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How to Recover From an Emotional Hangover and Create a Healthy Relationship

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Whether you’ve been in a bad relationship, have been cheated on or even been abused, it is possible for you to carry the emotional baggage with you even once the situation itself has passed.

Women especially are vulnerable to emotional hangovers and can let bad experiences affect them continually, even in new relationships.

Unfortunately, until you get a grip on your emotions, you’re slowly going to poison any relationship that you have.

You need to break the patterns in order to move on.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hello, I read your article on the free library and it connected with me. I am very insecure to the extent I am destroying my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been dating now for almost 3 yrs. He has been sincere but I somehow still manage to not having any faith in him. My ex’s cheated on me and my boyfriend says I am carrying it over into our relationship.

I hate the fact that I am becoming such a monster, that I can’t control my thoughts and that I am loosing the man I want as a husband. We want to start 2008 fresh.

How does one ‘let go and let things be?’  How can I solve my problems? How can I clear my head and heart out and move forward? Where do I start and what should I do? Please help.

– Ulrika, South Africa

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XkGF2yZygM[/youtube]

Recognition

Recognizing that this is happening is the first step to emotional recovery.  It takes a lot of courage to face something head on, especially if it’s an emotional issue you’ve been trying to keep buried.

Recognizing that past relationships are affecting your current one is a milestone, and if you’ve even come that far, you should take a breath and congratulate yourself.

Know Your Triggers

Is there something that triggers you to revert back to your old relationships, at least in your unconscious mind?  You may not know them right away, so it’s important to work towards discovering them.

You can write down what happens when you start to push your partner away, or if you become withdrawn or even angry.  This is much easier to do once you’ve really recognized what your behavior is.

The ”why” will come later!  After some time of writing down or keeping track of what happens when your behavior comes into play, you will begin to notice a pattern.

Knowing Your Patterns

With consistency, you’ll begin to learn more about yourself and your behavior patterns.  You’ll know what triggers you, and the sequence of events that happen afterward.  Do you get angry?  Do you become withdrawn?  Do you suspect your current partner to be cheating on you, just because your old partners did?

After some time of really being open and honest with yourself about your behavior patterns, you will be able to understand more of what is going on and then you can begin to delve into the deeper aspects of why this may be happening.

Seek Counseling

Counseling is a wonderful option for people who are carrying around emotional baggage.  An unbiased therapist can help you to work through your emotional issues and let them go.  Be it a traditional counselor, a new age healer or a hypnotherapist, they can use their knowledge and expertise about the human psyche to help you gain back control over your life and your relationships.

Remember, your therapist is not there to solve your problems for you.  They are going to give you the tools you need to work through the problems on your own, and the right therapist will be with you every step of the way.

During this process, you should be open and honest with your partner.  Now is not the time to hide things from them, because you’ll need their support more than ever.  Any partner worth their salt will be understanding and willing to help you, because you’re willing to help yourself.

If you find that you need to be alone to truly come to grips with yourself and get rid of your emotional hangover, be honest about that too.  Chances are you’ll be respected and given your space.  Give yourself time and lots of love, and you can start on the path to healing and emotional recovery!

Help! I Can’t Feel It When We Have Sex Anymore. Is My Sex Life Over?

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Whether it happens suddenly or it’s something that happens over time, losing vaginal sensitivity can be extremely upsetting for a woman, especially one that’s quite sexually active.

This can come as even more of a shock if a woman has previously enjoyed G-spot or vaginal orgasms and great sex, because the loss of sensitivity may create some feelings of inadequacy. What can a woman that has lost vaginal sensitivity do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I was married for 11 1/2 years and the sex was good. Then I divorced and remarried. While my husband (now) and I were dating our sex was AMAZING!!! I never knew a woman could have an orgasm like that. I would drench him and the sheets by just having regular sex with no stimulation of the clitoris.

We’ve been married for 2 years now and for the last year I am not able to be stimulated inside anymore. I feel his penis in me but it doesn’t get stimulated. I asked my doctor and he just says to stimulate my clitoris, well I don’t want to have to do that all the time. I want to feel the stimulate my vagina again.

Why has this happened? What went wrong? Please help.

– Michael, Florida

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqj2224mdE0[/youtube]

Realize that it may be age or frequent sex that has caused the loss of muscle tone.

