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How To Make Meeting Your S.O.’s Family Successful

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Relationship advice is going to come in handy if you’re meeting your partner’s family for the first time. Here are some tips to make it go smoothly.

Whether you’re meeting your boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents for the first time, or going to your tenth holiday dinner at your in-laws’ place, interacting with your significant other’s family can be one of the most complex parts of your relationship. If you’re willing to be patient and make compromises, you’ll have an easier time with your new relatives-by-proxy.

Spending Time With In-Laws Can Be Stressful

There are two little words that can strike massive fear in the hearts of many men and women: in-laws. Spending time with your significant other’s family can be one of the most strange and stressful parts of your relationship. Unless your partner is a recent orphan, however, you’re not going to get out of family time. The best you can do is learn how to cope with them – while still being yourself and being confident.

If it’s the first time you’re meeting your significant other’s family members, there are a few ways to better prepare yourself. First of all, talk to your partner about his or her relatives – this is probably the best where your best relationship advice comes from because a little research about who these people really are can go a long way. You shouldn’t put up a front, but it is good to adjust yourself slightly to their expectations.

If they’re not big drinkers, don’t show up with a bottle of wine. If they traditionally dress up for dinner, trade in your jeans for a dress or slacks. Think of it like visiting a foreign country; you don’t want to look like a tourist, so you take a few tiny steps to fit in with the locals. This will also endear you to your mate, because he or she will be flattered that you care about impressing the parents.

Will You Fit In With Their Family?

What if, once you’ve met them, you find you don’t fit in at all? If you’re married, engaged, or moving in together, you won’t be able to avoid the in-laws forever. That means you need to strategize appropriately. Try to plan family gatherings that have set end times, so your visits won’t be painfully long. Look for the one or two things you do have in common and focus on them.

If you and your in-laws both love old movies, host a classic movie night at your place. They’ll feel welcomed and loved, and you won’t have to talk to them much during the movie. Have excuses at the ready to cut awkward drop-in visits short or omit awkward silences without being impolite. For instance, if your mother-in-law drops by on a Sunday afternoon and just won’t leave, tell her you hate to end your visit, but you have to run errands before dinner time.

Then plan for one of those aforementioned movie nights so she knows you’re not adverse to spending time with her. When it comes to the holidays, make sure that you and your partner set ground rules early on in your relationship. Every three years is a good rule—one year with your family, the next with your significant other’s family, and the third year to yourselves. That makes both sets of in-laws feel like they’re being treated fairly.

What To Do If It Gets Awkward

Of course, sometimes relations with your partner’s family go beyond awkward unpleasantness and become strained. Maybe you hate being around your spouse’s parents because they have strong political beliefs that oppose yours, or maybe the situation is worse.

If Aunt Jean is a bigot and insults you to your face because you’re not the same race as she is, then you don’t have to put up with that. You can and should cross her off the family game night invite list. If you find that you’re the lone Democrat in a sea of diehard Republicans, avoid the topic of politics like the plague. If it still gets brought up, you can either sit back and quietly observe or suggest a subject change.

In the end, in-laws are a fact of life in long term relationships. You don’t have to enjoy every moment of it, but you can improve upon your time with them. Above all, remember that these folks are your significant other’s family. Like them or not, your mate loves them. You owe it to her or him to make lemonade from these familial lemons. Besides, don’t forget—he or she has to deal with your family, too!

How To Stop A Breakup In Its Tracks

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A breakup isn’t always inevitable. If you realize a breakup is about to happen, here’s what you can do to stop it – and put your relationship in reverse!

When you are faced with problems in your relationship, it would be easy to walk away and let it fail, while it is harder to stay and work it through. When you are faced with these issues, to keep it in perspective, think of the way you felt when you first met and the reason you fell in love. Remember the good and the bad times you shared, and what makes it worth it.

You know that it takes two to tango, and this applies to your relationship as well. An effort from only one party is not going to prove to be successful.

Realize Why Relationships Fail

Many relationships fail for a number of reasons here are a few of the common ones:

  • High expectations generally happen when entering a relationship viewing everything through rose-colored glasses/spectacles. When these expectations are not met disappointment and frustration soon follow.
  • Financial issues are not taboo between couples. A household budget should be discussed early so you know what is expected of you. It is important to speak up about money issues when they first arise, and not scream about it when you both are angry.
  • Manage your stress. Recognize what stresses you both out and do whatever you can to not fall prey. Too much stress can hamper one’s ability to think and respond properly.
  • Compromise and do things as a couple. Go to a football match with him and take her shopping, or go on holiday together. Don’t be afraid to speak up and tell your significant other what you want and need. No offence to you guys, but you don’t take hints well, so learn to LISTEN, not just hear! Part of listening also involves not get defensive when she speaks to you, be genuine, compassionate, understanding and sincere.
  • Spice up your relationship and go out and have a night on the town together. Bring home flowers and chocolates for no particular reason. Apologize if you have done something to upset her, and surprise her with something that she’s been wanting but do it for “no reason whatsoever” not because it’s her birthday or Valentine’s day.

