Love & Relationships

Still Living In The Past? How To Let Go Of Past Relationships And Be Happy Now…

Does the following scenario remind you of anyone?

Sue was totally in love with Jim. The couple met in high school and dated for eight years. Everyone who knew them expected them to get married and live happily ever after together. Then Jim met Karen. Before anyone knew what was happening, including Sue, Jim had eloped with Karen, putting an end to all of Sue’s dreams and expectations.

Sue was devastated. All she could think about was Jim and how she had been cheated out of a happy and secure lifetime with him.

She attempted to date other guys, but no one could compare to Jim in her eyes. Sue spent her days feeling sorry for herself and dreaming that one day, Jim would return to her.

After many years, Sue finally married another man. However, he could not measure up to Sue’s memory of Jim. As a result, Sue’s marriage was an unhappy one in which she never was able to give her all to her husband. After a number of unhappy years, her husband left Sue as well.

Sue lived out the remaining years of her life lonely, embittered and righteously indignant about how she had been wronged.

You Can’t Have A Happy Relationship In The Present If You’re Still Living In The Past

It is impossible to be totally present to life, living full out in the moment, if we are incomplete with our past. Instead of welcoming each new experience with a fresh perspective, we become bogged down in the baggage from previously unresolved issues. These issues steal our life energy and diminish of self-esteem.

All too often, when something does not work out as we had hoped, we worry about or re-live the event over and over again. Maintaining our focus on the past distracts and confuses us, draining our energy.

With less energy to focus on making the present an exciting passionate adventure, we slip into resignation and begin to see ourselves as limited, ineffective, unworthy, and even unlovable.

The future presents us with an opportunity to complete the past. When we do so, people and events no longer possess an emotional charge.

Communicating responsibly with the appropriate people and releasing any remaining opinions, feelings, upsets or emotions until there is nothing left to say is the access to clearing all residue that may interfere with moving on in life. When there is nothing left to say or do and you are void of further energy around an incomplete incident, you can start anew.

Complete The Past And Start Living Today

Completion is a declaration you make that you are satisfied for now and ready to move on to what’s next. When you are complete, you no longer feel the need to change, worry or fix something in your past. Your focus can rightfully be placed on your present actions and situation as you design a compelling future deliberately.

There is value in declaring yourself complete at the end of each day. This declaration allows you to recognize your accomplishments for the day putting your mind at rest so that you can start fresh the next day. When you are complete, you experience a new vitality and aliveness.

There is a special sense of certainty and excitement that allows you to be most productive and present for whatever project or opportunity is next. However, most of the time we never quite reach that level of freedom due to our reluctance to communicate all there is to say in order to put it all behind us.

Do not confuse completion with being finished or with quitting. Being finished means you are done with doing whatever it is you’ve finished. Quitting is about your decision to stop what you are doing whether you are finished or not. There are times when quitting does not support you if you are quitting for the wrong reason.

For example, you quit because you cannot be with an interpretation of failing or perhaps, because you are unwilling to take responsibility for communicating what is so for you in the appropriate manner.

Although there is little room in our society for quitters, there is no dishonor in quitting if you are clear about the consequences of your decision and staying at it no longer serves you. All there is to do is simply tell the truth and go on to whatever is next for you.

Exercise For Completion – How To Let Go Of The Past

1) Make a list of all those people with whom you are still angry or have an existing challenge or incompletion.

2) Within the next 30 days, complete with everyone on your list. For those who are deceased or unreachable, write a completion letter saying everything you need to say in order to be complete.

3) For every interaction or situation you experience daily, ask yourself if you are complete, satisfied and fulfilled. Is there anything left to say or do that would allow you to put any incompletions behind you?

4) As you declare each situation complete, look to see what action, project or area of research is next for you.

5) Identify any areas where you have quit. Have you told the truth and completed with your decision to quit? Is there anything left to do or say to anyone about it?

Be Sure Your Relationship is Built on Real Love, Not Sympathy…

By loveandsex

When does love get confused for sympathy? Well simply when one has only received attention or caring, which they then interpret as "love", from others as a result of they’re being ill, depressed, or compromised in some way.

In other words they draw the "love" to themselves only when they take on what is a compromised position in their life.

Why It’s Bad

Unfortunately this can set in motion a behavior pattern where the individual feels this is the only viable way they can elicit "love" from others. I keep placing the quotations on the word love because clearly what is being received is not love at all.

Instead it is likely driven by feelings of sympathy that the individual unconsciously attempts to evoke in others .

