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I’m Dating Again but My Sex Drive is Gone… Do I Stand a Chance?

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Is your low sex drive causing you problems with your partner? Does she think you don’t love her anymore?

Maybe you’ve even stayed single because of it. So how can you find someone who will understand and love you for who you are?

And is there a way to increase sex drive?

The Question

I am 45, male, single and haven’t had a girlfriend for a few years. I somehow can’t  see that as an option anymore, which makes me quite sad, as I do meet women I really like and vice versa.

The thing is that I physically don’t have much of a libido anymore and I usually get ill after any sexual activity. Although my health is not too bad in general and I feel quite young, the sexual side of me seems to have come to an end. When I was younger, sexuality was a strong urge but not so, any more.

So my question is: How can I relate to women who have some romantic idea about me and who I do like a lot. Is there such a thing as a loving relationship without sex?  I’d love to see a poll result, as I feel like a total outsider.
I guess if someone has been married for a long time, this would be seen as boredom with each other. Or the focus would have shifted to something else, eg. raising kids, etc. So that would be quite normal, I guess. But how do singles feel about that, I wonder?

The Answer

A close, loving, but non-sexual relationship is definitely possible.

I firmly believe there truly is someone for everyone. More than that, there are many people for everyone, and you’ll always find the right person when you’re truly ready for that person to enter your life.

Just like there are people out there who can’t stand coffee and others who don’t drink any alcohol, there are certainly those who wish for a happy relationship but for whatever reason aren’t interested in sex.

Could one of the women that you meet in your everyday life be the one? No telling, but it never hurts to try. Just be open to the possibility of finding just the right person for you, and you may be surprised. Of course, focus on your strengths and what you have to offer her, not on the sexual issue.

How can you find someone with very specific sexual needs?

The low sex drive issue could be a challenge and may require a broader search.

Well, this is where online dating can be a really big help. In a very clinical way, think of it as catalog shopping for people online. You get to specify all the specific criteria that’s important to you, and hopefully the online dating website matches you with someone that fits you. Of course it’s not exactly that basic, but in summary that really is how it works…

Your best bet with online dating is to sign up with one of the top online dating sites. For example, try Yahoo Personals.

Then create your profile be very specific about what you want. Focus on the love and romance that you’re truly seeking. You may be surprised how many women will jump at the chance to meet a man who wants a romantic relationship, instead of so many others who are mostly focused on sex.

But remember that online dating is really just about introductions. In fact, it could well have been called “online introductions” – that would have been much more accurate. Be sure to take the relationship into the real world as soon as you find someone you feel could be right for you. There’s no substitute for seeing someone in person that very first time. The energy, the chemistry, the physical attraction… those things just don’t show online.

Can the joy of sex be restored?

Depending on the medical specifics of the condition, sex drive can often be restored. There are lots of medical options, treatment programs, and supplements available that will increase your sex drive.

Consider this option and research all your possibilities. Consult a couple of doctors, maybe even a sex therapist, and get multiple opinions. Treat this like any other problem that you would research until you solved it.

Sex can be a wonderful and exciting.

When I talk about sex, I’m really referring to the entire sexual experience, not just intercourse. Many people just think of missionary position (yes, only with the lights off) when thinking about sex.

But there is SO much more. From playful seductive teasing, to going on a hot date as a prelude to a night of passionate lovemaking… And just lusting after that special person and getting excited just thinking about being with them, and doing naughty things to and with them. 🙂 That’s just a taste of the magical wonders of sex.

So don’t just accept that you will never again experience the joy of sex. If this is at all important to you, fight for it and find an answer.

In Summary

One way or another, you’ve very likely to find the right person for you, no matter your situation, preferences, and special needs

  • On the low sex drive issue, consult several professionals and try to find a solution. Assuming you wish to enjoy sex again of course.
  • Be open to the possibility, and even expect to have the perfect person for you wonder into your life. It can happen. Expect it.
  • Consider online dating to find the person matching your very specific needs or sexual preferences. Choosing from millions of people can really open up your options in those cases.

Is a Small Penis Size Crushing Your Confidence with Women?

