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Long Distance Relationships: Should You Consider Getting An Online College Degree?

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One of the biggest reasons couples have long distance relationships is because one or both partners are going to college away from each other. Whether you’re choosing a college far away from your partner because they offer the best program for your major or your partner is getting more financial aid at another college, it’s easy for two people to become separated by long distances when they’re getting their degrees. Online colleges, however, are a great way to get your degree – whether it be a certificate program, an associate degree, a bachelor degree or even a masters degree – without being away from your significant other. Here’s how to find the best online colleges, so you don’t have to move away from your partner and go through the hardship of a long distance relationship for school.

Why Online Colleges Are Great For Relationships

Online colleges offer the convenience of taking your classes at home, and are easy to schedule around your life. You can choose when to do the work, so if you have a date with your partner or just want to spend time with them watching a movie or hanging out, you can complete your schoool work at a later time without consequence. You will, of course, have certain deadlines and times that things are due, but for the most part, online colleges offer the most flexible degree programs available today. Choosing to get your degree online is also a great option if you’re working or have a child with your significant other. Many people today, whether they’re in relationships or not, have responsibilities outside of school that they either can’t or don’t want to give up. You can also travel while you’re going to school online, so you can even go with your partner if they have to travel to go to a traditional college. Or, both you and your partner can go to school online! Either way, getting your degree online is a great way to prevent having to have a long distance relationship with someone you love.

Top Online Colleges

Since there are thousands of online degree programs and colleges available for you to choose from, sorting through the top online colleges to find the best one for you can be nothing short of intimidating. There are, however, many resources that can help you find the best online college based on how much you want to pay and what degree you’re seeking. Make sure whatever resource you’re using to find the top online colleges doesn’t promote one college or another – instead, look for resources that offer unbiased information on a variety of online colleges or resources that connect you directly with the colleges’ websites.

How To Choose The Best Online Colleges For You

The first thing to consider when choosing the best online colleges for you is which colleges offer the degree program you’re looking for. That will narrow down your search quite a bit! Next of course, is cost. While many online colleges cost a lot less than traditional colleges, money is still an issue. Think about what you and your partner can really afford, and if you’ll have to work to pay for school or if you and your partner can get grants, scholarships or financial aid. That will narrow down your list of the best online colleges even further, and all you have to do now is apply! Once accepted to the online degree program of your choice, you can go to school and focus on your relationship without having to months or even years away from your partner.

Going The Extra Mile With Your Long-Distance Relationship

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In relationships, the only thing harder than finding the right person is keeping the right person, especially when you are separated by hundreds or thousands of miles. While it is possible to overcome the distance and its accompanying problems, you will both have to work hard to keep the relationship afloat. Here are some ways to help shorten the long-distance gap.

Establishing Ground Rules

First things first, establish rules. How often will visits occur? Who will do the traveling (just one person or split half-and-half)? Most importantly, will you date other people while apart? Don’t wait until something detrimental has already happened to create some rules. Do it now.

If you agree to stay faithful to one another, don’t cheat. You’re probably asking, “Did you really have to include this one?” Yes, I did. Cheating is a very common (if not the most likely) reason long-distance relationships fail. One person gets lonely or meets somebody else, and without the boyfriend/girlfriend around to counteract these feelings, it can be easier to stray than you might imagine.

Trusting Your Partner

That being said, though, you must be trusting. Just because your significant other doesn’t answer the phone over the lunch hour (or in the middle of the night), you should not assume the worst (cheating, that is, though come to think of it, death is probably worse). Have trust in your partner; otherwise, the distance will constantly eat at you.

Give and take equally. Depending on your previously agreed-upon arrangement, you should each put forth equal efforts to making this relationship last. (What? You have no arrangements? Go back to #1 right now.) Even if only one person is able to do the monthly journeying, for example, the other should offer to pay travel expenses. Or, if you switch off travel duties, make sure it basically evens out in terms of mileage, money, and time taken off of work. If one person puts forth more effort over and over, he or she may start to resent the other.

What To Do To Keep Your Long Distance Relationship Alive

Webcam. Be creative. You’ll soon figure out the benefits here.

Have a plan. How long will you be apart? How will this relationship change over time? What will be different when you are able to live closer to one another? By deciding on a plan of action, you will not only be on the same page with your respective goals and timelines, but you will also have an incentive to keep working at the relationship.

Keep communication open. This may not come naturally at first, but clear communication is important in every relationship. Yet with long-distance relationships, it is mandatory. Because you are not around one another on a daily basis, your partner cannot easily determine whether you are upset and ignoring his calls or just plain busy at work. Moreover, if you are starting to feel the effort of maintaining this relationship is becoming exhaustive or you are starting to feel bored with the routine, let your partner know in order figure out a solution together.