Both age and frequent sex cause the loss of muscle tone. It’s something that happens naturally, so if you find yourself in a situation where sex isn’t as great as it once was, age and sex may be the culprits. The loss of vaginal muscle tone also happens after a woman gives birth vaginally. That said, however, you certainly aren’t out of luck when it comes to this situation.

You can increase vaginal muscle tone by doing Kegel exercises. Kegel exercises work to improve the strength of the pelvic floor muscles, which are responsible for holding in urine among other things. You can do Kegel repetitions by simply squeezing your vaginal muscles as though you were going to stop a stream of urine before you had completely finished. No one’s going to know you’re doing it, so feel free to sneak in a few Kegels at your desk or in line for lunch! Regular Kegel exercises will improve vaginal muscle tone, making it easier for you to climax vaginally without any external clitoral stimulation.

Seek a sex therapist.

You may have visited your doctor, thinking something was wrong with the machinery down there. This is most likely not the case, although mentioning the situation at your yearly visit to your doctor won’t hurt anything and it’s always nice to get a professional medical opinion about an issue that you’re having. Sex therapists, however, have more to offer in that department so you might want to seek one out to help you with your vaginal sensitivity loss. They’ll have plenty of tips, tricks and things you and your partner can try to get your sex lives up and running again!

Work with different positions.

Nothing stays the same all the time, especially sex. Even if it’s with the same person, sex can change. You can get into a routine where you’re comfortable with sex and nothing out of the ordinary happens. Comfort sex is great, but it can be frustrating when you’re looking to get those mind blowing orgasms back.

Don’t be afraid to try new things and try new positions and realize that the same position that gave you that great orgasm a few months ago might not work now. That’s okay and that’s one of the great things about sex – it always keeps you on your toes, looking for new things to do and new ways to achieve good orgasms and please your partner!

The loss of vaginal sensitivity that many women experience is a mixture of many different factors. It never hurts to get a medical opinion, but if you’ve tried several different sexual positions and nothing is working for you, see a sex therapist. If after a few months of trying to get back into your groove it still isn’t happening, relax. Find a new and different way to enjoy yourself and just go with the flow!

My Boyfriend is a Total Liar! Should I Dump Him Or Give Him Another Chance?

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What should you do if your partner lies to you?

It can be a tough situation to deal with, especially if both partners love and care about each other despite the lies.

There are a few things to ask both yourself and your partner before making a decision whether or not to stay with them.

One thing is for certain – a good relationship is open and honest.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

We have been living together for 3 years and together for 3.6 years. We are engaged.

He would do ANYTHING for me, but at the same time LIES. He lies about MONEY and work. He is not a good provider. I can’t even work because he can’t afford his own car and uses mine and He would rather be the one working.

What do you do when you both love each other but your partner can’t tell you the truth about money things? How can I get him to UNDERSTAND that he needs to be honest about money and work? Please help, I need to make a decision FAST before I marry into a problem that cannot be fixed.

– Melissa, NY

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYTOEOm4fUc[/youtube]

Why is he lying?

Is he lying about money?  Is he lying about work?  Is he lying about extramarital affairs?  While it’s important to pinpoint what your partner is lying about, it’s also important to understand why your partner is lying.

Could it be something that stems from childhood?

Many pathological liars have psychological issues that stem from childhood.  Whatever issues your partner has that may be causing him to lie to you need to be worked out by him and him alone.  This is something he can see a psychiatrist or a therapist for. They will help your partner work through his problems so he can learn to be honest and open with you about everything that has to do with your relationship.

Are you creating an environment that forces him to lie about things?

While partners shouldn’t lie to each other, it is not uncommon for a partner to feel forced to lie because he or she does not feel safe telling their partner the truth.  What happens when your partner tells you something you don’t want to hear?  Do you jump down his throat?  Do you yell, start an argument or berate them?

If this is the case, you must understand that your partner most likely lies to avoid what happens when you don’t get the answer you want. He’s just telling you what you want to hear so you’ll leave him alone.  It sounds harsh, but it happens.  If you suspect that this might be your situation, relax a little and make your partner feel safe telling you the truth.  It will take time, but you and your partner can learn to trust each other again and build the foundation for a great relationship.

Can he change?