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Do you worry that your penis is too small to satisfy a woman?

Even worse, have you had complaints from women about the size of your penis?

This is a question that has plagued men from the beginning of time.

The Question

I seem to be having trouble with the opposite sex.

What is the average size of the male penis. I measured mine erect and found that I am 3.7 inches long, 0.8 inches wide and 0.4 inches thick width a measured circumference of 2.7 inches. Is that normal, small or big?

I also have right curvature of the penis that doesn’t hurt but it’s shaped like a u-turn. If it was bigger it would probably point back at me. I also makes it look weird and really small. Is that normal and does masturbation cause that?

I just started shaving my balls, does that make the penis look bigger or is it a dead give away?

My last three girlfriends said my penis was pathetic and they had seen pencils bigger. One said my penis would get lost in her mouth if she tried to suck it. My confidence is shattered and I would love to have answers to my questions. Pleas help and write back soon.

The Answer

What is the perfect penis size?

This is an age old question with no “right” answer. Since we are not experts in this field, this one required some research…

I believe that the Taoist Masters have the best answer to this question, but I’ll include some Western views on the topic as well.

Taoist Thoughts on Penis Size

I’m currently reading a book called “Sexual Reflexology” by Mantak Chia (the same author as “Multi-Orgasmic Man“) and William Wei.  The principles in the book are based on ancient Taoist traditions and practices. Basically what this book tells us is that the size and shape of the man’s penis must match with the size and shape of the woman’s vagina. I don’t know about you, but that just seems to make sense…

The book goes on to talk about various ways to tell if you are sexually compatible with another person by looking at various body features on the hands, ears, and face. It’s worth reading if you haven’t already.

I’m also going to check out the “Multi-Orgasmic Man“. The principle here is teaching men how to separate the orgasm from the ejaculation so that they can enjoy multiple orgasms and extended sexual excitement.

OK, back on topic…

Penis size resources from the web

Of course we Westerners want to quantify everything, so here are some really great articles that I found online while researching the answer to this question. (No, we don’t know everything :-)…).

Rather than repeat it all here, I think you’ll get more out of it, if you read the articles yourself. They’re quite informative.

“Facts about Penis Size”, written by Dr David Delvin and Christine Webber at NetDoctor

“Does Penis Size Matter?”, written by Vanessa Burton at AskMen.com

“What is a normal penis size?”, from the Men’s Health section on About.com

What about a curved penis?

I’ve actually heard of this condition before. Depending on the seriousness of the curve, it could be Peyronie’s Disease. Now before you freak out… All that means is that the penis is curved excessively in one direction or another.

I’m going to stop here and tell you to check out this article, “Peyronie’s Disease”, and then contact your doctor if you think you have this condition. There are treatments available, but only your doctor can tell you if they’re right for you (Do I sound like a drug commercial yet?)

You can have great sex, even with a small penis

I know this may come as a shocker to some of you out there, but it’s possible to have really great sex without a man’s penis even being involved. No, really. A surprising statistic is that as many as 70% of women don’t achieve orgasm during intercourse without some other type of stimulation. Guys, listen up here.

There are tons of great books (and videos too) out there on how to please your woman. If you do a search on Amazon, there are hundreds of results for “female orgasm”. Here are a few that we actually recommend:

“The Clitoral Truth” by Rebecca Chalker – This is a very technical but informative book on the female anatomy. You didn’t get this information in sex ed. I feel it’s a must read for everyone.

“The One Hour Orgasm” by Leah and Bob Schwartz – This was a very interesting book, but make sure you’ve got all night to implement the techniques (The Venus Butterfly technique) in this book.

“The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex” by Sari Locker – We love the Idiot’s Guide series. If we ever want to know more on any topic, the Idiot’s Guide is one of the first books we buy.

Add a comment at the bottom if you have any great sex books you’d like to recommend.

Women are evil!

At least some of them… The part of this question that really makes me angry is the behavior of these women, and others like them, and the effect that their comments have had on otherwise strong and confident men.