Know when to quit. If your unhappiness or distrust is overshadowing your happiness while together, it may be time to call it quits, if only until you live in the same area code again.

How Women Can Learn To Say No

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As women, saying the word “NO” is something we dread and fear, because we convince ourselves that not “going with the flow” will lead to rejection, or even cause people not to like us. The truth is, however, that learning to say “no” can be the very thing that opens up doors and allows us a clear path to our true desires. “No” can be a powerful word that can help you avoid situations that lead to emotional distress and suffering. It’s easy to feel when your body is contracting and telling you “NO;” nonetheless we often ignore this feeling and proceed anyway, and this is where the problem lies.

Finding Answers

“My ex girlfriend says she likes me, but she doesn’t want a boyfriend or a commitment right now. We began kissing and holding hands 2 weeks after the breakup but she stopped because she doesn’t want to complicate things. What should I do if I want to win her back?” – Evans

I think the real question is, what makes you think that winning her back is the course of action you should be pursuing? “I don’t want a boyfriend or commitment” sounds to me like she’s made it pretty clear to you. Remember that love is not a contest to be won! If you’d like to learn and grow from this experience, try sitting down with her and talking about what it was that, from her perspective, caused the downfall of the relationship. Then you can take that information and use it to better yourself for your next relationship – with someone who actually wants one.

“On several occasions I have asked my fiancé how much she loves me and if she’s willing to sacrifice things like; moving, leaving her friends and family to come with me. She constantly avoids the questions. What I want to know is does she really love me seeing as she doesn’t seem willing to give up some things for our relationship?” – Brandon

There are nearly seven billion people on this planet, and out of all of them, she chose to be with YOU. There, doesn’t that make you feel great? How much more does she have to prove? Love is not about jumping through hoops or passing tests; if you look at the situation from a more positive angle, you’ll see that she is committed to the relationship, and that you’ve simply been looking for ways to disprove that.

Healing From An Affair

“My husband of 19 yrs. was just caught having an affair. It was going on for 2½ years. Since then he has been begging, pleading, etc., that it was a mistake and he only wants me and the kids. I believe he is close to a nervous breakdown. Here is my question; the only place they ever saw each other was at her apartment during the day for sex 2-3 times a month. He never bought her anything, took her anywhere or gave her any money. She confirmed this so it has to be true. He insists he never cared for her, it was only sex. He never told her he loved her. He called her in front of me and told her I love my wife, you were only sex, she freaked. Could it be true to have a 2½ yr affair and have no feelings for her?” – Melissa

Monogamy and trust are two major components that make us feel safe and respected within the boundaries of a relationship. When even one of those components gets damaged or destroyed, it often takes the other one with it, and then you’re left wondering how you can anchor yourself and start rebuilding. When a relationship falls apart in such a devastating way, you have to be stern and direct with the questions you ask – not to him, but to yourself. What exactly would the situation have to be in order for trust to be there again? What would it take for you to be able to trust your husband again – both in terms of monogamy and in terms of knowing that he’s not lying? Also, it can be helpful to ask yourself what your own role is in all this.

How To Make Your First Trip Together Not Be Your Last

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Taking a vacation together is one of the most fun relationship milestones. Your goal may be to introduce your new partner to your family, to share some relaxation, to experience a new place, or simply just because. Yet those extra hours spent in one another’s company will be very exciting, in both good and bad ways.

How A Road Trip Can Test Your Relationship

To start, this may be one of the first times you have been bound to one another (metaphorically, I mean; physically is a whole other article), unable to get away if he starts annoying you. In a way, this is a test for your relationship: are you ready to spend many hours together (possibly without anyone else around for hours), or have you not yet reached that point? If it is the former, keep reading for tips on how to take a successful trip together.

Keep in mind that tensions already run high while preparing for a vacation, and even higher when actually traveling to your destination. The stress of planning, spending, and hoping like hell that everything goes well can translate to frustration toward your girlfriend who has to stop and pee every thirty minutes (has she sprung a leak or something?!). Rather than allowing these tense emotions to steer you, remind yourself (chant it, if necessary, though silently so as not to worry her) that it is just the stress. Why, you love your girlfriend (and her small bladder), of course.

Making The Trip Easier

In addition to restroom breaks, don’t push your bodily limits: rest or eat when you need to do so. Take turns with driving duties. Share the radio or CD player. Compromise on everything. Being stuck with someone who is one foot away from you for hours on end is not the time to exert your stubbornness.

