Relationship Advice

Staying Single vs. Starting A Family: Which Is Better?

Get a job, get married, have a kid. That’s the natural progression of life…or is it? Many don’t see it that way. The best outcome of the feminist movement was that it empowered women to stay single or have a family as they saw fit. Yet even today, women are pressured to fit into the typical mold of becoming a wife and mother. While that may be the path for some women, to others, children are a threat to their desired lifestyle. So what is the better choice for you?

Staying Single

You enjoy your freedom to take a spontaneous road trip, to stay out late drinking with your friends, to move as you please, to advance your career, and most importantly, to not have to take care of anyone besides yourself. Those are all very legitimate reasons to stay kid-less and carefree. Even if you find the right person to spend your life with, you do not have to settle down and have kids. It is possible to have a fulfilling, loving relationship without ever worrying about convertible cribs and college funds.

The beauty about waiting to have kids is that you can always change your mind (because you can’t un-birth a child, if afterward you decide you aren’t ready for the responsibility). Enjoy the ability to take your time on making big decisions. Yet if you never decide to have a child, you are no worse for the wear.

Starting a Family

There are as many misconceptions about having kids as there are about not having kids. It is true that it becomes harder to travel once you have children. However, it is possible. Just like it is possible to maintain your maintain your personality and hobbies and dreams. Upon giving birth, you do not automatically become a militant mommy: the kind of mother who gives up everything that made her who she was in the pre-baby years, who becomes obsessed with preschools and pull-ups.

Because more and more people are waiting until their mid- to late-30’s to start a family, they are able to establish their careers and get some of their wilder urges out of the way long before the stroller-days arrive. Yet, even then, parents may find themselves limited by what they are able to do. The cancellation of a babysitter can throw your plans for a loop, regardless of its importance. Also, while many employers try to be family-friendly, having to take time off for doctor’s appointments and classroom parties (not to mention, limited time to travel for work) can inhibit your climb up the corporate ladder.

However, having children can be very fulfilling and rewarding. Many parents don’t have regrets at all about having children, and the joys that come with parenting can outweigh giving up being single for the forseeable future.

In conclusion, you may be thinking, this wasn’t helpful at all. You didn’t say which is the best option for me. Well, of course I didn’t. Choosing whether or not to have children is not something the Internet can help you with, silly. Rather, the purpose of this article is to show you that there are benefits and drawbacks to either lifestyle. In the end, all that matters is how you feel about your life, what you want to accomplish, and what your vision for the future looks like.

A Little Sexual Tension Can Be Just What A Relationship Needs

By sarahelizabethmalinak

One of the most challenging issues for a woman in relationships is creating the space and freedom for her man to be The Man in their relationship. One of the most challenging issues for a man in relationships today is choosing to be The Man, in spite of the resistance to it they both experience.

“You have to be the lion. You can’t have your woman be the same as you.”

~ Justin, 32

What Justin has to say isn’t just a nice poetic thought. It’s a challenge to a man to step up and be the lion – the man. Some meet that challenge easier than others, yet it is a challenge nonetheless. It is also a challenge for a woman to choose a non-competitive, receptive role with her man. If that sounds boring, keep reading to find out more because the fact is that the more alike a man and woman are (if they are both the lion), the more their relationship is filled with either strife or boredom.

When a man and woman are romantically involved and when they allow themselves to embody the masculine principle in him and the feminine principle in her, sexual tension is created which heats up the fire of their love and longing for each other. It stokes the fires of their passion in a way that makes sense to their bodies and minds.

Whether you consider the history of the last one hundred years that has allowed women to come full force into their own in the work force, religion, and politics or the fact of the present necessity of women having to make it on their own in their jobs and careers; there have never been so many men and women on this planet living together in such relative equality as there are today. However, there are a number of ways a man and a woman in love can allow themselves to experience the richness of his masculinity and her femininity (him being the lion and her being the lioness) in spite of the pressures and demands of 21st Century life. Here are a few.

How To Be The Lion

When you feel the desire to protect her, follow it. If she protests that she’s capable of taking care of herself, gently insist. In time, you’ll teach her to trust you and that’s a very good thing. Open doors and pull out chairs for her. Stand up when she leaves or approaches the table. This old fashioned chivalry does more than simply flatter her. It makes a statement on your behalf that you are The Man.

