• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

  • Sex
    • Sex Tips & Advice
    • Foreplay
    • Oral Sex
    • Orgasm
    • Masturbation
    • Swingers & Threesomes
    • Sex Games
    • Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies
    • Kissing
    • Erectile Dysfunction / Last Longer In Bed
    • Sexting & Phone Sex
    • Porn & Adult Movies
  • Love
    • Love & Romance
    • Relationship Advice
    • Marriage
    • Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs
    • Break Up & Divorce
    • Get Your Ex Back
  • Dating
    • Dating Tips
    • Date Ideas
    • Flirting Tips
    • Seduction Tips
    • Pick Up Lines
    • Online Dating Tips & Advice
    • Online Dating Sites & Reviews
  • Sex Positions
    • Best Sex Positions For…
    • Deep Penetration Sex Positions
    • Missionary Sex Positions
    • Oral Sex Positions For Her
    • Oral Sex Positions For Him
    • Rear Entry Sex Positions
    • Side By Side Sex Positions
    • Sitting Sex Positions
    • Standing Sex Positions
    • Woman On Top Sex Positions
  • Sex Toys
    • Anal Toys
    • Bondage & Fetish
    • Bullets & Eggs
    • Clitoral Vibrators
    • Cock Rings
    • Condoms
    • Dildos
    • Discreet Vibrators
    • G-Spot Vibrators
    • Lotions & Potions
    • Lubricants
    • Male Masturbators
    • Nipple Toys
    • Penis Enhancers
    • Rabbit Vibrators
    • Sex Furniture
    • Traditional Vibrators
  • About
  • Contact Us
You are here: Home / Archives for Love & Relationships / Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs

How Can An Affair Be Defined As A Life of Truth?

By drbonnieeakerweil

It may seem strange to hear someone attribute their affair to wanting to “live a life of truth” but that’s exactly what John Edwards’ mistress did on a recent interview with Oprah Winfrey. “Our hearts were louder than the minds,” is how Rielle Hunter explained her decision to have an affair with a presidential candidate whose wife has cancer. Additionally, Hunter insisted that she wasn’t a homewrecker because the Edwards’ marriage was over long before she got involved and that she isn’t sure whether she hurt John’s wife Elizabeth. According to the New York Times, Hunter justified the affair:

[Hunter] said she didn’t regret the affair, and instead painted the whole sordid scandal as a perhaps necessary stage in Mr. Edwards’s “process” of self actualization. “I followed my heart, and I believe it was the right thing to do … I was supporting him in his process, and his intentions never wavered. I knew that he wanted — he just had a really unique way of getting there — to live a life of truth.”

Could Edwards’ Relationship Be Saved?

Most people would look at this situation and make the determination that there is definitely something wrong here, whether or not you believe that John Edwards‘ relationship could have been saved. While I am in the camp that believes just about any marriage can be salvaged, hearing someone justify an affair should lead us to examine what happened in the communication breakdown of this relationship and how we can keep something similar from happening in our own lives.

If, as Hunter says, Edwards’ marriage was over before she stepped on the scene, why had this deterioration not been discussed by the married couple? Of course it’s not as simple as that – talking about tough topics is, well, tough! But I believe that when you commit to a relationship you commit to a level of honesty and integrity out of respect for the other person, no matter what life throws your way. Here are some tools I discuss in my book, Make Up Don’t Break Up, and use with my patients to help them in their pursuit of building (or rebuilding) a healthy relationship.

How To Save Your Marriage

• Learn how to fight fair: It’s a misperception that fighting is bad; a relationship without passion enough to launch arguments likely won’t last for the long haul. However, arguing in the wrong way can also drive a relationship into the ground.

• “Smart-heart”-to-heart: I encourage having a weekly ten minute open discussion with a figurative emotional “bullet proof vest” to protect from hurt, anger and defensiveness, as you listen and echo back what you heard.

• Be aware of your Biochemical Craving for Connection: we all need to connect in a deep and meaningful way with our partners. But some people have exaggerated feelings of stress, separation and loss that cause them to seek out illicit behavior in order to fill this craving. If you’re in this situation, you can avoid a lot of heartache by identifying it and dealing with it early on.