Finally, the best way to avoid the nearly-inevitable road-trip fights is to stay preoccupied. Schedule fun things to do or see along the way. If you know your route will pass by a national park, take an extra hour to visit it. When you see a sign proclaiming World’s Largest _________, check it out. It will give you more to talk about when you are trapped – I mean, back in the car. Also, bring along a book geared towards conversation, such as a Book of Questions, or just print your own list of interesting questions to ask one another. This will not only keep the car ride interesting, you will also learn more about your significant other. If you feel yourself getting uptight despite these tips, listen to an audio book. This will encourage a silent but not awkward atmosphere.

And hey, if all else fails, you can pull over for some illicit, roadside sex.

Loving The Unlovable Parts Of Your Lover

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About half way through Committed, Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir that picks up her life where Eat, Pray, Love left us, Elizabeth shares a charming scene where she and her fiancé tell each other their worst faults. They lay it all on the line like a test: this is who I really am. Can you still love me?

“Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of that.’ Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it’s always going to be pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you.”

~ “Felipe” from Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir, “Committed.”

I find the scene charming because my husband and I did the exact same thing. The only difference was we did it on our very first date! But I imagine the same dynamics drove both conversations and that was insecurity born of painful, challenging divorces and other dysfunctional relationships mixed with a deep desire that the new beloved understand what he or she was getting into in order to reduce damage done to the other.

Stop Sabotaging Your Relationship

Honestly, unless you’re a complete newbie to the relationship scene, it doesn’t matter whether you’ve had just one long romance (that may or may not have gone bad) or a string of monogamous (or not so monogamous) relationships; you know the stuff about you that sabotages romance and good loving. You know the places you go to with words, attitude, and actions that drive a wedge between you and your partner, whoever your partner is. Your partner knows those things about himself or herself as well. The longer you’ve been together, the better you know those things about each other.

So what do you do with those things to keep from sabotaging your relationship? And, by the way, sabotage can look as dramatic as the relationship falling apart or as mundane as simply ruining an afternoon or a single day. How do you love the unlovable parts of your lover?

Perhaps I’ve hinted at where to begin? That would be with you. A quick way to turn down the heat of repulsion that your partner’s words, attitude, or actions have engendered is to recognize that you have things about you that repulse your partner as well. Whether it’s the times when you suddenly feel like complete strangers to each other (and not in a good way) or the times certain reoccurring behaviors drive you batty, you are both only human and so you are both going to be guilty of doing or saying things that turn the other person off. Accepting this can help lighten up how you feel about the issue and how you feel towards your lover.

Loving The Unlovable Parts Of Your Lover

Loving the unlovable parts of your lover doesn’t mean forcing yourself to interpret annoying things as charming. Although that is one way to tackle it, love is bigger than that. Love often means allowing people to make mistakes, take risks, do things that go against our ideals while managing the ego’s war inside that would really rather control the other person than make allowances for them.

And so if your lover, for instance, has a habit of taking off their shoes and playing with their feet and toes every night when they settle down on the sofa beside you to watch a little T.V. and it’s something that makes your skin crawl, you have some decisions to make. Do you really need to go to battle over this and make them change their behavior? Maybe so. If so, make it as much about you as you can.

So, rather than blast them for being gross or insensitive, make it about your limitations and how you need them to do this for you. Ask if there’s anything in return you can do for them to make their life with you more comfortable. There’s no easy way to say, “This right here must stop.” But if it must stop, better to make the request than to let discomfort turn into resentment.

However, maybe you don’t really need to turn this into a battle. Maybe you love to suck on those toes when they are freshly bathed and so you think you can create peace inside yourself over this presently irritating habit. Give that a try before creating a battle over this. Work with yourself to see if you can change rather than asking your lover to change. You may not ever like your lover’s habit but even if it can become a neutral event in your daily routine, neutrality can be an expression of loving your partner in spite of this particular unlovable habit.

Open Your Eyes And Heart

Of course, a third option is to join in the fun, remove your own shoes and socks and play with your feet and toes!

Felipe’s advice as Elizabeth Gilbert relates it is really good. It suggests that loving the unlovable parts comes down to facing them squarely and determining with complete honesty whether or not you can accept the bad with the good. At the very beginning of a romance, this can save a couple a lots of time, trouble, and heartache if the truthful answer is “No.” In that case, you can go your separate ways before harm is done.

But if the truthful answer is yes then you proceed with growing the love between you with open eyes and hearts. This practice begun early in the relationship can help you navigate a lifetime of choosing each other as lovers over and over again as each day uncovers the mystery of who you each are in the world and to each other.