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Burned By His Ex… Will He Ever Commit to a Relationship With Me?

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It’s an age old dilemma…

A  woman is dating a guy who isn’t ready to commit.  It can certainly be vice versa, and either way, it’s frustrating to be the one ready to commit when your partner isn’t.

Everyone stresses the importance of being on the same page relationship-wise with your partner and they’re right.  What can you do though when they’re not ready to commit and you are?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I met a guy through work, I’ve been out with him several times, had a good time. I like him a lot and think he likes me too. He doesn’t want a relationship and a commitment because an ex girlfriend whom he was planning to marry dumped him for another man nearly two years ago. He said he still wants to meet up now and again.

I’m wondering what’s the point in meeting anymore. But on the other hand I’m also thinking that maybe I should continue seeing him and give him some space and don’t hassle him and then see if over time something does develop. What do you think ?

-D, United Kingdom

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1XaRufyUGo[/youtube]

Your partner wants to continue casual dating

That’s great, but remember, you have to read between the lines.  Do you think that your partner truly wants to continue casual dating or is just too afraid to say that they’re “not that into you?”  If you suspect the latter, just confront your partner in a positive way to find out the truth.  If they really are into you but just want a casual relationship, go for it!

You also need to ask yourself if you’re comfortable with casual dating.  Is this something you’d like to continue doing as well?  There are two sides to this coin. If you enjoy being with your partner and you have fun together, you might want to relax a little about the commitment issue.  It could be that you’re with the right person but it’s not the right place or time for a commitment and that’s okay!

On the other hand, if you’re just plain not comfortable with casual dating if you can’t see it going anywhere, then you might want to consider moving on.  It sounds harsh, but holding on to hope that something will change later on down the road while you’re unhappy in the present is just going to make both you and your partner miserable.

Only move forward with the relationship if you’re fine with casual dating from here on out because there is the possibility that your partner will never want a committed relationship.

Moving forward

If you decide to move forward with the relationship, it’s important that your commitment shy partner get lots of space.  Giving them no room to breath or giving them ultimatums will likely result in relationship disaster.

Find things you like to do and enjoy them. Go for a walk, join a bowling league or sign up for that painting class you’ve been eyeing.  Busy yourself with things that nurture your being and let your partner fall in between the cracks.  Make time for them but don’t make your whole world revolve around them.

That can sometimes be the key to getting a commitment shy person to warm up to you. They don’t feel like they’re the center of your universe and ,if they make one wrong move, your universe will come crashing down.  Who wants to have that much pressure put on them?

Either way, if you and your partner end up calling it quits later, you haven’t missed out on things you wanted to do.  If you do work out, you’ve learned how to build a solid foundation for a relationship.

My Boyfriend Wants To Have Sex Before Marriage But I’m Not Sure. Is It Really Okay?

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Sex before marriage. It’s a tough topic that many people feel very passionate about, but not everyone is passionate about it for the same reasons.

Many people believe that sex before marriage is wrong or immoral and others believe that it’s not an issue.

While there may never be a universal agreement on whether sex before marriage is acceptable or not, many men and women find themselves in this situation before they’ve even given much thought to the question.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hello, I’m Lizeth from Turkey. I want to ask a question about virginity. Here doing sex before marriage isn’t common. I have a foreign boyfriend, and he want to have sex with me and  I it want too.

I know in America you don’t care so much about it. I just want to learn your things. Is it bad?

– Lizeth, Turkey

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko7hsvSOeGE[/youtube]

Is having sex before marriage wrong?

That’s not a question that anyone can answer but you. You need to take into consideration everything about the situation before you make the decision to have sex before marriage.

What are your religious or spiritual beliefs?  What are your moral beliefs?  How comfortable are you with the person you want to have sex with?  Do you trust this person?  How comfortable would you be with the consequences of sex should they arise. For example, pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases?

These questions should be answered, but not by your friends, family or anyone else.  You need to sit down and really think about what having sex before marriage means to you.

Does it make you feel wrong?  If it does, don’t do it!  If you really feel that it’s not a big deal, that’s okay too.  Ultimately, it’s all about what you want and how comfortable you are with the idea.

What if I do?

Well, first things first. Use protection.

Sex is enjoyable, but you can get pregnant and you can contract sexually transmitted diseases.  Guard against possible consequences by using sensible protection and by being smart and safe.

If you have any questions about safe sex, pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, a great person to ask would be your doctor.  They’ll give you unbiased information and can educate you on how to safely have sex while still enjoying your partner.

Remember, sex is something to be enjoyed between two consenting adults.  You should never feel pressured into having sex or feel like you “have to.”

If you want to have sex before marriage, that’s fine.  If you don’t, that’s fine too.