You are in a relationship; she’s yours, so undress her with your eyes. And sometimes, when you’re preparing to make love, undress her with a sense of confidence, even authority. Embody the lion and be the king of your pride! If you’ve been together awhile, she may have begun to teach you to listen rather than give her advice. If you are receptive to that, you are a pretty cool dude. All of us, men and women, can stand to be better listeners. But sometimes you have something very valuable to give her in terms of logic and advice. If you need to prepare her for it so that her frustration is eased, do so. However, when you know she needs to hear what you have to say, say it.

How To Be The Lioness

Practice receptivity. He’s your fellow, not some stranger, so when he ogles you, enjoy it. Also, receptivity is more than just allowing someone access to you. And it has nothing to do with being a doormat! When you take joy in your own receptivity and how he fills you, delighting in it, being fed by it; well, that’s just a huge turn on for a man!

When he touches you, respond positively. A smile, a moan, catching your breath, turning in his direction communicate that you are a willing recipient to his advances. Turn the dial down on competing with him. Competition in a relationship shows up in large and almost imperceptible ways. You can teach yourself to recognize when you feel that drive inside to speak or act so that you can best him and thereby choose to just not go there. The more you practice, the easier it gets to spot it.

Certainly, there are times when competition is fun! This ain’t no 1950’s handbook on how to be happy lovers! It is just that one of the driving forces in a man is to protect his lover, not compete with her. When competition is the name of the game most of the time, it’s exhausting and can make a less competitive woman appear inviting.

These are just a few ideas but I hope the point is made. Sexual tension has to do with balance. If you are both the lion, the similarity in energies can lead to either fighting or apathy. If you allow yourselves to pair off as the lion and lioness instead, suddenly you are circling each other in a dance of passion that makes daily life a lot more fulfilling!

Heart Smart Decisions – The Inner View

By maryannecomaroto

Here’s something I say quite often: you must learn to use your head before you give up your body, so that you don’t break your heart. While it sounds simple and straightforward in theory, most of us only learn this lesson after getting our hearts broken again and again. The problem is that when infatuation kicks in, it’s a pretty strong magnet, and often we interpret it as a sign that our Happily Ever After is on its way into our hearts again. So in many ways, it is not the other person who breaks your heart, but rather yourself. Love is something that happens internally, inside yourself. You share that energy with the person you love, and when the energy changes back from a two-person entity to a one-person entity, the change is painful. So how can you avoid that?

Learn What You Want And What You Don’t Want

Well, you can’t. Not the answer you were hoping for? Unfortunately, that’s just something we all have to deal with, just like the sun rising and setting everyday. No matter how much you want it to stop, it won’t, and unless you’re going to spend your life chasing down crazy ways to try to get the sun to do your bidding (like so many of us do with love), then you’ll just need to learn to accept that heartache is a part of the process of learning what you want and what you don’t want.

In my case, I had plenty of opportunities to learn these things, over and over again. I felt like my heart had been snapped in two hundreds of times by love, and by men. I felt like I had nothing else to dream about or to aim for, and that every time I took a chance on love again, it would just end up in sadness and abandonment. So after a lot of soul-searching, I decided to stop looking for the magic perfect relationship, and start looking for what I really wanted instead: someone who would be true to me, who would not ignore me, who would not dispose of me, and who would treat me with the love and respect I deserved.

You Deserve Love And Respect

And after many years and lots of looking, I did finally find that love and respect. What was both frustrating and enlightening, though, was that it was right here tho whole time – inside of myself, in my own heart. I was looking for that true love in the arms of another; I was looking for it in the beds of men I thought would complete me. The big moment was when I realized that I’m already complete – this is the biggest lesson on the road to becoming heart-smart.

So, with that in mind, we can now aim to share ourselves selectively with others who have similar values, people who know that a healthy relationship includes not just attraction, but real compatibility and respect. It’s time to give up chasing the sun and concentrate on getting heart-smart!

Here are five tips to get you started:

1. Seek the higher truth – you may feel that true love is something “out there,” but you need to learn and accept that it’s inside of you.

2. Given that sex automatically leads to feelings of expectation and bonding, you need to take a step back and think before taking that giant leap forward.

3. Treat the true love inside yourself accordingly – don’t compromise your integrity, your desires, and especially your safety.

4. Remember that FEELING love and being with the right person are not necessarily the same thing. That feeling can steer you wrong if you’re not smart about it.

5. Your mind is your servant; use it to develop a habit of self-inquiry so that you can best serve your soul.

Unexpected Relationship Milestones

By loveandsex

Meeting the parents. Engagement. Marriage. Home-buying. Having a baby. These are the turning points we think of when someone says, “relationship milestones.” However, there are other things that take place in the course of a relationship which can be considered smaller, but still important, milestones (or maybe just quarter-mile markers).

