• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

  • Sex
    • Sex Tips & Advice
    • Foreplay
    • Oral Sex
    • Orgasm
    • Masturbation
    • Swingers & Threesomes
    • Sex Games
    • Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies
    • Kissing
    • Erectile Dysfunction / Last Longer In Bed
    • Sexting & Phone Sex
    • Porn & Adult Movies
  • Love
    • Love & Romance
    • Relationship Advice
    • Marriage
    • Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs
    • Break Up & Divorce
    • Get Your Ex Back
  • Dating
    • Dating Tips
    • Date Ideas
    • Flirting Tips
    • Seduction Tips
    • Pick Up Lines
    • Online Dating Tips & Advice
    • Online Dating Sites & Reviews
  • Sex Positions
    • Best Sex Positions For…
    • Deep Penetration Sex Positions
    • Missionary Sex Positions
    • Oral Sex Positions For Her
    • Oral Sex Positions For Him
    • Rear Entry Sex Positions
    • Side By Side Sex Positions
    • Sitting Sex Positions
    • Standing Sex Positions
    • Woman On Top Sex Positions
  • Sex Toys
    • Anal Toys
    • Bondage & Fetish
    • Bullets & Eggs
    • Clitoral Vibrators
    • Cock Rings
    • Condoms
    • Dildos
    • Discreet Vibrators
    • G-Spot Vibrators
    • Lotions & Potions
    • Lubricants
    • Male Masturbators
    • Nipple Toys
    • Penis Enhancers
    • Rabbit Vibrators
    • Sex Furniture
    • Traditional Vibrators
  • About
  • Contact Us
You are here: Home / Archives for Love & Relationships

Q&A: When She Says You Deserve Someone Better

By loveandsex

Asking a girl out, or telling a girl that you have romantic feelings for her, can be intimidating. If she returns your feelings, great. If she doesn’t, that’s ok too. But what if she tells you that you deserve someone better? What does it mean? Does she like you but have poor self esteem, or is she just trying to let you down easy? Here’s how you can figure out this difficult situation.

Question: What do you do when you tell her how you feel about her but she says you deserve someone better?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KEj81BkQEM[/youtube]

She’s Letting You Down Easy

Sometimes women find it difficult to let a guy down if she doesn’t return his feelings. She doesn’t want to hurt him, so she finds a way to blame herself instead of just saying that she doesn’t have romantic feelings for you. This may be the case if you’ve revealed your romantic feelings for her and she’s told you that you “deserve someone better.” She may be too afraid to tell you the truth.

She Has Poor Self Esteem

Many women have poor self esteem and if she’s told you that you deserve someone better than her, she may really believe it. She may feel like she’s worthless, or that she doesn’t deserve a healthy, happy relationship. There are many reasons that a woman may feel this way and it has nothing to do with you. She may have had self esteem issues for years, stemming from childhood. It may have to do with her parents or an old, abusive boyfriend. It may even be more than one issue that contributes to her self esteem issues. Regardless of where her poor self esteem stems from, the end result is the same – she can’t commit to a relationship or even begin dating someone because she doesn’t feel like she deserves it. It can be difficult though, to figure out whether she’s telling you that you deserve someone better because she has low self esteem or because she’s trying to let you down easy.

Ask Her To Be Honest With You

The only way to find out what her true motivations are in this situation is to ask her to be truthful with you. Don’t be angry or critical – just be open with her and encourage her to be open and honest with you as well. Tell her that no matter what, you won’t judge her for whatever is going on in her life. Let her know that even if she doesn’t return your romantic feelings and that’s why she told you that you deserve someone better, you’ll understand and that you can be friends if she wants or nothing at all. If she truly has poor self esteem, it’s important to let her know that you want to be there for her and that she’s worth a good relationship. She may not respond right away, but showing that you care for her may lead to a friendship which may turn into a romantic relationship at some point when she feels ready.

Filed Under: Relationship Advice Tagged With: dating, first date, self esteem, sex advice

Being Single On Valentine’s Day

By maryannecomaroto

A couple of days ago a reporter asked if I would help him with a column he was writing about Valentine’s Day. He started off by asking, “If you’re single, where should you go to meet people?”

Well, that’s a question that’s impossible to answer without more information. I mean, where should you go to eat if you’re hungry? First you need to specify what kind of food you like, or you may end up at completely the wrong restaurant! If you don’t outline your preferences and desires, then it’s like saying that any random relationship will do, when obviously that’s not the case. I mean, you can show up at any bar and meet someone, but will they be someone who is right for you?

I told the reporter, “Finding the right person to start a relationship with isn’t just about meeting someone. If you approach it that way, then you’re relying on luck, which can waste a lot of time and emotion. If you don’t want to waste time trying out a lot of different options, then you need to focus on what you really want, and be clear about that. Then you need to hang out at the places where you think that type of person will be. It’s surprising how little effort you actually have to put in when you set a strong intention. Or, if you prefer some of the excitement of chance, you can mix with the sort of people you get along with, and see what happens. Your choice.”

