Love & Relationships

Q&A: Can A Relationship That Starts As An Affair Really Last?

People start relationships in a variety of different ways. You might meet someone at a coffee shop, a bowling alley, a bar or through a friend. Or you may have had an affair with them while you were in another relationship. Can a relationship that was once an affair really succeed or is this relationship doomed to end?

Question: What’s the chances a relationship can work when both sides lied and had affairs on their spouses? Do they normally last?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooccI4oJAfM[/youtube]

Statistically Speaking

Statistically, a relationship that starts out as an affair generally won’t work out. In fact, second marriages statistically have a higher failure rate than first marriages, and third marriages and so on have an even higher failure rate than that. But these are just statistics. It doesn’t mean that your particular relationship won’t work out or is doomed to fail. A relationship is made up of many, many more things than how you met. Many relationships have difficult beginnings that both partners are able to move past to create a healthy, happy relationship.

That said, two people must truly trust each other and be honest with each other if their relationship is going to last. Typically these are issues that people have with each other when the relationship starts out as an affair. You and your partner may both feel that the other is going to cheat again, since they cheated on their previous partners. While this doesn’t mean it will happen, you and your partner need to sit down and talk with each other and make a committment to be completely honest with each other and trust each other.

Repeating The Same Patterns

The biggest reason that relationships don’t work out is not because of how you met or even what went on at the beginning of the relationship. Many people carry with them the same habits and issues that made their previous relationships fail. Instead of solving the deeper issues that are at the core of the relationship problems, they assume that it is their partner’s fault and move on to find someone else without those “faults.” In reality, they are simply taking the same problems with them into a new relationship. They will repeat the same patterns over and over until they truly realize what is at the heart of the matter.

Resolve Your Own Inner Issues

For any relationship to succeed, whether it started out as an affair or not, you must solve your own inner issues before you are able to fully commit to a happy, healthy and trusting relationship. Take some time to think about what might have caused your earlier relationships to go awry, and think about how you might have contributed to those issues. Think about what your previous partners have said about you, and if there is a trend there. Are they all saying the same thing? Could there possibly be some truth to the matter? It’s not easy taking such a deep look within yourself at all your flaws and failures, but for any relationship to succeed, you need to resolve your own inner issues. Work towards bettering yourself and bettering your relationship by eliminating your contributions to problems in this relationship and past relationships.

Staying Single vs. Starting A Family: Which Is Better?

By loveandsex

Get a job, get married, have a kid. That’s the natural progression of life…or is it? Many don’t see it that way. The best outcome of the feminist movement was that it empowered women to stay single or have a family as they saw fit. Yet even today, women are pressured to fit into the typical mold of becoming a wife and mother. While that may be the path for some women, to others, children are a threat to their desired lifestyle. So what is the better choice for you?

Staying Single

You enjoy your freedom to take a spontaneous road trip, to stay out late drinking with your friends, to move as you please, to advance your career, and most importantly, to not have to take care of anyone besides yourself. Those are all very legitimate reasons to stay kid-less and carefree. Even if you find the right person to spend your life with, you do not have to settle down and have kids. It is possible to have a fulfilling, loving relationship without ever worrying about convertible cribs and college funds.

The beauty about waiting to have kids is that you can always change your mind (because you can’t un-birth a child, if afterward you decide you aren’t ready for the responsibility). Enjoy the ability to take your time on making big decisions. Yet if you never decide to have a child, you are no worse for the wear.

Starting a Family

There are as many misconceptions about having kids as there are about not having kids. It is true that it becomes harder to travel once you have children. However, it is possible. Just like it is possible to maintain your maintain your personality and hobbies and dreams. Upon giving birth, you do not automatically become a militant mommy: the kind of mother who gives up everything that made her who she was in the pre-baby years, who becomes obsessed with preschools and pull-ups.

Because more and more people are waiting until their mid- to late-30’s to start a family, they are able to establish their careers and get some of their wilder urges out of the way long before the stroller-days arrive. Yet, even then, parents may find themselves limited by what they are able to do. The cancellation of a babysitter can throw your plans for a loop, regardless of its importance. Also, while many employers try to be family-friendly, having to take time off for doctor’s appointments and classroom parties (not to mention, limited time to travel for work) can inhibit your climb up the corporate ladder.

However, having children can be very fulfilling and rewarding. Many parents don’t have regrets at all about having children, and the joys that come with parenting can outweigh giving up being single for the forseeable future.

In conclusion, you may be thinking, this wasn’t helpful at all. You didn’t say which is the best option for me. Well, of course I didn’t. Choosing whether or not to have children is not something the Internet can help you with, silly. Rather, the purpose of this article is to show you that there are benefits and drawbacks to either lifestyle. In the end, all that matters is how you feel about your life, what you want to accomplish, and what your vision for the future looks like.

