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Flirting: Your Guide For Learning How To Flirt

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Flirting isn’t always obvious – in fact, it can often be completely inconspicuous. There you are, in line at the grocery store when a very attractive person brushes up against you accidentally – or so you think.

How can you be sure? You can’t right away, so you look again and try and make eye contact this time. First, to see if what you thought you saw was an attractive person, and then next (if you still think so), to see if the brush might have been deliberate.

But how can you tell with a look? Maybe they were off-balance, or the person behind them bumped into them, or maybe they are nearsighted and left their glasses in the car. Before you make another move, I know you realize a lot is at stake here; what you do (or don’t do) in the next 30 seconds could change your life…forever.

The Flirting Basics (Quiz)

Take this quiz and see what you know about flirting – answer true or false! Then add up your answers below:

  1. When someone goes out of their way to talk to me, they are flirting.
  2. When someone makes prolonged eye contact (more than three seconds), they want my attention.
  3. When a woman is flirting, it’s obvious.
  4. When a man is overtly flirting, he generally has only sex on his mind.
  5. There’s a difference between being flirtatious and flirting.
  6. There are right ways and wrong ways to flirt.
  7. Saying inappropriate things in the name of flirting is acceptable.
  8. Flirting when you’re in a committed relationship is fine as long as you don’t act on it.

Tips On How To Engage In Healthy, Fun Flirting

So first things first, and at the top of the list when it comes to having healthy, fun flirting you need to ask yourself: What are your intentions? That’s right, what do you want?

If you want a real relationship for example, and you do find yourself in close proximity of someone you find attractive, naturally one of the first things you’ll do is scan that person for signs that they are available – a wedding ring or in this scenario, baby formula in the basket, wife or children in tow, etc. – before you make a move.

Flirting Safely

The next step, once you’re clear that you are in fact looking for that special someone is to think about being safe. You really can’t be too careful these days. So when you find you are attracted to someone, make sure you pay close attention to your body cues and all the signs that make you feel secure and safe, especially if you are the one being approached.

Whether you are at a grocery store/bar/gym/party, take time to check in to those cues that register beneath the surface of whatever seems so compelling; his or her awesome butt or radiant aura. Everybody gives off a vibe; make sure you check theirs out good!

Getting Down To Business

And the third step, the fun part, the actual flirting – there is nothing to worry about here at all. Sure you say, easy for you to say. Nawww, it’s in your blood. It’s in everyone’s. It’s built right into your nature, meaning it’s practically foolproof, ‘cause half the time you’re sending signals without even realizing.

It’s about paying attention and practicing; a little brushing up never hurt anyone (since most of us freeze up when this unconscious behavior suddenly becomes conscious). That reflexive look, that urge to see who was brushing up against you and why, IS flirting at its very base!

In the grocery store, it could be as simple as another attempt at making eye contact, holding your gaze for three or more seconds and smiling. Really, that’s it. The rest is as easy as finding something sincere and authentic in the moment to say, and you’re halfway there.

Don’t be afraid to get out there and practice connecting, just keep these three basics in your tool belt: what’s your intention (what do you want), be safe, and know that flirting is natural and part of your instinctive makeup!

Show The Love – 5 Ways To Let Your Partner Know How You Feel

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How do you show love?

There are countless things we can do to show that we love someone – truly the list is endless. But what distinguishes love from empty actions is where the action comes from.

For instance, how are you showing love if you avoid saying something to your partner about something that’s bothering you about them, hoping to come across as noble or uncomplaining, if in the end it only ends up causing resentment and frustration on your part, which you will take out on them?

Take The Time To Learn About Your Partner

This may seem obvious, but you you really know a lot about their likes and dislikes, their pet peeves, their guilty pleasures? Knowing these things may not affect your behavior toward them, but it will show that you are investing your attention in them, and that’s a sure-fire sign that you care. Ask your partner questions to learn more about who they are. People like like to know that their partner pays attention to them.

Make Sure Their Happiness Factors Into Your Decision Making Process

Check in with them about how they’re feeling, what they think about things, and where they’re going in life. Embrace this vision they have about themselves as an integral part of you.

Pay Attention To Your Partner

People do make their desires known in one way or another; all we have to do is find the right way to listen. If your partner is using direct words to communicate desires, fantastic, but be aware that there are other clues, both verbal and otherwise, as to what someone wants. You don’t have to be a mind reader, you just have to open your eyes and ears.

React Accordingly To Your Partner’s Desires

If you keep noticing that your partner drools over TV commercials for a particular restaurant, surprise them by taking them to dinner there. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures – my husband, for instance, knows I love to sleep in, so he makes my tea for me in the morning, exactly the way I like it, and that way I don’t have to get up five minutes earlier and do it myself. He loves to meditate but doesn’t always have the time; sometimes I will shift our schedule down half an hour so he can have some time to himself.

