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How Can He Love Me And Still See Her On The Side?

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What would you do if you started dating a man and the relationship seemed perfect. Except for one little thing… You find out that he hasn’t really ended his last relationship. He’s still seeing his ex while dating you.  He sees her, he takes care of her emotionally and financially, and he won’t tell her about you.

How would you handle this situation? Before you jump to any conclusions, stop and think for just a minute… Is it possible to love two people? How many of you have found yourself in a situation where you love two different people for two different reasons and you’ve been forced to choose? In my opinion, whichever choice you make, you’ll never be happy because you’ll wonder what you left behind…

Here’s a desperate plea from a woman whose heart is breaking.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I began an intimate relationship with a man when he broke up with his ex-girlfriend.  We love each other, and share our common goals and values in life.  This seems to be such a perfect partnership.  The misery came when I realized his relationship with his ex-girlfriend is not over. He still has an intimate relationship with her.  Because of this, we have arguments all the time. He said he loves me, and he can’t live without me.

Whenever I ask him about his relationship with his ex-girlfriend, he tells me he needs to take care of her.  They can be friends, and I have no objection.  The problem is his care is excessive and unnatural.  He won’t let me to meet his ex-girlfriend and he has no courage to end their intimate relationship.

Now he is not happy when I’m around, because he has less opportunity to contact her.  He claims that he is losing his freedom. I’m confused.  Where is his love?  Where is his promise?  How can our relationship survive with so much doubt?  I have sacrificed everything for this love, and I wonder what else can I give to save our relationship? I appreciate your kind advice.

— A broken heart

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQZjSuMmvKk[/youtube]

Why is he no longer with his ex?

Understanding this is crucial…

It’s obvious he hasn’t let go of his past which is now jeopardizing your future together.

The big question to ask is this, “If he loves her so much and wants to take care of her, why did they break up and why are they still semi-together?”

That doesn’t make sense if he still loves her so much – why are they not together?

Why is there a need to find another partner?

Understanding this is crucial to your relationship survival. If he can’t be honest with you then you really have to ask yourself what he’s hiding…

The way we see it, there are two options here.

Option #1: Accept and share – he may actually love two people.

He needs to be completely honest about both relationships with both people or it won’t work. If he can’t be honest, then you’ll never trust what he’s feeling.

There’s a very interesting question here ‘Is it possible to love two people?’ A lot of people will say ‘NO’ but I disagree. I thoroughly believe that it’s absolutely possible to love two people. Although this is not socially accepted, you can certainly and absolutely love multiple people. You love your mom, you love your kids, you love your dog, you love your best friend!

So yes it is indeed possible to love multiple people.

The problem occurs is when people start confusing sex with love, and they think they can own their partner. Then jealousy rears it’s ugly head. That’s why it’s an issue.

Having said that, complete honesty is a must if you’re even going to attempt this kind of relationship.

Every relationship needs a solid foundation if it’s to survive everything life can throw at it. Once you accept and understand that it’s possible to love two people, the next thing you need to accept is to share. You need to ask yourself if you’re willing to share his love for you and the other girl. This is called unconditional love, and it’s a rare trait these days…

Option #2: Run as fast as you can!

If Option #1 doesn’t sound like a fit to you, then it’s time to end this relationship as soon as possible.

Honesty is vital to the health of all relationships. Mutual trust, openness, and understanding are the key contributors to feelings of friendship and intimacy. Conversely, it is very hard to be in a relationship with a person who distorts or withholds information critical to that relationship.

Now the interesting part here is that he is NOT being honest. He is not being honest with his ex girlfriend, and he is also not being honest with you, his current girlfriend.

And that’s bad. That really stinks! You can’t have dishonesty in a healthy relationship. It negates the trust that’s absolutely needed for a healthy relationship.

What he needs here is to be completely honest with himself and with both on what he actually wants, or it will never work.

If he can’t do that, it’s time to run as fast as you can! Find someone that will be honest with you and show you the respect and love you deserve.

Commitment Issues… And Another Woman!

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I think we’ve probably all been in, or have known someone in this situation…

You meet someone really great, you have a lot in common, you have so much fun together, you really click. There’s just one little problem. He already has a girlfriend! The particular type of man that I’m referring to says that leaving the other woman. He just won’t say when. He tells you to hold on, it’ll be worth the wait and you’ll be together soon.

