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Medications and Orgasm – Help! My Wife Thinks She’s the Reason I Can’t Orgasm

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It’s a fact of life – some medications inhibit orgasm.  If you’re prescribed a medication that may do this, make sure you’re taking it for the right reasons and that you’re prepared to deal with the side effects.

Not being able to have an orgasm during sex because of a medication can be depressing, especially if there’s nothing you can do about it, but there are things you can do to lessen the blow.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am on medication that doesn’t allow me to always have an orgasm. It does not interfere with my ability to maintain an erection. Sometimes way too long.

The fact I do not always have an orgasm upsets my wife. I have told her it is the medication and not her. She thinks that she is doing something wrong.

– Michael, Florida

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAcMSD0_xrg[/youtube]

How do I explain to my partner why I can’t orgasm?

While it is certainly no fun for you, being on a medication that inhibits your ability to orgasm will affect your partner as well.  It may be difficult to communicate to a partner that your lack of orgasm is not because of them – and it may be difficult for a partner to truly accept that even if you do let them know.

This can be the cause of many arguments when in reality, it’s nobody’s fault.

What can you do?

Make sure it’s really the medication.

Your doctor is the only person who can answer that question.  It’s important that you see your doctor if you feel like something isn’t working properly.  Let your doctor know all of your symptoms – for example, if you’re having an orgasm some of the time or not at all and if you’re experiencing other suspicious symptoms such as a prolonged erection or anything else you think might need to be brought to their attention.

Your doctor can tell you for sure if what you’re experiencing is normal and if it’s a side effect of the medication or not.

Be prepared to answer questions – your doctor will most likely need to ask quite a few to really pinpoint the cause of the lack of orgasms and other symptoms.  If it really is your medication, talk to your doctor about how it’s affecting your day to day activities.  It’s possible that your doctor can suggest an alternative medication or treatment.

Bring your partner with you to the doctor.

If you’re having a difficult time communicating to your partner that your lack of orgasm is due to the medication you’re taking, hearing it from a medical professional might help it sink in.  Your partner can then begin to understand what you’re going through and offer their support.

You might be emotionally taken aback from not being able to have an orgasm and your partner’s love and support will make all the difference in the world.

Now what?

Depending on what your doctor says, you might end up staying on the medication and forgetting about the orgasms.  It’s a hard situation to face, but it’s not the end of the world.  Sex isn’t all about the orgasm.  Relax and enjoy the ride.  You don’t have to have an orgasm during each sexual experience for it to be pleasurable and fun!

You and your partner can take turns pleasing each other and explore new ways that you can enjoy each other sexually without orgasm.  Just because you’re not having an orgasm because of medication you’re taking doesn’t mean it’s the end of the road for you sexually.

Take to heart that this might not be forever – discuss with your doctor how long you need to be on the medication (if there are no alternatives) and when you can expect to gain back your ability to orgasm once you stop taking it.  You, your doctor and your partner should be able to work together to reach a compromise between a healthy sex life and your medication.

Honestly, Does Penis Size Really Matter?

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It’s an age old question. Does penis size really matter?

Certainly, it depends on who you ask. Some people prefer large penises and others prefer quite small ones.  The majority of people, however, agree that penis size is relative to the vagina.

If a penis fits the vagina, it really doesn’t matter how big it measures because, well . . . it fits!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Does penis size really matter?

– Small Penis Guy, CA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQUsjfaPrrA[/youtube]

The Penis Size Controversy

The controversy over penis size has been talked about for ages and no one really seems to have come up with a conclusion.  Many men feel as though they are too small and, honestly, it’s a common misconception. It’s all about whether the penis fits the vagina or not.  Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes and that includes both male and female genitalia.  Where sexual pleasure is concerned, the greatest pleasure is often derived from intercourse with someone whose genitalia physically matches your own.

If The Penis Fits…

For example, women with extremely long vaginal canals might prefer larger penises while women with small vaginas might feel that a large penis is too big or painful and prefers a smaller, more compact penis.  Men whose penises are quite wide will often like a woman to be wider as well, as that type of vagina is more accommodating.  It really all boils down to who you’re with. Is your penis too small for her vagina and you’re unable to make her climax?  Is it so big that it causes her pain?  If you find yourself in this situation, you might want to take matters into your own hands – no pun intended. If you fear that your penis may be too small, too large or simply not the right shape or size for your partner’s vagina, it’s time to get creative.

Creative Ways to Work a Size Mismatch

Don’t rely completely on intercourse for you and your partner’s sexual pleasure. It will lead to very boring, monotonous sex especially if you two have a size mismatch.  Try incorporating oral sex on both the receiving and giving ends, or use hands and toys to give your partner pleasure.  If you stick to just intercourse, you’re likely to be frustrated and disappointed.

Work with your partner to find new and creative ways you can please each other sexually in addition to intercourse.  Perhaps using a little extra lubrication or a toy during intercourse will stimulate her so that your penis size isn’t completely what she’s focused on.  There are hundreds of ways you can “ad lib” during sexual exploration and the only limit to what you and your partner can do is your imagination.

