I recently overheard a man talk about how often the arguments with his wife have to do with her apparent need to be right. It seems she is always correcting what he says and how he does things. And if he is “caught” having been wrong when she was right, she has to make sure he knows she was right. He seemed helpless to know what to do.

Catching his conversation, I thought, “What a neat topic to tackle for an article at AskDanandJennifer.com!” Clearly, I followed through on the impulse. However, I must admit that what I felt on the heels of my great idea was guilt and shame because I do this very thing to my husband. I don’t do it all the time but I do my fair share of 1) having to be right, 2) correcting him when I think he’s wrong, and 3) making sure he’s aware when I was right about something and he either should have listened to me or isn’t he glad he did!

How To Stop Needing To Be Right

So, I determined to write an article about it because I actually have advice for how a woman can stop needing to be right! Then, I ran across this quote today from Albert Camus, “The need to be right – the sign of a vulgar mind.” Heaven knows I do not want to have a “vulgar” mind and the coincidence of the quote coming at this particular time must mean this article was meant to be written!

Before I reveal the secret to no longer having to be right, let’s talk about how the need to be right is hell on a relationship. Even some men have the need to be right and it doesn’t work for them either! Whatever the motivation is for needing to be right, whether it’s a control thing or arrogance born of insecurity, letting the person who needs to be right continue the habit in order to satisfy their need isn’t the answer. Satisfying their need doesn’t work because that need isn’t healthy.

When people choose being right over any relationship, they set themselves up to experience shame and loneliness. People don’t like being around those who need to be right. Always being corrected starts out a shaming experience but ultimately just becomes boring. People who need to be right all the time are satisfying a need at the expense of the relationship and so they are not being real. Eventually, the person with whom you always have to be right doesn’t look forward to your coming around. They do not want to be with you any longer.

Having to be right sets up the couple for feeling more shame than is necessary in life! The one who is corrected feels shame for obvious reasons. However, the one who has to be right also feels shame because he or she knows the satisfaction that comes with being right is shallow and not really worth it.

The Secret

So, what is the secret to no longer having to be right? People suggest that you simply choose the relationship over being right and it will be all right. I say that is an excellent philosophy that isn’t easily accomplished in real life if you have a need to be right. Remember, I come from having experience with this issue!

My secret is more practical but will get you to the place where you can truly live choosing the relationship over being right. The secret is to treat it like a bad habit. That is all it is, really. Any time we routinely manipulate someone to satisfy a need that cannot be satisfied we are just gratifying a bad habit.

Treating the need to be right as a bad habit means that I try to catch myself before I do it. In the beginning, of course, it isn’t always possible. Sometimes, though, you can swallow your words in the middle of voicing how right you are and even disappear, if you have to, in order to deal with the discomfort of stopping yourself. That’s how it is in the beginning of stopping any bad habit. Sometimes, the best you can do is to catch yourself in the middle of it and just stop!

Eventually, though, you will find that you can stop before you speak and just not say the words that indicate the other person is wrong or needs to be corrected. If you have to, leave the room until the driving desire to open your mouth and make sure he knows you are right dissipates! It will get easier in time.

You can even develop a new habit to replace this one. You can practice being supportive, allowing, and compassionate. Just because someone does something differently than you do doesn’t mean he or she is wrong! And if how it gets done is less than ideal, you are dealing with an adult. That person can handle whatever he needs to handle to get it done.

Breaking this habit is an excellent pursuit. The amount of shame, fear, and even loathing that goes away with the habit is a worthy pay off for the effort!

If you are in a relationship with a daddy’s girl or if you are a daddy’s girl, you probably are already aware that this quality of “daddy’s girl” affects your relationship.

Different Kinds Of Daddy’s Girls

Traditionally, we think of daddy’s girls as being the women who were tom boys when they were young who have grown up to be successful in their jobs and careers. These women get things done. These daddy’s girls can be intimidating, which isn’t usually a positive trait in a relationship.

There are daddy’s girls who are submissive, almost servants to their husbands and children. They are at risk of being taken for granted by those they love best. Do you know what the number one result is of being submissive and long suffering? Resentment! This too isn’t a positive trait when it comes to relationships!

Another kind of daddy’s girl is the one who is still emotionally tied to her father. She cannot make a decision without his approval and she agrees with him that no man is good enough for his little girl! Because she compares every man she loves to her father, she never really gets to know the man who loves her back.

Can A Daddy’s Girl Love Herself?

I once read that a woman who is in touch with their femininity loves herself even more than she loves her man! This writer said the job of falling in love is up to the man because that has to do with masculine energy. A feminine woman is already in love with herself. The argument put forth made sense, so I won’t try to spell it out here. It had a lot to do with that singular quality that I argue is the sexiest quality of either a man or a woman and that is “confidence!” A woman in love with herself has confidence that radiates from her, making her attractive as well as interesting, mysterious, and lovable.

I bring up the woman who is in touch with her femininity because there is a type of daddy’s girl who masquerades as this woman. Daddy’s girls do not truly love themselves. Like all daddies’ girls, the ultra-feminine type searches outside herself for fulfillment. What starts out looking like the ideal woman who is happy to take care of all your needs eventually becomes needy and a drain.

I have to tell you, though, that the world is full of daddy’s girls. So, I suggest that instead of trying to avoid them, you learn how to love them. Here’s how.

Loving A Daddy’s Girl

The daddy’s girl modus operandi is to find fulfillment by taking care of her man. Again, you may ask, “Where’s the problem?” However, if you are a daddy’s girl or if you have lived with one, you already know what the problem is. When a woman looks outside herself for fulfillment, she can never be satisfied. For daddy’s girls, when she is looking for fulfillment through taking care of her man, resentment and disappointment invariably become a part of the relationship.

