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Are You Ready To Date Again?

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The truth is that most men will immediately start dating after a divorce. Ex-wives are often startled by how quickly they are “replaced”. Sometimes the ink isn’t dry yet or even, has not been laid down yet! Why is that? Surely they are not so shallow, so unaffected by the trauma of the divorce!

In fact, no, they are not shallow. Reality is, it’s the surest sign that they are miserable without you. How’s that? Well, you see, they are so hurt and lonely without you they run out to try to heal their wounds by finding someone to fill the hole in their heart since you left. Hey, they will do that before the end of the marriage if you have left energetically from the marriage. (Trust me, this is not justification, only an explanation.)

Beginning To Date Again

Those of us who cannot face jumping back in so quickly are left with the question of how in the heck do we start the process of dating again when we feel so broken and distrustful. Dating was so easy in high school. We were young and had a pool of people to choose from every day. They were all around us in our classes, and only a few already committed to someone. That’s not so true today.

From the time we are in our late 20’s to our golden years it seems the majority of the good ones are already taken. And, where the heck are the good ones that are left. It’s not like you are going to see them in study hall. Dating at work is difficult if not impossible for most of us, so where and how do we meet a potential date anyway?

And more importantly, how do you know when you are ready to dive back into the dating pool? Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Can you have a conversation with someone without mentioning your ex even once?
  • Have you gone through a period of mourning the loss of the marriage?
  • Have you worked through your anger?
  • Can you honestly say that the dissolution of the marriage was as much your fault as theirs?
  • Can you picture yourself being with someone else?
  • Can you picture yourself touching someone else?
  • Can you picture yourself kissing someone else?
  • Do you have a good grasp on what happened between you that didn’t work?
  • How about what did work?
  • Can you view your marriage and divorce as a “course correction” and not a dismal failure?
  • Do you have a clear idea of how you were responsible for what occurred?
  • Have you grown enough since your divorce that you can be the kind of partner that you want your partner to be?
  • Have you faced your own intimacy fears and blocks?
  • When you imagine dating someone have you already planned out your entire life with them? (If so, this is not a good sign)
  • Have you forgiven your ex?
  • Have you forgiven yourself?

When we have been betrayed, let down, disappointed, abandoned or even abused in our past relationships some of those questions can be really tough. But if you fail to work them through, you are setting yourself up to fail again and, no, you are not ready to date.

The Importance Of Self Growth

Most of us need to go through some kind of counseling or self-growth before we are ready to date again. Dating before you are ready can make dating excruciating for both people (not to mention the friends listening to our saga).

The most important questions are 11, 15 and 16. if you can answer those affirmatively then you might be ready to date, but only if you have fully grieved your marriage.

Grieving is a process that takes time, and a willingness to feel the hard stuff. And of course, like all grieving, it happens in stages and is never quite over. I remember being so glad to be out of the marriage, yet feeling a wave of grief when my ex re-married within two years of our divorce. I was confused at first, because I was clear I didn’t want to be married to him. But the truth is, seeing him marry reminded me of all the hopes and dreams I had of our marriage in the beginning. I had to grieve the loss of those hopes.

Give yourself time to heal, and to face your own part in what occurred between you and you will be ready to date again. For some of us it’s a matter of months, for others it may take years. Don’t let anyone rush you into it either. Friends feeling our pain may want us to get back on the horse again. But you are the only one who knows when you are ready. That said; don’t let fear keep you from riding the horse again. If you have worked through all the questions above, you should get back in the saddle regardless of how scared you are. You deserve to have the love you are capable of giving.

Q&A: How To Tell If She Wants To Have Sex With You

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If you’re wondering whether a girl wants to have sex with you or not, you’re not alone! Many guys are in the dark when it comes to communicating with a girl, especially when it comes to a topic as delicate as whether she wants to have sex or not. Some girls just come right out and say if they want to have sex with you, but other girls are a little more subtle about it. Here’s how to pick up on the little things that she might do that will let you know that she’s interested in getting down and dirty with you.

Question: How EXACTLY do you know when a girl wants you to have sex with her, because I don’t want to pressure her or anything. I’m just waiting on her to give me a sign!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYnbqPH3byA[/youtube]

What Her Body Language Will Tell You

Lots of women communicate with their body language rather than telling you exactly what they want you to know. Sure, it may seem frustrating at first, but once you learn how to read body language, you’ll be appreciative of the unspoken gestures that let you know what she wants and how she’s feeling. Women who want to have sex with men will automatically gravitate towards them physically, so she may stand very close to you and be facing you most of the time you and her are around each other. She may rub her body against you on “accident,” for example, if she’s passing by you or leaning over you to get something. She may accidentally brush her butt or breasts and nipples up against you if she’s near you. She also may touch you a lot when you’re talking with her, for example, laying her hand on your knee or arm.

