Relationship Advice

The Cleanse Yourself Diet

What if I told you there is one diet to trump all diets – one that affects your emotional health, and not your waistline? One that will make you feel better without telling you what to eat or how to eat it – would you think it was too good to be true?

The diet I’m talking about isn’t one that’s related to food or exercise at all, but it will help build your self-esteem and miraculously make you feel better about who you are and what you have. Sound too good to be true? As I’ve said before, there’s no quick fix to create a healthy relationship with yourself or to cure all of your past ills, but there is a course of action you can take that will exponentially increase your self-health.

Are You Being Tricked?

Let me start with a story from my past. When I was younger, my girlfriends and I would spend many a summer day with our bodies slathered in Bain de Soliel (or baby oil if we couldn’t afford that), our faces buried in Cosmo or Vogue, ogling and studying our role models; the emaciated rich. Believing what we saw was real, closing the magazines feeling imperfect and fat yet determined to figure out how to get what they had. A life other than our own. It seemed possible. Why shouldn’t we trust what we saw? It was everywhere; skinny, happy, rich people who wore designer clothes and had passionate relationships.
Little did we know – or, perhaps, did we WANT to know – there was a group of people who had concocted it all, a select group of sleazy, greedy, very clever soul-sucking vampires who day in and day out preyed on people just like us.

At age 14, I put two and two together, and realized that every time I turned on the TV or opened a magazine, afterwards I felt bad about myself, however subtly. The net effect was, I was being hoodwinked or lured to believe I should be, better, cooler, prettier, skinner; something other than me. Interesting how some things never change. But I can – and here was the solution I came up with.

The Ultimate Cleanse:

The bad news may be that the soul suckers lured you in, they sold it, you bought it and you, too, are addicted to being externally referenced. The good news is: The jig is up. Yes, it’s all a big lie. But there is a cure and it’s as simple as, 1-2-3.

Turn off your idiot box (TV)
Don’t buy any more rags (trash or fashion magazines)
Stop paying attention to what other people are doing and focus on yourself!

Being internally referenced is the foundation for all my work. That, and a solid relationship with spirit and your inner divine guidance, and you are all set. You already have everything you need; you have been give the greatest gift of all and it’s staring you right in the face. YOU. Jim Rohn, a well-known motivational speaker, once gave me this advice: “Stop building someone else’s dream!” And I say to you, turn off the TV and shut out the media vultures. Stop taking the bait! Build your own dreams. I promise, you will be glad you did! Your own life is precious and very real. And you are indeed PERFECT as you are.

Try the ultimate cleanse for a month. You will feel better, be more focused, have more time, and be all that closer to turning your heart’s greatest desire into REALITY!

Getting Past The Fake On The Path To Self Actualization

By maryannecomaroto

I was heading to my yoga class the other day, and on my way I realized my watch and the clock in the car were a full TEN minutes apart. This meant that if my watch was right I might be late – in which case I wondered if I should even bother going to class. I decided to go ahead anyway and when I arrived, say several people covertly dashing from their cars, which meant my watch was right. The sight of them all racing sent a reflexive primal release of adrenaline – Okay-okay, where’s my yoga mat… should I grab my purse or leave it in the trunk? Take it… duh. And okay, well, where ..? I headed for the studio like a restrained dart, careful not to appear desperate— it just wouldn’t be yogi-like.

And then out of nowhere, in sudden revolt, I stopped dead in my tracks and blurted out “I refuse-to rush-into a YO-GA class!” Which came out more like a declaration (and a surprise) rather than a blurt. A gal who had just come up on my heels slowed her pace slightly and whispered sweetly as she crept by, “You’re exactly right,” then purposefully slipped in front of me so she could get in the door first.

Thank God for Savasana – by then I had all but forgotten about the stampede, but chalking it up to another of life’s current conundrums just wasn’t going to cut it.

Life Without Fake?

I’ve recently discovered a new kind of fake. One that is hard to decipher. Once upon a time the cons were the cons, the preppies, the junkies, the snobs, the geeks, the jocks, the bullies, the hussies, and so on. You could spot these personas a mile away. Now the ego has gotten so divisive, and with the help of high tech it can hide behind a cacophony of smoke and mirrors galore.

Suddenly it’s a free-for-all. We’ve let it get to the point that, for many of us, as long as we say the right thing, it doesn’t matter what our behavior is. It does not matter that people are not who they say they are, as long as they get what they want. It’s become “the way it is.” We say we want to help, but what we don’t say is that we want to help ourselves. My current fantasy (not sexy but hey) is wondering what it, life, us, would be like in the absence of fake?

