Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for personal lubricants

Why Foreplay And Preparation Before Anal Sex Is Essential

By

Anal sex can be one of the kinkiest experiences for any couple to take. However, it can also be one of the messiest if not handled properly. Preparing for this kind of sex is a key ingredient to having a great time. If you have ever had a bad experience with anal sex then you know just how wrong everything can go. Being prepared for every aspect of the action will leave little room for surprises. Here is a prep guide to help you out.

Change The Sheets Beforehand

Darker sheets are recommended for this kind of sex sex. Lighter sheets are more likely to show stains. When you change out the sheets for a darker set, you are less likely to see any stains that might occur during the act. Choose blue, black or a dark green for best results. Sex has a way of getting passionate quickly and the last thing that you want is for her to look down and see a stain while in mid thrust. Change the sheets before you get started to add to the spontaneity and the aesthetics of the occasion.

Consider Using An Enema First

Using an enema first is a necessity for most couples. There are a lot of couples that do not do this, but most will. Depending on your partner’s diet and regular bowel movements, she will need to use an enema herself beforehand in order to remove the majority of fecal matter from her anal cavity. Some women even think that this feels good. Make sure that she is not over-rinsing her anus. This can lead to dryness inside her and cause micro-abrasions during sex. These micro-abrasions can lead to the passing of STD’s or bacterial infections.

Engage In Plenty Of Foreplay

Foreplay is essential for anal sex. Make sure that you’re not just shoving your penis into her anus before she’s ready. Start out with normal foreplay. Kiss her, suck on her breasts and give her oral before you even think about doing anything to her anally. Use your own spit on your finger and then ease it into her anus. This will get her muscles prepared for your penis. Make sure that she is relaxed during foreplay. It’s best to use a sex toy on her anus before you use your penis. Using a small vibrator or a dildo on her will allow her to relax the muscles and get accustomed to the size.

Use Lots Of Lube

The anus does not produce it’s own lubricant. This is much different than the vagina. In order to make your anal sex more pleasurable and less painful, you need to use a lot of lube. Get a bottle specifically for anal sex and apply it to your anus. Using lube on a sex toy before you enter her with your penis is the best way to get her accommodated to the size that will be inside her. This will also apply the lube to her anal cavity.

Use Condoms, Even If You’re Monogamous

Always, always, always use a condom for anal. There are two reasons for this. First of all, a condom is going to have less resistance inside her. It will react with the lube to make the experience much more enjoyable for her. Secondly, a condom will cut down on the chance of spreading diseases and bacteria. Even if you are in a committed relationship, the spread of bacteria can easily be transferred from her anus to your penis. More than likely, you’re going to want to penetrate her vagina during your session. Instead of having to wipe off your penis with a disinfectant, you can simply take the condom off.

Clean Your Sex Toys Well

After you have had anal sex, it’s imperative that you clean all of the toys that were used anally. The toys can house diseases and bacteria, so keeping the toys clean is essential to keeping you and your partner safe during anal sex. A lot of porn stars recommend running your dildos and vibrators through the dishwasher to kill off any bacteria. This will not work on some materials like Cyberskin. Glass and silicone dildos and vibrators can go through a dishwasher without incident. You can also buy cleaner to disinfect your toys afterward, however, antibacterial soaps work just as well.

Anal sex is a great way to keep you and your partner on your toes sexually. But you must stay safe and comfortable throughout. Anal sex is fun, but it requires a little preparation. Don’t be caught off guard. Stains and smells can easily ruin the session and anal sex for life. Following these guidelines will help you get through the anal experience with grace and poise.

Female Masturbation: 10 Must Haves For The Bedroom

By

Female masturbation is something every woman does – but do you have the right equipment? Don’t use your hands – here’s ten things no woman wants to be without.

Lube

Many girls don’t believe they need lube during masturbation, especially if they’re just using a clitoral vibrator. While this is true to an extent , lube can make things feel a lot better no matter what kind of sex toy you’re using, or even if you’re just using your hands. Dab a bit of lube on to your favorite clitoral vibrator and move it around a bit – you’ll be surprised at how good it feels when combined with the vibrations? The We-Vibe Touch is an excellent toy for this, because with a little lube on the tip, it can feel almost like a real tongue!

Our Recommendation:

A good, water based lube, like Astroglide, is going to be your best bet. Water based lube is compatible with all condoms and sex toys, so you don’t have to worry about degrading your toys with a lube that isn’t compatible, such as silicone lube with silicone sex toys. Water based lube is inexpensive, comes in lots of varieties including flavored, cooling, tingling and warming.