Men’s egos are very delicate creatures that do not do well under even the slightest criticism. If you really want to crush a man, just insult his “manhood”. This is in fact so engrained in our culture, that we use to word “manhood” to refer to a man’s penis.

Here’s a message for all of those crushed egos out there from a great woman.

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” In other words, although the feelings are normal, it’s what you do with them and how you process them that reconnect you to your power.

Read this great article by Carol Juergenson-Sheets – “Difficult People – No One Can Make You Feel Inferior”

Obviously these women know very little about sexual pleasure if their only concern is the size of a man’s penis. Consider yourself lucky not to be involved with them.

I recommend reading the books above so that you can satisfy her completely, and that by the time you get to intercourse, she won’t care about the size of your penis!

Sex Poll – Is It OK to Have Sex During That Time of the Month?

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Is it ok to have sex during that time of the month?

This post was sparked by a question that we got from a good friend of ours. He asked us if it was OK to have sex with his girlfriend during that time of the month.

Our immediate reaction was "Why are you asking us instead of your girlfriend?" This is a topic that you should discuss with your partner, not your friends – unless of course your friends are having sex with your partner ;-).

While we may joke about it, this is a question that a lot of people, men especially, would like to know the answer to. If you ask 10 different people, you’re likely to get 10 different answers.

Men and women are often at odds over this seemingly simple question.

Some guys think it’s icky; others can’t go a whole week without sex and couldn’t care less.

Some women want nothing to do with a man during that entire week, and others can’t get enough.

We’ve certainly tried it, but it’s not our favorite time to have sex. We do however; really enjoy the week and a half that comes right AFTER that week.

Now that you’ve heard how we feel about it, we want to know what you think.

Take the Poll and Then Leave a Comment to Tell Us Your Thoughts!

Is It OK to Have Sex During That Time of the Month?

How to Spice Up Your Sex Life and Save Your Relationship

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The Question:

My partner and I have been together for 2 years now and we have been living together for about 4 months. Now that we are living together I feel that our relationship has changed. We hardly ever have sex, probably once a month is about all we manage to achieve.

I love sex and I’m sure that my partner does too, but for some reason we just can’t seem to make an effort to do the wild thing – one of us or both are always tired and sometimes it feels like we’re losing sexual compatibility; now it seems like I’ve had more passion in the past with other men or in the beginning of our relationship.

We do love each other and we’ve been through a lot together but I feel that our relationship is changing and I don’t know what to do about it.

We are becoming more like best friends everyday and I’m scared that the passion is fading. His idea of seduction and mine are totally different – he thinks ‘Let’s have sex?’ is an acceptable phrase into seducing a woman into hot sex, where as I would rather be pinned up against a wall without a word being said and so on…

When we weren’t living together our relationship was great; we did struggle a bit in the sex department but 3 times a week compared to once a month was a vast improvement.

Any advice you have considering this situation would be greatly appreciated. I don’t think I want to lose my relationship but I don’t know if I have the will power to save it – I don’t know what to do.

The Answer:

You might be surprised to learn that almost all long term relationships go through this ‘phase’ where everyone seems to get a little lazy. From my experience, it seems to happen somewhere between 18 months and 3 years into the relationship.

Here are some ideas that will help you make the best decision for you…

Does he know how you feel?

Open and honest communication is the most important component of any relationship.

Talk about it! Yes, with him, not with your girlfriends, not with anyone else. It’s absolutely amazing how many lovers simply don’t communicate openly and honestly with one another.

So many guys chat about their love live with their buddies, often as a way of bragging and showing off. And then they ask their guy friends if this or that sex idea would be ok. This is a bad idea for guys and girls. If you’re trying to figure out what sexual experiences to try out, talk with your lover not your buddies.

So, does he know that you crave hot spontaneous sex, or that you get excited by playing a little rough? Guess what, he might like that too! Or he might not, but you’ll never know if you don’t explore this topic together. And by the way, you’ll have a lot of fun and get a lot closer in the process.

Don’t hurt anyone’s feelings and check your ego at the door

It’s a strange thing, but sex partners often get their feelings hurt when one of them suggests trying something new, or doing something a little differently.

