Love & Relationships

4 Simple Insights That Will Make You Sexier!

OK, I’m going to let it all hang out. When I look back to my own love life, it was a nightmare and boy, it seems like anther life time ago. I remember when I dreaded dating; especially first dates; I always worried that I made my dates head for the hills after 30 minutes of my desperate energy. If I happen to get a second or third date with the same guy, I took on this “He picked me” mentality!

Why?

1. Dating scared me.
2. I scared me.
3. I didn’t know how to date smart.
4. I didn’t know where or how to find the guys I envisioned being with.
5. I settled for any dates.
6. Even though I knew it wasn’t a good fit, I would continue to date him, and yes, even jump into a relationship.

Dating And Sitting In The Driver’s Seat

When it comes to showing your softer side or talking about yourself, you just want to keep on hiding. Dating can actually be a wonderful experience. Imagine how liberating it could be to actually go on dates where you’re in the driver’s seat; where you’re at a place of feeling so comfortable with sharing yourself, your world in such an authentic way, that being vulnerable, is second nature.

Well, I can attest that this is absolutely possible. I guarantee you can evolve from being the bad insecure dater to being the smart, confident dater MAN. I know because I have done it. With these 4 simple insights, you will start to see where you’ve been hitting the wall and missing the door. Let these insights be that door to more amazing dating opportunities.

Insights That Will Ultimately Make You Sexier

1. Is your life hanging by a thread? Is the rest of your life in order? Does it feel like you have enough emotional space in your life to invite a dating relationship? More times than you can recall, do you consistently get stressed out because of debt or is the J-O-B a PIA? The fact is, there is amazing opportunities that come with being single. The opportunity to get your life, your finances, your emotions and friendships in amazing order.

2. People always telling you NO. Take this example: There is someone in my life where every time I share something I want to achieve or a special dream I want to pursue, they always respond with “Well what about this! Or what about that or can I make a suggestion?” They mean well, but the truth is they’re actually telling me, in so many words, that I can’t do it. If we want to achieve love success or any success for that matter, we really need to start monitoring when, why and how these people are showing in our lives. Remember, dream and dream BIG!

3. The love of your life is right there in front of you! Have you met the man who is going to love you no matter what, support you no matter what and always have the right answers? Well, believe this, you’ve met him already. He’s YOU. Until you love yourself truly, authentically and fully you cannot hope to find that love in another.

4. Planning is SEXY! *Meeting, dating and creating a relationship with the man of your dreams does not just happen, it requires these things: VISION, CLARITY, DESIRE and ACTION.
• VISION – specifically defining exactly who you want to be within a relationship. It just doesn’t stop at physical characteristics. It goes beyond that reaching towards core values, relationship requirements, how you see the world.
• CLARITY – understanding who you are, your truth, needs and requirements. What is your truth? What are your deal-breakers?
• DESIRE – a willingness to do the work to clear the path for a healthy loving relationship.
• ACTION – doing what is necessary, being aware and listening to your inner voice so you will recognize him when you finally do meet.

*A client of mine came up with number 4 after coaching together for 5 months. He is truly on the path to having the relationship of his dreams.

When Your Dating Life Takes A Turn For The Better

Dating can be a beautiful time in the relationship process. With these insights not only will you attract men who play in your league, spend time with amazing guys who listen to your words, you will attract them frequently and consistently. If you are dead serious about being in a loving long-term relationship, you will start working from the inside out by following these simple insights.

How To Date A Daddy’s Girl

By sarahelizabethmalinak

She’s daddy’s little princess? Treat her like your queen! This won’t spoil her. Rather, it will touch her in such a way that you will stand out from the crowd. Keep reading to discover the daddy’s girl’s mind set and the secret to what she needs from you in order to feel safe and loved by you.

Understanding A Daddy’s Girl

If you are a single man out there dating today, chances are most of the women you date are daddy’s girls. Ever since women stepped up during World War II to take the place of men in the workplace who went off to war, competent, successful, capable women have been proud to bear the title “daddy’s girl.” Although not every daddy’s girl is “daddy’s little princess,” all daddy’s girls are competent women who are used to taking charge. Even the daddy’s girl who is submissive and a willing servant will take charge of your happiness 24/7. This is a crucial understanding to have if you want to have success with the adult daddy’s girl you date.

