lubes and I’m wondering about them – I wonder what is the best kind of lube to use and which lubes I should stay away from? Do I really need lube? What’s the real story about lube?

–Jessica, Rhode Island

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6C6MRDCTNk&feature=channel_page[/youtube]

Water Based Lubricant

Water based lubricant is by far the most popular lube on the market. It’s sold almost everywhere – even your local grocery store sells water based lube! Why is water based lubricant so popular? First of all, this type of lube doesn’t break down condoms. That’s the most important factor – oil based lubricants can weaken latex condoms and make them less effective and nearly useless. Unless you want babies or sexually transmitted diseases, you’re better off using a good, water based lubricant. The other bonuses that come with water based lube is that it washes off easily and it doesn’t stain sheets or clothing!

What Is Not Lube?

Lotion isn’t lube, unless you’re giving a genital massage, and neither is saliva or even just plain water. While you might be tempted to just use something you have around the house in the heat of the moment, but you’re much better off if you plan ahead of time and get yourself a good lubricant that will work well for what you need. Oil based lubricants can work well for men during masturbation or massage, but oil based lubricants are bad news for women during sex and even masturbation with a toy. Oil breeds bacteria very easily and keeps it there, and is difficult to wash off. If you’re choosing a lubricant to use for sex, use the ones made specifically for sex! You’ll find that almost all of them are water based lubricants.

Silicone Based Lubricants

Silicone based lubricants are great for those who have glycerin allergies, or for those who want to use lubrication under water such as in the shower or hot tub. Silicone based lube won’t break down a condom, but won’t wash away in the same way that a water based lubricant will. If you’re planning some sexy fun in the water, think about trying a silicone based lube. The only downside? Like oil based lubricants, it’s difficult to get off afterwards.

Do I Need Lube?

In short – yes! While your partner might be incredibly “wet,” even so, a little lubricant goes a long way. It can help reduce friction, help keep a condom on and safe, and help heighten you and your partner’s pleasure. Have a good bottle of your favorite lubricant ready and you’re bound to have a more enjoyable experience.

Have Fun With Your Lube!

Don’t be afraid to experiment with different types of lube, including different consistencies, different textures, different flavors and different additives. There are numbing lubricants – which should never be used for anal sex – and even lubricants that can increase sensitivity and heighten pleasure. There are many different types of lubricants available online, including lubes in convenient pump dispensers for mess-free fun.

What You Need To Know About Anal Sex Toys

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Anal sex is becoming more and more popular among couples as people take the time to learn about anal sex and how it can be stimulating, satisfying and safe!

The most important thing to consider when using sex toys for anal sex is safety – having anal sex is nothing like having vaginal sex because you have to be a lot more careful. Here’s what you need to know about anal sex and the most popular anal sex toys.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’d like to have anal sex using toys – are there toys built just for anal sex? What is the best toy to use?

–Sarah, Idaho

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hfd4SnGB7X4&feature=channel_page[/youtube]

Before You Begin

Before you begin anal sex, make sure you have what you need on hand, such as plenty of lubricant. Don’t use a numbing lubricant during anal sex, because you could inhibit pain receptors that play an important factor in letting you know if something goes wrong. Anal sex should be introduced slowly and be very aware that anal tissue is more sensitive than vaginal or oral tissue and can tear easily. Remember that the anal cavity is not self lubricating like a vagina is – make sure to use lots and lots of lubricant during anal sex whether you’re having anal sex with your partner or using an anal sex toy.

Which Toys Are Safest?

The safest anal sex toys are those that are designed for anal sex only. Most of these toys have a wide enough base to prevent the toy from “getting lost” in the anal cavity, and this is an important feature to have on an anal sex toy. Many vaginal sex toys don’t have wide bases because a woman’s body prevents toys or other things from getting lost – they can always come out. This isn’t true of the anal cavity though and if something goes too far in, you might need a doctor’s help in getting it out. Make sure your anal toys have a wide base to prevent the toy from slipping to far in the anus. Another benefit of the wide base is that they fit nicely into strap on harnesses, allowing more freedom of sex play both vaginally and anally.

