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Safeguard Your Relationship From Financial Affairs

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Just about everyone craves some sort of excitement in their life, and some people push boundaries to find it. Anything from skydiving to having a physical, emotional or financial affair.

If you’re lacking excitement in your relationship and are heading into dangerous territory (i.e., considering some kind of infidelity), know that wanting to seek the high that comes from a risky experience is normal, but how you handle the situation can make or break your relationship.

People are looking for novelty, for that dopamine high we get when we try something new and adventurous. Unfortunately, many people sacrifice a relationship they’ve worked hard to build on the quest for that high.

There are ways to recreate these feelings with your partner, eliminating the need to look outside your relationship. You know those feelings you had when you first met? That’s the newness and excitement you’re looking for. Bring new elements into your relationship, and help yourself fall back in love with your partner.

Consider agreeing to commit to a “contract” for financial fidelity. Here are a few things you should work out under this contract:

Make a decision to fall in love again.

Fidelity, both sexual and financial, results from intent to REMAIN in love. These types of commitments don’t just happen. A strong relationship may feel fun and exciting at first, but it’s not based on those feelings! It’s normal that these initial impulses start to fade, but you have to commit to growing your love stronger than it was before.

Treat each other like you did at the beginning.

Why does it seem to be the case that we only hurt the ones we love? We tend to show our “best selves” to the people who play less-important roles in our lives. Aside from learning to be nice to each other again, and learning to treat each other respectfully, bring back things that you did when you first met – and feel free to spice it up. Make these activities your top priority!

A touch CAN be magical!

It can get your hormones flowing and build attraction. Rediscover romance by bringing physical connection, at whatever lever you’re comfortable with, back into your life.

Give up your old money relationships

Just as you would have to do if you had an affair and decided to work things out with your partner, you must give up your old ways of dealing with money and re-map these problem areas with healthy habits.

To learn more about Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, visit www.DocBon.com.

Yuck! My Partner Smokes! How Can I Make Her Stop?

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No matter how long you’ve been dating, you and your significant other are bound to have habits and mannerisms that your partner finds annoying and vice versa.

More of these come out of the woodwork as you get more and more comfortable with your partner, however, it might be all you can do to not let them drive you crazy! How do you deal with your partner’s annoying habits?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve been going out with a girl now for about 2 months. And she’s picked up a bad habit – Smoking. I love her a lot, and she loves me too, but I don’t like it when she smokes. I don’t know what to think or do. I don’t want to control her or anything and I asked her to stop but she said if I love her it shouldn’t matter. Is this true or not true?

— (YouTube viewer)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl3mDyvMaow[/youtube]

Your partner has an annoying habit, such as smoking or nail biting, that simply drives you up a wall. You love your partner, but their habit, or habits, are getting to be too much. What can you do to help curb your partner’s bad habits so you can be happier in the relationship?

Accept them or change them?

First, you need to realize you have two options here. You can learn to accept your partner’s bad habits, or you can do what you can to change them. By changing them, that doesn’t mean throwing away your partner’s cigarettes or secretly dipping their hands in Tabasco sauce while they’re asleep.

You can try to change your partner’s habits from your end, such as asking your partner to stop, or you can end the relationship. That is, if you can’t learn to accept and let go of their habits.

If you want to try to talk to your partner about their annoying habits, don’t be critical. Don’t give them an ultimatum and certainly don’t chastise them. You’re their partner, not their parent.

If you want your partner to stop smoking or stop biting their nails, let them know that it bothers you and simply ask if they can stop. Don’t entertain them if they get defensive, just let your partner know that you were just asking. After that, the ball is in their court.

What if they won’t change?

Your partner may decide that they can’t, or won’t, do anything about the habits that bother you. If your partner doesn’t want to or can’t quit their bad habits, the ball is back in your court. You have to decide your next move. Will you tolerate the habits or will you end the relationship with your partner?

It may seem silly to end a relationship over a few bad habits, but if they really get to you and your partner is uncompromising, there might be no other way.

What is important in a relationship is that both partners are happy and comfortable with each other. If your partner’s annoying habits keep you from being that way, you might want to evaluate the relationship.

Can you let it go?