The Secret To A Great Valentine’s Day When You’re Single

He then asked about coping strategies for singles on Valentine’s Day. This is a pretty simple attitude adjustment, and works like any other aspect of life – you can either celebrate what you have, or bemoan what you don’t. There’s no reason not to treat yourself like royalty on Valentine’s Day, or any other day for that matter. You’ll find that life will mirror how you treat yourself, and Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to turn over a new leaf of loving yourself more and more everyday. The sooner you start doing this, the more people will want to be around you.

But the reporter still wasn’t getting it. “So, where’s the best place for people to look for romance?” he asked.

The truth is, there is no magical place to look for love, except inside yourself. The world reflects only what you put out there, and if you’re giving love then you’re bound to get it in return. So quit looking for some special venue where you think the love is, and start getting things align within yourself instead. Focus on what you want, and that focus will carry you to where you need to be to meet the right person. You’ve already tried it the other way around, by just looking for “someone” and ending up with whomever you found. How did that work out for you? Instead, try doing the things that make you happy, and hanging out with the people who reflect that happiness.

In other words, the key is not trying to meet someone, but rather finding out who you are and being clear about what you’re looking for.

Filed Under: Valentine's Day Tagged With: dating, Valentines Day, Valentines Day Ideas

Fighting Fair Is Necessary For Fidelity, Passion And Health

By drbonnieeakerweil

On the heels of the news this weekend that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will allegedly be separating, I wanted to take the opportunity to encourage people to learn how to fight fair. Fighting in a relationship is not in itself a bad thing – in fact it’s usually necessary for a relationship to survive. A relationship without passion enough to launch arguments likely won’t last for the long haul. However, arguing in the wrong way can also drive a relationship into the ground. I talk about the dialogue necessary to fight fair in my book Make Up Don’t Breakup (which will be re-released in March with new chapters).

Additionally, Brad and Angelina are definitely in a unique situation, but also share some common denominators that many of us have experienced. Angelina is likely looking for a new adventure as a response to her feelings of separation and loss she may still be dealing with due to her mother passing away. She’s experiencing what I call a Biochemical Craving for Connection. This can be momentarily assuaged by engaging in thrill-seeking behavior such as requesting and open relationship, traveling, working, or engaging in an affair (among many other things) but it only leads to a more pronounced cycle of stress, separation and loss when each “adventure” winds down and the person is left with the original feelings.

Have A Heart To Heart Talk With Your Partner

I encourage having a weekly ten minute heart-to-heart with a figurative emotional “bullet proof vest” to protect from hurt, anger and defensiveness, as you listen and echo back what you heard. It is essential to walk in your partner’s shoes rather than trying to be right. Instead of shame and blame you should give three solutions, and your partner has to pick at least one. Arguing fairly creates the tension that gives you passion and makes you feel safe. Here are a few other pointers:

  • Ask permission – you want the other person to be engaged in the conversation, so make sure it’s a good time for them, too. You should make an “appointment” for a specific time to make sure that the issue will be handled.
  • Put time limits on the “fight” – it’s OK to walk away and come back later as long as it’s mutual and done with respect. Everyone has different thresholds for what they can tolerate during an argument.
  • Use “I” sentences – don’t blame or criticize.
  • Echo what you hear and validate your partner’s feelings – truly listen to the other person and let them hear you repeat their thoughts and concerns back to them. This assures them that you ARE paying attention and not just continuing with your “agenda.”
  • Detach from your emotions – try not to let your responses be emotional, but rather focus on the facts and the truth.
  • After a fair and productive fight, remember things that each person needs to work on, and commit to trying to change the behaviors that may have created.

Filed Under: Break Up & Divorce Tagged With: breaking up, divorce

John Edwards’ Emotional Pyramid Scheme

By drbonnieeakerweil

The New York Daily News came out with an article on John Edwards’ lyin’ , cheatin’ ways recently where one expert offered the opinion that his untruths, denials and eventual admissions make “Tiger Woods look like an amateur.” I’m quoted in the same article, explaining Edwards’ propensity toward the thrill of the lying and cheating as part of an “emotional pyramid scheme” he constructed for himself and then became addicted to. As he heaped more and more lies and deceit on top of one another, he concocted an elaborate life that he was then able to fool the public – and apparently his own family – into believing.

Understanding Adultery

Creating this type of scheme is nothing new for addicts with the affair disease, who are constantly on the look-out for the next thrill, the next high. Frequently, people under pressure are susceptible to these desires as a way for escape, unfortunately this type of “escape” only creates more pressure and more stress, so the person must up the ante of the type of behavior they engage in. In Edwards’ case we now see he was lying about lying, lying about cheating, lying about fathering a child and so forth. It’s obviously a disturbing and upsetting cycle but it can be easy to get trapped inside.

Most of us will never face circumstances as extreme as Edwards’, but many, many of us are under intense amounts of stress none the less, ad then we choose to self-medicate in any number of ways—with alcohol, medication, sex, or money—can begin with a desire to relieve stress or mute depression. The addiction then progresses to a preoccupation with where their next “fix” will come from, and often involves a strong desire to create rituals around obtaining the “high.” This preoccupation becomes a compulsion—to use drugs or alcohol, or to have sex, or to shop—followed by depression and despair as the effects wear off, leading to the start of the cycle all over again.