Curved Anal Toys

Anal toys can be fun for both men and women, and men actually have an inner pleasure spot within their anal cavity, similar to a woman’s g-spot. This is called the prostate gland, and you can use a curved anal toy to better stimulate a man’s prostate for increased pleasure and more satisfying anal sex.

Remember The Most Important Thing

The most important thing about having anal sex and using anal sex toys is not only to go slow and only go with what you’re comfortable with, but to have fun! If something is painful, or if you’re just not comfortable with something, find another toy or try another sex activity that works to satisfy both you and your partner. If you like anal sex and enjoy using toys for anal sex, make sure to get the ones that are manufactured specifically for that purpose. If anal sex or anal sex toys just aren’t your thing, there are thousands of different ways to pleasure yourself and your partner that doesn’t involve the backdoor at all. If, however, you really enjoy that backdoor action, keep it safe and keep it fun!

The Swinger Lifestyle and Open Relationships – Is it Really CHEATING?

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Some couples have a truly amazing, exotic sex life that’s enough to make most anyone jealous.

But there’s more to a great sex life than endless sexual adventures and erotic games.

It’s not even about those amazing mind-shattering orgasms that many have heard about, but few have ever experienced.

The real secret lies in really playing together and being completely open with your lover, your playmate, your partner in crime. Open up and share your fantasies, and indulge your partner in theirs. That’s the well kept secret of those with the truly incredible sex lives.

So… How About a Threesome? Or Maybe Even Swinging?

In expanding their sex lives, many couples come across that point where they consider a threesome – or even consider inviting another couple into their bedroom. Gasp!

Sure, bringing another woman into their bed is possibly the most popular male fantasy of all time. But finding that ever elusive single girl that likes to play with couples in her spare time is more challenging than some might thing. Fact is, most single girls like to go out and have sex with single men – not with couples.

Of course there’s a lot of social stigma around “swingers” which generally comes to mind, but the reality today is very different. Rather than the old “wife swapping” lifestyle of decades past, some couples today choose to try new things to spice up their sex life, and this new thing may or may not include playing with other singles or couples.

This is not about “swinger groupies” – people who don’t care about much other than having sex with others in large orgies, and hanging out at swinger lifestyle conventions. It’s about a couple experimenting and trying a new thing or another to add more spice to their sex life. THAT’S IT!

What’s truly amazing is that for something with such stigma, over 20 million Americans engage in sex multiple partners, together with their spouses. And the most popular adult personals site shows a consistent number in each state, regardless of religious or political stereotypes.

Are you a bad person if you WANT to have sex with your friends?

Think back… maybe back to your college days. Have you ever had one of those late nights hanging out with some friends, another couple? You know the feeling… you’ve all had a little too much to drink, and card games are starting to become a contact sport. You look around the room and everyone’s feeling the excitement, the sexual tension.

And while you’re pretty excited to cross a boundary here, you’re terrified. Are you suddenly a bad person? Are you taking advantage of your friends? Are they taking advantage of you? Is it cheating to be even having those thoughts? Are you asking way too many questions for the amount of alcohol you’ve consumed?

Is It CHEATING to Have Sex with Someone Other Than Your Spouse, Partner, Lover?

That certainly depends on how you define cheating. It’s kind of hard for you two to be cheating on each other while you’re BOTH enjoying something together, isn’t it?

Cheating is a breaking of the sacred trust in your relationship. When you’re both enjoying a fun, new adventure, it’s not possible to “cheat” on each other.

But BEWARE. While it’s not technically cheating, there are a few things that could go very wrong if you’re not careful.

You MUST have excellent and very open communication, and a great, solid relationship, or this will tear your relationship apart. Swinging, or the broader concept of an “open relationship” is definitely not a crutch to drag out a failing relationship. It can only work for a couple whose relationship is steady and strong, and can withstand the emotional torrent that can be unleashed when you bring new people into your intimate relationship.