If your partner’s annoying habits bother you but not quite that much, you might want to consider simply letting the issue go. It can be difficult to do, but with time you can learn to accept your partner’s bad habits. For example, nail biting might be annoying to you, but it’s not your nails. It’s theirs.

There’s no need for you to control your partner’s every move, so learning to let go of a small bad habit like that can actually enrich your relationship with your partner.

First and foremost, you need to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about what bothers you. See how your partner handles it. They may choose to nip their bad habits in the bud. If not, take some time and think about your next move, whether it’s accepting your partner’s annoying habits or letting the relationship go.

Is Phone Sex Really Cheating?

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In a world where technology is growing with no end in sight, it’s not uncommon for people to seek sexual pleasure or to fill sexual voids using technology.

Whether it’s phone sex, internet cyber sex or online dating, many people end up using technology to their advantage to spice up their sex lives or further their relationships. What happens if you’re doing these things while you’re in a relationship with someone else? Is it really cheating?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I love my husband and have tried for years to get him to be more open with sex. I am not shy at all and prefer more sparks and even some dirty talking. He won’t ……at all. He prefers it quiet and the same. Here is the problem. I met a wonderful man on yahoo chat. He’s married as well and neither of us will ever leave our spouses. We have the most amazing phone sex imaginable. I’m afraid otherwise without this outlet I would have strayed. But this “cyber sex” fills a need and keeps me home where I love my husband.

Am I a horrible person…….should I stop?

— Chris, Wisconsin

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZnqvnzwRUk[/youtube]

Breaking Your Partner’s Trust

Cheating is anything that breaks your partner’s trust, or is something they don’t know about and you’re trying to keep hidden from them. It’s not necessarily just physically having sex with someone else other than your partner that constitutes cheating.

Swingers do that all the time and obviously for them, it’s not cheating. Consider cheating to be anything that you wouldn’t do with your partner around or that your partner doesn’t know about.

Would you have phone sex with someone else with your partner sitting right there? Would you chat with your online sex buddy while your partner was over on the couch watching a movie?

Chances are, you’re doing these things without your partner’s knowledge. It may seem less “bad” than actually having sex with someone else, but all of those things, whether it’s having phone sex or having actual sex, breaks your partner’s trust. So it’s cheating.

Coming Clean

For a relationship to survive, you have to be open and honest with your partner. You can’t hide things from them or continually do things that break their trust. If you do, the relationship will never last. If you care about your partner and truly want to have a fulfilling relationship with them, it’s important to come clean about the cheating.

Let them know what you’re up to. Let them know that you truly care about them and you’re simply fulfilling a need that’s not emotional. Don’t be critical and don’t blame your partner for “making you do this.”

Ask Your Partner How They Feel

It shouldn’t be brought up to your partner in a “you can’t give me what I need but they can” sort of way, because that attitude will only make things worse. Ask your partner how they feel about it. Do they want you to stop? Let them know that if they do, you’re ready to do that.

You might be surprised. They might be open to an online only relationship or phone sex between you and someone else. They might want to become part of it too. Be prepared, however, for your partner to ask you to stop. You should also be prepared to earn back their trust.

Spicing Up Your Sex Life

If your sex life with your partner is lacking, and you’re turning to phone sex or cyber sex to fill the void, consider putting some of this effort into working on your sex life with your partner. Perhaps you two could each take a phone into a different room and have phone sex that way. Your partner might feel more comfortable talking dirty to you this way. Perhaps you can send each other racy emails.

Focus your efforts on making your sex life with your partner work. You’ll be surprised at what a little creativity can do to spice up things in the bedroom!

Divorced After 23 Years – How Do I Move On?

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It’s difficult when any relationship ends, whether you’re the one who ends it or not.

It can be especially difficult if the relationship has lasted for several years, even twenty or more years. If you’re not the one who broke it off, being on the losing end of a break up or divorce can be a tough thing to handle.

How do you begin moving on? Where do you start?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

We have 2 kids and were married for 23 years and suddenly she asked me to leave and said it’s over. We’re now divorced and she’s dating again. Now she acts like she hates me.

All these questions torment me. I need answers. How do I move on when she won’t even talk to me?

— Youtube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsgC13nVftQ[/youtube]

The only thing you can control is yourself.

