Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs

What To Do When You Catch Your Cheating Man With Another Woman…

You’ve just started dating this incredible guy, one you are sure will be the father of your children, even though you’ve only gone out 3 or 4 times, and suddenly you bump into him in public while he’s with ANOTHER WOMAN.

What do you do? Do you tell him off, run the other direction or say hello?

Stay calm!

Just breathe. Relax and play it cool. If you make eye contact or if he literally is face-to-face with you, just say “hi” and something casual then move on (even if you are shaking and totally dying inside).

The other woman does not need to know you are also dating him. You are better than that and don’t need to stoop to competing with her. Believe me it is just as uncomfortable for him that you’ve run into each other at this awkward moment. If he cares about you romantically, and you’ve played it cool, he will call you soon and make up some excuse.

It’s all about "the talk"

Here’s the deal ladies, unless or until you have had “the talk” with each other about being exclusive, you are both free to date other people. And most likely, he IS dating someone else other than you. Not every man dates more than one woman at a time, but many do. That doesn’t make him a cheater when a relationship is new.

But I will say that this is another reason why it is a really wise to hold back on the passion especially when love is new. I’ve had clients say “but if he’s dating someone else and I won’t sleep with him then he will go elsewhere for sex and fall for her.” He may also go elsewhere, but it doesn’t mean he will fall for her. That’s not how a man falls in love.

Even if he does begin sleeping with another woman in the early stages of your relationship, it doesn’t mean he LIKES her any more than you. In fact he may be totally into you and just using her.

If you play it cool and take it slow, you will be the one he chooses to give up all others for!

Victorya Rogers is the author of The Automatic 2nd Date. To learn more about Victorya Rogers, visit ManToKeep.com.

10 Tips To Infidelity-Proof Your Relationship

By stephanyalexander

Infidelity can sneak up on even the most solid partnerships.

According to an infidelity poll conducted by WomanSavers.com of 6,330 women, 92% believe that emotional affairs lead to physical affairs, whereas only a mere 7% believe they do not.

With the increase in technology, cheating has become more prevalent.

However, following the below top 10 infidelity-proof tips will increase your chances of having a long-lasting, healthy, monogamous relationship.

1. Don’t Drink or Use Drugs Around the Opposite Sex

Drinking alcohol or using drugs with the opposite sex is one of the quickest ways that lead to infidelity because it lowers your inhibitions. Even having a cocktail at a business lunch can lead to more intimate conversations and inappropriate behavior.

2. Develop common interests and hobbies.
If you and your partner are always spending time apart doing the activities you enjoy separately, there is a higher chance one of you may meet someone who enjoys doing the same activities you do. Couples that “play” together, are more likely to stay together.

3. Exercise and eat right.
Don’t let yourself go physically. Exercise and eat well not only for yourself, but for your partner. If you quit trying just because you have become comfortable, your partner will resent you for being lazy and may become attracted to someone who values their self worth more.

4. Don’t plan meetings alone with the opposite sex.
Now I know it’s not possible to always have meetings in groups. However, if you know you are attracted to an acquaintance, try to plan your meetings in groups because this helps lower the intimacy factor.

5. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. If you would be uncomfortable with your partner doing something that you are doing or are considering doing, don’t do it. Respect your partner enough to always consider their feelings.

6. Travel together whenever possible.

The old saying “when the cat’s away, the mouse will play” rings very true. Don’t put yourself in situations where you are more likely to cheat such as going on solo vacations or going to a restaurant or bar alone.

If you are traveling for business and your partner is unable to join you, phone them daily to stay in touch.

7. Don’t Mix Business and Pleasure.

The office is meant for business, not gossip or intimate details. Don’t flirt, touch or wear revealing clothing to your workplace. Keep it professional.

8. Stay sexually creative.

It takes effort to keep the fire lit in the bedroom after you’ve been together for a while. Be adventurous and think outside the box. As long as you are both comfortable with it, there’s no harm done. Couples who have a happy sex life are much less likely to cheat.

9. Don’t share too many personal details with the opposite sex.

Intimate details should be for your partner. Many times emotional infidelity leads to physical infidelity. If a conversation is becoming too intimate for you, simply redirect the conversation to include your partner or politely direct the person towards professional help.

10. Put positive effort into your relationship daily.

It doesn’t matter if you give your partner an extra hug or put the dishes away, the fact that you are doing something small to show you care on a regular basis can make all the difference and may prevent your partner from seeking attention elsewhere.

If you are considering cheating, respect your partner enough to end the relationship for the sake of their emotional and sexual health. Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.

Having Trouble Choosing Between Two Men? You Have to Read This!

By lelandbeaumont

The question appears here as it was submitted by one of our readers, however the names have been changed to preserve anonymity.

Wendy Asks:

I have a friend (David) whom I’ve known for 2 years but our paths only crossed occasionally. We have always had a “connection” but never pursued the relationship because I was dating Craig.

