Dating Tips – Page 39

Ladies – Dating Advice and Love in 90 Days from Dr. Diana Kirschner

We all need a little nudge, a helpful word or piece of advice in the dating game. The human mating ritual is amazingly complex, and let’s face it, few people really have it down.

And in the end, most of us are looking for someone to love, to be there for us, a partner, a lover.

According to dating expert and psychologist, Dr. Diana Kirschner, "most single women unconsciously make the same mistakes over and over again in love, regardless of age, work success, or the type of man they are dating."

In her new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, Dr. Diana tackles the top questions single women everywhere face: "Why am I attracted to the wrong kind of guys?", "Why is he just not that into me?", "Why can’t I seem to find the One?" She outlines the secrets to finding Mr. Right and the crucial steps single women can take to create fulfilling love that lasts.

To help women find that ever elusive love relationship, Dr. Diana also pulls no punches as she outlines a strategy that gets women on the path to smash through their self-sabotage and forge a healthy love relationship.

If you recognize Dr. Diana, that’s not surprising. She’s a frequent guest on The Today Show, Montel Williams, The Morning Show with Mike & Juliet, has appeared on Oprah and Good Morning America, is a featured dating expert at Yahoo! Personals.com and is the Official Dating Guide at Selfgrowth.com. And get this – she was the Love Specialist on The Simple Life Goes to Camp with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.

Dr. Diana’s Love in 90 Days workshops and classes have helped thousands of women find love. And her new book, 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, is a result of requests from women wanting to know the strategies, methods and techniques that she has used to help women of all ages find lasting love.

So check out her Love in 90 Days website where you’ll find new cutting-edge articles on rapid dating success for women, e-tips, a discussion forum, and relationship quizzes.

And be sure to also check out her dating blog, where she’ll be posting the latest techniques, dating tips and relationship advice for successful online and off-line dating, research on love relationships, and up-to-the-minute discoveries to help you create the love you want.

This review is sponsored by Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

In Love and Dating… Does Our Age Difference Really Matter?

By loveandsex

In the day in age where celebrity couples and other couples are dating even though they’re five or even ten years apart in age, it can lead many people to believe that age doesn’t matter when dating or getting married.

In truth, it does matter but it matters less and less as you get older. Should you let age be a factor during dating?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Does age difference really affect relationships? My partner and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years. My parents are determined it won’t work because of our ages. We’re 4 years apart but I’m under 18 and he is 19. We have been through so much and we both still believe we can make this work and we’re planning to get married as soon as possible. So is this a waste of time for us or is it possible?

–Corie, Virginia

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYkS-oUF5lU[/youtube]

How Young Is Too Young?

First, let’s take a look at how young “too young” might be. For example, if you have a 15 year old person and an 18 or even 19 year old person, you’re asking for trouble. Although the four year age difference isn’t much when you look at a couple that is 50 and 54 years old, a four year age gap when you’re that young really seems like a bigger age gap than it really is.

Sexually speaking, if these partners are sexually active, you bring in a whole new element to the equation. Statutory rape charges can be filed at that point and one or both partners can end up in more trouble than they’d like to be in. Even a two year age gap at that stage can make a big difference, for example, if one partner is 17 and the other is 19.

Once both partners become “of age” or turn 18, age differences begin to matter less and less as you age. While an age difference between an 18 year old and a 26 year old might seem like a big deal, the age difference between a 41 year old and a 49 year old doesn’t seem bad at all.

When you’re young, be aware of statutory rape laws and other laws and make sure your relationships abide by them. Keep in mind that even once you turn 18, a huge age gap still makes a difference until you get a little older.

Slowing Down

Regardless of your age difference, if you’re young you might want to rethink rushing into a relationship and especially rushing into a marriage. Right now is the time to really figure out who you are and focus on yourself. That doesn’t mean you can’t date or have a relationship, but trying to take a plunge into a serious relationship or even a marriage might be more than you want to take on right now.

Sadly, you won’t really realize it until it’s too late, when your responsibilities are overwhelming you. Take some time right now to really enjoy your life and figure out what you want to do with it. Focus on school or your career and let your dating relationships be a source of enjoyment to you, not a source of responsibility.

Let’s take one last look at why age differences seem to matter more when you’re young and why they matter less when you’re older. In past centuries, women were married off when they were very young, as young as thirteen, to much, much older men.

As society grew and developed, this became less of an accepted practice. Laws were created so that 18 was the accepted age where someone becomes an adult, and that sex is illegal unless it is between two consenting adults. If your relationship goes outside those boundaries, you might want to rethink it.

How Dating Is Different After Divorce Or The Death Of A Spouse…

By elainewilliams

Is there a difference in dating after loss of a spouse or following a divorce? Each occurrence is a major life change, subject to emotions of loss and anger or perhaps betrayal and abandonment.

