Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for polyamory

Hosting A Killer Swingers’ Party

By

Swinging can be fun if you meet the right people. Being the host of a swinging get together can help! Here’s how to do it and be successful!

A Secret Desire

Many people secretly crave the idea of going to (or hosting) a swingers party. They’re definitely out of the norm of what most people on the weekend, but can be a ton of fun. However, if you’re not already a part of a swingers community, then you could be waiting around for a very long time to get invited to one.

So rather than sitting around waiting for the phone to ring; why not throw one of these parties for yourself? They are not nearly as hard to pull off as you’d think. So this month, we are going to go over a few tips to get you started quickly.

Selecting The Right Venue

Most people think that their home is a suitable enough place to host a swingers party, but if you don’t have extra bedrooms, guests rooms or enough couches in your living room than you are going to run out of available space a lot sooner than you realize.

In this situation, you could always arrange for everyone to meet in a hotel suite. Since these can get a little expensive, it’s not uncommon to ask everyone to chip in a few dollars.

Stick To Your Guest List

This happens WAY more than you’d expect. You invite 10 people to your party and all of a sudden you have 200 strangers knocking on your door.

It’s best to enforce a very strict guest list, so that not only will you make sure you have a good ratio of men to women, but also ensure that everyone will be accommodated, and have a great time.

Get To Know Everyone Early

I think it’s safe to say that there are some real weirdo’s out there. And you probably don’t want some creep you’ve never met before coming to your party and scaring everyone away, do you?

So before you even think to invite someone, make sure to meet them first and get a real good idea of how they will act around a house full of naked people.

Don’t Forget The Snacks

Nothing works up an appetite like a few hours of intense exercise. So don’t forget to stock up n food and drinks for everyone.

There are also inevitably going to be a few nervous people walking around, so making sure you have enough drinks on hand is a total “must have.”

Don’t Forget The Condoms & Lube

This should go without saying, but when you have a house full of naked people grinding all over each other, playing safe should go without mention. But what kind of sex educator would I be if I didn’t tell you to watch out for everyone’s safety.

My favorite strategy is to have a big bowl full of condoms and lube in every single room of the house (or at least the ones you think people will be having sex in). This way, people are never more than a few feet away from a condom when they need one.

Hosting a swinger’s party takes a bit of prior planning and being organized, but it can be one of the most satisfying experiences of your life. So now that we’ve covered a few of the bases, it’s time to go out there and throw the best damn party ever!

Three Essential Steps To Get Your Partner Into Swinging

By

Unfortunately swinging, or involving other people in your sexual intimacy as a couple, fills many people with fears and concerns. However, the truth is that swinging – when done the right way – can not only be enormous fun; it can also bring a couple much closer together in the intimacy of their relationship. This may seem counterintuitive but it is a clue on how to get your lover interested in polyamory if they’re against the idea.

3 Simple Steps To Introduce Your Lover To The Idea Of Swinging

The three steps described here have proven to be very powerful in getting reluctant spouses to be more open to the idea. You’ll see that it is nothing to do with tricking or coercing your spouse into trying it (that doesn’t work and using that approach will usually harm rather than help your relationship). It is really about creating a foundation and a ‘sexual environment’ in your relationship which can make polyamory a very natural outcome. The benefits of this approach are not only that you get to have some great fun swinging, but it strengthens the intimacy in your relationship as well.

Step 1: It’s About You Relationship

The first step is to realize that successful swinging is all about the two of YOU and your relationship. It is not to fill in any gaps in your sex life. In fact, it makes a great sex life even better; it does not make a bad sex life good. So if you are going to try to introduce your lover to polyamory, you should concentrate on improving the sex life between the two of you first.

Step 2: Focus On Your Significant Other

This leads us to the second step, which is to really focus on your significant other. Your goal here is to make them feel loved and adored, that they are the sexiest person in the world to you. You would never do anything to hurt them intentionally and they are certainly the best lover you could possibly ever imagine having. Some people find this difficult, especially if they have been in their relationship for some time. You may feel your attraction has waned for your lover.

You might think your sex life has become boring, which is why you want to add some variety with polyamory anyway. You need to turn this around. Try new things. Even do some of the things you used to do when you first got together. Anything becomes stale if no effort is put into it, and your sex life is just the same.

Step 3: Reinforce Your Attraction To Your Lover

The third step is simply to keep reinforcing you attraction for your lover and building the trust between you. The more trust you can create by making your significant other feel safe to be themselves and express themselves fully, the more they will know that your desire for more sexual adventure is not about ‘replacing’ them with someone else.

