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Questions To Ask Yourself When Thinking About Getting Married

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Marriage is about taking a relationship to the next—and final—step. From here on, you will need to take another person into consideration with every major decision (and many minor ones, too). If you want to move, leave your job, go back to school, buy a couch, take a vacation…on all of these things, you will need to consult and compromise. It is not just about committing yourself to another person and declaring your ever-lasting love. Rather, it is also about creating a life together—one which absorb your current way of living and thinking. So, are you ready for it?

Are You Okay With Supporting Her If Something Happened?

Right now, you only need to worry about yourself. However, after getting married, what if she lost her job? Are you willing to financially support her, take care of her until she is back on her feet? You cannot be greedy with your money when another person is depending on you. More important than money, though, what if she were in an accident and could no longer feed herself or use the bathroom alone? Are you up for the possibility of really having to tend for another person in the event of a life-changing event?

Do You Agree About Major Topics?

Some things simply cannot be negotiated. You may want kids, but she does not. How do you compromise on such a huge issue? Simply put, you don’t. While minor stuff, like who does what chore, can be discussed and argued. But make sure you are on the same track about such issues as children, finances, religion, or sex.

Do You Communicate And Solve Problems Well?

Again and again, good communication is slated as the way to make a marriage last. Do you feel like you can talk about anything together, like you can handle anything when you work together? You must be willing to confide in this person, to share what is bothering you. Otherwise, the drift between you will grow with each year that passes and more words go unspoken.

Does She Know All Of Your Secrets?

It can be hard to take that step in revealing all the embarrassing things they may do when alone or dastardly events in your past about which few people may know. Even simple admissions like how much debt you owe. Are you comfortable sharing this information with her? Is there anything she isn’t comfortable telling you, in return?

Do You Think It Will Last?

This may seem like a no-brainer, but surprisingly, I have heard many people say something along these lines: “everyone needs a starter marriage,” usually followed by a shrug. If you don’t plan to have this relationship last forever, why bother at all? Put that time and energy towards finding the one with whom you do see yourself growing old.

How To Get His Mom To Like You

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There is something sacred about the bond between a mother and her son. She becomes fiercely protective when another woman swoops in and threatens to steal him away. Suddenly, scenarios flash through her mind: he stops calling her, he moves away, he ruins his whole life just to be with this girl. All of the mother’s hard work in raising a good kid, down the drain. Help ease her mind (and make her love you) with these tips.

Show Her How Much You Care About Her Son

If there is any one way to make his mother like you, it is this. Deep down, all she really wants is for him to be with someone who will love him and appreciate him like she does. Just saying, “Gosh, I really care about your son” won’t be enough. You need to show her by holding his hand, smiling at him, laughing with and complimenting him. Even when he’s not around, brag about him to her. Yet this shouldn’t be purely show for her benefit. These are things you should genuinely be doing anyways because, well, you do care for him.

Never, Never, Never Make Her Choose Sides

Your arguments do not and should not involve her. You should never call her after a fight or try to get sympathy from her. Not only will she always choose her son over you, but this will be the fastest way to make her dislike you.

Get To Know Her

She is not just a mother. There are many more aspects to her personality and her being. Talk to her about her hobbies, her job, her other kids, what she does in her spare time. If your relationship becomes more permanent, you will be around her a lot. Getting to know her early on will create more of a familial bond which can be very rewarding in the future. If possible, spend some alone-time with her, over lunch or while doing a fun activity together.

Compliment Her

Yeah, you may want to suck up a bit. Tell her you like the pretty scarf she’s wearing. Comment on the beautiful new dining room table. Relay some of the nice things your boyfriend has told you about her. Go for the golden compliment and tell her what a great job she did in raising her son. Even if she sees right through your plan, she will appreciate that you want her to like you.

Involve Your Boyfriend

This is probably the sneakiest and least heartfelt ways of getting her to like you, but if all else is failing, have your boyfriend talk you up. Next time he calls her or visits her without you around, ask him (or bribe him) to tell his mom some of the reasons why he likes you. If she sees her son is happy, she will be more likely to give you a chance.

Be Yourself

There’s a reason your boyfriend loves you, right? Heck, there are probably lots of reasons. Don’t get down on yourself, trying to impress his mom. Chances are, she’ll see why her son is crazy about you, without you even putting forth a special effort.

Give Him a Break Or Give Him the Boot?

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Ugh! Saying relationships can be frustrating is a disgusting understatement. They can make you scream, cry, pull at your hair, and even pull at his hair—though I would advise against this. There are times when you really wonder if this relationship is worth the effort you put into it, like when you catch him telling a small lie or when he stands you up for dinner. When you are questioning (again!) whether you should forgive him, consider a few things.

Here’s an example scenario: your boyfriend goes out with his friends one Friday night. He says they went to the bar, had a few drinks, then he went home. While this part is true, he is telling a lie of omission by not informing you that it was, in fact, a strip club where they drank…something you angrily learn about through a mutual friend. Is this a deal-breaker?

Was It A Mistake, Or Was It Intentional?

Did he genuinely forget to tell you the part about naked women being at the bar? It’s hard to believe, but this part could possibly have slipped his mind—especially if there was a lot of imbibing that night.

Does He Know How You Feel About  ___________?

If you do not approve of him going to a strip club, does he know this? Have you told him explicitly how it makes you feel? If you haven’t, you cannot expect him to read your mind. Getting upset with him for going against your wishes, when he didn’t even know what your wishes were, is unreasonable. Be honest and very clear about your feelings.

Has This Happened Before?

This is a big sign of blatant disrespect if you have been open about your feelings, yet he commits the offense anyways. Assuming you are not being unreasonable (such as demanding he never again see the friend who drags him to strip clubs), he should want to make you happy. So if he knows you will be upset about something, yet still does it, this will likely not improve with time or effort.

