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Dealing With Trust Issues For A Healthier Relationship

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If you’re having trust issues in your relationship, you’re not alone. The human race is jealous by nature, but mostly because we’re afraid of losing what we love.

If your relationship is suffering from trust issues, here are a few pointers on how to deal with it, and how to understand it.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend says she can’t trust me, because I’m a guy! Has she been so burned by past relationships that she just can’t trust anyone anymore? What do I do? I really like her!

–Stuart, Wyoming

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYiuZqF_NxU[/youtube]

Emotional Baggage

Many people come into relationships with emotional baggage from other relationships. As much as bringing old baggage into a current relationship can sabotage it, some people just can’t help it. If you’ve been in a relationship before where you couldn’t trust someone, be it your father, mother, boyfriend or wife, it makes it extremely difficult to trust someone again.

You can begin to understand trust issues in your relationship if you know the cause. Talk to your partner about what they went through and encourage them to open up to you so you can have a clearer understanding of why your partner has trust issues.

Being Honest And Forthcoming

Although it will take some perseverance and patience on your part, one of the best ways to deal with trust issues is just to be open and honest with your partner. Although you think you shouldn’t have to because you’re not doing anything wrong, don’t put the blame on your partner.

Just be open with them. Let them know what you’re doing, where you’re going, when you’ll be somewhere and why. If you know that it’s not your fault and your partner has trust issues from other relationships, it’s easier to check in with them.

Getting Counseling

Sure, the dreaded “counseling” word is enough to make some people cringe. However, dealing with trust issues can lead to other issues, including resentment. You might begin to resent your partner for them not trusting you, even though it’s not your fault.

An unbiased, third party counselor can bring to light issues that you and your partner both have, and let your partner know that while it’s normal to have trust issues from past relationships, it can be detrimental to the current relationship if you simply accept them and don’t try to work past them.

Your counselor can help you and your partner as a couple, and your counselor can also work with your partner alone to try to work past the issues that are responsible for the lack of trust to begin with.

Trust Issues

Trust issues in a relationship are difficult to deal with, but it can be done. Working past your trust issues will lead to a healthier, happier relationship and better relationships with everyone around you, including friends, family and even co-workers.

While you might be able to talk to your partner about the trust issues in your relationship and work them out on your own, don’t be afraid to see a counselor to help you to delve deep and work through the issues that are really at the heart of the matter.

Above all, accept and love your partner without making them feel bad for having trust issues. Everyone has some sort of emotional baggage that they’re carrying around. What makes us better people is how we handle them!

My Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With A Donkey

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Believe it or not, animal bestiality isn’t uncommon in the world of sexual preferences and pleasures. Fortunately, it’s not as common as the missionary position, but people still engage in animal bestiality to give themselves pleasure. Is animal bestiality okay? What if you’re uncomfortable with it?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband wants me to have sex with a donkey and videotape it.  I’m incredibly uncomfortable with it, but he says if I don’t, it’s over.  What do I do?

–Jeanne, Arkansas

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvsYmnnOSIs&feature=channel_page[/youtube]

You’re Uncomfortable With It

If you’re uncomfortable with animal bestiality, join the masses. Most people don’t agree with bestiality and many people are extremely uncomfortable with it.

If you’re not comfortable with animal bestiality, that’s perfectly normal – but what if animal bestiality is something you enjoy? Is it okay to indulge your sexual pleasures this way?

Typically, sex is something that is limited to being between two consenting adults that aren’t truly harming each other. Once you step outside this box, you run the risk of really hurting someone or even getting in legal trouble.

An animal cannot give consent to sexual activity with a person in much the same way a child cannot, and engaging in animal bestiality crosses the line as much as child molestation does.

If you find yourself in this situation, don’t be afraid to seek help! There are lots of ways to enjoy sex without hurting other people or animals.

Your Partner Wants You To Do It

If your partner enjoys animal bestiality and you don’t, you might find yourself in an incredibly uncomfortable situation, especially if your partner is pressuring you to have sex with an animal.

Whether it’s an animal, another person or even your partner themselves, you have the right to have sex or not have sex at your discretion.