If you are a daddy’s girl, begin to practice not taking care of your man in all the ways you do it where you treat him like a little boy. Now, grown men need tender loving care too, but there is a huge difference between taking care of a man in ways men respond positively to and taking care of a man as if he is a boy who still needs a mama.

For instance, if he has agreed that something is his responsibility, do not take it over just because he isn’t handling it when and how you would. Leave it alone. Leave it for him to manage on his own time and in his own way.

Similarly, if he is disrespected out there in the world, don’t “poor baby” him. Listen to him, if he wants to process it. Pay attention to him for clues as to what he needs from you. But do not coo sympathetically over him as though he is a little boy (or little girl) who needs your sympathy, because he doesn’t. He needs your respect. Grown men do not soothe one another’s hurts the way women do. Women are wise to reach deep inside to show him extra respect rather than sympathy when life is hard on him.

Daddy’s Girls Can Find Fulfillment Within Themselves!

If you are a daddy’s girl, these kinds of small changes will stretch you. They will also free you when you know down to your bones that you are a beautiful grown woman in love with a handsome grown man and you can relate to each other as such! You will also gain more time on your hands to learn how to dig down deep to find fulfillment inside yourself.

If you love a daddy’s girl, your challenge is to let her know that you do not have to be treated like either a little boy or a father-figure in order for her to secure your love. There is a lot of pushing and pulling when you are with a daddy’s girl. She not only wants to take care of you, she has a belief that may be hidden from her consciousness that she will only find fulfillment in taking care of you. Add to this the confusion that taking care of you can look like anything from bullying you to complete submission from her!

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to keep turning her attention back on herself. Encourage her to leave you alone in those situations where she thinks she is taking care of you but it isn’t working for you. Reassure her that you love her and that you will not disappear if she takes on the luxury of finding her fulfillment from within rather than by trying to take care of you.

Daddy’s girls get things done and that can be an excellent quality. When they learn the work of finding fulfillment from within, everyone benefits from their satisfaction and growing self love!

I have a friend who is preparing to move to Costa Rica for two reasons. One is financial as he believes he can live more cheaply there. Since all his grown children live here in the States, the second reason might be the more important one. He is also moving to Costa Rica for the women. He finds the women of Costa Rica more satisfying.

Just before I found out my friend was leaving for Costa Rica, I ran across a web site by a man who specializes in introducing American men to Eastern European women. His reasons for hosting the site are similar to my friend’s reasons for moving to Costa Rica. This man married an Eastern European woman a few years ago after discovering that they are beautiful and submissive. At least that is his experience of them. He believes they know how to take care of their men and homes in ways that Northern American women no longer know how to do.

Do Better Women Exist In Other Countries?

I don’t know what it’s like in your world between men and women, but I do know what it is like in mine. At the risk of coming across as arrogant, I thought I would write about what it is like in my world because I think Joseph and I have created something others can also create with the results being romantic relationship satisfaction. You see, Joseph is seventeen years my senior. He comes from a generation where women were expected to be homemakers, mothers, and submissive. However, 1) he doesn’t expect that of me and 2) I bring some of that to the relationship in addition to being a career woman.

I’ve heard it said that a woman can have it all, she just can’t have it all at the same time. A woman cannot be a stay-at-home-mom and a career woman (unless that career happens online or some other way from her home). She can have a career some of the years of her life and be a stay-at-home-mom other years of her life. A woman can be married, have a career and/or motherhood, and have a great sex life! However, having that great sex life, while balancing all the rest, takes proactive action plans and having the attitude that she is desirable. Those action plans and attitude take time and energy that have to come from somewhere, which means something goes without her attention. That something might be housework or yard work.

A man can have it all: a career, loyal friends, a beautiful wife who also has a career, children, and a sex life with that beautiful wife that rocks as long as he realizes that having it all may very well mean pitching in around the house and in his children’s lives in ways his own father never did. These days, having enough money to support our lives requires that both spouses work. Between technological advances and this information age we live in, both spouses need and deserve to have jobs and creative pursuits that satisfy them.

My house will never, ever look like something out of the “Southern Homes & Living” magazine! Even if I tried, I couldn’t make it happen even for a single day. But my home is important to me. I make it cozy and warm. Joseph appreciates this. The coziness and warmth make him feel welcome.

What A Real Relationship Is All About

When we work together, whether it is at a couple’s retreat, on our internet radio show, giving a presentation, in our writing, or relationship coaching; we work as equals. We know our own and each other’s strengths and weaknesses. We know how to complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses in order to produce the best results possible. Working in tandem is fun and juicy because we are free to appreciate the best in each other and support each other through the moderate and worst parts!

In our intimacy, whether that is date night, playfully teasing each other, sharing our day, or making love, I bring my respect for him as a man of action to the table (or bed) and he brings his respect for my feelings to the table (or bed). In other words, there are times each and every day for me to relax into my role as the receptive feminine woman and him to stand in his role as the active masculine man.

When we get crossways, we do not abuse each other. Nor do we abuse the privilege of knowing each other so well. When there is roughness between us, as soon as we are able, we each take responsibility for the situation and work our way back to connectedness.

All these things take effort from both of us. All these things and the effort they take are why the laundry piles up, the house and yard are not perfect, and our pets run us more than other pet owners would allow! But we get to have each other, cherishing and honoring each other in our love, passion, and friendship with one another.

There is an awesome quote by Brian Tracy that has to do with business relationships but might just as well have to do with romantic ones. It goes like this, “The fastest way to improve your relationships is to make others feel important in every way possible.”

Good relationships take work. But if you are willing to determine where in your life you can make sacrifices that are really not such a big deal, you can find the time and energy to be and do what it takes to remember you each think the other hung the moon, and find new ways of letting him or her know just how much you appreciate them for that!