What Is The Reason For His Behavior?

Let’s say he knows you don’t approve of him going to a strip club, yet goes anyway. Why is he doing it? Does he worry about looking “whipped” in front of his friends? If this is true, he will likely not change, which can lead to more problems down the road. Does he disagree with you about your imposed rule? Then this isn’t a deal-breaker, so much as a reason for further communication and possible compromise on the matter.

Each situation must be felt out to decide how you should handle it. It is hard to think about where you may be wrong in the heat of the moment. Yet in some cases, it is worth looking inward before making a snap judgment about the future of your relationship. Nevertheless, if you are simply not being respected by him, no amount of time or energy on your part can fix that.

Tramps vs. Prostitutes

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I’ve been noticing a somewhat disturbing trend in the way some women interpret their sense of power. It has to do with what used to be considered shameful, and downright humiliating, but now is common practice: admitting, or even advertising, that you’re the other woman and you’re having an affair with a married man.

Now, I myself have dated a married guy. It was many years ago, when I was young and immature, and I tried to convince myself that the things he was telling me were true. I wanted to believe that he was no longer sleeping with his wife, and that he would eventually leave her for me. I wanted to believe he would make good on his promise to marry me instead.

Who Is The Victim Here?

As you might imagine, there was a lot of anxiety and heartache that went along with this relationship, but what made it even more difficult to bear is that I felt I had to go through it alone. I was way too ashamed and frightened to share my indiscretions with anyone, and it sure as hell never occurred to me to call the newspapers and advertise what was going on. During all that time we struggled through our doomed relationship, I never would have dreamed of blowing the lid off everything. Something inside me knew that even though we were in love, and even though we told ourselves and each other that it would all work out eventually, we knew we had rung a bell we couldn’t un-ring, and that eventual disaster was the most likely scenario. And the greatest victim? His wife, of course. I often feel sad about the pain she had to go through because of what we did, and that was even without anyone else knowing about it.

All For The Money

So now, fast-forward twenty years… and where are we now as a culture? Well, announcing your infidelities is not only acceptable, it’s downright fashionable! Women are coming forward in droves to alert the media of things they should more appropriately feel humiliated and regretful about. “Hey everybody, check me out, I had sex with Tiger Woods!” What a wonderful example of what womankind is willing to sink to – thank you for taking us all down with you in your trampy media frenzy. And why on earth would a woman do this to herself, behave in such a vile, disgusting manner with no regard for the feelings or lives of others? One word: money. Money is the reason these women come forward and spill to the tabloids all the details of whom they slept with and when and where. Money is the reason we know about all the details of the celebrities’ private sex lives and affairs. It all comes down to these women seeing dollar signs and not being able to listen to the voice of integrity. And this is the new type of prostitution – getting paid to share your sexual indiscretions with anyone who will listen.

Is Low Self-Esteem The Culprit?

I’m curious to consider what would cause some women to take such a gigantic step backwards in our cultural evolution – why, after so many hard-won strides forward, a woman would sabotage herself by unraveling everything we have done for ourselves and worked so hard for? It’s impossible to say. I think, though, that we can start pinpointing the cause if we look at one particular area that seems to be lacking: self-esteem. If you have no personal integrity, no desire to go out and make an honest living rather than leeching off the misery of others, then the things you tell the news reporters say a lot more about you and your infidelity than they do about the people whose lives you are ruining.

Q&A: How Do I Move On From My Recent Break Up?

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Breaking up with someone you’ve been with for a long time is devestating, and the idea that you’re going to eventually get over them seems near impossible. But it is possible to get over them, if you give yourself enough time. Here’s how you can move on after a breakup and begin having a satisfying, happy and fulfilling life again.

Question: Me and my girlfriend just broke up about 3 weeks ago. We’ve been going out for about 2 years. But even after 3 weeks I still miss her and I am still having trouble. I go out with friends a lot and I socialize as much as possible! But I still can’t get her out of my head and get out of my depressions that come and go. I just feel like something’s missing. What is some advice in helping me to get over her and move on?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuOxLScCHnU[/youtube]

Give Yourself Plenty Of Time

Many people expect themselves to get over a breakup within just a few weeks, but they find that they’re still stuck in a breakup rut after that and can’t get out of it. They get angry or upset with themselves, or wonder if there’s something wrong with them because they haven’t moved on yet. Don’t worry! It takes time to get over someone you were with for a long time and move on from the break up. Make sure you are giving yourself enough time to truly move on. You’ll notice that over the course of the next several weeks and even the next few months that you start to feel better and are beginning to focus more on things that make you happy and fulfilled. Don’t short yourself on the time you need to really get over y0ur ex.

Consider Counseling

Going to counseling after a break up doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or that you have a mental disease. It simply means you want to talk to someone openly about what you’re going through with someone who has the experience to teach you the tools you need to have to move on with your life. Consider going to counseling for a short period of time if you’re having some trouble getting back into the groove of things after your break up, or simply just want to talk to someone. Often, talking to your friends or family about the break up is counterproductive. You may feel better for getting it off your chest, but they’re not going to give you any information in return that will help you continue to move on.

Start Dating Again When You’re Really Ready

While the saying “there’s plenty fish in the sea” is cliche, it’s absolutely true. Remember that the person you broke up with isn’t the only person on Earth that you can have a good, fulfilling relationship with. There are lots of people out there that you can have fun with, and others that you can share a deeper connection with. Start dating again after the break up when you’re ready, but only when you’re really ready. Again, don’t short yourself on the time you need to heal but don’t give up on dating just because it didn’t work out this time. You can have a satisfying relationship with someone else, or just a fun friendship if you want. Get back in the swing of things when you’ve had enough time time to move on from the break up.