How To Tell Her You Love Her – 5 Romantic Ideas

By leejenkins

Getting the attention of a beautiful girl is easy, but maintaining that level of attention is difficult. If you think you’ve “got her” when she agrees to date you, think again. A woman’s mind can change rather quickly if the man she’s with is not emotionally available. If you want to enjoy a lasting relationship with a woman, you need to get her to think of you in a more romantic way.

Whatever you do, you shouldn’t be complacent when it comes to dating. Most men realize this and they do what they can to be more romantic, but unfortunately, the women won’t recognize their efforts. It’s not always because the men are doing it wrong. It may be because the woman expects something more.

Your mission is to make her think of you as the most romantic guy ever, and here are 5 ways to do that.

Do Her Chores

Making life easy for your girl is one sign that you love her, and she will feel this too. Once a week, make it a point to give your girl a day off by taking charge of chores while she does her nails or while she visits a salon for a makeover.

Flowers

You often hear that girls think it’s sweet when men give them flowers for birthdays and valentines, right? You know what’s sweeter? It’s giving flowers when there’s no special occasion to celebrate. On any ordinary day, give her a few stalks of her favorite flowers. Women are conditioned to like this gesture from their childhood, so you can’t go wrong with this one.

Dinner

Even the modern woman feels all warm and fuzzy when a man pays for her meal. It’s just an instinct that all women share. Take your girl out, go to her favorite restaurant and snack together on her favorite dishes whenever you can.

Travel Together

Whether it’s just the next state or a neighboring country, make sure you spend some time with your girl travelling to another place for a change of scene. Being stuck in one place can be uncomfortable, not to mention boring. Make sure you ask your girl where she wants to go, and which activities she wants to try in another place before making your plans.

Sex

Love making is the ultimate way to express your feelings to her. Set it up nicely with a good bubble bath, scented candles and aromatic oils. When she’s relaxed, you can proceed with erotic massage. Be patient and make her feel that it’s her night and you’re her sex slave for the night.

Go for kinky sex! If your girl is usually submissive during sex, turn the tables on her and let her dominate you for one night. However, be sure to give her guidance and instructions (like what the leather whip is for), or offer suggestions on how to role play as a dominatrix.

A Little Sexual Tension Can Be Just What A Relationship Needs

By sarahelizabethmalinak

One of the most challenging issues for a woman in relationships is creating the space and freedom for her man to be The Man in their relationship. One of the most challenging issues for a man in relationships today is choosing to be The Man, in spite of the resistance to it they both experience.

“You have to be the lion. You can’t have your woman be the same as you.”

~ Justin, 32

What Justin has to say isn’t just a nice poetic thought. It’s a challenge to a man to step up and be the lion – the man. Some meet that challenge easier than others, yet it is a challenge nonetheless. It is also a challenge for a woman to choose a non-competitive, receptive role with her man. If that sounds boring, keep reading to find out more because the fact is that the more alike a man and woman are (if they are both the lion), the more their relationship is filled with either strife or boredom.

When a man and woman are romantically involved and when they allow themselves to embody the masculine principle in him and the feminine principle in her, sexual tension is created which heats up the fire of their love and longing for each other. It stokes the fires of their passion in a way that makes sense to their bodies and minds.

Whether you consider the history of the last one hundred years that has allowed women to come full force into their own in the work force, religion, and politics or the fact of the present necessity of women having to make it on their own in their jobs and careers; there have never been so many men and women on this planet living together in such relative equality as there are today. However, there are a number of ways a man and a woman in love can allow themselves to experience the richness of his masculinity and her femininity (him being the lion and her being the lioness) in spite of the pressures and demands of 21st Century life. Here are a few.

How To Be The Lion

When you feel the desire to protect her, follow it. If she protests that she’s capable of taking care of herself, gently insist. In time, you’ll teach her to trust you and that’s a very good thing. Open doors and pull out chairs for her. Stand up when she leaves or approaches the table. This old fashioned chivalry does more than simply flatter her. It makes a statement on your behalf that you are The Man.

You are in a relationship; she’s yours, so undress her with your eyes. And sometimes, when you’re preparing to make love, undress her with a sense of confidence, even authority. Embody the lion and be the king of your pride! If you’ve been together awhile, she may have begun to teach you to listen rather than give her advice. If you are receptive to that, you are a pretty cool dude. All of us, men and women, can stand to be better listeners. But sometimes you have something very valuable to give her in terms of logic and advice. If you need to prepare her for it so that her frustration is eased, do so. However, when you know she needs to hear what you have to say, say it.