Here’s a question from Marie who is in this exact situation.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I met this man online a year ago. I flew out to spent a few weekends with him knowing that he had a girlfriend. He keeps telling me he’s going to end it, to hang on that it’ll be worth it… But the last time I was there, he couldn’t tell me how he feels about me. So I said “OK,it’s time to walk away”, but now he keeps calling and texting me. I don’t get it. He’s all I think about. He’s 51 and never been married and I’m not 20 any more! Please, it’s driving me crazy. I really like this man. We have fun, laugh a lot, and really have a lot in common. So what’s the problem? Oh, I might add that he’s still on the same dating site where we met. I know because I go on to chat with others while I wait for him. Thanks for any truthful advice you can give.

— Marie

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO8klHdq2Dw[/youtube]

Dump him – he’s stringing you along!

I’m usually flexible on these things but on this one I say… “Dump him” – he’s stringing you along. That’s all it is, he is playing you like a fiddle. Leave now before it’s too late. Obviously he wants you around to boost his ego and to get a little on the side.

One of the most difficult things we can face in a relationship is deciding when to cut our losses and simply walk away. And at this point you’re on the losing side… So it’s time to move on and make room for the right person to come into your life.

Make room for the right person to come into your life.

While you’re holding on to this man, you’re preventing the right man from coming into your life. Let this one go and create room in your life for the right person. Find the one you will make the greatest romantic connection with and who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

Trying to start a new relationship over a long distance is hard enough without the added complexity of another woman and his obvious commitment issues.

He’s never been married and his current girlfriend is there all the time. He’s not likely to leave her – she’s a sure thing – and what’s more she got there first. That’s a rough one… He may be be coming up to see you all the time and truly enjoying your time together, but you have to see that he’s not putting any effort into this. If you just want to play around and have some fun that’s one thing, but it sounds like you want a relationship. And if that’s true, then he’s not the guy for you.

You may not be 20 anymore, but you’re not dead either.

Don’t make decisions out of fear that the clock is ticking or the fear of being alone.

Just take one day at a time and live your life in a joyful and fun way. The right person will come along for you.  Whenever we feel that we NEED something, we actually create more ‘need’ and push away the things that we think we need. Choose to be happy either way!

It is easy to say that I’m getting older so why not settle for this guy. He’s not that horrible anyway…

That sucks! That’s not the way to do this. “Oh My God I need to land somebody before I get any older so we can grow old(er) together. Don’t think thatway… Your only 47 – that’s still young! If you settle for this guy and he turns up to be a real loser, guess what? Now you’re 57 and you’ve spent 10 years of your life waiting for this guy to change. Don’t do that. You’ll only regret it later.

As long as you cling to the wrong guy, there’s no room in your life for the right one who treats you with the love and respect you deserve.

Move on and live your life, one day at a time… You are worthy of love and you will find the right man for you!

My Girlfriend Is Acting Distant – Is She Cheating?

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If your girlfriend is acting distant, does that mean she’s cheating, or even that she’s planning to break up with you?

Here’s a scenario…

Your girlfriend goes off for the weekend to celebrate her birthday but does not invite you, and she was extra nice to you the week before she left – unnaturally nice. This by itself is enough to raise some red flags, but what if she stops returning your calls and text messages while she’s away? Now that’s enough to drive most men crazy!

There are two possibilities here…

Most likely, she did hook up with someone else while she was away. That’s why she suddenly stopped responding – she doesn’t want the new guy to think he’s unimportant.

The second possibility is that for some reason or other, she’s intentionally putting distance between you. Maybe she’s thinking of breaking up or maybe it’s just moving too fast for her. Maybe she just needs some space.

Either way, this isn’t looking so good for you.

So what can you do?

First, be honest with her and let her know that her recent behavior hurt your feelings and that you feel neglected. It’s very important to be honest, but NOT judgemental or accusing. You need to create an environment where she feels safe being honest with you. That is if you REALLY do want the truth…

And when she does tell you the truth, be supportive and understanding – even if what she says makes you angry. Face it – you cannot control how she feels or what she does. Read that again. You cannot control how she feels or what she does. The only thing in this life that any of us can really control is our actions and our emotional responses to others’ actions. Period.