Condoms

When you think of female masturbation, condoms don’t usually come to mind right away, because you’re not trying to protect yourself from getting pregnant or contracting an STD. However, condoms can really benefit you during masturbation. When using a condom with an insertable sex toy, you can often skip the extensive clean up afterwards and just slip the condom off and throw it in the trash. Using condoms with your sex toys can keep them looking and feeling like new for longer.

Also, many sex toys are made with phthalates – a dangerous chemical used to soften jelly or rubber products. Phthalates have been shown to contribute to cervical cancer and other problems. If you use a condom with a sex toy that you suspect or know contains phthalates, you’re protecting yourself from coming into contact with these dangerous toxins.

Our Recommendation:

Any! When you’re using condoms with your sex toys, the idea is to keep them clean and safe – especially if any of your toys contain phthalates. So don’t worry about the brand – get something colorful or something that smells great like chocolate or strawberry!

A G-Spot Vibrator

Every girl needs a g-spot vibrator, especially if she’s never discovered her g-spot. Don’t expect your guy to find it either until you’ve found it first – he’ll probably need you to show him the way and if not, you’ll at least need to know what it feels like first so you can let him know that he’s hit the jackpot.

Our Recommendation:

The Lelo Elise. This vibrator is made with a soft, silky feeling exterior and is curved at exactly the right angle to reach the g-spot easily and quickly. The hard surface  is perfect to help a woman squirt during her orgasm, because soft jellies and products with more “give” just aren’t going cut it if you want a sheet soaking, rock-your-world orgasm.

A Clitoral Vibrator

A clitoral vibrator is also something every woman needs and there are a great deal of g-spot vibrators out there that also have clitoris attachments. However, a clitoral vibrator by itself can provide a lot of pleasure, especially for girls who have never experimented with sex toys before or girls who are virgins and don’t want to use insertable sex toys.

Our Recommendation:

The We-Vibe Touch. This is definitely a must have for any woman’s toy box. It’s small and fits perfectly into a woman’s hand. It’s designed with special curves that fit directly over the clitoris, but you can also use the pointed tip of the toy as a “tongue” when you explore your body. This one is a lot of fun!

A Waterproof Vibrator

Lots of ladies like to masturbate in the shower and there’s a reason why – it’s private, the shower sounds drown out any shouts of pleasure that may escape and the warm water helps get a woman relaxed enough to reach orgasm. All in all, the shower really is a great place for female masturbation! With this in mind, you want to make sure you have a great waterproof vibrator on hand for those times you want to slip in the shower and satisfy yourself before work or after a long hard day on the job.

Our Recommendation:

Again, the We-Vibe Touch because it’s also waterproof! If you’re looking for a insertable vibrator that is waterproof, try the Jack Rabbit (a rabbit style vibrator with both a g-spot and clitoris vibrator) or the Lelo Elise. Both of these a great options when it comes to stimulating your g-spot in the shower.

A Travel Vibrator

Sometimes, a woman needs to let go while she’s on the road. Perhaps your dinner date is so smoking hot that you can’t help but go to the bathroom and polish one off before dessert – or maybe you’re a woman on the go who takes business trips and spends many a night in a hotel room alone. Either way, a travel vibe is something that you really don’t want to leave home without on those days where you know you’ll need to relax a little but aren’t sure when and where you’re going to be able to do it.

Travel vibrators are also a great option when you fly, because most of them are discreet enough that even if they dump your bag out on the conveyer belt at the airport, nobody will know what it is!

Our Recommendation:

The Lelo Mia. This little vibrator is a perfect “purse” sized vibrator and looks like a tube of lipstick when it is closed. Open it up and you’ll find that this vibrator charges using a USB port – which you can leave plugged into your laptop or desktop anywhere (even at work) and no one will have a clue that it’s not a jump drive!

A Small Butt Plug

If you’re into anal sex – or have never tried anal stimulation before and want to – a small butt plug is something you’re going to want to have stored in your sex toy drawer. While anal stimulation isn’t something that girls often think about during female masturbation, a little anal play can really change things up and intensify your orgasm. Think about it – many girls enjoy anal play with their partners during sex or oral sex, but it’s not something they do when they’re flying solo. Why not? Next time you shut and lock your doors for some private time, try slipping in a small butt plug before you get started and see what happens!

Our Recommendation:

The Basix Rubber Works Mini Butt Plug. This small, slim butt plug is only 1.5” wide and 4” long, making it perfect for beginners or for ladies who just want a little bit of extra stimulation while they masturbate. Imagine the intensity of your orgasms when you combine anal stimulation with clitoral and g-spot pleasure!