Get over it! The point of sex and intimacy is to enjoy each other and be happy together! Unless of course you’re focused solely on making babies – but that’s not the topic of this article…

Getting comfortable and killing your relationship

Complacency, also known as “getting comfortable” is the death knell of so many relationships, it may as well be a full blown epidemic. So many couples strive to “get comfortable”. What that means is they stop trying. And guess what… you stop trying, and your relationship dies. It’s that simple. The excitement and attraction dies, and your relationships becomes a project that you’re always fixing up. That’s no fun.

So how can you add that spice and excitement back into your relationship so that you’re not just lusting after those hot bodies at the gym?

Seduction as a game for lovers – the chase begins anew

The thrill of seduction doesn’t end when you get into a relationship. Why give up such a wonderful thing, even if you could?

Admit it, we enjoy the chase. I know I do and I’m at peace with it. And if you’re not chasing your lover, you’ll end up chasing someone else. We’re just wired that way. So let’s just accept that fact and use it to our advantage.

When was the last time you tried to seduce your partner? …

No, I’m not talking about coming home and saying “hey, let’s go have sex”. Blah! Boring!

I mean dressing up to look your best, wearing something sexy and feeling sexy.

Some of the best and most exciting sex is spontaneous sex, when you’re so wrapped up in the heat of the moment that you just can’t stop from ripping each other’s clothes off! Now that’s excitement. And doesn’t it sound more fun than “hey, let’s go have sex”?

Schedule hot sex dates

You go through the trouble of scheduling lunch and dinner appointments with just about everyone in your life. How about paying at least that much attention to your lover? Make time for that really steamy hot date, and plan accordingly. That way you’ll both be anticipating it all day, or all week.

Make a sex date box

Here’s a neat idea. Get together with your lover and each of you jot down a steamy date idea on a piece of paper and agree that each time you go on a hot steamy date, you’ll pick a card from your special sex date box.

Watch some erotic movies – together

Basic Instinct, Wild Orchid, 9 and 1/2 Weeks – it doesn’t have to be Playboy Porn, just something that gets you excited – trust me – he’ll get excited simply by you being excited.

Go out and buy some hot lingerie – together

What could be more exciting than shopping for hot lingerie together? By the time you’re done, you’ll be well in the mood for a hot sex date.

How about going to an adult toy store – together?

Maybe go visit an adult toy store together. Even if you don’t buy anything, you’re sure to have a lot of fun checking out all the merchandise.

Mix it up with some new sexual adventures

Doing the same old thing over and over again is bound to get boring. You wouldn’t watch the same TV show for the rest of your life, would you?

Try something different. Whether you’re up for a threesome or interested in the wild latex world of BDSM, the same idea applies.

Be open to new experiences. Venture out and keep it exciting.

In summary

  • Talk with your partner about sex. Really, make a date to sit down and go over it. Then resolve to always talk about it form then on.
  • Check your ego at the door. If your partner makes sex suggestions and you get defensive, then you’re missing the point completely. Get over it and put your partner first. You’ll be glad you did.
  • Don’t strive to get “comfortable” in a relationship. If you’re there, break out of it before you doom your relationship for good.
  • Bring the excitement of seduction and the chase back into your relationship – fast.
  • Actually schedule some hot sex dates with your partner. Really.
  • Keep it exciting with some new sexual adventures. Try new things. Open your mind and explore the entire world of sex possibilities.
  • For some fresh new sex ideas download Michael Webb’s 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets (Read our review here).

Top 10 New Year’s Sex Resolutions

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There are 100’s of New Year’s Resolution lists out there, but they’ve all forgotten one of the most important areas of our lives – SEX. The most I’ve seen this topic covered is something like “have more sex” or “have better sex”.

We’ll I’ve decided to give you some ways that will actually help those resolutions come true…

Here are my Top 10 New Year’s Sex Resolutions. Add these to your list and you’re guaranteed to have more and better sex this year!

1. Lose the Idealism
To truly enjoy sex, there is one thing that you absolutely must do – Stop worrying about what other people think. Get rid of all of those self-imposed limiting beliefs that are keeping your sex life utterly boring. You know the nice girls don’t do this, good boys don’t do that, and this is how sex should be stuff…

Find someone who likes to play the way you do and have fun!

