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Cheating: Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?

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Cheating is definitely a fear that most people consider their biggest relationship fears. Yet many people make the mistake of cheating on one of their significant others over the course of their dating career. What do you do when you find out that your loved one has cheated in the past? Is that an automatic sign that they’ll eventually cheat on you? Though we can never be one hundred percent certain of our mate’s fidelity, there are warning signs to look out for and traps to avoid.

Does Your Partner Have A Cheating History?

Nothing can throw a wrench in your relationship faster than finding out that your partner has a history of cheating. Suddenly your confidence is shaken, and you begin to suspect the worst. There’s no point in jumping to conclusions without further investigation, though. The most important thing you can do is talk to your significant other about it. If you find out that your partner cheated on a former flame, ask them about what happened. Was that the only person they’ve ever cheated on? Why did they cheat? Were they bored or unhappy with their partner at the time? How long did the affair carry on for, and how serious was it? Your S.O. may be ashamed to talk about it, so calmly let them know that you’ll feel better if you hear the truth.

After you hear their side of the story, you need to really think about what they’ve told you. If your boyfriend cheated once on a girl he dated for a month in high school, he’s probably not a player. You have even less to worry about if he immediately broke up with the girlfriend and started dating the other girl. That’s typically youthful poor judgment, and he tried to make it right in the end. If your girlfriend had an affair with two other guys over the course of several months, that’s a different story. You probably should be a little worried. You should be even more worried if you find out she cheated on her boyfriend before him, too.

Will Your Partner Ever Stop Cheating?

Anytime there is a storied history of cheating, you should tread lightly. People should be forgiven for a one time mistake, but repeated infidelity, especially with more than one partner, is a sign that your S.O. can’t really function in a monogamous relationship. Unless you have major evidence that they’ve changed their ways, you have every right to be worried. However, even if the person has only cheated once, it’s still important to know the circumstances around that singular event. It’s wrong to cheat no matter what, but some situations are worse than others. If your significant other was in a terrible relationship that he/she was trying to end, that’s not quite as awful as cheating on their loving spouse out of curiosity.

In The End, Trust Your Gut Instinct

Regardless of the severity of the cheating incident, it’s important that you hear your partner out and learn all that you can. If you feel they’re still worth trusting, then by all means stay with them. That doesn’t mean you can’t keep an eye out for odd behavior, like secretive phone calls and multiple unexplained date cancellations. You should definitely be wary of any weird changes in behavior, but you need to talk to your significant other about it before you jump to conclusions. If you don’t feel you can trust your partner to stay true to you, though, it’s time to end it. There’s no use drawing out the relationship and constantly worrying that they’re cheating on you. Suffering through the paranoia won’t be fun for anyone involved.

Break Ups: When Is The Right Time To End A Relationship?

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Break ups are tough for both people involved, so it’s easy to want to prolong the end of a relationship as long as possible. Sometimes relationships can resemble roller coasters—they’re up one minute and down the next. Even the most well adjusted couple you know has had or will have a rough patch at some point. So how can you tell the difference between a tough week and the final dissolution of your romance? Keeping track of the changes and shifts in your relationship can help you determine what’s for a moment and what’s for an eternity.

Define The Problem At Hand

Maybe things haven’t been so great lately, and you’re starting to wonder if you and your significant other are really meant to be together after all. Before you kick their heart to the curb, ask yourself what the problem is. Have you been arguing constantly? Do you feel restless in the relationship and bored by your partner? Has your partner been avoiding you or acting disinterested? All of these can be reasons to end your relationship, but you have to understand what’s behind the problem before you can make the ultimate call. Break ups are never something you want to rush into.

If some other terrible life event has recently occurred, that may be at the root of your issues. If you or your partner has fallen ill, lost a job, had a family member die, etc., one of you may be taking out your problems on the other person. Though all these things can be pretty tragic, it’s highly likely that you’ll both be enjoying happier times within a few weeks or months. If you’ve got major stress, realize that it could be making you more easily annoyed with your partner, or vice versa. Don’t let that inform your overall view of your relationship.

Just try to be patient and supportive of each other. Remind yourself that this dark period won’t last forever. More importantly, try to remind yourself that you love this person, and they aren’t responsible for the other bad incidents in your life. Misplaced blame will only hurt you both.

Have You Fallen Out Of Love?

What if there isn’t some unrelated reason for the discord in your lives? If you find yourself bored with your significant other and wishing you could get back out in the dating world, you probably have fallen out of love. Break ups due to falling out of love aren’t as hurtful, especially if your partner feels the same way. Sometimes two people are just ready to move on. The same goes for constant, pointless arguing. You or your mate may be picking fights in an attempt to cause a break up, possibly even on a subconscious level. Don’t drag things out if that’s true. Make a clean break of it and save yourselves a lot of trouble. Long, slow break ups are the most painful kind there is.