When She Makes Eye Contact With You

Eye contact is a biggie for women and most, if not all, women will make some serious eye contact with a guy they want to get into bed with. She may look you directly in the eyes when you and her are talking, or she may watch your lips as you’re talking. This may mean that she wants to kiss you, or of course, do other things with your lips than just talking. She may also look up and down your body or very obviously check you out when you walk away. Eye contact, along with body language, is one of the easiest ways to tell that she’s into you sexually. If she keeps looking at you and her attention doesn’t seem to be elsewhere, it’s a pretty safe bed that she wants something more.

If She Compliments You

Sure, women will complement your clothes or your hair, but if a woman wants you sexually, she’ll complement more than that. She’ll complement your body parts, such as how big and strong your arms or legs are, or how great you look in a swimsuit. She may put her hands on your shoulders or neck and exclaim how firm they are, or even compliment your hands or lips.

If She Wants Alone Time With You

If you and your girl are hanging out with friends and her friends are ready to go, she may be fine with letting them go and staying to hang out with you. She may try to get you alone every chance she gets! When a girl goes out of her way to try to get alone time with you, she’s trying to find a window in which she can make a move on you or prompt you to make a move on her.

If She Brings Up Sexual Topics

A woman that wants to have sex with you may not come right out and say it, however, she may have nothing on her mind but sex and that will definitely come out in the conversation. She may bring up sexual topics such as breast enlargement, sex tips, funny sex stories or anything to do with sex at all. She may start a friendly debate about whether or not girls can have a libido as high as a man’s, or she may ask you what you like in the bedroom! Either way, if she’s talking about sex, she’s most likely wanting sex with you.

When She Comes Right Out And Tells You

While most guys have to interpret body language and eye contact to figure out if a girl wants to hop in bed with them, there are a few women who will just come right out and say it. She may invite you back to her house for “drinks” or suggest going over to yours after hanging out with friends. Of course, if your girl does, lucky for you!

Sex On The First Date – Does That Mean The Relationship Is Doomed?

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Many people credit the indescribable, nebulous cause of “chemistry” with their initial attraction to their partner. But typically relationships built on nothing more than what amounts to intense physical attraction have a reputation for tapering off or ending abruptly. But a new study finds that people whose physical relationship progresses quickly prior to developing a deeper connection based on intimate knowledge of the other person may actually last just as long.

In an analysis of relationship surveys, University of Iowa sociologist Anthony Paik found that average relationship quality was higher for individuals who waited until things were serious to have sex compared to those who became sexually involved in “hookups,” “friends with benefits,” or casual dating relationships. However, having sex on the first date wasn’t to blame for the disparity.

Does Sex On The First Date Mean A Doomed Relationship?

According to Science Daily, “When Paik factored out people who weren’t interested in getting serious, he found no real difference in relationship quality. That is, couples who became sexually involved as friends or acquaintances and were open to a serious relationship ended up just as happy as those who dated and waited.”

“We didn’t see much evidence that relationships were lower quality because they started off as hookups,” said Paik. The study judged quality by asking participants the extent to which the person loved their partner, the relationship’s future, level of satisfaction with intimacy, and how their lives would be different if the relationship ended. According to the answers, the study administrators were able to deduce that although sexual involvement wasn’t to blame for the lower quality scores for relationships initiated as hookups.

Paik points to selection: Certain people are prone to finding relationships unrewarding, and those individuals are more likely to form hookups. The question is whether it’s the type of relationship that causes lower quality or whether it’s the people,” he said. “The finding is that it’s something about the people.”

People who are involved in hookups are likely predisposed to engage in short-term relationships, therefore they’d be unqualified for the parameters of this study which looks at long term relationships. Starting a sexual relationship prior to discussing important compatibility issues can spell disaster and pain in the long run – in part two of this article, I look at how to avoid overcommitting to a relationship sexually by taking time to ask important questions about each other’s background.

What Are Pheromones And Do They Really Work?

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There are lots of ways to attract the opposite sex, such as wearing sexy clothes, putting on makeup or splashing on some great smelling cologne. However, our natural scent, called pheromones, are on of the most powerful ways to attract someone. Animals and insects have used pheromones for millenia to attract mates and to find food. Here’s how you can use pheromones yourself to improve your love life!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgM9l2MH2Bc[/youtube]

What Are Pheromones?

Pheromones are a chemical that is excreted from humans, insects or animals that will affect the behavior of others. There are many different kinds of pheromones that can be excreted, such as pheromones that alert others of danger, pheromones that alert others where food is and of course, sex pheromones that help animals and insects find a mate. Science has long debated the existence of pheromones in humans, however, many scientists and researchers believe that all humans have the potential to communicate with each other through producing pheromones.

Do Pheromones Really Work?