In doing so they have accomplished two things.

First, they have adopted a victim like stance in relation to others. This is equivalent to making themselves appear helpless and believe themselves to be such.

Secondly by doing the above they have attempted to make others feel responsible for them in a somewhat underhanded or manipulative manner. They feel this is necessary because they’ve never experienced receiving love in any other way thus, deep down believe themselves to be unlovable. In this they a sense an emptiness that must be filled in the only way they know how.

A Recipe For Destruction

Unfortunately this is a recipe for destruction of their relationships as others begin to tire of their repeated efforts to "steal" some "love".

This pattern is commonly experienced in many relationships and in some cases has become the foundation upon which they are formed. It’s also a big reason why many relationships fail.

So what can be done about this problem?

Well, first one must recognize that it exists.

Next one must recognize its destructive nature on their relationships and their lives.

Finally one must make a choice to release this destructive pattern and reconnect to the well spring of love which lives right inside them.

It may surprise you that indeed one of the reasons one feels disconnected from this inner source of love is because of the existence of programmed early memories of the kind mentioned earlier i.e. of getting "love" when down.

These memories keep one disconnected from one’s inner love thus making them feel the emptiness inside that compulsively drives the destructive attention seeking behavior.

By releasing the memories this program becomes extinguished easily and rapidly and the emptiness is replaced with feelings of self love, wholeness, completeness and a sense of OK’ness.

Digital Betrayal: How Cheating Husbands And Wives Use Technology To Cover Their Tracks

By jimwalthby

These days it’s easier than ever to communicate with people. We’ve got high-speed internet connections (wireless & otherwise), mobile phones, pagers, fax machines.

We can talk at the touch of a button, across cities, countries, the entire world. Furthermore, communication through these digital protocols is almost instant, fairly cheap and,if you want it to be,completely private and hidden.

While advancements in digital communication are, on the whole, a great thing, they do have their down sides. One disadvantage is that cheating husbands, wives (or, for that matter, girlfriends or boyfriends) can communicate with their private lovers away from the prying eyes and ears of their trusting partners.

It happens every day: thousands upon thousands of text messages are sent by disloyal men and women to those they’re sleeping with behind their real partners’ backs.

Back in the day, the only way a guy or girl could arrange a clandestine meeting would be over a hard-line (either a house phone or a pay phone). That meant the cheater would either have to make risky calls from the home of their unsuspecting spouses, or secretly take a trip to a local call box and do it from there.

Both of these methods of communication could often be spotted by the betrayed party quite easily.

But that’s now a thing of the past. It’s now a cinch for a cheater to send messages to their secret lovers from work, a locked bathroom, even from under the bed covers while their current, faithful partner sleeps quietly and 100% unaware of what’s going on just 6 inches away from them.

It’s true; things are easier for cheaters these days, but not that easy. Just as all others kinds of cheats, be it a card shark, a conman or a computer hacker, leave signs of their dishonesty behind, so do disloyal partners. And looking for the right signs, in the right places, is the absolute best way of knowing for sure if you can trust your partner.

Okay, you know now how easy it is for cheaters to communicate with their secret partners using digital communication. But what are the signs, the indications, the clues of this kind of activity? Let’s take a look:

1. Computers and Internet

Computers offer cheaters a multitude of communication methods including: email, instant messenger programs, chat rooms and forums. Although it can be difficult to tell what your partner’s doing online without actually looking over their shoulder (tricky!), there are indications you can look for more easily.

One is an increased amount of time spent at the computer for no apparent reason, perhaps when you’re in bed or before you get up. Another is your partner quickly turning off the computer monitor or turning it away from you when you enter the room.

Also, try checking the internet browsing history of the computer your partner uses most often. Sometimes there are web pages, chat room locations or other signs that your partner has been taking part in internet infidelity to be found there. Other times, you’ll find that the browser history has been freshly deleted. This, as you can imagine, could be equally suspicious.

2. Cell Phones

As mentioned earlier, mobile/cellular phones make quick and private communication easy. If you feel comfortable doing so, checking your partner’s phone’s call history, address book and text message archive can provide you with a wealth of telling information.

Bear in mind, though, that cheating partners, in an effort to remain uncaught, often keep their phones on their person most of the time. If your partner used to leave their phone lying around, but now never seems to do so, you must ask yourself why.

3. Old School

Last but not least, don’t forget or ignore the “old” style methods of cheater communication. Many cheaters still use house phones to call their secret lovers. Check your itemized phone bill for calls to local numbers you don’t recognize and that aren’t in your phone book.