How To Tell If You Should Really Break Up

Still having trouble determining whether this is an acute or chronic problem? The ultimate test to determine whether you should really end it is to simply imagine a future without your significant other. If you can easily visualize yourself dating other people and ending up with someone else, then you’ve reached the breaking point. If you find it nearly impossible to imagine a life without your mate, then you still love them. That’s an indicator that you’ve hit a rough patch, but you want to work through it.

If so, talk to your partner more and try to get at the underlying problem. Work toward a solution together. If your partner isn’t helpful, however, you may have to accept that they’re passive-aggressively angling for a break up. Difficult as it may be, you should probably end things. It may be painful at first, since you still care for your mate, but you shouldn’t try to force a miserable relationship to work. In the end, you’ll both be happier for it, even though break ups hurt at first.

Long Term Relationships: How To Keep The Romance Alive

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Long term relationships are the hardest relationships in which you can help the the romance stay alive. But whether you’ve been together for one year or fifty, it’s important to make sure that there is some element of romance in your relationship. Life often intervenes in the form of work, children, and other stressors, but you can’t let that stop you from dedicating time to your significant other. You may not be able to date with the frequency of your early relationship days, but a little effort here and there can go a long way toward getting your spark back. That’s important, because boredom and disconnect can lead to arguments, and have been the end of many long term relationships.

Having Romance Takes Effort

You might not have the time to spend on your long term relationships that you once did, or perhaps you’ve just grown complacent as the years have passed on. That doesn’t mean you should just throw in the towel. Instead, make the best of what time you’ve got. It might sound cliché, but establishing a date night once every few weeks can be a big help. Once you’ve got a date and time picked out, come up with a really fun date idea. Think back to your favorite dates when you were first together. Did you have a particularly great time that night you went bowling? Was there a restaurant you used to love going to that you stopped visiting once you had kids? Recreating an old date not only shows your sweetie how thoughtful you are, but it can also put some spring back into your step. You’ll remember all of the best parts of your early days, and that will put both of you in a great mood.

Other Ways To Keep The Love Alive

Planning the occasional date isn’t the only way to help your love stay alive. Regular physical affection is important, too. Never underestimate the power of impromptu hand-holding, hugging and kissing. It may be a small gesture to momentarily rub your partner’s shoulders after they’ve had a rough day, but it shows you care. Human beings need physical contact with other human beings, and making that connection will make both of you feel happier. Plus, you never know when a shoulder massage or particularly good kiss will lead to more. Sex is a very important part of long term relationships or marriage. If you feel that you and your significant other have had less and less of it lately, take action. Even if you’re feeling a little tired, attempt to go for it anyway. Usually once things get rolling, you’ll find you’re not so tired anymore. The more often you do it, the more often you’ll want it, and vice versa. Therefore the best way to have more sex is to stop fretting about not having it, and just start doing it again. Talk to you partner, too. Mention that you’d like to start spicing things up again, but do so in a non-accusatory way. Nine times out of ten, they’ll be glad you brought it up.

Loving Gestures

Aside from showing physical affection and working dates back into your routine, there are other ways to make sure your long term relationships stay interesting. Small but thoughtful gestures show your significant other that you’re thinking of them. Bring home flowers or a bottle of good wine for no particular reason other than to show you care. If your sweetheart’s had a bad day, offer to engage in one of their favorite activities together. If that means watching their favorite terrible movie, just go with it. Demonstrating your support and love is worth two hours of viewing a bad film. That can be all it takes to remind your S.O. of why they fell for you in the first place.

Ultimately, if you’re willing to put in a little time and effort now and again, you can make things interesting for years to come in your long term relationships. Do your best to remind yourself of everything you love about your partner, then use your actions to remind them of why they love you. That’s the best way to light up the fires at the home.

Relationship Advice: How To Deal With His Drinking Problem

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I need relationship advice! My boyfriend drinks a couple of beers every single night. He doesn’t get wasted, he just enjoys the taste, but I’m concerned about his health. Should I bring this up or mind my own business?

What She Said:

Caring about your partner’s health is a natural reaction to being in love. You want that person around, so it’s normal to notice good and bad habits. That said no one likes a nag. The last thing you want to remind of is his mother!

Lead By Example

The best way to teach is to lead by example. Take care of your own health and perhaps your partner will notice and decide to follow along. Adding milk thistle and green tea to your daily diet are both great for your body, your liver in particular. Brewing a cup or two of tea every afternoon and offering some to your honey is a good way to start. No need to be sneaky, simply see if he wants to partake.