Some who have lost a spouse may argue that death is worse, being final and out of your control, while divorce is a choice. I disagree.

How Death & Divorce Are Similar

If the spouse you love has divorced you, the choice has been taken away from you, similar to losing someone to death. You also have the added complication of perhaps feeling as if you’ve been thrown away, an understandably devastating experience.

I have experienced both divorce and death, and the aftermath in each instance is neither pretty nor painless. Aftershocks in each case can be experienced years later.

Both situations involve pain. Does death hurt more than divorce? When you lose the person you love, however that occurs, it is a permanent wound on the heart. Loss of any kind is never easy.

Dating After Death or Divorce

Dating after major life changes such as divorce or death, many times holds the same difficulties and rewards. One thing remains the same irrespective of your previous relationship status; dating again after being in a long term relationship means taking your time and re-entering the dating world with the mindset of proceeding slowly.

Start a relationship with no expectations other than starting as friends and see what may develop. If the relationship doesn’t enhance your life, be prepared to move on.

If you’ve lost your spouse and are considering dating, you have to be mindful of not falling into a trap where you’re looking for an exact replica of your previous partner. Your loss has changed you, so you’re no longer the same person with the same needs.

Divorce can carry its own burden of loss and changes. In the aftermath of divorce or death, neither life experience should be rushed through or downplayed. Both take time and energy in which to heal.

After the death of a spouse, there’s a period of time where you may be unwilling to allow another person into your life. Emotionally, you’re on an up-and-down swing with the grief process, and adding another facet to your life such as a new partner is sometimes untenable. If you’ve been out of dating for many years, expect dating to have changed.

Be Sure You’re Ready to Date

If you’re not sure you’re ready to date, you may be open to making poor choices in a new relationship. Whether divorced or widowed, sometimes we think we’re healed but in reality we’re just lonely and want to fill the empty void. In either situation, give yourself time before making any big lifestyle changes.

A divorced person getting back into dating could also be emotionally grieving the loss or abandonment of a spouse. Perhaps you should ask yourself if you’re ready to pursue a new love interest or do you really need some time to remain single.

One of the most important things in resuming dating, no matter what the past scenario may be, is to allow someone into your life who shares the same values emotionally and psychologically as yourself. Don’t settle into a relationship just to have someone in your life.

Being single doesn’t mean you have to be lonely, not if you enrich your life with people and activities you enjoy. Don’t depend on another partner to make or keep you happy, because you’ll be doomed to disappointment. Ultimately, what’s inside fulfills us and adds to who we are; no matter if you are divorced or widowed.

She Gave Me Her Number… Should I Ask Her Out On A Date?

By loveandsex

Making a move on someone you’ve known awhile can be frustrating. Where do you start? How do you know when the right time is? What do you say?

The question of whether to ask them out is a huge one. Should you or shouldn’t you?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I have liked this girl for about a year. Last Friday I told her how I felt and she didn’t say ‘no’; Here’s what she said “David I think of you as a brother, but I don’t see why we can’t get to know each other better, and I’m not trying to raise your hopes and I can’t promise you anything”, and then she gave me her phone number. Should I leave it as it is for a while, or should I make a move?

–David, CA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bC6hFKpafg[/youtube]

Is the Door Open or Closed?

Take a look at the situation from an outsider’s perspective. Look at your crush’s body language and their mannerisms toward you. Are they flirty? Do they seem to show interest in you? Have they given you their number? If you’re noticing these types of behaviors, your door is most likely open to make a move.

If their body language or mannerisms towards you are cold, or unresponsive to you, you’re probably facing a closed door. Before you ask your crush out, take some time to really feel out the situation and use your intuition and perception to judge as best you can how receptive your crush is to you. If the door seems open, go for it!

Getting The Date

If you’re lucky enough to snag a date with your crush, congratulations! Now it’s time to show your crush how much you’re into them. Don’t try to be buddies with them, because they might end up thinking of you as just a “buddy.” Don’t be standoff-ish either, because you might get the cold shoulder in return.

Let your crush know you’re happy to be on a date with them and be casually romantic. Let them know using your language and body language that you’re not trying to be buddies or anything else but romantically involved with your crush. If you try too hard to be friends with your crush, you might end up getting yourself stuck in the “friend zone.” This is never a fun place to be when you like someone!

If you snag a date with your crush, it’s important to let them know right off the start that you enjoy spending time with them romantically and that you’re even sexually interested in them. Take it easy and don’t put pressure on them, and you’ll find that the relationship develops romantically over time.