Many couples feel that getting involved with threesomes will cause problems in their relationship such as jealousy. However, if you follow the above steps you will find that these problems just don’t arise. However, it is very important to keep the relationship between you as the most important thing; you just happen to involve other people from time to time to experience things you can’t do with just the two of you.

If you would like to become a swinger and your lover isn’t interested start with the approach above. You might be pleasantly surprised at the results!

Finding The ‘Right Couple’ To Try Swinging With

By

Would you like to experiment with the swinging lifestyle? Once you have made the decision to do it, the biggest hurdle to overcome is to find another suitable couple to play with. Fortunately you can benefit from the experience of others by knowing the best way to find other people. Here are some ideas to help you.

It Doesn’t Always Happen Right Away

Firstly, be aware it can be a lengthy process. You may end up chatting with a large number of couples before you find one you really click with. This is hardly surprising; it is difficult enough to find two people who are attracted to each other, but to find four who all share some chemistry can seem nigh-on impossible.

You will meet couples who may be interested in you but who for whatever reason you don’t feel particularly attracted to. Don’t be concerned about this – it really does go with the territory.

Also, do not despair or be in a rush to start having sex once you decide you and your partner would like to be swingers. Many people decide to play with the first people who come along and find that the experience is not really very pleasurable. In fact it can be a disaster.

Don’t Be Too Picky

At the other extreme don’t be picky to the point that you never let it happen. If you spend a bit of time with a couple (say having a drink or a meal) with no pressure or expectations on either side you may feel the attraction grow. If your initial impression isn’t totally negative than allow some time to get to know them a little better.

All this said, what is the best way to meet another couple for swinging? There are in fact three ways.

People You Know

The first way is to consider people you already know. You may think your friends would not be interested in swinging, but swinging is surprisingly widespread. Do not discount your friends! Think about who you already know who you find attractive.

Invite them for dinner and drop a few subtle hints. Lead the conversation in a sexual direction and see their reaction. Of course if you get a negative reaction you know to back off as you don’t want to destroy your friendship.

Online Dating Websites

The second way and probably the most widespread is to meet couples through an online swingers website. There are a number of good ones which have large numbers of couples (and singles) who are swingers and are looking to meet other likeminded people.

You can get a very good idea about them from the information they post online, including their interests and physical characteristics. Usually they will (or should) put up some photographs so you can get a better idea of their body shape and sizes.

To do this you should also put up your own details by creating a profile. This will allow other couples to contact you if they are interested. The first step will be to have some brief message exchange to see if there is some connection.

If it all looks promising, you should meet as soon as possible. This should only be for the purposes of checking each other out. Unless you are not fussy at all you will find this an essential step as despite all the online conversation in the world you will not know if you all click until you meet each other.

A Swingers’ Party

The third way you can meet other swingers is to go to a swingers party. Getting invited to these can be quite tricky. However, swingers websites often list parties. Choose one in your area and put your name down as being interested. If you go to a swingers party remember the golden rule amongst all swingers is “no means no.”

You will not be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to, and no one will mind if you decline an invitation to play. Swingers parties are a very good way to meet a number of couples all at once to see if you feel a special connection with any of them.

Meeting another couple to swing with can be a bit tricky. However it is worth the effort because when you find the right couple you will definitely have a lot of fun.

How To Get Your Partner Interested In Swinging

By

Swinging can be a great activity for a couple to take part in. Done the right way, it need not be damaging to your relationship at all. In fact, the consensus amongst most ‘successful’ swingers is that it actually enhances their relationship and brings them closer together.

What If Your Lover Doesn’t Like The Idea?

However, while there are thousands of happy swinging couples worldwide, there are also many people in a relationship who would like to try swinging but who have a lover who is not keen. Their attitude may be from simply not being interested to being totally negative about the idea.

If you have a wife or husband in this category, don’t despair. Your dream of being swingers need not die. Just realize that the approach you have been taking so far has not worked – so it’s time to take a new approach.

Don’t Get Angry With Your Lover

The first thing you must do is not get angry or upset with your wife or husband’s reaction if you bring up the idea of being swingers. Trying to plead with them or in any way coerce them into trying it will not only get no positive result, it could even harm your relationship.

Even if you do get them to agree to try it this way, it will probably not be a pleasant experience for you both; you certainly won’t be able to relax and enjoy it. Try not to get resentful. Instead, realize that you want to try swinger sex so that it will be fun for both of you. ‘

If you have the best of intentions than it is simply a matter of finding the right approach, the approach that works without damaging your relationship. After all your relationship is (or should be) the most important thing.

Introducing The Topic In The Right Way

When you introduce the idea of swinging, remember that your wife or husband will have beliefs about what swinging means and why you would want to try it. Does it mean you don’t find them attractive enough?Are you bored with your sex life?