Make An Effort To Do New Things Together

Stretch beyond what you already know about each other and about yourselves. Go places you’ve never been before, get in the car and just drive, find a new restaurant, explore a new part of town, or find new activities to try.  Try new sex positions together or new ways of pleasuring each other. Develop a keen interest in learning new things as a couple. It will not only strengthen your bond, going on adventures means you’ll have a lot of great stories to tell at parties! You’ll be that couple who is always doing fun things together.

These are just some starter suggestions – feel free to get creative and expand on them! Bringing happiness and joy to each other is one of the great things about relationships. But of course, what matters the most is where these gestures originate.

Dishing The Dating Dirt

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Okay, so you’ve been working on getting yourself ready for your next great relationship. You’ve dealt with the demons in your past and laid them to rest, you’ve built up a strong relationship with yourself, and now all you need is someone to share your life with! Suddenly, you start feeling doubtful and vulnerable at the thought of putting yourself out there again, making yourself available for heartache and pain. But it doesn’t have to be like that, and that’s why I want to tell you about part of my tried-and-tested inner-view process. If you can learn how to navigate the sea of 1.45 million potential mates out there for you, you have a much greater chance of finding someone who might be a good match!

Key Rules For Successful Dating

Here’s something to think about: why are you single right now? It sounds like a silly question, but understanding why you want to start the process of moving toward a healthy relationship is just as important as knowing how to do it. This is certainly where we often go wrong when we meet someone we think we like.

So, the game plan, if you’re ready to get started:

  1. Relax. This is supposed to be enjoyable, and it is!
  2. Non-negotiables are called that for a reason – don’t compromise on the things you really want.
  3. Don’t forget who you are and what you want, instead of spending your effort being what other people want.
  4. You may think that The Real You is not as attractive as Seductive You, but do you want someone to get to know your seduction routine, or who you really are?

Inner-Viewing For Success

You don’t have time to get to know 1.45 million people, so how do you weed out some serious candidates? Intuition is the best way to figure out who deserves a little more of your time and who doesn’t. With 97% of our incoming information being processed pre-cognitively, you can learn pretty much everything you need to know from your gut feelings.

Remember these things about GREAT relationships:

  • Love is not external. You create and generate it inside yourself, and there is an endless supply. It is not something people can give or take away from you.
  • Intimacy is not a tool used on the first date to try to get a second date. It grows over time as two people learn to trust each other.
  • There is only one chance to have a first kiss with someone, and the anticipation can be just as wonderful. So don’t rush to get it out of the way. If someone is interested in a real relationship, they will wait with you until the time is right.

Questions To Ask A Potential Mate Before The Date

Here are some essential questions to ask before you give out your contact information and make the first date:

  1. What is this person connected to? Okay, you just met, but you should be able to build at least some context around a person, even if you’ve just started getting to know them. Where did they go to college? Do they live nearby? Do you have any mutual friends? At the risk of sounding dramatic, getting basic information about a person and checking them out can be a life-or-death thing. Don’t be afraid to use Google to help you learn more about someone. Get their full name and do a little investigating.
  2. Where do they live? Long distance relationships may sound romantic and very Hollywood, but in reality they’re extremely hard work, and usually end up either with someone relocating, or with a breakup. If you’re not up for that, then make sure this person lives in your local area before you start connecting with them.
  3. Are they single AND available? Just because someone is paying attention to you or flirting like mad doesn’t mean they’re not married. And just because someone is not married doesn’t mean they’re ready or wanting to be in a relationship! Find out right at the beginning if someone is just playing around with you.

Asking these questions may seem corny, but it’s not difficult, and it can cut out a lot of exasperation later. If you respect yourself enough not to waste time with all the wrong people, then the right people will start respecting you in return. It’s a great way to look after both your heart and your safety.

The Art Of The Innerview

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Mastering the art of the inner-view is worth every effort; slowing down, taking time to get to know someone and asking the tough questions, waiting to see if someone’s answers are revealed in their actions, remembering all the while that real love cannot be negotiated and great relationships begin within. And why not? What better investment is there when it comes to the real thing; authentic connection, the foundation for a loving, lasting relationship? Unless you’re convinced posturing, playing games and being insincere in an effort to gain power or avoid being hurt is the way to go.

What To Know Before The First Date

Either way, finding out that the person you are sincerely interested in is; already in a relationship, married with 2 children, has absolutely no interest in being in a relationship with you, or just wants to use you for sex, isn’t pleasant. And if being in a great relationship were really as simple as having the right chemical reaction at the right time, stating the obvious would be way more fun (and I wouldn’t be writing this blog).