It Takes Two To Make A Relationship Work

Both of you have to be committed to make this relationship work. Don’t scream, argue and curse, rather sit down, call a meeting and be reasonable and logical about it. Try not to get too emotional, speak calmly when you say what you have to say.

There are an abundance of tips that can stop your breakup, but like with all advice, it may not work in all situations. An understanding of your partner and what your relationship requires can provide you with what you need.

 

 

Relationship Advice: My Fiancée Won’t Let Me Keep My Maiden Name?

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She needs relationship advice – he wants her to take his name after marriage and she wants to have her own. What should she do?

I’m getting married to the most amazing man I’ve ever met. He’s perfect. We’ve never even had a fight…until…I told him I was keeping my “maiden” name. I’ve worked hard in my profession to build the brand name and I don’t want to change it. My fiancée is super insulted. He says I’ve I don’t say I do to his last name, we aren’t getting married. How can we fix this?

What She Said:

It sounds like a heated situation for such a happy occasion, complicated by the fact that you’re both “in the right.” He sounds like a traditional sort of guy who’s probably been operating off the assumption that you would naturally take his name after marriage.

Take A Look At His Perspective

Take a moment in his shoes to acknowledge that he’s probably in shock. In fact, he may even be taking your insistence on having your maiden name as some form of rejection towards him. He might also have concerns about naming your kids, if you’re both thinking of having children. (Though different last names in one household is a common occurrence these days.)

Reassure him that your love is as strong as ever, no matter what you are called. You two definitely need to find a way to step away from this ledge, otherwise known as the ultimatum he just gave you.

Your Right To Have Your Name

Now let’s take a look at you. You have every right to have your name – it’s definitely a different day and age; the taking of the husband’s name isn’t necessarily the norm it used to be. Building a name in your profession is a huge deal – and one that’s hopefully supported by your future husband. Honoring that accomplishment is every bit as important as your relationship. It’s a part of you, and that means it stays.

Getting Creative To Reach A Compromise

But how does it stay? It’s time to get creative. Perhaps you use your maiden name professionally, but take your husband’s name for your private life. Actors often prefer this option. Jennifer Aniston was Aniston on the screen and Pitt in “real” life – until Brad strolled off with a certain someone. Maybe not the greatest example, but you get my drift!

I’m not sure of the legalities, but it seems worth looking into. Flip that coin and take a look at Jack White (of The White Stripes). He took his first wife’s name – and kept it. He liked it so much that his second wife and their kids all use it too. Now that’s progressive! Of course, there is the lovely option of hyphenating. That can be a great compromise and a way for you to both get what you want.

I hope you can reach an agreement without losing sight of the most important thing – your love and your wonderful future together.

What He Said:

This is a big slap in the face to a lot of guys. I’m guessing you guys never talked about this prior to the argument, which is where a lot of the disagreement comes from. I know it’s not spontaneous to discuss marriage parameters before popping the question, but it’s better in the long run.

Next Time, Talk First

If you’d have had this discussion with him before hand, you wouldn’t be having this problem in the relationship now. If it’s that big of an issue for him, he could’ve made an informed choice. I still think this will blow over. He’s blown way too much $$ on you to back out now.

Do you know what those rings cost? Kidding. Sort of. It will probably blow over, with a little time & TLC. It would be hard to imagine that he loves you enough to spend the rest of his life with you but not enough to get past this. If you have any other bombs to drop before you get married, you probably want to discuss it with him first.

1000 Questions For Couples

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eIt’s amazing how little couples truly know about each other before getting married. It’s possible that fewer couples would get divorced (or even get married in the first place) if they actually knew each other well enough before they got married. The best way to get to know someone is with questions and honest answers. 1000 Questions For Couples is a great way to get to know your partner. Whether you’ve been dating 5 months or married for 500 months, you must absolutely know your partners’ answers to these questions.

The Good

1000 Questions For Couples is perhaps the most comprehensive, detailed version of “20 questions” out there. These aren’t simple questions either, like “Who was your first kiss?” Instead, these questions are really going to help you and your partner understand each other on the deepest level imaginable. Whether you’re talking about religion, children or finances, this guide will show you the right questions to ask so you can be sure you’re getting the best, most honest answer out of your partner that you can. Even if you don’t make it through the entire 1000 questions, the questions you do get to ask will really show you your partner’s true personality.

The Bad

1000 questions is a very long list of questions, so don’t try to tackle this all at once. If you’re thinking you can sit down with your partner and run through these questions over a few glasses of wine, you’ll be very disappointed. Not only are there literally a thousand questions contained in this guide, many of them are going to open the door to bigger, longer conversations. It will take you a long time to work through these questions with your partner, but getting to know your partner on this deep a level is absolutely well worth it.

The Bottom Line

Simply put, if you want a guide full of questions you can ask your partner to really get to know them, you’ve found the best guide that is out there. This book contains more questions than you’ll know what to do with, and on top of that, these are the questions that are actually going to get your partner’s gears turning. They’re great gateways to new conversations, no matter how long you’ve been with your partner or how well you think you know them! There are questions in this book that will even surprise you about yourself! 1000 Questions For Couples is a must have if you want to truly get to know your partner on the deepest level possible.