An Erotic Novel Or Magazine

Most guys masturbate to porn – that’s a given. They’re visual creatures who are sexually aroused by visual stimuli – while girls are sexually aroused by mental stimuli. Anything that gets a woman’s imagination going is a great female masturbation companion, but a large majority of ladies don’t actually use anything during masturbation other than their imaginations.

Next time you’re browsing through an adult toy store, check out the erotic novel section. Find a novel or a magazine (one with lots of stories) that entices you and take it home with you. Next time you’re ready to masturbate, read a few paragraphs first and allow your mind and body to really get worked up. Your orgasm will be more intense and an even greater release.

Our Recommendation:

Anything that turns you on! There are tons of erotic novels in adult toy stores, and there are also some great resources online that are free. Browse around and find something that really gets you hot!

Something Comfortable To Wear

You don’t want to try to masturbate in your work clothes – it’s just not going to allow your mind to let go of your inhibitions and really get into it. So slip off whatever you wore that day and get into something comfortable – whether it’s your favorite lingerie or even just a comfortable camisole that you love. You can even go nude! Whatever you choose to wear, make sure it’s comfortable and allows you to completely relax and focus on your pleasure.

Our Recommendation:

A soft cotton nightie that is lightweight and breathable – and washable!

Your Favorite Relaxation Techniques

Ladies usually come home from work with their minds all wrapped up in their to do lists, dinner plans or taking the kids to practices, etc. The fact is, if a woman isn’t relaxed and she hasn’t purged the daily “crap” from her mind before female masturbation, she isn’t going to get anywhere. It’s like spinning your tires in the mud. Take a few minutes before your masturbation session to relax and put the thoughts and the feelings of the day completely away.

Our Recommendation:

A hot bath and a glass of wine (if you’re of age) does wonders to get your body relaxed before masturbation. Do whatever it is you need to do to get rid of the day’s stresses and focus on yourself and your pleasure.

Can Lube Cause Yeast Infections?

By

Lube does a lot of things, including relieving vaginal dryness and making sex more comfortable and pleasurable for both partners. Lube is recommended for almost every sexual activity, especially during vaginal penetration and anal sex. But are there any downsides to using lube during sex? Can using lube cause vaginal discomfort or yeast infections?

What Is A Yeast Infection?

A yeast infection is simply when the pH of the vagina has been thrown off – and this can happen any number of ways.

  • Sex. Sexual partners can actually pass yeast infections to one another during intercourse.
  • Getting sick. If your immune system is lowered, you can be more susceptible to the overgrowth of yeast in the vagina.
  • Stress. Stress lowers the immune system and women with chronic problems are often found to be exposed to constant stress.
  • Hormones, pregnancy and birth control. If the hormones in the body aren’t balanced properly, a yeast overgrowth can occur.
  • Antibiotics. They change the pH of the vagina too, eliminating all the natural bacteria that are found in the vagina (the ones that consume excess yeast).

There are also a number of things that can help a yeast infection form, or make it much worse once it has started.

  • Tight clothing
  • Polyester or synthetic fabrics that do not allow good ventilation
  • Lots of sex in a short period of time
  • Wiping from back to front
  • Sweating, especially in hot or muggy weather
  • Douching

Is Lube A Culprit?

Some brands do contain glycerin – in fact, quite a few of them do. Glycerine is a sugar based product, which can affect the growth of yeast in the vagina. Things with high sugar content that are inserted into or near the vagina can cause an infection – which is why you always see a disclaimer when reading about having sex with chocolate or candies. Lube can certainly make a previous infection worse, and in extremely sensitive individuals, using it may bring an infection on.

However, since there are so many different factors that can cause or contribute to the overgrowth of yeast in the vagina, it is much more likely that lube isn’t the only cause of a yeast infection (although it is possible). It is formulated specifically for the vagina and is designed to mimic natural lubrication as closely as possible. It is likely that the pH balance in the vagina was off to begin with and lube tipped the scales towards an infection, causing symptoms of vaginal discomfort, burning or itching.

Some brands of lube may cause more vaginal discomfort than others. For example, warming lubes that are designed to heat up have been known to cause intense sensations, sometimes to the point of pain and discomfort in women that are very sensitive. You may have had a reaction to a new lubricant without actually having a yeast infection.

