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Ultimatums – The Fastest Way to End a New Relationship

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How soon can you get your new love to say “I Love You”?

You know the feeling… you’ve been dating for months, and he still won’t say those magical little words. How frustrating! Why are so many men (and some women for that matter) so afraid to say “I love you”? Is it really so hard?

Is he unsure about you, or just afraid of commitment?

Of course that leaves you wondering… is he really ready to give himself fully to you, or is he holding back? Is he doubting himself, or worse, is he doubting you?

Or is he just afraid of commitment? But you still have to wonder why that is.

How can you know he’s really over his ex wife or girlfriend?

In the end, you want to feel that he’s completely over the other woman – his ex wife, girlfriend, etc – and wants only you. And it’s only natural to want to hear those words from him, to want that reassurance that he feels the same way you do.

But how do you make him say it without damaging your relationship and even breaking up? More importantly, SHOULD you insist he say anything at all?

Should you demand to hear “I Love You” – or else?

Drawing that line in the sand sometimes feels like a good idea – a last hope of security and stability – but it can often backfire. Many couples break up every day just because they get too hung up on the terms they use to define their relationship, on saying certain words, etc.

Fact is, every relationship is unique, because every person is unique. When we try to put relationships in a firm box, we often end up disappointed, and sometimes we end up alone…

Love by any other name?

If you are generally happy in your relationship, how about trying to live your life one day at a time, enjoying the wonderful time with your partner, and not worrying about what to call it.

Be sure to read the question, then watch the video and leave your thoughts below.

Here’s the full story…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend and I just broke up after a year long relationship. He has been struggling getting over his divorce. He had been in divorce preceding when we met and separated for a year at that point.

When we started I said “I don’t think you are over your ex-wife, get back to me when you are.” He said he “didn’t want to lose me and he wanted to try.” He tried I guess.

I of course fell in love over the year. In Feb. I told him I need to be with someone who was in love with me and could say it. I gave him 2 months time to think about it. He said he didn’t want to lose me but he didn’t know how long it would be before he could love someone, and didn’t want to lead me on and waste my time.

I am devastated. He says I have many qualities he wants in a partner and I’ve done everything right. We are just in different places and he needs to get over the divorce alone. He says he hasn’t written me off and I wasn’t a rebound, but i feel he has and that I was. Have I lost him forever? And what can I do to NOT lose him?

I am trying to move on but i feel I have made the biggest mistake and lost the best guy. He wants to be friends, I can’t handle it and i am petrified to go into the friend zone. I just don’t want to lose out. What’s should I do?

– Ann from California

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nz5FHHrLmKs[/youtube]

He’s STILL Living With His Ex Girlfriend After The Break Up?

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New love and previous lovers

New love is wonderful and full of joy, but there’s always that little matter of your new partner’s previous lovers.

We usually file that under “baggage” and hope they’re over those previous relationships, but sometimes those relationships live on in some form.

Letting go and moving on

Imagine dating a guy who still lives with his ex-girlfriend, for, ahem “financial reasons”. Now, it’s not that hard to understand that they may have gotten themselves in debt and he can’t afford to move out (and maintain his lifestyle).

Trust… is he really over her?

But it does make you wonder… is he really over her and ready to move on, or is he holding on to the past and hoping to get back together with him.

How can you know for sure if he is really over her? Even if he is over her, how can you be sure that he won’t accidentally give in to an urge on a dark and lonely night when he’s alone at home with her? Can you ever know for sure?

It’s a lot easier to slip up and have an “oops” moment with a previous lover, since you’ve already been intimate and you know each other well. All it takes is a little alcohol and a surge of passion, and you’ve got “slippage”!

Trust in a relationship is very important, but if you put yourself in a position to mess up, eventually you will. So do you demand he moves out from his girlfriend’s place, or can you just trust him to be faithful to only you (and to not get any urges on that dark and stormy night after he’s had one too many glasses of wine)?

Be sure to read the question, then watch the video and leave your thoughts below.

Here’s the full story…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve just started going out with a bloke who classes himself as single but has told me he still lives with his ex girlfriend (if she’s really his ex!). According to him, he still lives with her for financial reasons only, (I guess this means he couldn’t afford a place of his own). He tells me there is no longer a relationship going on between them.

His work mate told me on the quiet that it was genuine what he is telling me, but he agreed himself that it was an odd set up. I can’t bring myself to fully believe his work mate, because if he does know he’s still sleeping with her, he wouldn’t tell me anyway, would he?

Supposing he is telling the truth – how do I know? I don’t want to continue this with the thought that my boyfriend and his work mate are having a laugh behind my back.

– Jen from England

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oB4t5Pxn-d8[/youtube]

Too Comfortable? What to Do When Your Man Gets Complacent and Stops Trying

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In the first days and weeks of dating and courtship, everything is exciting, exhilarating, rosy, and wonderful. Ah, the joys of lust and the magical infatuation phase of a new relationship.

But then after a while, sometimes just a short while, many people (yes, both men and women) let themselves get comfortable and stop trying so hard. The new relationship is now ‘set in stone’, and they assume it’s a given they’ll still have that new partner tomorrow.

After months of surprises, flowers, chocolates, and romantic candlelit dinners, it’s hard to see all that end so abruptly. Not only that, but you want the romance to blossom and grow, not just to continue as it was!