These thoughts may be going through their head. In fact, they may even fear that by becoming swingers you will find someone else more attractive than them and leave them!

Removing Their Fears About It

So your whole focus in introducing swinging to your wife or husband is to remove their fears. You do this by letting them know that you love and adore them more than anyone else, and that your reason for wanting to try swinging is to enhance the sex life you already have with them.

You need to let them know that swinging is not about replacing any gaps in your relationship. It is all about adding some spice and sharing the experience together. You could even let them know that because you find them so attractive and sexy, seeing them turning someone else on would be highly arousing for them.

Also make sure that you make your wife or husband feel safe in your sexual relationship. Build up their trust in you. Let them now that you would never hurt them or allow them to be hurt in a swinging situation.

If you approach the idea of swinging with your lover in this way you not only have a much greater chance of taking part in the swinger lifestyle, but of you both enjoying it as well.

Exclusive Swingers – Are You CHEATING On Your Swinger Friends?

By

Exclusive swingers? Isn’t that an oxymoron?

Exclusivity is not what you typically think of when you talk about the swinger lifestyle. Few in the swinger community would consider it cheating to play with multiple couples and partners without consulting them. It’s important to remember that swinging is largely about expanding an individual or a couple’s sex lives, and not usually about extending the romantic circle.

What about polyamory?

Some consider polyamory to be a more enlightened approach to swinging, though it’s really a very different animal. With polyamory, a couple will actually expand their love and romantic relationship to truly include others, not just for the occasional fun and sexual fantasies.

For many, the idea of swinging is really a stretch… polyamory is even more so because we’re no longer talking about being committed to a single person.

Can you expect an exclusive relationship with another couple?

People are interesting in their expectations, and since we’re all unique, nothing is really too far fetched to be expected. Think about an exclusive relationship between two people. It slowly evolves from the casual meeting, a few dates, and eventually exclusivity where you’re no longer seeing other people.

It’s entirely possible for two couples to also become close over time, and for some of the players to develop closer feelings for each other. In this case it’s definitely possible for one couple to get jealous when the other couple sees other people. No, it’s not the regular traditional lifestyle experience, but it definitely does happen on occasion.

And when it does…

Don’t talk with your family about your sex life and your exotic sexual fantasies

It’s always great to share our lives with our loved ones… not just our romantic partners, but also our blood families.

BUT… this can sometimes lead to problems, especially when we’re talking about parts of our lives that are not viewed as “acceptable” or “mainstream” by some segments of society.

This can happen when parents share intimate details of their sex lives with their grown children, as well as those same grown children sharing with their parents.

At first this seems to go against what we normally believe in, but stay with us here. Countless fights and arguments start when people share too much about their sex lives with their families.

We’re generally very adamant on having very open and honest communication in relationships, whether those are romantic relationships, family relationship, or friend relationships.

However we are not yet evolved and enlightened enough as a society, where your family (i.e. your parents, siblings) can have an open and honest discussion with you about your sex life and sexual preferences without judging you and without digressing into some type of fight or argument.

Hopefully our society will evolved to this point in the coming years, but by an large we’re just not there yet. Certainly there are some exceptions to this (as there are to anything based on a standard deviation), but if you want to play it safe – keep your sex life between you and your partner.

SO… Should you demand and exclusive relationship with another couple??  Shat what can you do if you’ve shared your dilemma with your family and they’re going nuts?

Here’s a question from a couple in Maryland facing this very frustrating problem…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I have now experienced swinging with two different couples. The first happened slowly over a long period of time with a couple that we were very close to. The second couple we found through a swinging website. We met them a few times to get to know each other and then met them for a sexual encounter. Ever since then, things have been a mess. We shared with the first couple that we had been with the second couple. They did not handle it well at all. They felt hurt and betrayed, especially the woman, whom I am extremely close to. I thought that our friendship was in jeopardy. I ended up talking to my father about how upset I was about this problem that I was having with my friend. I ended up telling him about my swinging experiences- BIG MISTAKE! He was very upset and my stepmother, who he told, was even more upset. So, my husband and I are finding a way to rebuild our relationship with the first couple, minus the sex. I am working through things with my dad. My stepmother is still concerned that we are going to rot in hell. With all of this happening, I am really struggling with the idea of swinging again. My husband wants to, of course. I am seriously struggling with whether it is immoral and sinful. Besides, with everything that has happened, I don’t have a good feeling about preceding forward. How can I make my husband understand this? He is extremely disappointed that I am not interested in continuing to swing, at least for now, and maybe forever. I know that this is long and complicated, but I am really in need of some advice. Please respond. Thanks.

— Jennifer, Maryland

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4sZ6cOoX2w[/youtube]