How To Buy The Right Kind Of Lube

If you’re very sensitive to yeast infections and get them frequently, look for some that is made without glycerin. Astroglide makes a glycerin and paraben free formula, which is great for women with sensitive genitals. Parabens are also chemicals that can cause an uncomfortable reaction in some women, so consider purchasing a lube that is both glycerin and paraben free.

Do not use things that you get from home – that means no vegetable oils, olive oils, lotions or anything that isn’t made to be put inside the vagina. These kinds of oils (even baby oil) can clog the pores on the inside of the vaginal walls and make the environment a great host for all kinds of unwanted yeast and bacteria. Spare yourself the trouble and spend a few bucks on a great bottle of lubricant, available anywhere from sex toy stores to your local supermarket. You’ll thank yourself for it later.

Seeing The Doctor

If it seems like you’re doing everything right and you’re still having vaginal discomfort or yeast infection symptoms, even after using over the counter remedies, it may be time to make an appointment with your doctor. You could have an STD – or just a really nasty bacterial infection that requires the use of antibiotics to get rid of.

If you’re to embarrassed to see your doctor about a possible vaginal infection, find a doctor that you are comfortable seeing. Honestly, your doctor has seen just about everything from anal sex injuries to STD’s to really strange stuff that you probably don’t want to hear about. That’s what your doctor is there for – to talk to and to find solutions to keep your body healthy.

Anal Sex: Which Lubricant Is Best For Sensitive Skin?

By

There are a variety of sexual lubricants out on the market and they range from water based to silicone with many different scents, flavors and textures in between. Choosing the perfect lube for anal sex can be tough, especially if you or your partner have sensitive skin. Some lubes, especially those with spermicide, can cause itching and burning. Here’s how to select one that won’t sting – for vaginal intercourse or anal sex!

Hey Jenn and Dan! I’ve got a question concerning lubricants. My girlfriend and I of 2 years have tried using many different kinds of lubricants for anal sex such as KY Jelly and Astroglide. Every time we use these lubricants, they sting her inside the anus – but not her vagina. The only lubricant we’ve found that works is spit but I feel that it is not enough because I’m concerned it won’t be enough lube. Do you know of any lubricants that will not sting for anal sex?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zC4GO2jxTp0[/youtube]

What Makes An Adequate Lube?

There are many things that can be used as lubricant for sex and anal sex, but that doesn’t mean they are all adequate for the job. Spit, for one, is definitely not a good one at all. It is acidic in nature and contains throngs of bacteria that you definitely don’t want to introduce into your genital area. Baby oil and cooking oil (as well as any oil-based lube) will break down latex and can increase the risk of transmitting and contracting STD’s or becoming pregnant if you’re using a condom during vaginal intercourse. Good sexual lubricants are generally either water based or silicone based, with the former being a little more gentle on the body but not quite as thick and long lasting. A water based lube is easier to wash off (it can simply be rinsed away with water) while one that is silicone based requires soap and perhaps a little elbow grease to get completely clean.

Searching For Allergens

If you or your partner find that using a variety of sexual lubricants still irritate, itch or burn during sex or anal sex, try doing a little investigation on the ingredients found in the lubes. For example, there may be a common ingredient in all the lubes that you’ve tried that could be causing the irritation and sensitivity. You could start by searching for one without that particular ingredient to see if the ingredient is, in fact, the allergen that is causing the problem.

When searching for the right sexual lubricants for penetration, it can be expensive if you purchase an entire bottle of each lube that you and your partner want to try. Instead, look online or in sex toy stores for a “variety pack” or “sampler pack” of lubes. Each kind will be in a small “pillow” and is usually just enough for one use – so you can decide which one works the best. Remember that the lubricant that you use for vaginal sex may not be the same one that you want to use for anal sex or even fingering – and that’s ok! Do your best to keep track of which lube worked best for what activity.

Gentle Lubes That May Work Best For Sensitive Skin

If you’re looking for specific sexual lubricants that are made just for people with sensitive skin, try very mild lubes such as Doc Johnson’s Prescription Lubricant, Pure, or Pink Hypoallergenic Lubricant For Women. Gentle ones will be paraben free, fragrance free, glycerine free, and preservative free. These types of lubes may not cause as much irritation, burning or itching of the vagina or anus during sex, but they may be thinner than traditional sexual lubricants. Simply use more of the product during sex if this is the case.

When To Visit The Doctor

If you or your partner experiences itching, burning or irritation during vaginal intercourse or anal sex regardless of what sexual lubricants you’re using, it may be time to make a visit to the doctor. Burning in the vaginal area can be a symptom of an infection (STD’s, bacterial or yeast infections) and excessive burning or pain during anal sex regardless of what lube is used can be a symptom of small tears in the anus caused by anal sex or something common like hemorrhoids. If you experience a lot of discomfort during sex and anal sex – even if you’ve switched to a more natural, water based lube – you’ll definitely want to visit your doctor to rule out anything more serious that could be going on.