Combining Cell Phone Plans

Like it or not, most of us couldn’t live without our cell phones. It’s an important part of our day-to-day lives, something we won’t leave the house without. In a way, our phone number is an extension of our persona. When you combine cell phone plans with someone, you’re meshing your main mode of communication…and the service contract that goes with it. Once you agree to combine contracts, you are committing to stay with your partner for at least the next two years. Too early in a relationship and this can cause undue panic. It’s not buying a home or getting married, by any means. But it is a situation that makes you stop and take a moment to reflect on your relationship.

Borrowing Cars

Sure, married people do it all the time. They’re used to everything being “ours”—not “yours” or “mine”. Yet, the first time you use your partner’s car can be intimidating. Maybe your car is in the shop, or their car has 4-wheel drive and you are going to the mountains with friends. Simply asking someone to borrow his or her car can trigger anxiety. There is also your partner’s worry to consider: allowing someone to use your car sends a clear message, “I care about and trust you.” When your partner hands you the keys, they are putting an important part of their daily life in your hands. Just like with a cell phone, you’re stepping into your significant other’s zone. You’re going to change the mirrors, the seat, the steering wheel, and the radio station. Nothing says “ours” like changing someone’s radio presets.

Getting The Flu

The first time your partner hears you vomit is a special relationship moment. How will they react? How will you feel about it? When they get home from work, will they have the fortitude to help you get through the evening? You’ve been on the couch all day, only getting up to use the bathroom or take your medicine. Dirty and cranky—a good partner will overlook your condition and offer to make you some toast, while you muster up the energy to take a shower. Once you’ve made it through a virus with your significant other, you bond in a way that will prepare you for all kinds of future maladies.

Although these examples may not elicit the same responses from everyone, they are a small example of the kinds of things we all face when entering a serious relationship. While things like cell phone plans and apartment leases do speak to a certain level of commitment, they’re nothing to be panicked about. If you love someone enough to even be considering these steps, it’s probably a good sign that you’re headed in the right direction with the right person.

Should You Combine Finances?

By loveandsex

You and your honey have been seeing each other for a while now. Perhaps you’re already living together (in sin, high five!) Things are going great and you have every reason to expect that they will continue to do so for as long as you care to imagine. So let’s talk a little business. To what extent should you two lovebirds combine your finances?

Will Combining Finances Destroy Your Relationship?

If you haven’t thought about it before, maybe it’s time. Sharing expenses can save you some good money. Rent on one pad is cheaper than two. Family cell phone plans save money. Why keep two Netflix accounts? What could possibly go wrong? The view through your fancy, Elton John-style, rose colored glasses might make it seem like the only things you’ll need to make your relationship work are love and lots of vigorous sex. In the real world, however, not many things can match money trouble for sheer, teeth-gnashing, relationship-destroying power.

Some couples will prefer to keep things separate: half-and-half on the rent and utilities; separate groceries and phones; and Dutch on every bar tab. Other couples will be perfectly comfortable pouring all of their bread into a joint checking account and letting fate sort it out. No one way will be right for everyone. Here are several things to consider.

If yours and your honey’s paycheck match dollar-for-dollar, you may expect that each of you will pitch in an equal amount of dough to keep to homestead running. However, if you’re a musician or a public school teacher and your significant other is a biochemist or a crooked lobbyist, it’s likely that one of you is supporting the other in ways that don’t involve money. In that case, it might not make sense to split expenses down the middle. Think about the different ways that you contribute when you’re deciding how to figure this all out.

Who Will Manage The Finances?

Another difference between partners might be their level of financial prowess. If you have a credit score lower than the monthly payment on your 1993 Ford Escort, and your partner’s score is best expressed in scientific notation, proceed with caution. That stellar credit score came from years of diligent responsibility and you don’t want to screw it up. On the other hand, one of you is clearly better at the whole money and bills business. Maybe you should let Mr. or Ms. Responsible handle all of the money stuff.

Two more important things to consider are trust and privacy. If you’re a shopaholic with poor financial self-control, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re not relationship material; we all have our little flaws. You just might want to make sure you’re playing Supermarket Sweep with your own money. Also, if you value your privacy when it comes to the purchases you make, you may want to make sure that you have at least a portion of the money you make kept separate from the joint account. After all, if you’re considering marrying your finances, marrying your selves might not be too far behind, and not many things can spoil a three-carat surprise like a joint checking account!