Also, pay attention to how your partner reacts when you walk into the room when they’re on the phone. It’s difficult to mask panic and surprise when the partner you’re cheating on walks into the room while you’re chatting to your secret significant other. Quick hang-ups could be a sign your partner’s being disloyal over the phone and, perhaps, elsewhere.

By keeping your eyes peeled and ears open, you can sidestep the advantages new methods of communication offer cheaters and, hopefully, discover what’s really going on.

Jim Walthby is the author of Beating Cheating. For more ways to catch a cheating spouse, go to the Beating Cheating website.

How to Keep a “Financial 9/11” From Interfering In Your Relationships

By drbonnieeakerweil

I’m calling the meltdown on Wall Street “financial 9/11.” With the stock markets plummeting more than they have in roughly two decades, with the bailout being denied, with banks being bought, people foreclosing, it’s easy to see how difficult times have become.

And this difficulty is spreading from out from Wall Street and Washington and trickling right down to the homes of many middle class Americans.

The One Thing People Fight Most About

Money is one of the things people fight about the most, and with families throughout the nation feeling the pinch of high gas prices, rising food costs, possible job loss, less discretionary income and much more, fights about finances are likely to increase. And, while it’s naive to think that a financial crisis won’t take a toll on a a relationship, you don’t have to let it control your life.

It’s always a good time to talk about family finances but with things fluctuating the way they are right now, it’s IMPERATIVE to talk about money with your significant other. This is specially if the responsibility for budgeting, investing and financial decisions typically fall on one person.

Both people need to know what’s going on, need to be able to give input and need to feel like can voice their concerns. If the burden is falling on one person, the added stress of an unstable market can lead to poor decision making, including financial infidelity, where one person is making decisions, purchases or withdrawals behind the other’s back as a way of mitigating the added stress they’re feeling.

They can also turn to other addictive behaviors including overeating, resort to taking sleeping pills to help them fall asleep when their mind is racing, or even turn to a sexual affair. Couples need to remind themselves that they’re in it together, and they need to focus on the importance of being honest and working as a team.

Don’t Panic!

The important thing is not to panic. Aside from working through finances as a couple, you should also take times to do other things with each other. Watch your favorite TV show (which is free entertainment!), cook dinner together, exercise together. You want to keep your relationship and your passion for each other strong through this period as there will be lots of other distractions that will be needing your attention.

Talk About Money

Now is a good time to use “Smart Heart Dialogue,” which I’ve mentioned in my book, Financial Infidelity. Smart Heart Dialogue helps you share your financial history with someone you’re becoming intimate with.

Many of these conversations can be triggered by a transition in a relationship like the financial transitions many couples find themselves in right now! Use that transition to be open and honest in finding out what you can about the other person’s view of money.

This type of dialogue would likely work well in Washington to a). have mitigated this crisis in the first place and b). help politicians come to an agreement in terms of what’s to be done next. When talking in terms of Smart Heart Dialogue, I have some sample questions, one of them being:

“I overspent while we were on vacation, can you lend me some money?”

The explanation I give seems especially fitting for the government’s current situation:

*The person asking for a loan may not take money and budgeting as seriously as you do. Or maybe you overspent too. Whatever the case, you need to evaluate how you deal with money, leisure activities and “spur of the moment” purchases.

9 Soul Mate Myths That Will Screw Up Your Love Life

By scottstephenpetullo

How many times have you heard someone say “I want to find my soul mate?” Since we do intuitive and other types of readings and analyses (using comprehensive handwriting analysis, astrology, numerology and tarot) the subject of love and soul mates is a popular one; we hear it on a weekly, and sometimes daily basis.

Unfortunately, most people’s perception of the concept of soul mates is based on movies and fairytales instead of reality. It’s easy to erroneously assume that everyone has a single soul mate, and if you could just find the person, you’d have the ideal love life.

Well, this simply is false. In fact, the results of our on-going empirical research indicate that there are many misconceptions about soul mates.

In addition, after matching and observing thousands for love relationships as a matchmaker, and regressing nearly as many for past life love issues, we’ve noticed that there are some soul mate myths that repeatedly trip up even the most successful and intelligent people.

1. The “Everyone Has One Soul Mate” Myth

This myth causes plenty of problems. What if you fall in love at age 22 and then the relationship ends when you’re 25? Are you meant to be alone for the rest of your life? Is that as good as it gets?