So take a deep breath and tell her how you feel.

Here’s a question from Ty in Nebraska who is facing this troubling issue right now.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Yeah so my girlfriend had her birth this weekend and I have been having issues not trusting her lately for some reason or and other. Well she went out of town back home for her birthday and she didn’t invite me! She has been real lovely talking to me lately like she is trying to cover up something it seems. Well I talked to her yesterday afternoon at about 2:30 and she said she would call me back so i waited it out all night and I texted her about 9:30 and never heard from her and then texted her happy b-day at 12:00 am this morning wishing her happy b-day and no hear back from her!

This is totally not like her because she is a text message freak and she has been calling me like crazy the last couple of days! I am starting to wonder if is being unfaithful or just ignoring me or what’s up I don’t know how to confront her on her birthday? I need to say something because it really is bothering me big time!

Lets hear back soon.
Thanks, Tyler

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B0rWppyVac[/youtube]

Can a Relationship That Starts Out as an Affair Succeed?

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Some couples are blessed with eternal happiness and an amazing relationship that gets stronger day by day, year by year. But others are just not so lucky, for any of hundreds of possible reasons.

Even though their relationship can start out great, they slowly start arguing and often grow apart until they’re downright miserable being together. Counseling can frequently help them mend their differences, but sometimes even that fails. Yet they stay together in an unhappy relationship because no one wants to think about break up and divorce; because to many, that means they’ve failed.

Often times, these unhappy people meet other unhappy people in a similar situation, and start an extramarital relationship, a.k.a. an affair. And no, it’s not always just about sex. Many times, an affair serves to fill an empty emotional void.

This new relationship can seem stronger and happier than the current marriage either partner is trying to escape. But, with the extreme stress and social pressure they’ll both face, can a relationship that starts out as an affair succeed and end up as a happy, long term relationship?

Today’s question is from a lady in Australia facing this very real issue.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

OK, I’ll prepare myself for an onslaught of hatred…. it’ll just mirror reality anyway. Two years ago I fell in love with a married man and the feelings were mutual. He had not loved his wife for many years – he had been feeling depressed and decided that was “his lot” in life.

We have tried a few times over the past two years to end things with each other, but we can’t. We feel – maybe as every affair couple does – that we are meant to be together. He has decided he cannot keep living a lie, and is making the first moves to move out. No, he is not going to tell her about me because it would make things even harder than they already will be (they have a 10 year old daughter). He has told her that he does not love her and wants to leave. She is resisting that, and is trying to do whatever she can to encourage him to stay. But he’s determined to leave, and eventually we will make our relationship public.

My question is, knowing that the statistics are poor for couples who get together as a result of an affair, what are the pitfalls we should be aware of, and how do we get through them. We want to be together forever. We know this is not ideal. But can you please offer some advice?

— Ria in Australia

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvGli8YbX7c[/youtube]

What Does it Really Mean When Your Partner Cheats?

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Why do people who seem to be in a perfectly happy relationship cheat on their partner?

How could they even consider loving another when they already have it so good?

While it may seem easy to simply call them an idiot and immoral, there’s more to it than that.

Cheating is the symptom, not the cause…

Relationships today are based on ownership and possession – partners feeling like they own their spouses and try to control their every move.

What if we all came from a place of unconditional love and acceptance?

What if we stopped confusing sex for love – they are not the same thing. You can have sex with someone that you do not love and you can love someone that you do not have sex with. Wouldn’t you agree?

So if that’s true, what is cheating?

It’s a breaking of trust. While trust is vital to a happy relationship, it may not necessarily mean that your partner doesn’t love you or that they love another. If you focus on having an open and trusting relationship where there’s no fear and no judgment, it’s very unlikely that your partner will cheat. Of course you both have to agree to this path. Trusting your partner completely and sharing everything while they don’t reciprocate is simply foolish.

My recommendation for ending cheating in a relationship is to talk openly and honestly to one another without anger, fear, or judgment. When a person cheats, they are typically looking for something that they feel is missing is their relationship with their partner.

If you can truly talk to each other about everything – including the fact that your partner is sexually attracted to another person, then you have complete trust in your relationship and the need for cheating disappears.

If you want to find out for certain, right now, if your partner is cheating on you, download How To Catch Your Cheating Lover today.