For whatever reason, men tend to be particularly bad about this – taking their new girlfriend (and yes, especially their wife) for granted. What’s even worse is that concerns or complaints about the change in attitude and behavior are typically met with defensive and resentful responses, if they don’t fall on deaf ears all together.

You had a great thing and don’t want to break up… but what do you do?

What can you do to make him treat you like he used to – to bring the romance back into your relationship?

Here are our thoughts on this topic. Be sure to read the question, then watch the video and leave your thoughts below.

Here’s the full story…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

We’ve only been together for 4 months and I’m noticing that my boyfriend isn’t doing certain things that he use to do and I’ve mentioned it to him a few times but he hasn’t come around. All he says is “sorry” and “I hear you”.

I spoil him (Cook, clean, rub his back) which I enjoy doing because I love to see him happy but then again I don’t want to get the short end of the stick either.

I wonder if I should take a step back, but then I don’t want to push him away and make him think that I don’t want him. He is used to dating women that need materialistic things and he feels that as long as he provides me with those things that I should be happy.

I’ve explained to him that I make my own money and I can provide for myself, what I need is a man that adores me and cuddles and says sweet things in my ear.

Don’t get me wrong he is a good guy, but I want to nip this in the rear before it gets out of control. Please Help!!!

– Angelina

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkJb47gEXNk[/youtube]

Why Won’t He Tell His Family About Our Relationship?

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Friends and family can often be very unsupportive of your new relationships.

You know the drill… your mom keeps finding faults with your new girlfriend, your friends don’t think she’s “not right for you”, and so on. Or your dad just thinks “that new boy just isn’t the one”, and makes sure to remind you of that 3 times a day.

So if you’re in love and want the relationship to blossom, you’ll have to decide what side to take – and who can make those decisions in your love life.

Some people ignore this “well intentioned” advice and make their own decisions on life and love, while others just give in and walk away from their newfound love.

And then there are those who decide to live a double life with their newfound love, and hide this relationship from their family and friends. For whatever reasons, they decide the secrets and lies are worth it.

But is this really better than facing your family and friends and making the hard decision? Where do you draw that line?

You decide. Be sure to read the question, then watch the video and leave your thoughts below.

Here’s the full story…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am 71 years old and I have been seeing this guy who is 80 off and on for 3 years

He lives one hour from me and I met him on line

The question I have is that after that long and being intimate he still keeps me a secret from his family

He says he is divorced for 5 years but I asked him once does your daughter and son know about me he said no

They couldn’t face the fact because of the divorce – she is 27 and son is 28 he has no phone and I have never been to his home he has been to mine many times and has met my whole family

Whenever I bring up the subject about his home or anything he evades the question  he said he loves me deeply but if I mention I don’t like all these secrets he thinks I have found a young stud and that makes no room for him and if I even think I should look somewhere else I feel guilty.

Please tell me where you think I stand because I am thinking of joining a singles club in town. It isn’t that I want to be with him 24/7 it is the mystery behind all this.

I have the computer for communications unless he calls me from a card phone which I can’t call back on. Thank you for your time.

-Rose

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMG7vHiMEOM[/youtube]

High School Sweethearts: Is It Meant to Last?

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It’s happens all the time. High School Sweethearts go off to college. Usually, they go off to different colleges and that ends it pretty quickly.

But what happens when they actually go to the same college and see each other every day?

It may be more difficult to break it off, but as people grow and mature, especially at that age, they tend to go their separate ways. And that’s OK. It’s almost expected.

There are occasions where they stay together and live happily ever after, but that’s not the norm.

For young couples in this situation, the important thing is not to focus so much on the ever after and enjoy the time spent together today, in the present.

Don’t rush into marriage too quickly. There’s no reason for it. You can always get married later if you choose to do so. Being together is not all about marriage, and it’s not always meant to lead to marriage.

Many people just see marriage as a safety net – a way to "lock in" that relationship permanently before it gets away. Signing a marriage contract won’t make you closer. But getting married too soon in any relationship will usually lead to a lot of heartache and often an even more painful breakup.

Open and honest communication is critical. One may worry about the other’s happiness and make foolish decisions just to keep from hurting their best friend. Talk about your relationship frequently at this age because both of you are changing and growing so much all the time.

What may have been a valid assumption about your relationship in January may no longer be true in June. It’s not that the other person is fickle or confused. The ages between 18 and 27 are the years when a teenager becomes and adult and truly discovers who they are. They come out of their shell so to speak.

In many cases, this means leaving behind old friends and lovers, including your High School Sweetheart. Not because they’ve done anything wrong… You’re just growing and changing in different directions.

While it may hurt to break of the relationship, if you are honest with one another, five years from now, you’ll probably still be friends because of the trust and friendship you’ve developed. If you lie and hide your feelings, you’re more likely to lose the relationship all together.

If you’re not sure that you want to continue the relationship – maybe you want to experience life and see what else is out there… Talk about it with your partner and explain your feelings. Let him or her know that it’s not about them. Make it about you.

In reality, two things could happen — you could be completely honest and find out that your partner feels exactly the same way – so you decide to just be friends, or your relationship may grow even closer because of your honestly and move to the next deeper level.

The important thing to remember is that the decision to stay together or to move on should be a mutual decision made by the two of you together.