Daddy’s girls are raised to believe that it is within their power and necessary for them to take care of everyone they love. She may boss you around or serve your every need, be one of the guys or frilly from head to toe, but her motivation is to take care of you because she is convinced this is the only thing that will bring her fulfillment. I’m sorry to have to say it, but this is a lie! As a man, the idea that your woman’s route to fulfillment is all about pleasing you might be a very juicy idea! However, a woman loves best who finds her fulfillment from within herself.

How To Love A Daddy’s Girl

What daddy’s girls need is reassurance that their feelings are cherished and the freedom to kick back, relax, and receive. Giving her these things can prove to be a huge challenge, but you’re a man, you can handle it!

When you ask her out for that first date, be assertive and have plans. If you take her out to eat, rather than ask her what restaurant she would like to go to, save that level of casualness for after you have been dating for awhile. Have specific plans, be bold, and share them with her. If you have been dating for awhile, periodically be assertive and make specific plans. Your assurance in yourself reassures her that she can rely on you to take care of her. Daddy’s girls are used to people taking advantage of their ability to take responsibility. Every time you remind her she can count on you makes an impression on her.

Respecting A Daddy’s Girl

While you are on the date, a daddy’s girl isn’t likely to hang on your every word. She is an intelligent woman used to making contributions to conversations. At times, you may find yourself competing with her for attention! Respect her mind and accomplishments, but not too much. Now why would I say that? When you respect a woman, you treat her like a man. As a daddy’s girl, this woman spends too much time existing in the world like a man: being decisive, taking action, handling responsibilities. When she is in your hands, you will capture her attention if you can create the space for her to trust your lead while relaxing her mind and body.

Besides, the best way to show a woman respect is to cherish her feelings. When she talks about her accomplishments and decisive action in her work life, ask her how it made her feel. When you want to try and fix something she’s sharing with you, ask her what her desire was about the situation. Did she desire a different outcome? How might she get that desire met in a similar situation in the future? How did she feel when what she wanted was thwarted? As a man, these kinds of questions may feel “sticky” and dangerous to you. She will get it, though. It will take her to a feminine space she may be unfamiliar with but a space she will feel grateful for having been led to.

Giving Her What She Needs

As she learns she can trust sharing her feelings with you, the responsibility on your end for asking the questions will go away. Once a woman realizes a man cherishes her feelings, she longs to share them with him. He doesn’t have to ask! The question then becomes creating balance so that there is more to the relationship than just listening to her share her feelings! But that is another subject!

There are things you can do on a date to assist her in kicking back, relaxing, and receiving. Insist on getting doors for her. Pull the chair out for her to sit in. Let her walk into the movie isle first. When you walk with her along a sidewalk, position yourself between her and traffic. These little things may seem small or even condescending. But they communicate that you are the man and that she is worthy of being treated like royalty. If she resists these efforts on your part to help her kick back, relax, and receive from you, use your attitude and words to reassure her that this is about her worthiness and status. It shouldn’t take long to win the battle and have her enjoying your attention.

Daddy’s girls can be a challenge because of their orientation that it is all up to them, that they are superior to men, and that men need them more than they need men. You can be the difference maker in her life by vigilantly showing up as the man who understands her real value, cherishes her feelings, and gives her the freedom to kick back, relax, and receive for a change. Good luck with this. She is worth the challenge and you are worth the prize!

Polite Marriages Will Suffer

By drbonnieeakerweil

If you’re like most people, you were probably taught early on that being polite toward others is one of life’s top priorities. And while this advice certainly has a place, it can be detrimental to marriages if taken too literally. There are, in fact, statistics to prove that polite marriages end in adultery. There are two sides of this coin.