Animals have used pheromones for many years successfully. They are able to attract their mates through the use of secreted pheromones, as well as let other members of the same species know where food is or if there is danger nearby. Humans are mammals and are very similar to many animals in a lot of ways, so it follows logic that humans would be able to secrete pheromones as well.  Probably the most powerful of human pheromones is the sex pheromone. Human sex pheromones will attract members of the opposite sex, making them feel relaxed, happy and aroused when around the pheromone. Real human pheromones aren’t easily obtainable, however, many companies have successfully manufactured synthetic pheromones for use by both men and women. A variety of studies shows that synthetic human pheromones are extremely successful in attracting members of the opposite sex! Pheromones are usually without noticeable scent and can be combined with your favorite cologne or perfume. The olfactory system picks up the pheromones through the nose and transmits the chemical signals the pheromones create to the brain. With sex pheromones, feelings of attraction, relaxation and arousal are transmitted to the brain of members of the opposite sex, instantly making them more attracted to you. Many people use pheromones when dating and going out to meet people, whether they’re going to a bar, a club or a bookstore. Instead of worrying about pickup lines and how to get yourself noticed, people who wear pheromones find that people are coming up to them!

What Happens When You Stop Using Pheromones?

Many people are concerned that after meeting someone and developing a relationship with them through the use of pheromones that the relationship and attraction will end after the use of pheromones is stopped. While pheromones do a great job of helping people to attract the opposite sex, they do nothing to develop and nurture a great relationship. Once you’ve attracted someone through using pheromones and you’ve built a relationship with them, the relationship isn’t going to be affected if you stop using the pheromones. There is a great deal more to a lasting relationship than just scent! However, when looking to meet people of the opposite sex, pheromones will definitely help get you noticed – in a good way!

Q&A: What To Do If She’s Only In It For The Sex

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Men often get a bad rap for being in a relationship only for the sex and women get stuck being the “booty call.” But truth be told, some women will actually do the same thing to men and turn the man into the “booty call” instead of wanting a real relationship. It’s actually not that uncommon for a single, independent woman to want to be with a man simply for the great sex. What are the signs that she is, in fact, only in it for the sex and what should you do if she is?

Question: What should I do if it looks like the girl I’m dating is with me just for sex?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07gOFfWshus[/youtube]

What Are You Looking For In A Relationship?

If you suspect that your girl is with you simply for the sex, stop and think about what you’re looking for in a relationship. Are you looking for a relationship that is sex only, or are you looking for something more serious? Do you want a long term relationship or do you want a casual relationship that involves a friendship in addition to sex? Stopping to define what you want in a relationship at this stage in your life is essential in figuring out if you want to stay in this particular relationship or not. If your girl is in it only for the sex and you want a deeper, more emotionally fulfilling relationship, you might want to consider moving on and dating other people. On the other hand, however, stop and consider that while you’re not getting what you want out of a relationship with your current girl, are you satisfied for the time being? If you would end up being single anyways and spending your time masturbating instead of having sex, why not continue to stay in a sex-only relationship until you meet someone you are interested in starting a real relationship with? If your girl really is in it only for the sex, she won’t mind you keeping your eyes peeled for someone who can better meet your needs.

Signs That She’s Just Looking For Sex

If you’re not sure that she’s just in it for the sex but you have your suspicions, there are many ways to find out. The way she acts towards you and her behaviors will definitely clue you in if she just wants sex from you and nothing else. In fact, these are the same types of behaviors that guys exhibit when they’re with a girl that they just consider to be a “booty call.” Your girl may not call you for days after having sex with you, but will call you again out of the blue if she wants more. She may call you only at night, or very late at night if she’s been out partying or hanging out with friends. She won’t want to hang out with you and may make excuses if you want to take her to dinner or take her to a game. She may hide her relationship with you from her friends, acting like she is “just friends” with you when you and her are together in front of them. When you are alone with her, however, she may act completely different towards you. She may bring up sex a lot in conversations with you and her, or she may just flat out put the moves on you when you first walk in her door. She may ask you to leave after sex instead of offering to let you stay the night or she may leave your house rather than asking to stay.

What To Do If You Want More Than Just Sex

If you are really wanting more out of this relationship than sex, talk to your girl. Let her know that you’re not getting what you need. Let her know that you really like her and that you want to be more than just a “booty call” to her. In some cases, a girl will assume that the man just wants sex with her so she tries to be what he wants. She may be surprised to hear that you want more than just sex and that you actually want a relationship! Don’t break up with her or end the relationship before talking to your girl and being completely honest with her. If you really like this girl, it would be a shame to let her go because of a simple miscommunication! If she really does want just sex though, and you’re not into that, move on because there are lots of other girls that would love to have an emotionally fulfilling relationship along with a sexual one.