When Penis Size Does Matter

If you and your partner can’t work it out so that you can both derive sexual pleasure from each other, it’s time to evaluate your relationship.  There are ways to be intimate without sex and many happy couples do not have sex with each other at all or don’t have sex often.  Evaluate whether you would be comfortable finding other ways to be intimate besides sex.  If not, it might be time to move on.

If you and your partner are having pleasurable sex, then you can probably put the penis size issue to bed.  If you’re a good match physically, it doesn’t matter. If you and your partner aren’t a good match, the best thing to do is simply to give new, creative ideas a shot in the bedroom and see where they take you.  You can decide where to go from there.

Why Can’t I Let Go and Have An Orgasm With My Partner?

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Having an orgasm doesn’t mean losing all control – it just means letting go.

Still, some women find themselves incapable of having an orgasm or stopping one that is on the way – often because of emotional baggage that keeps them from releasing their inhibitions.

Therapy can help women work through their issues and build enough self confidence to start enjoying themselves sexually with a partner they trust.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hey there, I have a question that I’m embarrassed asking. I have had a series of bad boyfriends, hurtful, hateful relationships. The times I had sex with them I never got any pleasure and I have never had an orgasm. I have read that you lost control during orgasm. I do not wish to.

I have a new boyfriend 🙂 He is so sweet and caring, and he cares about making me happy and giving me pleasure. But I cannot bring myself to let him make me cum. I always stop him the minute it starts to feel good. I know he is hurt. What can I do to make myself orgasm? How do I stop myself from stopping? What does it feel like? I’m a little confused.

-Sarah, Canterbury, New Zealand

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-sSpT4lsTk[/youtube]

Why Can’t I Let Go and Have An Orgasm With My Partner?

Some women find themselves unable to orgasm – while this can unfortunately be common, less common are the women who actually stop an orgasm from happening.  Their fears of losing control overwhelm them and they are unable to have an orgasm, even if they’re already on the path to one.

Let’s examine why having an orgasm is not “losing control” but actually just “letting go.”

It’s not unreasonable to think that having an orgasm means you have to lose control – losing control and letting go are actually very similar.  What you should understand, however, is that even though you are letting go of your inhibitions to have an orgasm, you are still in control.  You are in control as long as you are a consenting adult who is having sex with a partner with whom you desire to have sex with.

With that said, inhibitions are often what stop many women from having an orgasm.  A woman who is self conscious or is overwhelmed with emotional issues will have more trouble letting go than a woman who is self confident and emotionally secure.

What if you can’t orgasm?

If you find that you are unable to have an orgasm or find yourself stopping an orgasm, you really need to sit down and think about why.  If you’re with a partner who wants to please you and you feel comfortable with them, chances are it has nothing to do with your partner.

Are you able to orgasm during masturbation?  If so, what makes you feel like you can’t orgasm with a partner?  For some women, strings of bad or abusive relationships can take their toll on the emotions and keep them from being able to let go and have an orgasm.

Can emotional issues be solely to blame for a women not being able to have an orgasm?

You bet – but you can talk to your doctor just to be on the safe side.  This isn’t necessary if you find yourself actually stopping an orgasm from happening because that’s not physiological – that’s just you.

Confront the issue

A good way to overcome this issue is to confront it.  Don’t be embarrassed about it and don’t run away from it.  It will only get worse as time goes on and may cost you relationships.  What can you do?

See a therapist.  See someone who can talk you through your emotional issues and help you confront them.  A good therapist can help you sort things out and give you the tools and resources you need – not to mention support – to overcome the inability to let yourself have an orgasm.

Above all, don’t get angry with yourself or punish yourself because you are in this sort of situation.  It’s nothing to be embarrassed about and it’s nothing to be afraid of or angry about.  Working with a therapist can help you build enough self confidence so you can truly let go of your inhibitions without losing control and be able to experience a wonderful orgasm with a partner you truly love and care about.

How Do We know If An Open Marriage Is Right For Us?

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBlZG4P7F24[/youtube]Open marriages – are they always a bad idea?  Are they ever a good idea?  Every individual and every couple is different.  What an open marriage means to one couple may mean something entirely different to another.

Many things come into play when you start thinking about sharing your partner with someone else – and there’s lots of room for hurt feelings, jealousy and even feelings for the outside partner.

How can you sort out whether or not having an open marriage is a good idea for you and your partner?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m married, have a child and pregnant with second. My husband introduce the idea of “Open Marriage”. I do not see signs of him cheating so this is not an excuse for him to seek affairs. I started to have straying thoughts lately, because of my unsatisfied sex life and a cute male co-worker. He is not the player type but he fell for me and he struggles like me.