If there is concern, particularly if he has a family history of alcoholism, an honest talk with your boyfriend might be in order. Skip the blame or guilt. Let him know you’re concerned because you love him and want him around for a long time. Hopefully an honest conversation will cause him to reconsider the harm that consistent use of alcohol may be causing him.

Using All Natural Remedies For Excessive Alcohol Use

Please note: I’m not a doctor. This is my personal opinion, culled from online research. I’d recommend reading Dr. Andrew Weil’s website (www.drweil.com) for information on the use of milk thistle, as well as consulting your physician for additional details.

What He Said:

I guess the key here is to define “a couple of beers.” In college, if I said I drank “a couple of beers” a night, it would’ve really meant like a case and a half, whereas now, if I told you I drank a couple of beers a night, I would mean no more than three. If he’s drinking a moderate among, then it’s far from a health risk.

You Might Have Deeper Issues Than The Drinking

I’m not a doctor, but then again, technically, neither is Dr. Phil and he gives relationship advice all the time. I’d say if this is the worst thing you can say about your man, you’ve probably got it pretty good. Still, if you tell him it’s a problem for you and then he ignores you, then you have a problem and it’s not the alcohol. It’s the fact that he’s not listening to you. Relationships are about compromise and if you are a wonderful woman who’s doing all sorts of amazing things for him and he won’t give this up for you, then maybe you should sit down with a therapist and decide together how to approach the issue.

Maybe he feels like you’re trying to control or mother him. Maybe he sees this as a threat to his independence. Maybe there are other issues in your relationship. I don’t know. But I do know if you two are fighting over this, it’s probably a larger symptom of something and that is an issue you should check out.

Marriage – I Don’t Ever Want To Get Married!!!

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Marriage is a big decision, one that involves lots of thought and preparation. Even if you love someone a great deal, you may not be ready to get married – and many couples choose to simply stay in a long term, committed relationship without ever taking that “next step” to seal the deal. If you decide that you don’t ever want to get married, your family and friends may be shocked or upset. Here’s how to let your family know that marriage isn’t for you.

Question: Hi Dan and Jennifer, please help me. I am already 18 now and I’m afraid that my parents will be bringing up the “marriage issue” in a couple years. I don’t want to get married, not EVER!!! How do I avoid coming across this conversation in my life?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeJPNFR6PhU[/youtube]

Dealing With The Issue Beforehand

Don’t wait to let the people that are important to you in your life know that you don’t ever plan to get married. Waiting until you’re in a long term relationship with someone that they would expect you to take the next step with to let them know that marriage isn’t something you want in your life may make things awkward when you visit your family with your partner in tow. Instead, let them know as soon as you decide that getting married isn’t your cup of tea. This may be when you’re young or even after you’ve finished school and have moved on into a career, but either way, it’s important to let your family know that a wedding isn’t in your future as soon as you decide that it isn’t.

Be Honest With Your Parents

You may be worried that your parents or your family are going to be extremely upset with you or angry that you don’t want to ever be a part of a marriage. This may lead you to believe that if you simply don’t tell them about it that you’re in the clear. This couldn’t be further from the truth! Your family loves you no matter what, so just be honest with them about what you want for your life and where you see your life going in the future. Let them know that you’re totally open to falling in love and being in a committed, long term relationship, but having a “dream wedding” isn’t one of your dreams.

Reserve The Right To Change Your Mind

You absolutely have the right to change your mind at any point during your lifetime. If you decide that you don’t want to get married now, but meet the person you want to live the rest of your life with and really want to wed them, it’s totally okay to change your mind and start planning the nuptials. If you decide later on that you do want to get married, you don’t have to not get married just because you said you didn’t want to earlier in your life. When talking to your family about your feelings towards marriage, let them know that you don’t ever see yourself having a wedding at this point, but you have the right to change your mind in the future if you meet someone that you really adore and want to get hitched.

It’s Probably Not Going To Be As Bad As You Think

If you’re young now, you may think that you’ll never want to get married and marriage is for saps. You’re probably eager to announce that you’ll never be caught dead in a tux or wedding dress and couples who get married just end up getting a divorce later anyways. The truth is, the idea of marriage probably isn’t as bad as you think it is. There are a lot of stereotypes when it comes to getting married and it’s easy to have misconceptions about what being in a marriage is really like. It’s nothing at all like you see on television or the movies and being married is a wonderful and satisfying part of many people’s lives. As you get older, you may discover that the idea of marriage wasn’t as bad as you thought it was. This is especially true if you meet someone that you really do want to spend the rest of your life with. If you decide now that you don’t want to get married, that’s your prerogative. If you live your life never being part of a marriage, that’s also your prerogative. If you decide later on that you do want to get married, that too, is your prerogative. Remember that the kind of life you live is totally up to you!