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Exclusive Swingers – Are You CHEATING On Your Swinger Friends?

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Exclusive swingers? Isn’t that an oxymoron?

Exclusivity is not what you typically think of when you talk about the swinger lifestyle. Few in the swinger community would consider it cheating to play with multiple couples and partners without consulting them. It’s important to remember that swinging is largely about expanding an individual or a couple’s sex lives, and not usually about extending the romantic circle.

What about polyamory?

Some consider polyamory to be a more enlightened approach to swinging, though it’s really a very different animal. With polyamory, a couple will actually expand their love and romantic relationship to truly include others, not just for the occasional fun and sexual fantasies.

For many, the idea of swinging is really a stretch… polyamory is even more so because we’re no longer talking about being committed to a single person.

Can you expect an exclusive relationship with another couple?

People are interesting in their expectations, and since we’re all unique, nothing is really too far fetched to be expected. Think about an exclusive relationship between two people. It slowly evolves from the casual meeting, a few dates, and eventually exclusivity where you’re no longer seeing other people.

It’s entirely possible for two couples to also become close over time, and for some of the players to develop closer feelings for each other. In this case it’s definitely possible for one couple to get jealous when the other couple sees other people. No, it’s not the regular traditional lifestyle experience, but it definitely does happen on occasion.

And when it does…

Don’t talk with your family about your sex life and your exotic sexual fantasies

It’s always great to share our lives with our loved ones… not just our romantic partners, but also our blood families.

BUT… this can sometimes lead to problems, especially when we’re talking about parts of our lives that are not viewed as “acceptable” or “mainstream” by some segments of society.

This can happen when parents share intimate details of their sex lives with their grown children, as well as those same grown children sharing with their parents.

At first this seems to go against what we normally believe in, but stay with us here. Countless fights and arguments start when people share too much about their sex lives with their families.

We’re generally very adamant on having very open and honest communication in relationships, whether those are romantic relationships, family relationship, or friend relationships.

However we are not yet evolved and enlightened enough as a society, where your family (i.e. your parents, siblings) can have an open and honest discussion with you about your sex life and sexual preferences without judging you and without digressing into some type of fight or argument.

Hopefully our society will evolved to this point in the coming years, but by an large we’re just not there yet. Certainly there are some exceptions to this (as there are to anything based on a standard deviation), but if you want to play it safe – keep your sex life between you and your partner.

SO… Should you demand and exclusive relationship with another couple??  Shat what can you do if you’ve shared your dilemma with your family and they’re going nuts?

Here’s a question from a couple in Maryland facing this very frustrating problem…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I have now experienced swinging with two different couples. The first happened slowly over a long period of time with a couple that we were very close to. The second couple we found through a swinging website. We met them a few times to get to know each other and then met them for a sexual encounter. Ever since then, things have been a mess. We shared with the first couple that we had been with the second couple. They did not handle it well at all. They felt hurt and betrayed, especially the woman, whom I am extremely close to. I thought that our friendship was in jeopardy. I ended up talking to my father about how upset I was about this problem that I was having with my friend. I ended up telling him about my swinging experiences- BIG MISTAKE! He was very upset and my stepmother, who he told, was even more upset. So, my husband and I are finding a way to rebuild our relationship with the first couple, minus the sex. I am working through things with my dad. My stepmother is still concerned that we are going to rot in hell. With all of this happening, I am really struggling with the idea of swinging again. My husband wants to, of course. I am seriously struggling with whether it is immoral and sinful. Besides, with everything that has happened, I don’t have a good feeling about preceding forward. How can I make my husband understand this? He is extremely disappointed that I am not interested in continuing to swing, at least for now, and maybe forever. I know that this is long and complicated, but I am really in need of some advice. Please respond. Thanks.

— Jennifer, Maryland

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4sZ6cOoX2w[/youtube]

Friends? Lovers? Pick One! – The One That Got Away…

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So many men are afraid to approach a woman and ask her out… to make that first move.

Help! How can I escape the dreaded friend zone?

Of course, sometimes men get up the nerve to talk to women they like, but not quite to ask them out. So they become friends. And if they’re not careful, they STAY just friends… sliding down the slippery slope of the friend zone.

But here’s the real gem. Women will usually drop plenty of hints and innuendos, encouraging men to take that first step… to break the ice and ask them out. All you have to do is pay attention.

