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From Boyfriend To Just Friends: Staying Friends With Your Ex

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Well, it didn’t last. You may have found love and lost it. Or maybe you just couldn’t find any love between you and your boyfriend to begin with and now feel you are better off keeping it platonic. This always seems to be the next logical step after a breakup: Let’s stay friends.

But why do you want to stay friends? If it because you have common interests and get along like the best of friends, great! However, if it is just because the thought of him not being in your life makes your heart ache, this is the wrong reason. Think about how much worse your heart will feel when he finds someone new and expects you to like her.

In fact, if you want a list of reasons why you should not stay friends with an ex, here you go: you want to stay in his life, you want to keep tabs on him, you want to see who he is dating, you want to keep him wrapped around your finger, you want to make him jealous of your new boyfriend, you want to keep him around for the future  just in case and the absolutely worst reason? Because you still love him.

Why Being Friends Might Not Work

Just let it go. You are not friends.  You are a tie which is waiting to be cut.

The key to making a friendship work just like a relationship is communication. You must talk about your feelings for one another and where you stand in each others’ lives. A piece of misguided advice you may hear a lot is to not discuss new relationships with one another. However, this begs the question, why not? If you are not able to talk about your new boyfriend or to hear the details of his new girlfriend, why is it? My guess is you’re not quite over him (or vice versa). And if you are not over him, you cannot truly be friends with him yet.

Together, you should discuss what went wrong with your own relationship and why you are better suited as friends. Only after you have come to terms with these facts can you move on and allow each other to be happy with someone else.

When He Meets Someone Else

Which brings me to my final point: you must be friendly with his new girlfriend. Once she hears of your past fling, she is bound to feel awkward, jealous, or even angry with you for sticking around. Ease her worries and reassure her that you have no intentions of stealing him away. In turn, when you have a new boyfriend, he may also feel uncomfortable with your continuing friendship. Your ex should put forth effort to befriend him. Nevertheless, if after all this, your new boyfriend is still bothered by the situation, you should ask yourself: is a friendship with my ex worth a possible breakup?

Long Distance Relationships: Should You Consider Getting An Online College Degree?

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One of the biggest reasons couples have long distance relationships is because one or both partners are going to college away from each other. Whether you’re choosing a college far away from your partner because they offer the best program for your major or your partner is getting more financial aid at another college, it’s easy for two people to become separated by long distances when they’re getting their degrees. Online colleges, however, are a great way to get your degree – whether it be a certificate program, an associate degree, a bachelor degree or even a masters degree – without being away from your significant other. Here’s how to find the best online colleges, so you don’t have to move away from your partner and go through the hardship of a long distance relationship for school.

Why Online Colleges Are Great For Relationships

Online colleges offer the convenience of taking your classes at home, and are easy to schedule around your life. You can choose when to do the work, so if you have a date with your partner or just want to spend time with them watching a movie or hanging out, you can complete your schoool work at a later time without consequence. You will, of course, have certain deadlines and times that things are due, but for the most part, online colleges offer the most flexible degree programs available today. Choosing to get your degree online is also a great option if you’re working or have a child with your significant other. Many people today, whether they’re in relationships or not, have responsibilities outside of school that they either can’t or don’t want to give up. You can also travel while you’re going to school online, so you can even go with your partner if they have to travel to go to a traditional college. Or, both you and your partner can go to school online! Either way, getting your degree online is a great way to prevent having to have a long distance relationship with someone you love.

Top Online Colleges

Since there are thousands of online degree programs and colleges available for you to choose from, sorting through the top online colleges to find the best one for you can be nothing short of intimidating. There are, however, many resources that can help you find the best online college based on how much you want to pay and what degree you’re seeking. Make sure whatever resource you’re using to find the top online colleges doesn’t promote one college or another – instead, look for resources that offer unbiased information on a variety of online colleges or resources that connect you directly with the colleges’ websites.