Sexploration’s, Brian Alexander said it best this year: “Can we resolve to get over the idea that his holding your wrists down to the bed means he’s a Neanderthal brute, or that she’s a bitchy feminist if she wants to ride you like Sea Biscuit? Sex is supposed to be joyful, exhilarating, intimate and revealing.”

2. Try New Things
Vow to try new sex positions, new sex toys, and new sex acts this year. Variety is the spice of life and adventure broadens your horizons. Don’t be timid in the New Year, keep an open mind and try something new in bed, whether it’s anal sex, a threesome, or living out your wildest fantasies. It could even be as simple as just admitting that it’s OK to like sex.

3. Embrace Erotica
Read more erotic books and watch more erotic movies (ideally with your partner, but if you’re flying solo – enjoy!). Don’t like porn (we don’t either)? So watch some of those very erotic but not quite porn movies like “Wild Orchid”, “9 1/2 Weeks”, “Body Heat”, and “Sliver”. They get me excited every time!

Commit to reading at least one erotic novel each month. My favorite author in this genre is Don Winslow, but there are many more to choose from. Find an author and a theme that you like and start reading. I challenge you to get through one whole book without getting excited.

4. Have More Sex. Lose Weight. Feel Great.
Sex is great exercise and it’s WAY more fun than going to the gym. Sex improves circulation and aerobic fitness by increasing heart rate and respiration, and exercises many major muscle groups. Did you know that you can burn between 100 to 300 calories per hour during sex? …

5. Talk About Sex
Have a conversation with your partner or friends about sex. Again, lose the idealism. If your friends don’t like to talk about sex – find some friends that do. If you have a partner, how else are you going to know what turns them on? How will they know what turns you on? Not talking about sex is a certain recipe for disaster, or at least a really boring sex life.

A word of warning… Please use compassion when talking and listening about sensual topics. For some reason, it’s really hard for most people to talk about sex. Our egos get offended and our feelings get hurt. So be patient and listen without judgment or bias. In the end everyone will learn something about sex and you may even be happier for it.

6. Masturbate
This is something that just about everyone does and almost no one talks about. Get over it! With all your efforts toward self-improvement, don’t forget to reward yourself with some good old-fashioned masturbation. It’s one of the best ways to relax, ease your tension, and get in touch with your body. Take a time-out from your hectic schedule and spend some quality time with yourself.

If you can’t enjoy and love your own body, how can you expect anyone else to ever please you?

7. Live Your Fantasies
Make a commitment to live your fantasies this year. What do you think about when no one else is around or when you’re masturbating? Write it down and share it with your partner. Who knows, they may just want to help you play out your favorite fantasy and you’ll both be in for some exciting surprises. Just talking about your fantasies with your partner can often lead to hot sex on the spot.

8. Organize Your Sex Toys
Quit tossing that vibrator under the bed with the dust bunnies. Keep your ropes, leather straps, dildos, vibrators, and other sex toys clean, organized, and carefully stored in a drawer or box. They’ll last longer and you’ll always know where to find them when you need them.

Having said that – sex toys may not be your thing… But don’t make that decision until you’ve at least tried several variations.

9. Dress to Impress
Do you really expect your partner to see you wearing your baggy shorts with the hole in the backside, your hair sticking out, and those glasses at the end of your nose as you read the paper, and still find you sexy? Do you feel sexy when you dress that way – NO.

Save those “extra comfy” clothes for those times when you’re alone – wear something nice when you’re together, or at least get dressed…

10. Put Your Partner First
Guys, be more considerate – let your partner orgasm first. She puts up with a lot, so try putting her first once in a while and give her a screaming orgasm (or two or three) before you even think about it. Ladies, surprise your man with impromptu quickie sex – they love it!

I hope you’ve enjoyed these ideas for a very sexy 2008.

If you have any other ideas to make 2008 absolutely orgasmic, please share. We’d love to hear your ideas and so would our other readers.