• Know your Imago: When looking to fulfill your “imago” when it comes to a mate, subconsciously, you’re looking for someone that will “fill in the holes” left by your experience growing up and your parents – or to adults who were formative in your childhood – and you’ll be attracted to these traits right away on a subconscious level. Ideas that you’re carrying around from your parents and from your childhood WILL affect your relationship. Don’t forget, however, that you have control over HOW they affect it.

Filed Under: Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs Tagged With: affairs, cheating, Relationship Advice

Side-Step Financial Infidelity

By drbonnieeakerweil

Here’s a statistic that may surprise you, especially given today’s economic climate: in 25% of households, women are earning more money than their male counter-parts. This could also be especially due to today’s economy given that the men in these households may be out of work while their wives and partners remain employed. According to a New York Times study done early in the recession, as companies from Citibank to GM announced massive layoffs, 82 percent of the people getting laid off have been men. It won’t be long before women become the majority of the American workforce. And the pendulum is swinging again, re-writing gender roles and our relationship to money.

Is Your Relationship Heading Towards Financial Infidelity?

Typically, as men have been the breadwinners, they find themselves more defined by money and their earning power. But as the statistics above show, we need to change the way we look at male-female power dynamics. We need a new way to navigate the shift in power due to male-female role reversal and the resulting power dynamic that now faces both couples and singles. Finances have long been at the root of much relational difficulty, and with this shift, it’s becoming even more important to identify your money patterns and define what areas of your relationship tend toward Financial Infidelity. This is a form of cheating that’s often so subtle, people don’t know they’re engaging in it, yet it can be just as devastating as a physical affair.

In my book, Financial Infidelity, I define this type of infidelity as going behind your partner’s back when it comes to your finances. What this looks like in practice varies for each couple; for couples who are on a tight budget it can mean withdrawing $20 extra at the grocery store and using it for something personal. Or it can be as dramatic as not telling your significant other about a work bonus with the idea of keeping it for yourself. I call this the “money mistress.”

What Is Your Financial Imago?

Of course there are many other ways this can manifest itself and a lot of it has to do with how our relationships toward money were cultivated in our early years. This is where what I call “Financial Imago” comes in. “Imago” is a term that references the unconscious image you’ve created which defines the type of partner you’re looking for. Coined by Harville Hendrix, the term is the Latin word for “image.” As you transition through life changes with your significant other, a big part of making that transition successfully comes from the way you deal with financial stressors as a couple. In order to do this, you have to understand the ways you’re both prone to deal with money – and you have to have a road map for how you WANT to deal with money.

Communicate With Your Partner Successfully

To do this successfully, I suggest engaging in Smart Heart Dialogue. with my patients, the power of non-judgmental communication, or what I call “Smart Heart Dialogue.” This type of communication is even more important now, when egos are fragile, stress abounds, and tempers are short. It’s important that each person give the other a place in which they can be honest and – just as importantly – a place where each person knows the other is going to take their honesty to heart. What good is a conversation if no change comes from the concerns voiced?

But as with any significant change – whether culturally or within your own relationship – tradition, habits and patterns are heard to break so be sensitive and tread lightly.

Filed Under: Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs Tagged With: adultery, affairs, cheating

Another One Bites The Dust – Confronting The Affair Disease

By drbonnieeakerweil

Add to the list of recent exposed cheaters NFL star and Today show correspondent Tiki Barber. He joins the likes of Tiger Woods, Jesse James, John Edwards – and these are just the people who’ve been exposed recently. Every time we turn around it seems someone larger than life is being brought down by confessions or allegations of infidelity. Barber announced he’s leaving his wife of 11 years (who’s eight months pregnant with twins, I might add!) for his 23-year-old mistress, a former NBC intern. It seems like the affair disease is spreading like an epidemic and I do believe infidelity and adultery can be treated like a disease, brought into the light, discussed and thereby hopefully rehabbing those who have faced it or succumbed to it. In fact, not long ago it was discovered that there’s a link between a specific gene and the way men bond to their partners, thereby making them less or more likely to be disposed to cheating.