How To Choose The Best Online Colleges For You

The first thing to consider when choosing the best online colleges for you is which colleges offer the degree program you’re looking for. That will narrow down your search quite a bit! Next of course, is cost. While many online colleges cost a lot less than traditional colleges, money is still an issue. Think about what you and your partner can really afford, and if you’ll have to work to pay for school or if you and your partner can get grants, scholarships or financial aid. That will narrow down your list of the best online colleges even further, and all you have to do now is apply! Once accepted to the online degree program of your choice, you can go to school and focus on your relationship without having to months or even years away from your partner.

Going The Extra Mile With Your Long-Distance Relationship

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In relationships, the only thing harder than finding the right person is keeping the right person, especially when you are separated by hundreds or thousands of miles. While it is possible to overcome the distance and its accompanying problems, you will both have to work hard to keep the relationship afloat. Here are some ways to help shorten the long-distance gap.

Establishing Ground Rules

First things first, establish rules. How often will visits occur? Who will do the traveling (just one person or split half-and-half)? Most importantly, will you date other people while apart? Don’t wait until something detrimental has already happened to create some rules. Do it now.

If you agree to stay faithful to one another, don’t cheat. You’re probably asking, “Did you really have to include this one?” Yes, I did. Cheating is a very common (if not the most likely) reason long-distance relationships fail. One person gets lonely or meets somebody else, and without the boyfriend/girlfriend around to counteract these feelings, it can be easier to stray than you might imagine.

Trusting Your Partner

That being said, though, you must be trusting. Just because your significant other doesn’t answer the phone over the lunch hour (or in the middle of the night), you should not assume the worst (cheating, that is, though come to think of it, death is probably worse). Have trust in your partner; otherwise, the distance will constantly eat at you.

Give and take equally. Depending on your previously agreed-upon arrangement, you should each put forth equal efforts to making this relationship last. (What? You have no arrangements? Go back to #1 right now.) Even if only one person is able to do the monthly journeying, for example, the other should offer to pay travel expenses. Or, if you switch off travel duties, make sure it basically evens out in terms of mileage, money, and time taken off of work. If one person puts forth more effort over and over, he or she may start to resent the other.

What To Do To Keep Your Long Distance Relationship Alive

Webcam. Be creative. You’ll soon figure out the benefits here.

Have a plan. How long will you be apart? How will this relationship change over time? What will be different when you are able to live closer to one another? By deciding on a plan of action, you will not only be on the same page with your respective goals and timelines, but you will also have an incentive to keep working at the relationship.

Keep communication open. This may not come naturally at first, but clear communication is important in every relationship. Yet with long-distance relationships, it is mandatory. Because you are not around one another on a daily basis, your partner cannot easily determine whether you are upset and ignoring his calls or just plain busy at work. Moreover, if you are starting to feel the effort of maintaining this relationship is becoming exhaustive or you are starting to feel bored with the routine, let your partner know in order figure out a solution together.

Know when to quit. If your unhappiness or distrust is overshadowing your happiness while together, it may be time to call it quits, if only until you live in the same area code again.

Choosing An Engagement Ring To Fit Her Style

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Good news, guys: the hard part is over. Finding the perfect engagement ring is so much easier than finding the perfect woman. (Presumably, you have already found this perfect woman, right? Because I might suggested holding off on purchasing the former until you have secured the latter). But you’re not in the clear just yet. This is kind of like a test or a midterm, to be more accurate. How well do you really know your girlfriend and, subsequently, her tastes?

If She Is Traditional

Opt for the classic engagement ring style: the solitaire setting with a round- or princess-cut diamond. The solitaire has been a consistently popular choice for decades because of its simplicity (but with the right diamond, it can be stunning). More recently, three-stone settings (one center stone, with two smaller side stones) have become more common, without becoming a fad.

If She Is Trendy

Does she have to own the latest gadget? Does she read fashion blogs obsessively? Then you will want to choose a modern ring, and these days, glitter is in. The more sparkly (almost outlandishly so), the better. Look for a ring with a sparkly center stone, yet is also surrounded by more diamonds: on the setting, on the band. The cocktail-style ring is a good example of this: it is just shy of being gaudy, which is fashionable at the moment (go figure). Another current marriage proposal trend is the tension mount setting. This ring has the diamond attached, not by a traditional prong setting, but because it is basically squeezed between the two ends of the ring.