Depending on your love karma and personal fate, maybe. But it’s always a good idea, when you’re single, to remain open for compatible love possibilities because everyone has many soul mates. A soul mate is simply someone you’ve known in a past life. Some are very compatible for love relationships, and some are not at all.

2. The “When Soul Mates Find Each Other, The Perfect Relationship Will Automatically Ensue” Myth

When soul mates find each other, they sometimes have good karma to enjoy, but more often, they have challenging karma to work through. Why, you ask? Because your soul (not your personality) contracted to return to Earth to grow and learn, and challenges involving a “soul mate” are often the perfect circumstances to accelerate your spiritual growth.

3. The “Soul Mate Relationships are Meant to Last Forever” Myth

If you think about this, it really doesn’t make much sense since everyone is always evolving, changing, improving, and sometimes regressing at different rates. Are you the same person you were 20 years ago? Of course not.

Do you expect your best friend from 6th grade to be your best friend when you’re 80? It can happen, but it’s rare. Do you expect to have your first job for the rest of your life? No. Granted, many couples can “grow old” together and are destined to do so, but often it’s just not meant to be long term. Resisting this will only cause more heartache and stress.

Acceptance of your situation and what you can’t change will allow you to cherish and be grateful for what you have now and what is to come in the future. At the same time, we do acknowledge that the deep love of many soul mate connections is developed over many lifetimes. Love is forever, but unfortunately the duration of relationships (no matter how

strong of a connection) in this incarnation oftentimes aren’t.

4. The “Twin Flame” Myth

Some believe that the “other half” of their soul was created at the same time as their soul, and if you are able to find your twin flame, you will experience a love relationship of the highest kind.

This sounds nice, but all of our findings indicate this theory is complete myth. One of the problems with this belief is that it could potentially cause people to have sky-high expectations of partners that no one could possibly meet. It’s best to just accept each partner and relationship as they are, rather than what you want them to be.

5. The “You Can Create the Love Life of Your Dreams if You Choose to do So” Myth

If we believed this hype that so many of today’s New Age and self-help authors have claimed in their books, we would be ignoring our extensive empirical research, in which we’ve found that personal fate, karma, and free will do exist. This means that you have the free will to create what you want, but only within the confines of your fate or destiny (same concepts, by the way).

You have free will to make the most of your love life, but you can’t “create” an ideal soul mate relationship if a soul mate isn’t destined to show up in your life and also be attracted to and

compatible with you.

6. The “Your Soul Mate is the Love of Your Life” Myth

One of your more compatible soul mates may possibly be the love of your life, but you don’t know that for sure until the last day of your life.

7. The “A soul Mate Relationship Failed if it Didn’t Last a Lifetime” Myth

Based on our findings, all relationships have destined beginnings and endings. Some are meant to be short-term (even if the couple chooses to stay together as, essentially, roommates), and some are meant to be long-term. In our opinion, all relationships, no matter how long they last, are successful because of what you gain from each one. Whether or not you learned what you were meant to from the experience, not how many years you were together, is of most importance.

8. The “Waiting for a Soul Mate to Come Back” Myth

It’s not easy to let go when your partner wants to leave the relationship. But 90% of the time they are not coming back; they’ve already made up their mind and it’s pointless to try to manipulate the situation. It’s best to stop waiting for them, accept that it’s over, be grateful for what you experienced, and move on.

You have a choice; resist and generate more unhappiness, or accept what is and let go. Even if they do decide to return to you some day, letting go now will not interfere with that. In fact, it will allow you to see the situation clearly and if it’s really in your highest interest to accept them back into your life.

9. The “I Should Meet my Soul Mate by Age 25 (or 30 or 40 or Whatever Age)” Myth

It would be nice if you could just apply for and receive your soul mate at a certain age, much like you do a driver’s license. The reality is that some people are meant to meet a more compatible person or people early in life, and some must have a little more patience.

We are able to determine, by looking at someone’s comprehensive numerology and astrology charts and, or through an intuitive reading, when they are likely to meet that special person or special people, and everyone’s timing is different.

Considering the above soul mate myths and viewing your love life with fresh perspective should lead to more happiness, and perhaps in a different way than you first thought.

If you’re single and would like to meet a compatible soul mate, the best approach is to let go of the past, accept and learn to like being single, and remain open to people who don’t fit every one of your requirements.

If you’re involved and would like to improve your relationship, let go of the past, accept your partner as they are, and do what you can to make the most of the relationship.