The Infidelity Gene?

As I talk about in the book, Make up Don’t Break up, connecting infidelity to a gene, or labeling it as a disease does not give the perpetrator a free pass – it merely serves to help us better understand the cause and effect and to treat it effectively instead of continuing the trend of leaving devastated relationships in its wake. As we’ve seen, adultery is becoming an epidemic and is a disease similar to alcoholism – and it’s time to stop it. We need to stop glamorizing it, or – alternatively – bastardizing it, accept that it happens and move on. I believe that we CAN cure and forgive adultery (an idea I go into in-depth in my book by the same name.) Typically, those in the spotlight have high burn out rate and they’re looking to alleviate the pressure and stress, and nowadays with all of juggling so many things, it doesn’t take being a politician or an actor of a sports star to fall into the cycle of adultery. It feeds off what I call the biochemical craving for connection.

If you’re in the habit of not addressing your subconscious feelings, people often look instead for that next thrill-seeking high. The quest for this high becomes all-consuming even though to a rational mind the quest seems quite dangerous. Similar to alcoholics and other addicts, those who are dealing with the affair disease are frequently putting everything on the line for that next fix.

Of course there are other factors at work here – like if you grew up in a home where one of your parents was unfaithful, or if you move in circles where discreet infidelity is somewhat accepted. But some people must fight against infidelity like others fight against alcoholism or anger.

This doesn’t mean they get a free pass. The key is to acknowledge this about yourself and keep fighting it however you have to – through therapy, support groups or counseling.

Filed Under: Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs Tagged With: adultery, affairs, cheating

Q&A: How to Fix A Cheating Partner

By loveandsex

If you’ve ever been cheated on, you know the pain and anguish that accompanies it. The feelings of rejection and helplessness are almost unbearable, but rest assured there is something you can do to help the situation. Here’s how you can help change a cheating partner – if they’re willing to change too.

Question: How can one change a lady (or man) who cheats a lot?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHAhSSvRN3g[/youtube]

Cheating Is A Result Of A Need Not Being Met

When a partner cheats on another, it is usually because some physical or emotional need isn’t being met. Many partners have affairs because they don’t feel appreciated or feel confident and seek the approval of someone else to satisfy that need. They may not be getting enough sex or having satisfying sex, or they may want to feel in control or have repressed anger towards their partner that they’re not letting out. Either way, the one thing that is common between almost all cheaters is that they have some kind of need that they aren’t getting from their current partners. Once you begin to understand the reasons behind cheating, you can begin to move foward.

Help Make Your Relationship Better

If you want your partner to stop cheating, talk to them about it. Ask them what they need to have in your current relationship to feel satisfied and let them know you’re going to do your best to meet those needs. If it’s purely sex, ask them what you can do to make sex hotter and more satisfying for your partner. If your partner is seeking the approval of someone else, stop and think about how you’re treating your partner in the relationship. Are you putting them down? Do you criticise them often? If so, your partner may be seeking time with someone who simply dotes on them and enjoys spending time with them without the criticism. Take the time to analyze exactly what is behind your partner’s cheating, because it may not be what you think. Make the initiative to change the relationship and try to meet those needs at home, so your partner doesn’t have to look elsewhere.

Is Your Partner Willing To Change?

That said, you can only do so much to change the relationship to try to meet your partner’s needs. Your partner must have the desire to stop cheating and work on being more involved in the relationship too. They must be willing to not only change themselves, but they have to be open and honest enough to let you know what is truly causing them to cheat. If your partner simply shuts down when you try to talk to them about how to change the situation, flat out denies cheating (with substantial proof otherwise) or doesn’t desire to change their ways at all, it might be time to think about moving on. You deserve to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship with someone who is faithful to you and that takes two people to accomplish. When a partner cheats, it takes two people to fix it. Both partners have to be willing to make changes.