Don’t let anyone else tell you what you should do or persuade you into doing something you don’t want to do.  It’s not up to your friends, family, relatives, church officials, neighbors or anyone else!  Trust your gut instinct and go with what you feel is right.

With that said, you basically want to just be sure you’re ready to take the step forward and have sex before marriage.  If you don’t feel that its right, by all means trust your gut instinct and stay abstinent, at least for now.  If you’re perfectly comfortable having sex before marriage and comfortable with the person you’d like to have sex with, go for it.  It’s your decision.

Don’t rush it though – take your time thinking about the situation and taking a look at how you might feel after the fact.  You don’t have to now, but you might want to later.  That’s fine too.  Remember, you call the shots.  What you say goes!

Oral Sex and Orgasm Dilemma – I Want To Finish In Her Mouth…

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Men love blow jobs. That’s a fact.

Many men also love finishing in a woman’s mouth during a blow job.

It can make them feel powerful or good about themselves and for some men, it just feels better physically to orgasm in a woman’s mouth than finishing another way.

Unfortunately, not all women relish the idea of having a man orgasm in her mouth.

There can be many different reasons why, but if you’re a man who enjoys finishing in a woman’s mouth, it can be disheartening when she doesn’t want to.  What can you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

When my wife gives me a blow job, she can’t quite let me finish in her mouth. Is there any advice you can give her?

– Pete, Alberta

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b-wYK7D3qg[/youtube]

It’s a texture thing

Some women don’t like the texture or consistency of ejaculate.  There’s no need to get into details here, but ejaculate in a woman’s mouth may make her gag simply because of the consistency and texture.  If this is her primary reason for not wanting you to finish in her mouth, there’s not too much you can do about it.  Can you finish elsewhere?

It’s a taste thing

Many women dislike the taste of ejaculate.  That’s not bad news because the taste of your ejaculate can differ depending on what you eat.  Garlic and onions may make your ejaculate taste bitter while strawberries and sweet fruits will make your ejaculate taste sweeter.

If this is your partner’s issue, you can change your diet to make your ejaculate easier to swallow.  Just remember to get feedback from your partner about what foods work well and what doesn’t.

It’s a gag reflex thing

Many women have big gag reflexes. It can’t be helped!  While she may be able to tolerate deep throating and blow jobs in general, ejaculate in her mouth might send her over the edge.  This is also something that you can’t really do anything about, so if this is the case, you should discuss with your partner some other ways to finish you while still making it feel good.

It’s a mental thing

Having a man ejaculate in her mouth is a very personal and even submissive thing for a woman.  If your partner was abused in any way, sexually or physically, she may have some serious issues with letting go and letting you finish in her mouth.

If your partner has emotional reasons for not wanting to let you orgasm in her mouth, have her talk to a therapist and work out some of her inner issues.  If she does let you finish in her mouth, it’s important to be supportive and positive, and show her that you truly do care and you’re not just using her.

There are many great ways for a man to have an orgasm with a woman after a blow job, without having to finish in her mouth.  Get creative and find different ways that she can please you without having to swallow ejaculate.

If the idea of ejaculating in her mouth really turns you on but she simply can’t come to terms with it, try flavored condoms or regular condoms that are made for this specific purpose.  The feeling might decrease a little bit, but you’ll get to finish in her mouth and she won’t have to swallow it so everyone wins!

Most of all, it’s important to talk with your partner about these issues and find common ground so you can both get pleasure from oral sex.

Is It Normal For a Virgin to Be Into BDSM?

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As a virgin, it’s normal to find yourself turned on and sexually excited by many things, even if you’ve never actually had sexual intercourse.

What turns you on is going to be different from what turns someone else on, and it’s important to embrace diversity and celebrate your uniqueness!

Is there ever a point where something that turns you on would not be considered normal, especially if you’re a virgin?

Well, yes and no.  It’s a complicated situation that needs a hard, honest look.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I found your website on YouTube. I think I am into BDSM or there may be something wrong with me.  I believe I am more Sadistic than Masochistic though and I am still a virgin as is my boyfriend.  He likes to be clawed and chained (yet to let me do that though) and when I scream in pain because I got hurt or something he gets a little excited.  I have clawed him so bad I took chunks of skin out of his hips and when he screamed in pain I laughed at him.

The idea of burning, whipping, tying down, flogging, wrist/handcuffing, caging, and torturing him sounds fun.  Is there something wrong with me?

Is it possible for a virgin to be into BDSM like this?

– Barbara,  Missouri

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OxuDMsf76o[/youtube]

Virgin Into BDSM

BDSM often refers to fetishes in general, although many use it to refer to the old S&M or sadism and masochism.  Some people find themselves turned on by being possessive and powerful or submissive and this is usually completely natural.