If She Is Environmentally Friendly

Choose a conflict-free diamond. This is a diamond which is certified as having been created without a history of bloodshed, theft, or any crimes that are typical of the treacherous diamond trade. It also means that the profit is not funding a military organization or the weaponry trade.

If She Is Unique

Does she shirk the idea of fitting in or being the same as anyone else? If so, a good option for a unique proposal would be to stay away from diamonds altogether. Look into other stones, such as a pearl, emerald, onyx, or even turquoise. However, if she likes diamonds, look into colored variations, such as pink, blue, or even black.

If She Is Rugged

Nothing is worse to an adventurer than having to worrying about losing the stone while you are hiking or climbing trees. For the adventurous woman who doesn’t want to accidentally break her ring, try the bezel, baguette, or etoile settings. This means the diamond is set into the metal, flush with the edge, which gives it a smooth surface. This ensures a hassle-free ring to fit her lifestyle.

If She Is Frugal

It’s true, some women cringe at the idea of their boyfriends spending so much money on a ring. (Lucky you!) To ease her horror (and that of your bank account), choose white gold instead of platinum metal. It looks the same, but is much cheaper. Also, one up-and-coming idea for saving money is by buying a lab-created diamond, instead of a natural one. It, too, looks the same (and many times, even better!), but is drastically less expensive.

How Women Can Learn To Say No

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As women, saying the word “NO” is something we dread and fear, because we convince ourselves that not “going with the flow” will lead to rejection, or even cause people not to like us. The truth is, however, that learning to say “no” can be the very thing that opens up doors and allows us a clear path to our true desires. “No” can be a powerful word that can help you avoid situations that lead to emotional distress and suffering. It’s easy to feel when your body is contracting and telling you “NO;” nonetheless we often ignore this feeling and proceed anyway, and this is where the problem lies.

Finding Answers

“My ex girlfriend says she likes me, but she doesn’t want a boyfriend or a commitment right now. We began kissing and holding hands 2 weeks after the breakup but she stopped because she doesn’t want to complicate things. What should I do if I want to win her back?” – Evans

I think the real question is, what makes you think that winning her back is the course of action you should be pursuing? “I don’t want a boyfriend or commitment” sounds to me like she’s made it pretty clear to you. Remember that love is not a contest to be won! If you’d like to learn and grow from this experience, try sitting down with her and talking about what it was that, from her perspective, caused the downfall of the relationship. Then you can take that information and use it to better yourself for your next relationship – with someone who actually wants one.

“On several occasions I have asked my fiancé how much she loves me and if she’s willing to sacrifice things like; moving, leaving her friends and family to come with me. She constantly avoids the questions. What I want to know is does she really love me seeing as she doesn’t seem willing to give up some things for our relationship?” – Brandon

There are nearly seven billion people on this planet, and out of all of them, she chose to be with YOU. There, doesn’t that make you feel great? How much more does she have to prove? Love is not about jumping through hoops or passing tests; if you look at the situation from a more positive angle, you’ll see that she is committed to the relationship, and that you’ve simply been looking for ways to disprove that.

Healing From An Affair

“My husband of 19 yrs. was just caught having an affair. It was going on for 2½ years. Since then he has been begging, pleading, etc., that it was a mistake and he only wants me and the kids. I believe he is close to a nervous breakdown. Here is my question; the only place they ever saw each other was at her apartment during the day for sex 2-3 times a month. He never bought her anything, took her anywhere or gave her any money. She confirmed this so it has to be true. He insists he never cared for her, it was only sex. He never told her he loved her. He called her in front of me and told her I love my wife, you were only sex, she freaked. Could it be true to have a 2½ yr affair and have no feelings for her?” – Melissa

Monogamy and trust are two major components that make us feel safe and respected within the boundaries of a relationship. When even one of those components gets damaged or destroyed, it often takes the other one with it, and then you’re left wondering how you can anchor yourself and start rebuilding. When a relationship falls apart in such a devastating way, you have to be stern and direct with the questions you ask – not to him, but to yourself. What exactly would the situation have to be in order for trust to be there again? What would it take for you to be able to trust your husband again – both in terms of monogamy and in terms of knowing that he’s not lying? Also, it can be helpful to ask yourself what your own role is in all this.