If no one is happy in this situation, would the open marriage thing really be the cure? Is it worth it adjusting my personal views on open marriage? What do I do if I fall in love with the new guy but he is not as good as my husband in terms of being a dad? What do I say to my kids one day? I feel so bad, and I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

— Jane, California

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBlZG4P7F24[/youtube]

How to know if an open marriage is right for you

First of all, it’s pretty much a known fact (or at least an unspoken one) that open marriages are exclusively for relationships that are strong.  Real strong.  Does that mean that people always abide by that?  Of course not!

Many people feel that an open relationship could possibly “fix” problems in a marriage or if they are bored or drifting apart that seeing other people (in addition to their relationship) is the answer.  This is far from the truth – in the majority of relationships that are on the rocks, deciding to have an open marriage ends up making things much, much worse.

You should only consider having an open marriage if you and your partner are extremely happy with each other, and your relationship is strong.  “Swinging” or an open marriage can definitely spice things up.

Part of finding out if your marriage is strong enough to handle an open relationship is asking yourself some difficult questions.  Why are you thinking about an open marriage?  Is your partner the one suggesting it?  Why do you think they are bringing it up?  If the answers to those questions are “sex” then you’re probably on the right track.

Open marriages and swinging are really all about experiencing a new level of sexual awareness that you and your partner have never had before.  It can be fun and exciting when the motives are purely sexual and there are no emotions involved.

When an open marriage is a bad idea

If your answers to those questions gravitate more towards the fact that you and your partner are looking to fill an emotional void that your current partner isn’t filling, you’re headed into dangerous waters.  That’s when you need to sit down and really think about your current relationship – are you and your partner really happy together?

If not, it’s something you need to work out before you and your partner start seeing other people in an open marriage.

Generally, if you and your partner are seeking an open relationship for healthy, sexual reasons and not because you’re unhappy with the other, you’re fine to try an open marriage.

If you find that you and your partner are unhappy with each other or unhappy with your marriage, an open relationship will really rock the boat and you’re much better off working to make your current marriage healthy or going your separate ways.

If having an open marriage is really what you and your partner want, then go for it.  Just make sure that you and your partner are completely open and honest with each other.  Talk to each other about your experiences and feelings about each other and about the situation.  Play it safe and play it smart sexually and you and your partner may end up growing closer together.

Can Men Really Have Multiple Orgasms?

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A woman has the ability to have more than one orgasm in a day or even more than one orgasm per sexual episode – sometimes one right after the other.

Many people believe that this is something gender exclusive and that men can’t achieve the same experience – but is that really true?

We’re going to take a look at both the physical – and social – boundaries that might (or might not) be keeping men from having more than one big O.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

There are many drugs out there to keep a man arouse, my husband doesn’t have this problem…

Are there drugs out there to help him have multi-orgasms?
(speaking about more than 1 per day.. not necessarily more than once per ‘event’).

– Jenn, Georgia

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7jkbX3C8NM[/youtube]

Think men can’t orgasm more than once? Think again!

It’s a common misconception that men can’t have more than one orgasm, but sadly it’s a misconception held by many people – both men and women.  There are plenty of different factors that come into play here and it’s important to take an in-depth look at each one.

Let’s take a look at social boundaries for a minute.

Before we address a man’s ability to be multi-orgasmic or not, we need to clarify the meaning of an “orgasm,” especially for a man.  Generally, most people believe that for a man, ejaculation and orgasm are one in the same.

It might be surprising to hear, but they’re not!  It is quite possible for a man to have an orgasm without ejaculation and sometimes even the other way around.

As a whole, people are very focused and goal oriented, even when it comes to something as enjoyable as sex.  Some people feel that giving their partners more than one orgasm is an “achievement” of sorts and before too long, it becomes a race to see how many orgasms you can give them – so much to the point that some people actually forget about their own pleasure.

Just a quick note – orgasm is not the be all and end all of sex.  You can enjoy sex just as much without one, so make sure that if you’re trying for multiple orgasms, you’re still enjoying the ride.

With that said, can a man have an orgasm even if he’s already ejaculated?

Sure, but it might take some practice.  Of course, this isn’t like piano practice when you were eight – this is fun practice!  You and your partner can have a blast experimenting sexually to try to achieve multiple orgasms.

Just make sure there’s no pressure to perform or judgment from either side.  This can seriously put a damper on the mood and the ability to have more than one orgasm.

What if he can’t?

While it’s certainly possible that men can have more than one orgasm (even after ejaculation), it’s also possible that they can’t.  While you should get any suspicious conditions checked out by a reputable doctor, in the absence of any other symptoms and a doctor’s diagnosis, not having the ability to be multi-orgasmic is not a problem in and of itself.

So relax!  It’s also not a death sentence – if he can’t have more than one orgasm now, it doesn’t mean he won’t be able to later.  Just go with the flow.

There are lots of things you can do to help the situation – books are a great starting point.  There are lots of books about sex (namely tantric sex, which focuses more on the orgasm and not the ejaculation) and how to achieve more than one orgasm.

Your local bookstore should be able to help you out.  There are also great resources online – just make sure you’re getting your information from a reputable website.

Above all, remember to have fun.  It’s not a race – so enjoy your partner and make the most of it!