Anal Sex Play For Beginners – Tips & Techniques

By

Anal sex is very erotic for many people, both men and women. There are many nerve endings in the rectum, particularly around the opening of the anus, that a lot of people find pleasurable when stimulated. Men often love the super tightness of a woman’s anus. Anal play – whether you’re having anal sex or using a toy or your fingers – can be intensely intimate.  The taboo of enjoying a so-called ‘prohibited’ activity with your partner can be super exciting and just what you need to turn up the heat in your sex life! There are, however, a few guidelines that should be followed for anal sex to make both you and your partner safe and comfortable!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLLVEL1Rrns[/youtube]

Don’t Skimp On The Lube

The anus does not naturally lubricate itself at all, therefore, it is an absolute must to use a good water based or silicone based lubricant during anal sex. While you don’t want to use silicone based lube in the vagina because it’s difficult to clean out, silicone lube will get flushed out with everything else when you go to the bathroom so feel free to use it for anal sex. Don’t ever attempt to have anal sex without lube, because you could easily tear something on the outside or even the inside, which would require a not so fun trip to the hospital. Also, do not use numbing or desensitizing lubricant, because if it hurts, you need to feel it and you need to stop! Just use lots and lots of regular water or silicone based lube for any kind of anal play.

Learn To Relax!

If you’re not able to relax when you have anal sex, you’re going to find it very uncomfortable or painful. Practice relaxing your anus around a small anal sex toy or a finger and work your way up to the bigger stuff. You certainly can’t expect yourself to accomodate a large sex toy or penis if you’ve never tried anal sex before, but if you learn to relax during anal play, you’ll gradually get to where you can take more and enjoy more.

Keep Things Clean

Since going through the backdoor will potentially (probably) get you at least a little dirty, it’s very important to keep things clean. Clean any and all sex toys used for anal play with hot, soapy water or special sex toy cleaner and wear a condom when inserting the penis into the anus. Wearing a condom during anal sex will allow you to slip it off and go straight to vaginal sex without worrying about bacteria spreading. If you don’t want to wear a condom during anal sex, you will need to wash your penis thoroughly with warm, soapy water. Neglecting to keep things clean during sex will increase the risk of spreading bacteria and giving your partner an infection.

Warm Up And Get Turned On First

Just like with sex, if you want to have good anal sex, it’s important to have a little foreplay first and get turned on before you start. Giving yourself a warm up period will help you relax and help get you turned on so that you’re more ready for anal play. If you’re not turned on before you receive anal sex, you’re anus is going to be clamped tight and you’ll find that anal play is going to be more uncomfortable and painful than if you allow yourself a good warm up period first. Try having your partner give you oral sex first and even a rim job if you both like it.

Go Slowly And Be Gentle

Anal sex is not the time to be rough or practice BDSM. Since the anus is basically made for things to come out of, you have to be very careful when putting things in there. Go slowly and be very careful not to be too rough, even if you’re extremely turned on by having anal sex. Communicate with your partner about whether it feels good or it hurts too much, and if it hurts make sure you stop right away. Have a safe word that your partner can use to let you know that she wants it to stop immediately, such as “banana” or another non-sex word. Remember that your first time having anal sex doesn’t have to last very long or be perfect. There’s always another time! The important thing is to make sure your partner is comfortable and having a good time too.

Safe Anal Sex Toys

If you’re going to use anal sex toys, it’s important that you purchase toys that are specifically made for anal sex. Many sex toys that are for vaginal use or even homemade sex toys can get lost in your anus because there is no “end” like with a vagina. Getting a sex toy lost in your anus is not only extremely painful and dangerous, it is also very embarassing because it will require a doctor and most likely surgery to remove it. Instead, choose anal sex toys that have a wide, flared base or ring on the bottom that keeps the toy from sliding too far into the anus.

Best Sex Positions For Anal Sex

While almost any sex position can be used for anal sex, there are some sex positions that are better for anal sex because they allow for easier access. The missionary position with the girl on bottom and her legs lifted high allows for great access to the anus, as does the doggy style position. You can also try the reverse cowgirl position where the woman is on top but facing her partner’s feet, or you can try spooning with your partner behind you. The sex postion doesn’t matter as much as long as you and your partner are both comfortable and having fun!