My guess is being in survival mode according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs drives most of us and is responsible for what compels most of our unconscious fake behavior. Apparently what the last fifty years has taught us is that fake is the new real; when we have the rent paid then comes safety; if we have any energy left over from playing the game of satisfying our psychological needs and if we are among the eccentric few who make time, the last is self-actualization. Peak, or what I prefer to call spiritual experiences, are reserved for folks who apparently have time on their hands or just don’t get it the necessity for all the rest.

Looking Inside Yourself

The bummer is that spirit is EXACTLY what we need right now. It’s our survival, old-brain, unconscious, dog-eat-dog, survival-of-the-fittest mentality that is killing us, or at least it’s trying to kill our spirit. So how do we deal? Take a deep, audible breath—ujjayi, kapalabhati, whatever—and for one precious moment, slow down. Look inside. (Oh, yeah, Great Relationships Begin Within, right?) Shift the focus.

I would rather spend my day in self-inquiry, any time, than be trampled by a rabid wanna-be yogini. Looks like that pyramid is doing a shirshasana—let’s flip it other-side up. Who knows, maybe Maslow was dyslexic?

Inflated Economy And Our Relationships

By drbonnieeakerweil

USA Today reports that post-recession, the industries that “fell hardest may see a big rebound.” But how far away are we from this rebound – and are we ready?

There’s no denying this could be a much-needed boon for our economy. Recreational spending is down across the board but it has also forced couples in relationships to put off some big ticket items – things they may actually need – until things pick back up. These “pent up purchases” – whether necessary or not – are starting to be acted upon and may provide the necessary fuel to bring the economy out of the doldrums.

Economists are disagreeing about how much pent-up purchasing power exists and when it will be unleashed on the much-needed economy.

According to USA Today:

May’s retail sales, out Thursday, were worse than expected, and consumer spending is expected to remain weak this quarter and next, IHS Global Insight chief economist Brian Bethune says. And that’s despite the fact that consumer confidence is growing — up strongly last month, according to the Conference Board’s consumer confidence index.

The Effect Of A Rising Economy On Your Relationship

But are we – as individuals, couples, families – ready to be the ones that will spur the economy on? As Americans, we want what we want, when we want it, so it’s understandable that we’re getting tired of drastically limiting their spending, waiting for huge deals or opting for lower-priced off-label brands according to a recent survey.

There’s hope on the horizon that this refusal to compromise (or perhaps what some would call selfishness!) could be the ticket out of the economic downturn. On the other hand, I believe this tightening of our belts has forced many of us to re-focus on what’s most important to us. There will no doubt eventually be a bounce-back, but is now a realistic time to hope for one? All the financial limits mentioned above are stressful, it’s true, but if we learned one thing from the past months it should be that overextending ourselves – as a nation as a whole and as individual households – is even MORE stressful in the long run.

Learning From The Economy

While the idea of “pent up purchasing” may be not far off on the horizon, many of us still are and will continue to feel the effects of the financial fallout.

In every downturn since World War II, one economist says, “The sharper the recession, the sharper the recovery. In virtually every case, forecasters underestimated how strong it would be. I think it was a product of pent-up demand.”

No matter if you decide to contribute to the economy by, say, buying that washing machine, or if the belt-tightening must continue, don’t forget the positive lessons that are to be learned from what we as a country have experienced over the past six months or so.

Neglect Is Not An Expression Of Love

By sarahelizabethmalinak

My dander got riled up this morning as I found myself reminiscing about a period in my life when I experienced profound neglect within a love relationship. I allowed the neglect to continue for fifteen years. For some reason this morning, perhaps it was a song playing in the background or the breeze coming through the window, I had an instantaneous experience of the ludicrousness of my treating myself so badly as to allow that kind of abuse to continue for so long.

What Neglect Really Is

As soon as the instantaneous experience ended, I knew I had to write my next article for AskDanandJennifer.com about neglect in a relationship, the various ways it can look, with encouragement for you to take a stand for yourself if you ever find yourself in the position of being neglected by someone you love. You are worthy of being loved. Neglect is not an expression of love.

I will mention straight up that I know I usually bring a certain amount of levity and humor to my articles. I think that most of us could stand to lighten up a bit and enjoy the journey called romance. This subject, however, is serious because neglect is abusive. In the scheme of abusive behaviors, it is so “soft” an abuse that it is easy to ignore.

I do not know what causes people to neglect those they love. I have only ever been on the receiving end of it. If I neglect someone, it is because I have decided I no longer want that person in my life. Chances are I have already said “good-bye” and neglect becomes a natural part of no longer attending to that relationship. However, I know that there are those who neglect the ones they love and they do it frequently. When I was on the receiving end of neglect, I clearly understood that it was the other person who held all the power in the relationship. He could make me feel small, insignificant, and incapable of defending myself by simply ignoring me.

