Some memories stick with you forever, and you can recall them as if they happened yesterday. It’s not always clear why, but ofter these vivid recollections are a reminder of pivotal times that helped shaped you into who you are today. I remember one such time when I was sitting in traffic with my then-boyfriend, and in blatant disregard for his personal safety, he turned to me and asked, “why do you always have to turn everything into a huge drama?”

What Do Emotional Outbursts Accomplish?

Oh, well, that did it. The trigger was pulled, and there was no turning back. I went straight into orbit. At that time, I was the kind of person who could be thrown over the edge just by hearing the phrase “why don’t you calm down” or “just get a hold of yourself and relax.” For me, that was my cue to pull out all the stops, to give whichever unlucky recipient the full force of my big, full-on nature.

So for him to ask me a question like that was pretty much asking for it, as far as I was concerned. I quick-fired point after point at him, punctuating each sentence with a full complement of flailing arms and strewn spittle. He sat there frozen, like a deer in the headlights, and made an effort not to make any sudden moves.

I pointed out to him that what he was referring to as “huge drama” was actually just me being able to access a full range of human emotions, and that I knew he must like it, because otherwise why was he going out with me if he couldn’t handle it? After dropping that bomb, I let the debris settle a little bit, waiting for his response. But he didn’t have a response. How could he? He probably hadn’t even heard anything I said after he blocked me out from boredom.

Chemistry vs. Compatibility

It’s amazing how we confuse chemistry with compatibility. That instant spark you feel is not necessarily an indicator of how things will be on a day-to-day basis. Think of it in terms of analog versus digital – these are two different ways that people deal with emotional responses. Me, I’m more digital, absorbing and conveying a large range and depth of emotions. Analog people are not necessarily less capable of expressing themselves, but they tend to do so in a more controlled and laid-back way.

When I was younger, I deducted from other people’s horrified responses to my large nature that they found digitally emotional people unacceptable. I wanted to be accepted, so I would try my best to be more analog, with smaller, more calculated responses. I thought people would like me better if I didn’t seem so high-maintenance to them.

I finally learned my lesson, that ultimately there is no mileage in trying to deny who I really am, or to modify my true nature to try to impress others. There’s also no point in trying to place blame, or think that other people are wrong if they handle emotion differently. My ex was simply more reserved and easygoing that I was, and we weren’t compatible, and I couldn’t see that fundamental difference at the time. Opposites can certainly attract, but you always want to attract the kind of opposite that will bring out the best in you, which was not the case in that relationship.

What Kind Of Relationship Do You Want To Attract?

After that nightmare was over, I decided I wanted to attract a relationship with someone who could take my big self as-is, and indeed would thrive on the energy and high emotional response that I experience. I feel very intensely, and I have strong passions that bubble up and outward. I wanted to be with someone who wasn’t put off or intimidated by that, but would embrace and love it! Then, boom, my husband showed up, and there it was. I had managed to be a magnet from a place of truth and self-love, not repression or resentment. No matter what kind of emotional processing you do, Great Relationships Begin Within!

“Who’s your daddy?” is a sexy question some men ask their women. It suggests that he’s in charge, loving and protecting her, taking good care of her. Asked of a daddy’s girl, it raises all kinds of issues! If you date or are married to a daddy’s girl (or if you are one), keep reading for tips on how to create happiness with the woman whose heart belongs (maybe) to daddy.

Daddy’s Girls Come In All Different Packages

Some daddy’s girls were the typical tom boy, excelling in all things masculine, bonding with their dads and making them proud. Many of these women grew up to be powerful in the workplace. Sometimes, they are easy to love because “guy stuff” is something they’re comfortable with. From their husbands’ hobbies to topics of conversation to what he watches on TV, they are right there, genuinely enjoying it all. However, some of the tom boy types are so loyal to their dads that no other man stands a chance of measuring up as good enough.

Other daddy’s girls are such because dad went missing when they were young. Perhaps he abandoned the family or died or just wasn’t emotionally available. She’s daddy’s girl because she still longs for his approval. She wishes above all that he would or could “see” her. This type of daddy’s girl can be a challenge to love as she wants you to take the place of the man she’s been missing her entire life. Living up to the image of a phantom father is tough.

There’s another kind of daddy’s girl who is submissive – even subservient. She grew up believing her father’s happiness depended on her performance. She may have been abused by him or she may have been taught that walking on egg shells around him, keeping him from getting angry or upset, made a difference for her. However it happened, as an adult she believes her happiness depends on the happiness of her man. In the beginning she can seem like the ideal woman, but this much submissiveness eventually becomes tiresome.

Handling A Daddy’s Girl

It’s the common elements among the various kinds of daddy’s girls that you can work with to erase relationship stress, creating relationship satisfaction instead. For instance, daddy’s girls believe that they are the most influential person in their men’s lives. They feel superior to the men in their lives. Whether they treat their men like father figures or little boys, they see themselves as “the big one” in the relationship. Daddy’s girls feel like most everything falls on their shoulders to fix or take care of. This sets them up to experience frustration with their men who are too often perceived as incapable of doing most things “right.”

To move from relationship stress to satisfaction, a daddy’s girl first has to give up the feeling that she is superior to her man. The best way to do this is for her to make a spiritual practice of stopping the following behaviors:

1. Stop correcting him in public and in private.

2. Don’t do for him what he can do for himself – unless it is an act of sheer, unadulterated generosity.

3. Stay out of the middle of his relationship with his mother.

4. Do not take over a task he is in the middle of accomplishing, even if you believe you can do it better.

5. Catch any attitude of superiority and drop it.

6. Don’t sigh, roll your eyes, or emit anything approximating, “tsk, tsk, tsk” as a response to anything he says or does.

I call this a “spiritual practice” because simply making up one’s mind to make these changes once-and-for-all is impossible. It takes diligence, returning again and again to simply stopping the daddy’s girl behavior while getting comfortable being a new kind of woman in your own life and in his.

Now, the title of this article is “How to Handle an Adult Daddy’s Girl.” So let me speak to just the men for a moment.

The adult daddy’s girl you are in a relationship with has a lot to offer. These women, even the submissive ones, know how to get things done. Using an old fashioned term, they make awesome “help mates.” However, they have a habitual way of relating to men that can pour could water on your desire.

If you don’t want to lose her but you fear if nothing changes she’ll run you off, try the following (or try it before things get that bad!):

1. When she tries to take over a task you are in the middle of accomplishing, invite her to relax and let you finish. Remind her that you are an adult, capable of taking care of things even if you do it differently.

2. If she makes a habit of correcting you, challenge her to stop treating you like a child. A daddy’s girl can think she’s just sharing how she feels or believe she is doing you a favor. Unless she treats every other adult in her life the same way, correcting them, she doesn’t have a leg to stand on believing it is her job to correct you – unless you give her that responsibility.

3. If she’s the submissive type, encourage her to trust you with her dreams and her ability to make her dreams come true. Let her know your life won’t come apart at the seams if she experiences some autonomy.

The best way to handle a daddy’s girl for optimal relationship happiness is to know yourself as a grounded masculine man who desires a woman (not a mother or a little girl). That way of being will result in words and deeds from you that invite her to be that woman with you.