Let’s get to that one thing you should know before you head out on a first date, as promised in the last blog. We have talked about the importance of checking out who someone else is, what they are bringing to the “party,” but we haven’t really talked much about what will happen when the shoe is on the other foot; when the person you’re interested in starts asking YOU.

I was just thinking this morning, What if I were single, what would I be afraid of someone asking me, or maybe want to take my time divulging? You may not want to mention a host of things to someone you have just met, but the bottom line is; whatever your secrets, they will eventually create separation if you don’t come to terms with them. There are some things we did and have enough distance from that we can joke about; then there are things we have done that we might feel ashamed of (or still be doing) that we would rather someone not know, ESPECIALLY when we first meet. The one thing you should keep in mind before you go out on a date is the expression “If you can dish it out, be prepared to take it!” Another way of saying that is; be kind and graceful when you ask the tough questions as a rule, but also because you know there are things you yourself may still feel tender about! This is an inquiry, not an investigation. Please be graceful when asking, forthcoming when asked.

Questions To Ask On The First Date

Here are the five questions everyone looking for a healthy, fulfilling, sustainable relationship should ask (or find out) on a first date:

  1. If the person is actually single; not married, separated but sleeping in separate bedrooms, etc.
  2. If they are available emotionally available (not still recovering from the last relationship)
  3. If they want a real relationship or are only in it for the sex
  4. Have had any long-term relationships or evidence that they are capable of commitment
  5. If they want children, I know this is tough on a first date but could be a potential nightmare and heartache if you don’t get real about it right away!

So there you have it my beloveds, stay tuned for my new book coming out called DIRT, Plan B: 101 Questions That Make Or Break A Great Relationship!

How Women Can Learn To Say No

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As women, saying the word “NO” is something we dread and fear, because we convince ourselves that not “going with the flow” will lead to rejection, or even cause people not to like us. The truth is, however, that learning to say “no” can be the very thing that opens up doors and allows us a clear path to our true desires. “No” can be a powerful word that can help you avoid situations that lead to emotional distress and suffering. It’s easy to feel when your body is contracting and telling you “NO;” nonetheless we often ignore this feeling and proceed anyway, and this is where the problem lies.

Finding Answers

“My ex girlfriend says she likes me, but she doesn’t want a boyfriend or a commitment right now. We began kissing and holding hands 2 weeks after the breakup but she stopped because she doesn’t want to complicate things. What should I do if I want to win her back?” – Evans

I think the real question is, what makes you think that winning her back is the course of action you should be pursuing? “I don’t want a boyfriend or commitment” sounds to me like she’s made it pretty clear to you. Remember that love is not a contest to be won! If you’d like to learn and grow from this experience, try sitting down with her and talking about what it was that, from her perspective, caused the downfall of the relationship. Then you can take that information and use it to better yourself for your next relationship – with someone who actually wants one.

“On several occasions I have asked my fiancé how much she loves me and if she’s willing to sacrifice things like; moving, leaving her friends and family to come with me. She constantly avoids the questions. What I want to know is does she really love me seeing as she doesn’t seem willing to give up some things for our relationship?” – Brandon

There are nearly seven billion people on this planet, and out of all of them, she chose to be with YOU. There, doesn’t that make you feel great? How much more does she have to prove? Love is not about jumping through hoops or passing tests; if you look at the situation from a more positive angle, you’ll see that she is committed to the relationship, and that you’ve simply been looking for ways to disprove that.

Healing From An Affair

“My husband of 19 yrs. was just caught having an affair. It was going on for 2½ years. Since then he has been begging, pleading, etc., that it was a mistake and he only wants me and the kids. I believe he is close to a nervous breakdown. Here is my question; the only place they ever saw each other was at her apartment during the day for sex 2-3 times a month. He never bought her anything, took her anywhere or gave her any money. She confirmed this so it has to be true. He insists he never cared for her, it was only sex. He never told her he loved her. He called her in front of me and told her I love my wife, you were only sex, she freaked. Could it be true to have a 2½ yr affair and have no feelings for her?” – Melissa

Monogamy and trust are two major components that make us feel safe and respected within the boundaries of a relationship. When even one of those components gets damaged or destroyed, it often takes the other one with it, and then you’re left wondering how you can anchor yourself and start rebuilding. When a relationship falls apart in such a devastating way, you have to be stern and direct with the questions you ask – not to him, but to yourself. What exactly would the situation have to be in order for trust to be there again? What would it take for you to be able to trust your husband again – both in terms of monogamy and in terms of knowing that he’s not lying? Also, it can be helpful to ask yourself what your own role is in all this.