When You CAN Be More Polite

1). We tend to be most casual with the people we know best. The relationships in which we’re most comfortable – where we’ve known the other person for a long time, where they’ve seen us at our best and worst – tend to be the places where we are most open about our feelings and frustrations. These dynamics are usually within marriages, long-term relationships, or with family members. Being open with our feelings is a crucial part of having a functioning relationship, but too often, we unburden ourselves from the stresses of the day without giving a second thought for how disrespectful this could be to the other person. We let our true colors show, for better or for worse, and the people we’re the most comfortable with often become the people we unleash upon. When we find ourselves tending toward these extremes, we could benefit from being more respectful, and yes – a bit more polite. But then there’s the other extreme.

When You SHOULDN’T Be More Polite

2). We walk on eggshells with our partner. This can be due to many things: we were taught to be overly polite toward everyone; we haven’t learned to be ourselves around our partner; we’re afraid of what the other person might think; we’re afraid of the intimacy that honesty could bring. Whatever the reason – some being more drastic than others – the result tends to be the same: when a relationship is too polite, both people suffer. Avoiding confrontation, bottling up true feelings, refusing to communicate honestly – all these things can have damaging results . Things can sometimes even end in an affair, if either or both parties feel they can’t be themselves around their significant other.

Finding The Balance

Obviously both of these situations have major flaws. To deal with both of these problems, couples must learn to communicate openly about things that bother you, things you’re struggling with, things that stress you out. You can start out by using what I call “Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue,” which I talk about in my book, “Adultery the Forgivable Sin.” The idea is to provide a safe place where each person can feel comfortable talking about their fears and frustrations. These types of habits can be the glue that helps to create passion in a relationship, even during and spite of disagreements and conflict. This may start out as basically as telling your partner you HAVEN’T been communicating these feelings and asking them to be patient with you while you learn how to go through this process. It may involve treating eachother with more respect, and being more mindful of the problems at hand during heated arguments.

The solution is not to avoid fighting, but to learn to fight fair.

Tips For A Lasting Relationship

By drbonnieeakerweil

One of my biggest tips for a lasting relationships is scientific – but bear with me, as it has implications and advice for the real world. One of the best things you can do to ensure a happy, satisfying relationship that will endure through life’s ups and downs is to recreate endorphins. So what exactly does that mean? Endorphins are the same brain chemicals we feel when we begin to fall in love. They show up elsewhere, too, or course, when we’ve accomplished a goal or done something risky. But they show up in love because we’re anticipating the excitement, risk and – yes- perhaps the accomplishment of meeting someone new, starting a relationship, and all the details that brings with it.

When The “Fire” Dies

But it’s likely that after only a little while, those feelings of risk, excitement and accomplishment begin to wane. We know most of the stories our partner tells. We know all their secrets – and all of the details of their day-to-day life as well. We’ve learned much of what there is to know about their past, their likes and dislikes, their struggles and their hobbies. We’ve probably settled into a routine in this new relationship and what was once exciting and unsure has become second nature. This is not a bad stage in a relationship – on the contrary, it can be exciting in its own way as you get to know someone intimately and become comfortable enough with them to develop a life and support system with them. But that doesn’t change the fact that many relationships plateau here, and this often leads to trouble.

So, put into practice, what can you do to increase endorphins? As I suggest in my book, Make up Don’t Breakup – which focuses on getting through the dips in order to form a lasting relationship – I recommend that you linger. An example is a 20 sec hug which releases the feel good, happy, dopamine rush. Also a 30 second kiss which releases the cuddle hormone Oxytocin and which bonds you to your partner. I’m sure you can come up with more of your own!

More Tips To Make Your Relationship Last

• Make sure you fight fairly. I discuss this in Financial Infidelity that it’s so important to have a 10 minute heart-to heart each week, with a figurative emotional “bullet proof vest” to protect from hurt, anger and defensiveness, as you listen and echo back what you heard. It is essential to walk in your partner’s shoes rather than trying to be right. Instead of shame and blame you should give 3 solutions, and your partner has to pick at least one. Fighting fairly creates the tension that gives you passion and makes you feel safe.

• Make sex a priority, Schedule it in. Some examples are:

“Sex vows”

“Kidnap your partner” – take turns scheduling something – non-sexual – that you enjoy as a couple. Build on that intimacy, and see where it leads!