Neglect As A Form Of Control?

So, perhaps those who use neglect as a weapon against those they love do so in order to feel powerful and in control. Neglect could even be a way for one person to dominate another. It is an insidious and ugly way to exercise control over another person. It is possible it is a tactic for domination.

I believe that there are people who use neglect as a weapon and as punishment who would fight you if you suggested they did not truly love the person they punish in this way. I believe these people are confused by and conflicted about their behavior. I believe they were badly hurt as children and youth, discovering neglect as a survival tool. They probably do not know how to love any other way. However, neglect is not an act of love and if you are on the receiving end of it, you have the right to understand and act on the truth that you are worthy of better expressed love than that.

Both women and men are inclined to remain in relationships that hurt when they do not have the self-esteem to know they deserve better. If you are on the receiving end of neglect, you likely feel the pain and know the history that drives your lover’s behavior. You likely feel sorry for him or her and would rather stay in the relationship with the hope that you can make a difference in his or her life. I challenge you to look at this way of thinking as an excuse to stay put in a relationship that reinforces your belief that you are not worthy of better love than this.

Loving Yourself As A Cure

Neglect can take on many forms. It can be a lover who looks at you in disdain whenever he or she feels disappointed by you. You experience neglect when he or she is rude or disrespectful of you on a regular basis, whether publicly, privately, or both. When he or she routinely seeks out the company of others, leaving you behind without taking your feelings or desires into account, this is neglect. If he or she withholds sex, refusing to address or acknowledge the problem, this is neglect of the worst sort.

I cannot convince you in an article to love yourself more deeply, intimately, and fiercely! There comes a day in everyone’s life when it all comes down to you. The need for love of self is one of those “it all comes down to you” things. Usually, it is the painful parts of life that drive you to your knees, forcing you to make the choice to love you no matter what.

Love doesn’t hurt. If someone is hurting you in any way, even if it is the “soft” hurt of neglect, take a good long look at the dynamics in your relationship and determine what is best for you. You cannot make your lover change. You can only change yourself. And you can only change yourself once you love yourself enough to know you deserve love that feels good, right, safe, and pure.

How Standing On Your Head Can Improve Your Love Life

By sarahelizabethmalinak

This morning I was out in one of our flower beds pulling weeds. I ran across the cover of the septic tank, which brought back memories. A few years ago, we had problems with the septic system when my husband had to be out of town. Handling it myself, I called a septic repairman who was glad for the work. Some restructuring of the tank was necessary, resulting in juniper having to be severely cut and a new and improved cover installed. I like the new cover. Larger and broader, it gives me a ledge from which to work in the bed. You see, we live in the mountains of Western North Carolina where every house, yard, garden, and flower bed is built on the side of a hill.

So, I stood on the septic tank cover this morning, bent at the waste pulling weeds, where for all intents and purposes my upper body was upside down; when suddenly, I had an epiphany about the opposite sex and what makes them happy! It was so brilliant, I’m thinking of making a habit of standing on my head to discover just how much I can see from their perspective.

Letting A Man Do The Work

In order to share the epiphany, I have to divulge a secret. All my married life, I have resented the man in my life needing me to let him do things that I can do for myself. Independent and resourceful, I was born singing the song, “Anything you can do, I can do better! I can do anything better than you!” At the same time, when he’s out of town and I have to handle calling the septic repairman or the electrician or whatever, I resent it that he isn’t available to take care of it for me.

Now before you think, “What a b___!” Hear me out. This is a common phenomenon for women. That means, gentlemen (and the rare lady who hasn’t had this experience) you don’t have to take it personally. Besides, I believe I have discovered how to walk out of the problem.

When I was practically upside down an hour ago with my memories of the septic repair, I got on a feeling level the following words, “They want to help and it makes them happy. What’s the big deal about waiting till he’s around to ask for his help, when something that simple makes him so happy? Does anything short of a real emergency really need to be done immediately by me alone when inviting him into the solution of whatever needs to be fixed is so gratifying for him?”

Swallow That Pride And Ask For Help!

It was as if by hanging upside down, a switch got turned on – a really good one that holds the true promise of big rewards. Ladies, I cannot express enough how satisfying for him it is for a man to help you. And it is so simple. You just have to be willing to pause and ask for help. You just have to be willing to give up a little bit of control.

When you ask for his help, let him do it his way! Just because men and women tackle problems differently doesn’t make either one inferior or superior, wrong or right. If you are going to surrender and let him help, surrender all the way. He’ll adore you for it.

You might try standing on your head every once in awhile and just see if new perspectives that make life richer and fuller come your way. Do it naked and see how playful the transformation of your relationship can be!