If animal bestiality makes you uncomfortable, don’t do it! If your partner is pressuring you to do things that you’re not okay with doing, recognize that you’re being manipulated and walk away.

Even if your partner is threatening to leave you or harm you in some way if you don’t do what they ask – whether it be having sex with an animal or doing anything else that makes you uncomfortable – you’d be better off if they did.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help or even let a law enforcement official know about your situation if you truly feel that your safety and well being is being threatened if you don’t do what your partner is asking you to do.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that you shouldn’t be pressured by anyone to do anything that you’re not comfortable with doing. That includes animal bestiality and anything else that you’re just not okay with doing.

Don’t let yourself be manipulated into engaging in any sexual act that you don’t want to engage in. On the other side of the coin, if you find yourself in a position where you are enjoying sexual acts that are crossing the line – including animal bestiality – it’s important that you take a step back and realize where that line should be drawn.

Keep sex between two consenting adults and keep it safe – there are many ways to have a fulfilling and satisfying sex life without taking it too far.

Feel A Fight Coming On? How To Avoid It

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Every couple fights. It’s a fact of life! Arguing in a relationship helps to vent feelings and can even be healthy for a relationship.

Unfortunately, not everyone fights fair. Lots of couples will start arguments with each other when it’s not even necessary and while the occasional fight is normal and healthy, fighting all the time can take a toll on your relationship.

How can you avoid a fight when you’re really just trying to have a discussion?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My partner and I fight a lot. Sometimes it gets really out of hand and we both end up feeling really bad afterwards, especially if the fight was over something stupid. How can I learn to fight fair?

–Cathie, Missouri

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2pkhu1kFz0[/youtube]

Don’t Go On The Attack

Both men and women in a relationship will often go on the attack when they’re upset about something. It’s common for someone to place blame on their partner when they’re upset, especially if their partner did something that really bothered them. Unfortunately, going on the attack like this and placing blame on your partner is usually what starts a fight.

Even if you’re trying to discuss something with your partner, if you place blame at all, your partner is automatically going to go on the defensive. They will counter by placing blame on you, escalating to the argument until it is beyond the point of return.

You can avoid this if you approach your partner about the situation without blame and simply tell them how you feel or how something that happened made you feel.

Instead of saying something like, “I can’t believe you did this,” you can say, “When you did this, it made me feel . . . . ” Instead of placing blame and fault on your partner for doing something, giving them a chance to really understand how you feel.

This keeps a discussion a discussion instead of an argument or fight.

Own Up To The Feelings Behind The Anger

When you become angry at someone or something, chances are, your anger was only a secondary emotion. You likely felt hurt or scared first. Realizing this can help you to better communicate your feelings to your partner. Since anger has such a negative connotation behind it, even telling your partner that you feel angry can make your partner automatically become defensive.

If something he did made you angry, realize that it first might have made you feel frustrated, hurt or scared. Be open and honest with your partner and let your partner know what something they did or said really made you feel.

Recognizing your true feelings about something your partner did or said that upset you and expressing them to your partner without placing fault or blame can help to avoid starting a fight or argument.It won’t cause them to immediately become defensive and it will help put them in a position in which they can begin to understand how you felt when they did or said something.

While you can’t control your partner’s actions and how they’ll express their feelings about the situation, by remaining calm and avoiding becoming defensive, you can at least do your part not to help a fight or argument escalate.

While arguments in a relationship are healthy, it’s important to argue without being critical or hurtful. If you find yourself hitting below the belt, it’s time to adopt a more positive way of expressing your feelings to your partner!

Shoe Fetish – How Can I Find A Partner To Enjoy It With Me?

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Many people have fetishes, whatever they may be. Some of the most common fetishes, however, are bondage and shoe fetishes. If you have a shoe fetish or another type of fetish, it might seem daunting to try to find a partner to enjoy your fetish with, but with a little searching, you can definitely find someone who likes shoes – or anything else – as much as you do.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I love shoes — I mean, I really love shoes.  Some people might say I have a sexual fetish with them.  How can I find someone that loves shoes as much as I do?