You must ask yourself if you’re ready to commit yourself to someone that lies to you.  Your partner can’t change because you force him to – he can only change if he wants to.  Talk to him. Does he want to change?  Can he?  If he’s working with a therapist, he most likely can but it will take time.

If your partner doesn’t change, you have to be prepared to be with a liar for the rest of your life.  Is this something that you can handle?  Is it something you want to handle?

In most cases, the answer to those questions is “no.”  So you must do what you have to do if your partner continues to lie to you and move on.  Let him know that his lies are driving you apart. He needs to understand that his actions are the cause of the breakup.  If your partner wants to change and you believe he can, give him a shot and see where it goes.  If you truly love each other and work hard to overcome this obstacle, it can be done.

Frustrated Girl: It Takes 45 Minutes to Orgasm with Oral Sex!

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If you’re a female frustrated by not being able to orgasm through oral sex – especially if you used to be able to – you’re not alone.

That probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but take heart in the fact that there are some things you can do to help solve the problem and once again climax through oral sex.

Here’s a question from a girl who is feeling incredibly frustrated by her inability to have an orgasm, even if her boyfriend tries for 45 minutes!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Any advise for WOMEN on receiving oral sex?  It seems to take longer and longer to reach an orgasm lately and quite often I get so frustrated that I lose the mood. I feel tense during oral sex and I’m sure that has something to do with it but I just don’t know how to make myself relax.

It used to be wonderful, but now I feel like it’s a waste of time. I feel bad for my fiancé who spent as much as 45 minutes there only for me to give up from frustration.

PLEASE…. I need help here!  I WANT THAT FEELING BACK! Any advice?

— Amber,   North Carolina

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8ihQi16hc8[/youtube]

Ask yourself – can you still climax well by yourself?

If you notice that you’ve been frustrated while masturbating as well, you might want to mention the fact to an OBGYN or sex therapist.  If you’re still able to orgasm well while you’re masturbating, everything is probably fine with the mechanics.

Are you focusing too much on orgasm?

Many women who are unable to climax through oral sex (or who are no longer able to after having been able to for awhile) are often too focused on the end result and they’re just not enjoying the ride.  Relax and let the feeling of oral sex take you over.

Don’t think in your head, “Am I close yet?” If you do, you’ll never get close – it’s a lot like watching a pot that never boils.  Try simultaneous oral sex with your partner. You’ll be both giving and receiving pleasure and it might take your mind off of the end result long enough for you to actually have an orgasm.

Give your partner direction.

Don’t be negative. Telling your partner how you don’t like what he’s doing will only serve to hurt his fragile ego. Be positive and tell him what you do like.  Don’t be afraid to speak up. Guys love that.  They also love that they’re not shooting in the dark trying to pleasure you.  They enjoy having feedback so they know what to continue doing.

Let your partner know that you like it a certain way, or if he’s in a good spot.  If he’s not in a good spot, try telling him to move a little one way or the other way. Give it time to get synced together when it comes to giving directions – it may not happen right away for you. Before long, however, your partner will learn what feels good to you and repeat only those maneuvers – sending you into climax heaven.

If it’s still not working, you should take a break from trying for a little while.  You know how you look for something you’ve lost, and you look and look but once you give up, you usually find it within a few minutes?  This might fall along those same lines.  Relax and try something new for awhile, such as experimenting with sex toys or new intercourse positions.

After awhile, when you and your partner both feel like you’re ready to try oral sex again, give it a shot!  You might just find out that a solid break is exactly what you needed to revive yourself and get back into the oral sex groove!  Often times, repeating oral very often will lead to less sensitivity, so taking a break might be the ticket out of the funk you’re in.

Above all, don’t put too much stock in one single act of sex.  There are plenty more things to do with your partner where you can experience both intimacy and orgasm!

How to Strip and Lap Dance for Your Man – and WHY You Should…

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Strip clubs often get a bad rap.

So many women know the feeling of aggravation and doubt when their man calls and says he’s “working late”, taking his “client” to discuss some important business at his favorite strip club. Yeah, right, it’s just “for the client” or “for his boss”. As if your man was dragged in that strip club against his will, kicking and screaming, while those bad, bad women were assaulting him with an exotic striptease. Yeah right.

Of course anyone who complaints about a strip club for men has never been to one of the really wild strip clubs – the ones for women. Damn. And you thought the men got wild. Let’s just say some of these ladies in the audience would surprise you. But that’s another story.