David and I ran into each other again the first of the year and have been dating pretty heavily since then. Our feelings were strongly developing.

I had been trying to end the relationship with Craig since Christmas but felt I needed to be sensitive because he is very dependent. I told Craig I had been seeing David. He initially tuned it out because he was convinced we would work things out.

I catered to the pleadings to the point where I missed two engagements with David because I felt Craig was unstable. When I finally put my foot down and told him to “let it go” he started crying, claimed his chest hurt, etc. In the midst he asked if I would just have sex with him one last time and I reluctantly consented.

He then called David and told him I would always be his and he could prove it because I’d consented to having sex with him. When David asked me if it was true, I was honest.

I have truly developed feelings for David who is currently very devastated. He’s now taking time to see if he can open up to me again. We never talked about monogamy, he knew I was trying to end things with Craig, and he has a female friend himself.

I don’t want to lose what we’ve taken so long to develop and I don’t know what (if anything) I can do.

Please advise.

–Wendy

Answering Wendy:

Wendy, meaningful relationships are based on honesty, mutual respect, and clear agreements about monogamy. What were you thinking? Perhaps after thoughtful introspection and a sincere apology to David you can move forward with him.

Although the role of monogamy in human relationships is somewhat ambiguous, the sharp pain of jealousy is unmistakable. At its core jealousy is based on a threat to sexual access. Playing with jealousy is playing with fire.

You taunted jealousy and suffered the predictable result.

Strong and lasting relationships require total honesty with your partner. Agree first with yourself, then with your partner to always be flawless with your word. Make and keep promises to yourself and each other, especially when the relationship is at stake. You have not yet done this. If you can make an authentic agreement on total honesty with David, then there is hope for the relationship. However, if past events have irreparably betrayed your trust, then you have to move on beyond both Craig and David. Until you can be honest with yourself and your partners, your relationships will not strengthen and last.

Do You Know Why?

Part of being honest with yourself is recognizing your own ambivalence. You had not yet firmly decided if you want to be with Craig, David or both. While ambivalence is inevitable, it is safer and more responsible to resolve it through dialogue rather than through sexual activity.

Do not tempt jealousy and manipulate friends while you are making up your mind. Find a trusted confidant and friend to discuss your feelings, hopes, choices, and doubts with. If it is better to stay outside of a relationship while you sort out what it is you want to do, then have the resolve to do this.

Act consistently with your decision to break it off with Craig. You have already said that your future is not with him. Agreeing to have breakup sex with Craig was a bad decision, but it is in the past and cannot be changed. Place Craig completely in the past. Perhaps then David can eventually forgive you after your full and sincere apology.

Figure Out What it is You Want

Resolve your ambivalence. If you reflect on what you truly want, you may decide to work toward a meaningful relationship with David. In that case the next step is to make a full and sincere apology to him. The apology has to emphasize your forbearance—assurances you have learned profound lessons and will never repeat these mistakes. It might go something like this, but it has to be said in your own true words:

The Dialogue

David, I have hurt you badly by lingering with Craig, and especially by having sex with him while you were working to strengthen our relationship. It was a bad mistake, it is my mistake, it is inexcusable, and I am deeply sorry for the pain I have caused you. Craig seemed so hurt by our breakup that I took pity on him. It was a stupid mistake; I should have been more resolute. I have hurt you and may have ruined any chance we had for a meaningful relationship.

I have thought long and hard about this. I know I have learned my lesson. I assure you that as long as we are seeing each other I will be honest with you, and true to you. I was honest with you when you asked what happened between me and Craig. This is a small start. I can see the pain I have caused you and it will not happen again. What can I do to make this up to you? I am deeply sorry.

Will He Forgive Me?

David may eventually decide to forgive you, but he may not. If distrust lingers in your relationship, it can never become meaningful. If distrust intervenes, you will eventually have to break up and find someone who you can be honest with and fully trust.

Is It Wrong To Stay With Your Cheating Boyfriend?

By loveandsex

Should you dump your cheating boyfriend?

Hmmm… The answer to that one is not as easy as it sounds.

Should you listen to your friends and family?

Well, that depends on your friends and family. While it’s really easy to sit on the sidelines and say, “Yeah, dump him!”, it’s oftentimes not so easy when you’re the one doing the dumping.

People cheat for all kinds of reasons and it’s really important to understand those reasons before making a rash decision that you may regret for the rest of your life.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Well my ex and I were dating for a while but then he cheated on me. I still like him a lot and he likes me but I cannot trust him.

My family thinks I should not date him because he cheated on me. What should I do?

–Dylan, Florida

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ib8BgG4i81A[/youtube]

Should You Dump Your Cheating Boyfriend?

So, your boyfriend has cheated on you. Does that mean you should leave him and stop dating him all together?

This is one of those questions that doesn’t really have a simple yes or no answer.

Our definition of cheating is a “breaking of trust” between two people. Cheating is often a symptom of deeper relationship problems, not the cause of them.