–Richard, New York

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1bYGeVUjLI&feature=channel_page[/youtube]

Finding A Partner That Shares Your Fetish

While it may not be particularly easy to find a partner that you enjoy sharing your fetish with, it’s definitely not impossible. There are several ways to meet someone that likes what you like!

While you can search your local newspaper ads or even just visit places that people that share your fetish would visit – such as shoe stores – one of the easiest and most versatile ways to find someone that you can enjoy your fetish with is online.

There are a number of websites you can visit, or you can simply do a search to find websites that cater to your particular type of fetish. Browse around a few of them and you might be surprised – through forums, message boards or straight up personals, you can find someone that enjoys your fetish as much as you do!

You can also try searching through traditional websites, such as Craigslist or other similar websites for personal ads – or try putting up your own personal ad! You might not meet someone to enjoy your fetish with you right away, but with time and persistence, it’s possible that you’ll meet a partner that you really enjoy spending time with in and outside of your fetish.

Introducing Your Fetish

If you meet someone to share your fetish with online, especially if it’s through a fetish website, breaking the ice about your fetish isn’t difficult at all – in fact, it’s what brought you together!

However, you may find someone you’re interested in that you’ve met outside of your fetish. Breaking the ice about your fetish should be done slowly and carefully – you wouldn’t want to scare your partner away!

If you have a shoe fetish, you could start by going shoe shopping with your partner and trying on shoes together. Let them know what you think looks good! If you have a bondage fetish, try introducing a pair of fuzzy handcuffs or a tie in the bedroom.

By working your way up, you can make sure that you don’t scare your partner away from your fetish (or you) and you can help your partner to learn to enjoy your fetish as much as you do!

If you have a fetish, no matter how strange or unusual it is, it’s nice to be able to share that with someone you enjoy spending time with. As long as you’re not harming anyone and everyone involved is a consenting adult, let yourself have fun and open up to others who enjoy your fetish as well!

You might find that you meet someone truly special that you share a connection with both in and out of your particular fetish!

When Should You Take Down Your Online Dating Profile?

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Online dating has worked its magic. You’ve found that special someone and you’re really hitting it off with them.

When should you take down your online dating profile? Should you wait until you’re exclusive with this person before you do, or should you take down your profile on the first date?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve met someone I really like online. I’d like to pursue a relationship with them, but I still have my online dating profile. Should I take it down right away or leave it up in case this relationship doesn’t work out?

–Shanna, FL

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNS0fRX5Yac[/youtube]

Has Your Date Taken Down Their Online Dating Profile Yet?

Many people will keep their online dating profile up on the site for quite some time, even after they’ve found a potential match or even someone they really like. Why is this? It’s somewhat like leaving your resume on a job search website.

Even though you’ve found a new job, it never hurts to have your resume out there just in case you’re contacted by a really great opportunity. It seems logical, right?

Unfortunately, this is where not being on the same page as your date can really harm your budding relationship. For example, your date might have taken their online profile down as soon as they met you.

You might not be ready to take down your profile until you’re more sure of the relationship with this person, or even vice versa. However, it can definitely be hurtful if your partner believes they’re more serious with you than you think they are.

How To Avoid Uncomfortable Situations When It Comes To Removing Your Profile

The most important thing to do when it comes to your online profile and your new online dating partner is to be open and honest with them. Really, you and your new partner are not exclusive until you’ve both sat down and talked about being exclusive. If you haven’t had that talk, you’re really both free and open to continuing to meet other people and potential matches.

If you’re really hitting it off with this particular partner, however, you might decide to have the “exclusive” talk sooner rather than later. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to commit to each other, but it’s important to be on the same page with them.

You can start the conversation out in an open manner, such as saying, “Now that we’re dating, how do you feel about continuing to use our online dating profiles?” You can also be more frank about the issue, especially if you feel more comfortable leaving your profile up.

For example, you can say something like, “I would like to keep my online dating profile up while we’re in the beginning stages of getting to know each other.” This lets your new partner know what your plans are so there are no surprises later.

Whether you and your new partner decide to leave your profiles up or take them down, or any combination of the two, it’s most important to be open and honest with your partner so you both are on the same page. Honesty and trust are the best way to build a relationship with someone, and will give you a solid foundation to start on.