Do you enjoy pain?  Many people do. Why else are tattoos, piercings and other body modifications so popular?  Lots of people enjoy receiving pain and even giving it, and it’s nothing new to interpret BDSM sexually, even if you are a virgin.  There is no law that says that if you’ve never had sex that you can’t enjoy giving and receiving pain and being turned on by it sexually.  It’s the same for young men that are turned on by their parent’s Playboy magazines. It is simply what turns you on.

Can you ever go too far?

It’s important to look at what is “too far” for you.  If you’re adamant about staying a virgin, than yes, having sexual intercourse would be “too far.”  You need to examine your beliefs and morals on your own and really look at them to determine what would be too far for you and your partner.

That said, with BDSM, it is possible to go too far with the giving and receiving of pain.  Are you and your partner getting hurt?  Are you engaging in dangerous activity that could cause infections or transmitted diseases?  If so, you may want to look at toning it down a notch, especially if anything that you and your partner are doing is illegal.  If you’re simply looking to put a little kink into your relationship, there’s generally no harm in that.

Are you normal?

Normal, by definition, is something that doesn’t really exist in humanity.  Everyone is different.  If your attraction to BDSM and fetishes feels normal to you, you most likely don’t have anything to worry about, especially if you and your partner’s actions aren’t hurting anyone.

If you find yourself really looking to hurt your partner, hurt yourself or hurt other people and you feel as though something is wrong with you, don’t be afraid to get help.  Seek counseling in an atmosphere where you won’t feel judged.

Overall, most inclinations towards BDSM are normal and perfectly healthy, even if you are a virgin.  If you do find yourself hurting your partner or allowing your partner to hurt you, it is important to stop and perhaps tone it down.  Nobody needs to get hurt to have a some good, old fashioned S&M fun.

Remember play it safe!  Have a code word that you or your partner can use if things get too rough.  Once the code word is said, everything stops.  If what you’re doing is safe and appealing to you, just have a good time and don’t worry about it!

Can I Trust Her Or Is She Playing Me For A Fool?

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Relationships are all about trust.  It is what builds the foundation for a healthy partnership.  It is essential that you trust your partner and that your partner trust you.

However, early on in relationships, it is normal to have questions and suspicions while you are still building that foundation of trust.

The question for you is what are you going to do about it?  Are you going to let your suspicions run your life and ruin your relationship?  Or are you going to face them?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have been going out with this girl for 2 months now and I really like her a lot.  She also has a 7 year old daughter.  I just don’t know if she really likes me or if maybe she likes 2 guys at once.

We live an hour away from each other so we don’t see much of each other.  I asked her if she maybe likes another guy or just doesn’t want her heart broken. She told me no, she doesn’t like another guy. Why would I say that? She just doesn’t want her heart broken. She has told me she wanted to take it slow and that’s what I’m doing or at least trying to do but, I just want to know if she really likes me or is just playing me.

How could I find this out?

– John, Illinois

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGH7cNj2lco[/youtube]

Confronting Your Partner

Whether you live far away from each other or are just in a new relationship, you’re going to have a few things that come up while you’re still getting to know each other.  Do you think she likes someone else?  Does she think you’re not committed?  No matter what the question is, it is important to confront your partner and discuss the matter at hand like two adults.

When confronting your partner, don’t do it in a hateful or spiteful manner.  That will only serve to put them off before they even hear what you have to say.  Bring it up without being accusatory.  Remember, you’re not pointing fingers!  You simply want to hear their side of the situation. That said; when you’ve spoken your peace, listen to your partner.  Actually listen.

Trust Your Partner

If your partner tells you that you’re her one and only but she just doesn’t want to move too fast, you should take what she says and leave it at that.  Unless you don’t trust her, you have no reason to believe otherwise unless she’s given you a reason.

This is where trust comes in and learning to trust your partner like this is part of building a strong relationship foundation.  If you tell you’re partner that you’re committed and she doesn’t believe you, how would that make you feel?  What if she continued to ask the same question over and over, no matter what you told her?

You’d feel a little bit like a broken record, and that she didn’t trust what you said enough to believe it.  This is a bad way to build a relationship.  Trust what they say until they prove that you can’t.

Remember, people are innocent until they are proven guilty.

That doesn’t mean that you should go looking for things to prove your partner likes someone else or isn’t all that into you.  Snooping around shows that you don’t trust your partner as much as grilling them continuously about the same thing no matter what they say.

If you find yourself looking for reasons that you’re right, despite what your partner is telling you, you may be unconsciously sabotaging your relationship.  In that case, seek counseling.  You shouldn’t be digging around trying to find a way to pin something on your partner when she clearly says that it’s not true.

That said, the same goes for you.  Your partner should trust you enough that if you say something isn’t happening, it’s not!  Take it at face value and move on.  Move on with your lives together and don’t address the same situation unless something new comes up that leads you to believe otherwise.  If you build your relationship on trust and acceptance, you’ll have a long, steady road together.