If your partner is the one who ended things with you, you probably feel rejected and out of control. You may want to find out why they left you or what went wrong. Your partner, however, may not be ready to give these answers to you and even more likely, they don’t know the answers either.

The truth is, you can’t control anyone but yourself. You can’t make your partner take you back, you can’t make them tell you why they left and you can’t make them act the way you want them to.

You can, however, control how you react to the situation. You can be petty and vindictive if you choose, but you can also be calm and forgiving too. Only you can choose how you act towards the situation. It will be more difficult to move on, however, if you choose to be vindictive or if you harbor ill feelings and anger towards your partner for ending things.

If you choose to take the higher road and work through your feelings of anger and ultimately let them go, it will be easier to move on.

Working through your anger.

After a relationship ends, it’s normal to go through the stages of grief. You lost something and someone that was dear to you and to the human psyche, it’s the same as if someone you loved passed away. You’re going to feel guilt, denial, anger and frustration. You’re going to be hurt and sad, and you’re even going to want to try to get back together with your partner.

The first step to moving on after a break up or a divorce is to realize that all the feelings you are having are normal. It may not help you feel any better right away, but telling yourself that “you shouldn’t feel this way” is not going to do you a bit of good.

When you’re feeling a particular feeling, let yourself feel it. Let yourself be angry and let yourself feel hurt. Then, let it go. Don’t harbor it. Don’t give those feelings a place to stay. Work through your anger and frustration rather than letting it consume you. In time, you’ll feel better about the end of the relationship and you’ll feel yourself start to move on. Don’t rush the process. It takes time.

The end of a relationship, especially a very long one, is tough for both parties involved. There may never be an answer as to what exactly happened to end the relationship because in almost all relationships, it’s more than a single thing. When you begin to focus on yourself and realize that you are in control of only you, you can start to let go of the hurt and anger and make room for a newer, happier state of being.

Do You Know The #1 Secret To A Truly Happy Relationship?

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It’s a question that just about everyone has asked at least at one point or another in their lives.

What is the secret to long term, happy relationships? Is there even a secret?

While there is no tried and true formula that you can follow to the letter to ensure you have a happy relationship for years to come, there are a few things you can do to make your relationship easier and more fulfilling.

What is the secret to long term happy relationships?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4APs1XqsQg[/youtube]

Accepting your partner.

When it boils down to it, a happy relationship is between two people that love each other. While everyone’s definition of love differs from person to person, there is one thing that seems to be a thread running through every relationship – acceptance.

When you truly love someone, you accept them for who they are. You can’t change a person, and if you go into a relationship thinking that later on down the road you’ll try to change one thing or another about them, the relationship won’t last very long.

The first step to a truly happy and fulfilling long term relationship is learning to accept your partner and love them, even in spite of their unsavory qualities. This isn’t something that happens right away, so give yourself enough time and be patient with yourself. Talk openly with your partner about how you’re learning to accept them for who they are no matter what, and you’d like them to do the same for you.

Getting out of the judgmental state of mind.

More often than not, when our partners do something to upset us, we end up being judgmental. We pass off judgment to them as though they’ve done something “wrong” and we’re the right ones in the situation.

While you and your partner are likely to always have disagreements, being critical is something that doesn’t have to happen, and when it does it’s going to take a toll on your relationship and hurt one or both partners’ feelings.

When your partner does something to upset you, bring it up exactly like that. Don’t say they’ve done something “wrong” or be critical. Simply say that it’s something you don’t really jive with. By not being critical, you become more accepting and loving of your partner and they become more willing to be sensitive of your needs.

Relationships are give and take situations. If one partner is giving more and the other is simply taking and taking, the relationship isn’t going to last too long.

The best thing you can do is be open, honest and accepting of your partner. You and your partner are in this together, as a team!

If you are constantly pitting against each other, it isn’t really a team is it? Work together to find common ground where you and your partner can both function in the relationship and be satisfied and happy with it. If you truly love your partner and your partner truly loves you, many of these things will fall into place and become second nature to both of you.

While living together and staying together for many years takes lots of hard work and understanding, once you and your partner have the right mindset, you can begin unlocking the secrets to staying together and staying happy for the long haul!