So don’t just sit there hoping for something to magically happen on it’s own. Take control of your own destiny. Talk to her and see where it goes!

Caution! Will you REALLY be happy just being her friend?

Then again, be prepared for whatever comes. If she’s not interested in a romantic relationship at the time, you have to decide if you would be truly want to be friends just to be close to her, of if it’s better to move on.

If so, then it’s worth a shot. Otherwise, do yourself and her a favor and move on. But remember, she may only be willing to be friends.

The secret – act out of love, not out of the fear of rejection

Every decision we make in life fundamentally comes down to one of two major motivators: love of fear.

When you take action, be open and completely at peace with whatever the outcome will be. Don’t dread the fact that she may possibly (for whatever reason) not be interested in a relationship with you at this time, and whatever you do – don’t be judgmental of her response. Accept yourself and her for where you are at this point in your lives.

Missed opportunities for love

We’ve all been there at one time or another in our lives. An amazing opportunity shows itself, and for some reason or another we don’t act. And by the time we decide to take action, the evaporates into thin air. That’s so frustrating!

Is that missed love opportunity gone forever?

Whether you’re talking about love, business, or money, opportunity is all about timing AND the courage to ACT. If you don’t seize the opportunity when it’s hot and fresh, then you may as well come to terms with the fact that you’re going to miss out. Chalk it up to lessons learned and wisdom gained, and move on.

BUT when dealing with people and romantic relationships, there are some exceptions to this rule. So… CAN you get her back even if you’ve missed that “right” opportunity?

Here’s a question from a man in Pennsylvania facing this very frustrating problem…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hello! I’m glad I stumbled onto your website since I have a dilemma of my own regarding dating. Nearly 2 years ago I became friends with one of my female co-workers. Eventually the friendship grew stronger as we started hanging out more and getting to know ourselves better. Of course, I eventually developed an attraction for this friend, but remained silent (big mistake). She dropped me many hints suggesting I should make a move and take the friendship to the next level. Unfortunately, I failed to read some of those signals and hence failed to act.

About two months later after she dropped these signals I confessed my feelings to her. Unfortunately she said that she did not feel the same way. She mentioned something about having feelings for me early in our friendship, but that the moment had passed. Of course after her rejection our friendship changed, and little by little we drifted apart. Although she made efforts to keep the friendship alive, I rejected her efforts. I figured it would be best for me to move on, and save my energy for the girl that would reciprocate those romantic feelings.

I eventually moved from the city where we met in order to pursue a higher level of education. Once again she tried to contact me, and even though I replied it was a bit of a half-ass effort (for lack of a better word) on my part. I haven’t heard from her in nearly 10 months now, and I miss her. I’m trying to convince myself that I should not be a coward and should give this thing a shot once again with a new approach. Its been nearly two years since I told her how I felt about her, and yet I still have strong feelings for her. It’s sad to admit, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.

What should I do? Should I just cast her out of my life forever? Am I condemned eternally to the “friends zone”? How do I get out of the “Friends Zone”? What should I do this time around to win her heart? Thank you for taking the time to hear my rants 🙂 . I hope to hear from you soon.

— Nate, Pennsylvania

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDqy5Pdi9s4[/youtube]

Love, Money, and Sex – Advice for a Lasting Relationship – Dan and Jennifer on Retirement Television

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What are the really hard issues that can tear apart the best relationships over time?

Love, Money, and Sex.  At the core of it, that’s it. Sure, there are lots of little issues, but ultimately most of them come down to Love, Money, and Sex.

We recently had the pleasure of meeting Florence Henderson and Meshach Taylor on the set of their new show, Living Live on Retirement Television. They asked us to share with their audience our advice for a long lasting, happy relationship.

So what DOES it take to have a long lasting, happy relationship?

Be HONEST with your partner! No, not just part of the time…

TALK to EACH OTHER – Always share your feelings. It doesn’t matter one bit what your friends think. What truly matters is how you and your partner feel about each other. And if you’re not completely open with your feelings, your relationship is doomed.

So without further delay, watch Dan and Jennifer LIVE on Retirement TV!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPvgcBF3LoI[/youtube]

Turn Fantasies into Reality with Sexy Lingerie

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The female body is a thing of beauty, and nudity can be very satisfying. But full nudity is rarely involved in true seduction. The fine art of teasing with what is just out of view is always a favorite technique employed by the most sought after sexy ladies.