Don’t Pass Up The Opportunity

It’s important if you see an open door when it comes to asking your crush out, that you take it. Many people are so shy or so caught up in the crush that they fail to realize that their crush is literally holding the door wide open to be asked out!

Some people are hard to read, but if you give it a little time and some effort, you can use their body language and their general attitude towards you to figure out if they’ll be receptive to you asking them out. Taking the plunge and asking your crush out on a date might seem really intimidating at first, but if you have an open door, go for it!

There’s a slight chance of rejection but that’s usually the case no matter who you’re asking out. If the door seems closed, you can wait and see if it opens later. If your crush acts cold to you though, or generally doesn’t give you any reason to believe they’d be interested in having you ask them out, you’re better off expending your energy on another fish in the sea.

With a bit of patience and some courage, you might find yourself dating your crush sooner than you expected!

Are You Dating Mr. Or Mrs. Maybe? Stop It Already!

By scotemilymckay

I’m not sure where exactly it happened.

But somewhere along the way our culture decided that “dating” was synonymous with “having sex”. At the very least it’s viewed as such in the narrow minds of enough of the general population to keep tons of self-conscious people all over the fruited plain from dating more than one person at a time.

Why we’re dating one person at a time

And if that’s the prevailing mindset, the way most of us operate is understandable.

After all, most women are more than just a little protective of their reputations.

Meanwhile, on the guys’ side, there’s a deep-seated fear of being branded a “player”…often easily rooted out by a few well-placed questions from a woman on a first date.

What does all this fear lead to? You guessed it. People tend to date one person at a time—sometimes for months or even years—only to ultimately decide that the person they’re with isn’t The One.

Why it doesn’t work

So my question is a simple one.

How in the world is someone—man or woman—supposed to effectively figure out what he or she even really wants from “Mr. or Mrs. Right” when he or she is burning so many cycles hanging out with “Mr. or Mrs. Maybe”?

And can we change our collective mindset to one where “dating” several people at once isn’t only acceptable, but preferable?

For starters, I think it’s time to broaden our perspective. I think it’s time for a real, live re-evaluation of exactly what “dating” should be for.

What dating shouldn’t be

First of all, let’s clarify what dating shouldn’t be.

For starters, it shouldn’t necessarily be “practice marriage”, especially not on the first date (!) or shortly thereafter. If you are still looking at every date as a “marriage interview”, I wouldn’t be surprised if you ran into beaucoup frustrating, if not flat-out awkward moments out there.

Second of all, dating doesn’t have to be placed in a box with a particular label on it. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

Dating in the 21st century

If you’re into high-pressure, formal mood-killers like Ye Olde Dinner And A Movie, welcome to the 21^st century. First dates should be more interactive and fun…with plenty of opportunity to actually get to know each other.

After all, let’s face it. Unless you’re trying to intentionally limit your dating pool to people you work with and/or those whom your mother sets you up with, the “get to know you” part is going to be paramount.

And with literally everyone jumping on the online dating bandwagon these days, who in their right mind is still hell-bent on “dipping their pen in the company ink”? There are 3 billion MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) out there…most of them single!

How to date online

So what about online dating? When you meet someone you’ve been talking to online, that first meeting can’t even really be considered a “date” if you think about it.

After all, you should only be meeting casually at that stage to figure out if there’s any basic chemistry going on there at all.

That’s it. No stress, no strain. And certainly such meetings are without the necessity that any sex is going to be taking place…right there in Starbucks.

Now if the sparks fly, so be it. But my point is that this isn’t even really “dating”.

So what if there ARE sparks? Should there be wedding plans after the first date?

It sounds silly to even contemplate, doesn’t it?

Why you should date more than one person

Ultimately, I’d recommend LOTS of dates with lots of people before entering into an exclusive relationship with someone.

There are two great reasons for this.

First, life is too short to evaluate potential partners one at a time. Meeting and interacting with numerous people gives you a chance to find out what your real preferences are when it comes to MOTOs, as opposed to your pre-conceived ones.

And amazingly, it’s uncanny how having several options when it comes to your mixed-company social life begets amazing confidence. You don’t cling so desperately to each individual “opportunity”, and therefore you magically become more attractive to MOTOS in general.

Nothing succeeds like success, right?

Second, exclusive relationships should be meaningful. Why cheapen the experience by giving it away so quickly? Take time to get to know someone fully before selecting that person to the exclusion of all others.

Make it count

Make exclusivity count. If you fall in love, be sure about it and LOVE BIG.

Explain your philosophy to anyone you are “dating” who appears to be pressuring you into exclusivity too quickly. Be honest with MOTOS, and rest assured that it will typically result in real respect and even heightened attraction.

Now that sounds to me like the path of someone with real depth. And I don’t see any downside to that.