While your man is “talking business” at his favorite strip club, all you can do is sit at home and brood, getting more and more mad by the minute. Wondering what he is or isn’t doing with those topless women hanging all over him.

Here’s an idea…  Instead of sitting around complaining about the situation, getting yourself more and more frustrated, why not take the situation into your own hands. Take your man to a strip club, and enjoy the experience as a couple. No, you don’t have to go to a trashy one that only guys would enter. Pick a nice, upscale one. Yes, contrary to the societal perception, there are many upscale strip clubs that are perfectly safe and welcoming to women and couples. In fact, you’d be surprised to learn how many strip clubs are actually owned by women.

Fact is, most men find it incredibly sexy and arousing when a beautiful woman knows how to strip for them.

And here’s the big surprise. Most men don’t want some strange woman doing these exotic and intimate dances for them. They would love to see their woman, the girl they fell in love with – do it for them.

So why not take advantage of what you just learned, and do something that will bring you closer together? Give him what he wants, so he doesn’t have to go get it somewhere else. He’ll be so happy you took the initiative, and prepared something for him that you knew he’d love.

But where can a “good girl” learn how to strip tease and do a lap dance?

Well, you could start going to strip clubs and watching those girls, day after day… or you could take a class.

But we like to work smarter, not harder. In these days of the Internet and instant access to information, you don’t have to wait for your strip tease class to start in 3 months. You can download a live video, step by step course, that’ll teach your what you need to know BY THIS AFTERNOON. Sure you won’t get it all in 10 minutes, but you can know it TODAY…

There are several courses out there, but one we’ve found that we’re impressed with is Lapdance Unleashed, produced by Jay Archer and Tiffany Claire.

Jay and Tiffanly put together lap dance and striptease instructional videos and step-by-step written instructions for the girl-next-door.
A little something for the woman who’s looking for something new, hot and exciting turn up the heat in her relationship.

One thing we really liked about this video course is that it teaches the “woman next door” how to give a lap dance with total confidence. It’s not intended for “strippers in training” (though it could be), but rather for the real woman who’s looking for something new, hot and exciting turn up the heat in her relationship.

You’ll learn to strip and lap dance for your man with simple instructional video lessons that take all the mystery out of learning how to strip & lap dance. And instead of getting embarrassing DVD packages in the mail, you’ll be able to just watch these from any computer, anywhere, anytime. Right away.

So if you love your man, why not at least consider it?

Jay and Tiffany have broken down stripping and lap dancing to a science, and they teach you how to do it in 8 simple video lessons…

Part 1: How To Prepare For Giving Your Man The Sexiest Lapdance Of His Life!

You’ll learn about everything from the right music to put on, to what to wear, to techniques for creating massive confidence and sex appeal…

Part 2: How To Start The Lapdance Confidently

If you’ve ever wondered how exactly to start giving your man a lapdance without looking awkward or silly, then this section is for you.

Part 3: How To Perform The Seven Basic Lapdance Moves

Follow along as Tiffany Claire demonstrates how to perform the seven basic moves of a good lapdance, with step-by-step online videos, pictures, and simple written instructions.

Part 4: How To Master The Six Advanced Lapdance Moves

Use these moves when you’re ready to take the lapdance to the next level and really turn your man on.

Part 5: How To Remove Your Clothes Seductively, Without Looking (Or Feeling) Silly…

How to remove your clothes in the most seductive and sexy way possible, without fumbling or looking silly.

Part 6: How To End The Lapdance With Total Confidence

Find out how to avoid the sometimes awkward situation right at the end of the lapdance, after you’ve worked your man into a speechless frenzy of anticipation… so you can confidently take control of the situation and lead it into wherever you want it to go next.

Part 7: How To Put It All Into Action, Step-By-Step

Part 8: Answers From Jay Archer And Tiffany Claire

Answers to all your biggest and most pressing questions about lap dancing.

They also throw in a bunch of pretty cool bonuses, including “Look Good Naked – Five Beauty Secrets From Professional Exotic Dancers” and “Blowjob Tutorial – What Every Man Wishes You Knew About Giving Head”

Check out How to Srip – Lapdance Unleashed and let us know what you think. Better yet, let us know what your guy had to say after your “little surprise”.