Lingerie and sexy costumes are proven and effective tools used in the art of seduction. And as we all know, there are hundreds of online lingerie stores that all look pretty much the same…

But, occasionally we find a website that’s worth mentioning and Vicki’s Drawers is one of those… It’s a lingerie store, but not just a lingerie store. Vicki also provides her customers with great advice and a personal shopper service.

What is a personal shopper? It’s someone who knows the trend, styles, and more importantly someone who knows what will look good on your specific body type. Your personal shopper can save you hours of time and help you avoid the frustration of picking something out, only to find out that it looked really great on the rack but not on you. Just give Vicki a call or send her an email. She’ll shop for you and send you pictures of suggestions that you may like.

Vicki tells a tale of how she played dress-up in her grandmother’s closet as a child and dreamed of the woman she would become some far-away day and have all those feminine lace-and-satin things of her very own. It was these memories that planted the seed of owning her own lingerie shop. That dream has come true, online for now, but eventually Vicki hopes to own a physical lingerie shop.

Oh, and did we mention that she operates Vicki’s Drawers with her guy.

Together we searched for the perfect items to encourage women of all body types to fantasize about just how their own lovely, womanly curves will complete them, how the fabric will feel on their skin, and how their own lovers will react at the first sight of them, returning the gaze, expectant and blushing with desire.

So what do you dream and fantasize about? Really. When no one else is around… That you’re a goddess who is worshiped and adored by your lover? Or perhaps a wicked seductress claiming any lover she desires?

Stop living your fantasies only in your head. Regardless of your fantasy, Vicki will help you select the perfect lingerie to turn your fantasy into reality.

Rough Sex and BDSM – Going Beyond The Occasional Spanking

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Rough sex is an extremely popular but largely underground sexual fantasy. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen much, it just means people are usually afraid to talk about it.

And like with most things that are driven underground (prostitution being a great example), it’s hard to find good, safe tips and information… so you’re left to experimentation.

Rough sex is largely about mind games, dominance, and control – not just the physical

While many people think of rough sex as having mainly to do with physical aggression, when you truly get into it you’ll realize the most important aspect is generally the mental one. The mind games, the dominant and submissive relationship that quickly develops into total trust and absolute control.

Is make up sex just an excuse to have rough sex?

As amazing as it sounds, some couples actually have arguments and fights just so they have a socially acceptable excuse for what’s commonly known as make up sex (read: rough, wild, and passionate sex).

Here’s a question from a couple in Wyoming hoping to spice up their sex lives by experimenting with rough sex.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My partner and I have started to get into rough sex, but as far as we have gone with it, it’s just him pulling my hair and spanking me. I have tried to find other stuff online that we could add in, but really can’t find much. Any suggestions?

— Ellie, Wyoming

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6ixQk3EZic[/youtube]

Explore your sexual fantasies together

One of the wonderful things about being a couple is that you have a friend, a partner in crime, someone to share your experiences and the joys of life with.

Talk with your partner and share your fantasies…

It’s very important to explore and discover your fantasies together with your partner… many people keep their fantasies to themselves, which is a recipe for a boring sex life.

Watch some erotic movies TOGETHER and talk about what turns each of you on

Pay attention to the feelings that surface early on, and what excites you. Even if it’s just a hint of an idea or a feeling, run with it. Hard core porn doesn’t usually do much for women, but there are plenty of erotic thrillers that should do the trick. Movies like 9 1/2 Weeks are a great example of a dominant / submissive relationship evolving. Here are some erotic movies to check out.

Safety is a very important in rough sex play

Rough sex is often about pushing and breaking through boundaries, which is why safety is so important to discuss UP FRONT.

Decide on a safe word

This is a word that actually means “stop right now, no matter what”. It can be any word you agree on, but it’s best for it to have nothing to do with “stop” or “don’t do that”. This is because in rough sex play, pushing these boundaries often includes the idea of forced sex, etc. Thus “stop” doesn’t necessarily mean much. Something like “flower”, “coffee”, or “butterfly” is much more effective. Be creative, and make sure you both remember it.

Set a few simple ground rules that will NOT be broken

Rough sex is often about pushing and breaking boundaries, so you really can’t make a lot of rules around it. But agree ahead of time if there are a few specific things you ABSOLUTELY do NOT want to do. Remember, this is all about pushing boundaries and head games, so don’t set too many rules. Just a few so that you can really let go and have fun without worrying about going to far and spoiling the moment.