The Full 1000 Questions For Couples Review

Michael Webb, author of 1000 Questions For Couples, doesn’t play around. He delves right into the nitty-gritty of the book, starting with a list – a long list – of questions right off the bat. The pages aren’t divided up very well, so it might be a bit difficult to sort through the ones you want to ask first. Of course, you can always go in order from top to bottom, because none of them are pointless or useless. Each one will get you and your partner thinking, and quite possibly start a great conversation between you two that will end up connecting you to each other even more.

Very few of Michael’s questions require simple “yes” or “no” answers. If they are, there are follow-up questions to ask that will delve into the “why’s” or “how’s.” Don’t plan on inundating your partner with a lot of these at first, because they’re very invasive and required detailed answers. A few of them down the line and your partner may feel like they’re being grilled in a criminal investigation. Read through the book once first, to get an idea of what types of questions are contained within the guide as well as to get a feel for which ones are best asked when.

As the book goes on, they get more and more loaded. However, they will provide you with a lot of insight into you partner’s true feelings and vice versa. You’d be surprised at how well you can get to know someone through just a few questions!

For example, some of what Michael suggests you ask your partner are:

“If you suddenly became blind, how would your idea of the perfect mate change?”

“There are many types of love. Can you name some and tell how they are different?”

“What skill do you wish you had but haven’t learned yet?”

“If you were given $50,000 to throw a party for all of your friends, what sort of party would you put together?”

Of course, many of the questions are best saved when you’ve at least been on a few dates with your partner or know you are heading into a more serious, committed type relationship. Topics like who would pay for the wedding, how many children would be had and what religion the children will be raised as are all ones you want to avoid if you’re still in the newer stages of the relationship. Use your discretion when asking your partner these things and be ready to answer the same question yourself!

Michael includes two excellent companion guides with the download of 1000 Questions For Couples. You’ll find these guides handy throughout the course of your relationships!

101 Romantic Ideas

101 great ideas for both men and women to use to romance their partners and show them that they still care and are still deeply in love with them! Also a great book to use if you want to romance a brand new partner.

The Newlyweds Guide To A Happy Marriage

Perhaps the better of the two companion guides, this manual includes a variety of concrete information to help you and your new spouse build a solid marriage foundation. From six critical marriage values to four powerful romantic tools to use, Michael illustrates in detail how you and your partner can develop a solid, long-lasting marriage.

My Man Plays Video Games ALL The Time! Help!

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Relationship advice can do wonders for some couples, but can it help a guy who games too much? A lot of women are in the same boat – their guy is addicted to gaming and there’s nothing they can do about it. Does your man have play with his computer more than you? Do you want some joy from his joystick but can’t get him away from the console?

What She Said

Parade nude (or while wearing lingerie) in front of the television, crook your finger and say, “Follow me to the bedroom!” That should do the trick. At least for one night.

Finding A Way To Work With Him

So what to do the other 364 evenings of the year? It sounds like a compromise is in the works. Your guy obviously loves being a gamer. You don’t want to take away something he enjoys, so you’ve got to find a way to make his “obsession” work for both of you. Please keep in mind that you’re not his mom – acting like a nag and trying to tell him what to do (or not do) definitely falls into the decidedly “not sexy” category.

What is “way too much time” in your book? Is his ducking out on keeping commitments? Is he missing work? Is he blowing off plans to continue playing his games? Such an extreme case could benefit from some kind of intervention. Hopefully his “way too much” isn’t as far gone as all this.

Communicating With Him

I don’t think “stopping” is in order. Would you want to quit something cold turkey that you enjoy? Probably not! Of course he cares about you and would surely go to great lengths to make you happy. As always, the key to solving this problem is communication.

Let him know that his constant playing is bumming you out. Work with him on setting parameters around when he can game. Let him know you don’t expect (nor will you be demanding) that he give up gaming entirely. Be reasonable. When he sees that you’re respecting his interests, he’ll most likely be willing to strike a truce. Trades can be nice too – say, for example, that every hour he spends with the video game equals a date night for the two of you. You get the drift and I’m confident you two will work it out.

What He Said:

He probably won’t stop playing them and you probably don’t want him to either. I mean, you’ve got to get tired of him at some point, right? Trust me, being able to sit him in front of the TV for hours on end while you get some peace and quiet probably will save your relationship at some point.

Talking To Him About His Gaming

Communication really is the best relationship advice. Tell him this is bothering you, but don’t stop there. If you tell a man not to do something and you don’t tell him what he should be doing instead and why he should be doing that new behavior, he will stare at you blankly. So tell him what he’s doing wrong and what you’d like him to do instead and his incentive for doing it (as in more sex).

You May Have To Move On

You shouldn’t nag him, but then you shouldn’t have to nag him at all. He should have the wherewithal to meet you somewhere in the middle on this. You guys are a team and this should be like a friendly negotiation, not some hardnosed “take it or leave it” type scenario. Give a little, to get a little. (That’s what she said!)