How To Avoid Destructive Behavior

The key to avoiding such destructive behavior is communication and the ability to identify the potential for destructive behavior when stressed. This is true of any type of thrill-seeking behavior but can be specifically applied when in a relationship where one partner (or both) has been tempted by, or succumbed to, infidelity. In my book, Adultery the Forgivable sin, I expand on this idea of communication and ways in which I believe couples who would normally have a 35% chance of staying together after an affair can now emerge with a 98% chance of relational success.

Adultery is a disease, thrill-seeking behavior is an addiction and both are treatable. It’s caused by stress and fear of separation and loss. As I’ve mentioned before, successful people in the spotlight – like Edwards and Tiger to name only two – experience these emotions intensely and regularly because of their line of work. Edwards was likely especially challenged by fear of separation and loss when he lost his child and when his wife struggled through cancer during the elections. All these components can add up to make the life he faced as a politician even more stressful and frightening.

Of course I would never excuse someone’s adulterous, lying behavior but if we can seek to understand it, like we seek to understand other addiction I believe we can keep couples together.

Filed Under: Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs Tagged With: adultery, affairs, cheating, lying, Relationship Advice

Make Up, Don’t Break Up This Valentine’s Day

By drbonnieeakerweil

Everywhere you look in the headlines, one famous couple or another is breaking up. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are supposedly calling it quits, while Brad is rumored to be back in contact with Jennifer Aniston. And Elin has put her divorce proceedings on hold while Tiger allegedly hashes it out in rehab. I spoke to OK!Magazine on this very subject, saying that I believe most relationships CAN be kept together. In my practice, 98% of couples can work things out, you just have to be honest about addressing what problems you’re facing, and committed to dealing with them.

Ok, it’s not THAT easy, which is why I’m re-releasing my book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up, with new, updated insights into why we do what we do, how to break bad behavior patterns, the male dilemma of intimacy, and how to make the decision to stay together! I address topics like gender wars and long distance relationships. I also expand on a few of my techniques, which I’ve mentioned in my blog posts before, but I think bear repeating especially in light of upcoming Valentine’s Day and with people focusing on love and relationships.

How To Break Bad Behavior Patterns

  • Don’t underestimate the Biochemical Craving for Connection. More than being needy or clingy, we all need to connect in a deep and meaningful way with our partners. But some people have exaggerated feelings of stress, separation and loss that cause them to seek out illicit behavior in order to fill this craving. If you’re in this situation, you can avoid a lot of heartache by identifying it and dealing with it early on.
  • Learn how to fight fair. It’s a misperception that fighting is bad; a relationship without passion enough to launch arguments likely won’t last for the long haul. However, arguing in the wrong way can also drive a relationship into the ground. I encourage having a weekly ten minute “Smart heart”-to-heart with a figurative emotional “bullet proof vest” to protect from hurt, anger and defensiveness, as you listen and echo back what you heard.
  • Consider a brush with death. This can be an extreme measure when it looks like a relationship may be coming to its end. This is a scenario in which a couple agrees to spend time apart with the intention of working things out and getting back together. – A temporary break up can help resolve certain issues, and creates a shake-up that many couples need. In certain circumstances, this is the only thing that will create an action step which will make reconnecting and making up easier to do. Remember that it MUST be a strategy, not something entered into half-heartedly.

Whether or not you’re in a rocky relationship, I encourage you to take this time, when “love is in the air” and focus on some things about your relationship that you’d like to improve upon or change. Have an affair with your own partner and plan for some romance!

Filed Under: Valentine's Day Tagged With: breaking up, divorce, Valentines Day, Valentines Day Ideas

  • « Go to Previous Page
  • Page 1
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 52
  • Page 53
  • Page 54
  • Page 55
  • Page 56
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 135
  • Go to Next Page »

Sex & Intimacy Topics

  • Sex Tips & Advice
  • Foreplay
  • Kissing
  • Oral Sex
  • Orgasm
  • Masturbation
  • Sex Games
  • Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies
  • Porn & Adult Movies
  • Anal Sex
  • Erectile Dysfunction / Last Longer In Bed

Love & Relationship Categories

  • Love & Romance
  • Relationship Advice
  • Marriage
  • Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs
  • Break Up & Divorce
  • Get Your Ex Back

Singles & Dating Categories

  • Date Ideas
  • Dating Tips
  • Flirting Tips
  • Pick Up Lines
  • Seduction Tips
  • Online Dating Sites & Reviews
  • Online Dating Tips & Advice

Sex Position Categories

  • Best Sex Positions For…
  • Deep Penetration Sex Positions
  • Missionary Sex Positions
  • Oral Sex Positions For Her
  • Oral Sex Positions For Him
  • Rear Entry Sex Positions
  • Side By Side Sex Positions
  • Sitting Sex Positions
  • Standing Sex Positions
  • Woman On Top Sex Positions
  • About
  • Contact

Copyright © 2025 Your Name All Rights Reserved. Reproduction without express permission is prohibited.

Accessing this website acknowledges your agreement to the Terms of Use • Advertising & Affiliate Disclosure