People cheat for many different reasons, but the most common reason is that they are trying to fill an emotional void of some sort. They normally feel that they’re not getting something from their current relationship.

To help your relationship move forward, it’s important to understand why that person cheated.

So we immediately have several questions that you should answer before you consider leaving him.

Questions To Ask Yourself Before Making A Decision

Why did he cheat?

Was it a one night stand or an ongoing relationship?

Was he feeling lonely or neglected?

Did he succumb to temptation?

What was the state of your relationship before he cheated?

What is the state of your relationship now that he has cheated?

Are you able to talk about the circumstances that led up to him cheating?

Is he honest with you about his feelings?

Did he tell you that he cheated to come clean, or did he get busted? (You know, did he come up and say, “Hey I have really screwed up and I’m sorry”?)

Should We Break Up Or Not?

As you can see, the answer to whether you should or should not break up is not as black and white as many people make it out to be. There’s a lot of gray area that you and your partner need to talk about between the two of you.

As a couple, it’s critical to be able to talk openly and honestly about your feelings. That may be difficult to do when you’re hurt, but try to put aside your anger and resentment and truly listen to what he has to say.

If you’re not able to do it on your own, and this relationship is truly important to you, then I recommend seeking a professional counselor. The reason for this is that he or she can serve as a mediator in identifying the issues that are going on between you, and in many cases prevent an all out brawl.

A counselor can serve as an objective third party to help you come to a mutual decision about staying together or breaking up, rather than making a decision out of anger and other negative emotions.

Dating Is Not Marriage

It’s one thing to date someone casually and a completely different thing to consider marrying someone. It’s entirely possible to have a casual relationship and be able to accept the fact that they may or may not cheat on you again.

If he did it once, he’s very likely to do it again unless the two if you are able to work through the issues that caused him to cheat in the first place.

While casual dating is not the same thing as marriage, honesty is critical for any successful long-term relationship. If you are even considering getting married to this person, then it’s even more important to work through these issues now.

I would never recommend marrying a person that you do not trust 100%.

Suspect Your Boyfriend or Husband of Cheating? What If You Could Track Exactly Where He Goes and When?

By loveandsex

Do you know that agonizing feeling, when you suspect your loved one is cheating on you, but you just can’t put your finger on why? The panic, the fear, the self doubt, and then the inevitable denial… because nobody really wants to face that possibility and it’s implications.

Cheating is a betrayal of trust, which is what makes it so painful to be on the receiving end. And the only thing worse than being cheated on is not knowing for sure, just suspecting that SOMETHING may be going on.

Don’t you sometimes wish you could just follow him or her around like a fly on the wall, to know once and for all if you’re just making this up or if it’s real?

Well, technology has come a long way in the last years, and today you can actually do just that. The technology to actually digitally monitor someone’s movements through GPS is available today, from companies like LandAirSea.

The GPS Tracking Key from LandAirSea is basically a small spy gadget that is small, easily concealable, and can track where a person goes, for how long, and even how fast. The pocket sized GPS Tracking Key receives signals from the twenty-four Department of Defense GPS satellites orbiting the earth. It’s internal computer accurately determines the GPS location of the device within 2.5 meters and records this data every second. The data can then be downloaded and viewed in Google Earth simply by plugging the Tracking Key into the USB port of a computer.

Think of it as a video recorder for your (or his) car. Silently recording everywhere it goes, without anyone being the wiser.

In fact, this type of tracking technology has even been used to solve crimes, like this murder case. Here’s the NBC report on how this hidden GPS tracking device worked in a surprising real life situation.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpM1wJ-AXZs[/youtube]

Suddenly, you CAN know for sure if he’s really coming straight home after work, or taking a little “detour”. Ideally you could just ask him and have an open and honest discussion on the situation, but this is pretty unlikely in most infidelity situations.

So isn’t it a little creepy and “stalkeresque” to follow your significant other around with a hidden GPS tracking device? Well, yeah, sure it is. But it really sucks to suspect infidelity and not know. Facing just about any situation is much easier than worrying and being afraid of it… not knowing is always the worst. So either you end the relationship because something “may be happening”, or you find out for sure.

And no cheater is going to admit anything if you don’t have blatant, obvious evidence. Even then, you’re unlikely to get a plain admission.

At the end of the day, trust is the most important component in a relationship. Suspicion, lying, and any kind of deception is a sure way to destroy your relationship. Once you start lying to your partner, it becomes easier and easier… and soon thereafter the trust is broken, and so is the relationship. So stay honest with those you love.

But if you get that nagging feeling in your gut that something is just not right, and you really want to know for sure if he’s seeing someone else and lying about it, do yourself a favor and find out for sure.

Depending on your specific situation and the local laws in your jurisdiction, something like the GPS Tracking Key may well be an option for you.

That type of fear and uncertainty is no way to live. One way or another, put your mind at ease so you can move forward and enjoy your life again.

This article is brought to you by LandAirSea Systems. To sponsor an article on AskDanAndJennifer.com, click here.