How To Be The Lioness

Practice receptivity. He’s your fellow, not some stranger, so when he ogles you, enjoy it. Also, receptivity is more than just allowing someone access to you. And it has nothing to do with being a doormat! When you take joy in your own receptivity and how he fills you, delighting in it, being fed by it; well, that’s just a huge turn on for a man!

When he touches you, respond positively. A smile, a moan, catching your breath, turning in his direction communicate that you are a willing recipient to his advances. Turn the dial down on competing with him. Competition in a relationship shows up in large and almost imperceptible ways. You can teach yourself to recognize when you feel that drive inside to speak or act so that you can best him and thereby choose to just not go there. The more you practice, the easier it gets to spot it.

Certainly, there are times when competition is fun! This ain’t no 1950’s handbook on how to be happy lovers! It is just that one of the driving forces in a man is to protect his lover, not compete with her. When competition is the name of the game most of the time, it’s exhausting and can make a less competitive woman appear inviting.

These are just a few ideas but I hope the point is made. Sexual tension has to do with balance. If you are both the lion, the similarity in energies can lead to either fighting or apathy. If you allow yourselves to pair off as the lion and lioness instead, suddenly you are circling each other in a dance of passion that makes daily life a lot more fulfilling!

One Way Successful Couples Make Love Last

By sarahelizabethmalinak

Waiting at my doctor’s office, I picked up the May 2010 issue of Reader’s Digest because Michael J. Fox was on the cover. Between Michael’s intellect and sense of humor, I can always count on not only enjoying his interviews, but I always come away from them enriched. The Reader’s Digest interview proved satisfying, as expected.

Of course, everything in Reader’s Digest is short and digestible. So out of just a few, brief paragraphs answering a question about the success of his marriage to actress Tracy Pollan, Michael gave me the following gem.

He said that the key to his marriage with Tracy “is the capacity to give each other a break. And to realize that it’s not how our similarities work together; it’s how our differences work together. You have to realize that someone can care for you and still not understand your every motive, emotion, need, and desire.”

Give Your Partner A Break

It’s a quality that can tear apart a relationship is unspoken expectations. Conversely, a quality that can build up a relationship is the ability to cut each other some slack as you come to appreciate how your differences work together.

I remember that as a young newlywed it sometimes seemed that the differences between my husband and me were evidence that 1) we might have made a mistake, 2) I might have made a mistake, 3) our differences were proof that our relationship wouldn’t make it, and 4) our differences were proof that there was something “wrong” with one or both of us. I suspect my husband experienced our differences in our early years as something that confirmed his sense of inadequacy. That is a heck of a lot to put on the differences between two lovers, but people do it all the time!

I think one of the expectations we come to new love with is that our beloved will always understand us, be able to anticipate our desires, meet our needs, and appreciate our motives. It’s fantastical thinking and in the very early days may actually seem true! When the chemistry is fresh, young lovers can magically read each other’s minds, confirming that moving forward with this stranger is a good idea. But the newness wears off as young lovers get to know each other and the chemistry unique to new love dissipates, taking the ability to read each other’s minds with it.

When Your Love Is Young

By the way, as I refer to “young lovers” in this article, I’m talking about the love between two people being young. I’m not referring to age. And the “chemistry” in the above paragraph isn’t a reference to science! It’s that succinct term we all use to refer to the magic of connection that happens between lovers.

If you think about it, chances are the couples you most admire are those who are made up of two people who are each comfortable in their own skin as well as comfortable in the “skin” of each other and the relationship. There is just something about couples who cut each other some slack that is comforting and sexy. I’m not talking about the kind of giving each other a break that will result in one of them being a doormat. I’m talking about two people who genuinely appreciate each other – even the differences between them.

When we appreciate our differences, we welcome the other’s person’s perspective as something that heightens our life experience. We know that our life is richer because of those differences.

For instance, in one couple you have a dominant personality and promoting personality wedded to each other. If they can appreciate and embrace their differences; then rather than driving each other crazy, the promoter brings a joie de vivre to the serious nature of the dominant one. And the dominant one helps keep the promoter honest.

Learn To Embrace Your Differences

Or if you have an analytical type wedded to a supportive type and they embrace their differences; then the supportive one helps the analytic relax and go with the flow while the analytic helps the supportive one consider multiple options when problem solving. These are broadly sweeping examples but the point is that our differences don’t have to be red flags that something is wrong. Instead, they can be spices that enrich the flavor of our relationships.

The next time the person you love most in the world makes you nuts with how they’re different from you, stop and consider how the difference enriches your life. If they’re different, they have something you lack. You chose them. Figure out how you benefit from this difference and try a little attitude adjustment. You just might find your attraction for him or her grows exponentially as a result, and with that the quality of your relationship as well!