Filed Under: Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs Tagged With: affairs, cheating, dating, marriage, sex advice

Q&A: Long Distance Relationship – I Cheated! Now What?

By loveandsex

Long distance relationships are hard on both people. While it’s easy to communicate with each other via phone, text, chat or video cam, what lacks in a long distance relationship is physical intimacy. Humans crave physical intimacy, and many people in long distance relationships become unfaithful because they simply need to be touched. Here’s how to handle long distance relationship infidelity.

Question: I’m in a serious relationship with my current boyfriend. The thing is, I’m here in the US and he’s in England. It wasn’t always like that, we were physically together not too long ago. Anyway, in his absence I’ve been unfaithful and now I feel really guilty and bad about it. He doesn’t know, and I’m wondering if I should I tell him? And if so, should I wait until we meet up again or through the Internet medium?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCptj6rNFUo[/youtube]

Was It A One Time Affair?

Many people make the mistake of having an affair without planning it first. Most of the time, it is an unexpected, spur of the moment decision that may even have been influenced by alcohol or other substances. Many people who have an affair don’t ever plan on doing it again. Do you fall into this category? If so, it may not be as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be. Everyone makes mistakes and often under the duress of a long distance relationship, an accidental affair can occur. However, if you planned the affair or have had multiple affairs, you need to stop and think about the fact that long distance relationships may not be something you can commit to.

Honesty Is The Best Policy

When it comes to telling your long distance partner about your infidelity, it is never wise to keep it a secret. Honesty is always the best policy in this situation. While you may want to wait until you and your partner are face to face to tell them what happened, you’ll be living a lie until you do. Buck up and talk to your partner about it over the phone. An actual phone conversation about it is much better and more personal then a webcam chat or even a text. Let your partner know ahead of time that you want to talk about something important so they can set aside enough time to have the conversation with you. This is not something you want to surprise them with when they’re with their buddies or doing errands.

Can You And Your Partner Move Past This, Or Is It Time To Move On?

Talk to your partner and assess how they feel about the situation. If it was a one time mistake that can be prevented in the future, ask your partner if they’re willing to forgive you and continue the relationship after the affair. If you’re truly struggling with the lack of physical intimacy in the relationship so much so that you’re going out and seeking physical intimacy from others, consider moving on from the relationship and dating someone closer to home. Ask your partner how they would like to handle the situation. If you and your partner want to continue the relationship, it would be wise to do your best to make physical intimacy between the two of you possible as much as you can.

Filed Under: Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs Tagged With: affairs, cheating, dating, love, marriage, sex advice

  • « Go to Previous Page
  • Page 1
  • Page 2
  • Page 3
  • Page 4
  • Page 5
  • Page 6
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 15
  • Go to Next Page »

Sex & Intimacy Topics

  • Sex Tips & Advice
  • Foreplay
  • Kissing
  • Oral Sex
  • Orgasm
  • Masturbation
  • Sex Games
  • Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies
  • Porn & Adult Movies
  • Anal Sex
  • Erectile Dysfunction / Last Longer In Bed

Love & Relationship Categories

  • Love & Romance
  • Relationship Advice
  • Marriage
  • Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs
  • Break Up & Divorce
  • Get Your Ex Back

Singles & Dating Categories

  • Date Ideas
  • Dating Tips
  • Flirting Tips
  • Pick Up Lines
  • Seduction Tips
  • Online Dating Sites & Reviews
  • Online Dating Tips & Advice

Sex Position Categories

  • Best Sex Positions For…
  • Deep Penetration Sex Positions
  • Missionary Sex Positions
  • Oral Sex Positions For Her
  • Oral Sex Positions For Him
  • Rear Entry Sex Positions
  • Side By Side Sex Positions
  • Sitting Sex Positions
  • Standing Sex Positions
  • Woman On Top Sex Positions
  • About
  • Contact

Copyright © Your Name All Rights Reserved. Reproduction without express permission is prohibited.

Accessing this website acknowledges your agreement to the Terms of Use • Advertising & Affiliate Disclosure