Use your imagination and come up with different ways to feel close to your partner, even when you don’t, well, feel close to your partner. Those endorphins will keep your body, spirit and mind happy in this relationship, making it last for the long haul!

How To Date A Mama’s Boy

By sarahelizabethmalinak

Mama’s boys have been getting a lot of press lately. Everyone wants to know how to avoid them. I’m not giving you that advice because if you avoid mama’s boys, there aren’t many men left over for you to choose from! There are many types of mama’s boys who don’t let you see that trait in them until you’ve reached a certain level of commitment. For some, that commitment is marriage. For others, it is the magical third date.

Are Men That Manipulative?

It makes it seem like they snare you before revealing their true selves, right? Well, they’re not that methodically manipulative! Most men are not proud of their mama’s boy traits. You don’t get to see it until a certain level of commitment is reached because they are waiting to trust you before letting their guard down. There is a trick to dating (and eventually marrying) a mama’s boy that does not include throwing him back.

Mama’s boys come in all shapes and sizes of personality. Some are bullies and overbearing, others are nurturing caretakers, while others are into sports and manly activities. Some have interfering mothers but others have moms that are adorable! Mama’s boys missed out on the opportunity, during puberty, to enter their fathers’ sphere of influence. It’s a complex issue. What they have in common is the need to have their women affirm their masculinity as if the women have it to give.

Now, whether through your own observation, reading about it, or hearing about it, it is common knowledge that men love to have their masculinity affirmed by their women. That is a juicy experience for a man, which means there is a nice pay off for you! However, what we’re talking about here is a desire for affirmation as if that is the only way he can feel like a man; as if you have some power of masculinity to impart to him.

How To Affirm Your Partner’s Masculinity

You know this is what you are dealing with when not giving it to him results in some measure of punishment for you. Whether it is his pouting, disappearing into his cave, demanding affirmation, raising his voice in anger, feeling his bitterness because you are withholding something he requires from you, to verbally or physically abusing you, it is that level of need we are discussing here. A woman can affirm her man’s masculinity but if he isn’t grounded in his own masculine power, she doesn’t have that to give to him.

What a woman can do is discipline herself to maintain her own femininity no matter who she is dating. When a mama’s boy falls for you, he wants to be the man. He wants to be your knight in shining armor. He wants to be that powerful, masculine man for you! For the relationship to be successful, you need to take advantage of that.

When you put attention on grounding yourself in your femininity, in being a receptive yet powerful woman, in having the stature of a woman worthy of love and adoration, your words and behavior will be affected in such a way that the man sitting across the table from you will rise to meet the challenge. When he does this, he will be in the process of winning the battle between his real masculinity and the mama’s boy who would otherwise pull on you or push against you for confirmation.

Let The Real Woman Inside You Out To Play!

If you are like most women in the Western world, this discipline of being The Woman creates a struggle in you as well. Sitting across the table from him, you will be winning the battle between your real femininity and the daddy’s girl who would otherwise believe she needs to take care of him, as if he is a little boy, in order to find fulfillment.

As you practice being the woman, not fixing him, not rescuing him, but being receptive to his attention and creating the space for him to be the man, he will either show up prepared to win his own internal battle, proving himself worthy of you; or, the mama’s boy traits will rush to the surface in an effort to manipulate you. At that point, you know whether or not you want to continue.

If you do want to continue and the two of you fall in love and begin to create a solid relationship, the mama’s boy inside your man will always be there. The daddy’s girl inside you will always be there. These two will clamor for attention in ways that will sometimes seem to sabatoge your relationship. However, there is always the choice for him to be The Man and for you to be The Woman. You cannot call forth his masculine power by demanding it. But you can encourage and seduce it to the forefront as you discipline yourself to be The Woman, giving both of you space to show up as two adults in love, rather than children working out childhood issues.

Being the woman in your romantic relationship is a discipline. It will grow you in ways that make you yummy and irresistible to men, if you let it! And it will attract the type of man you desire as well.