Sex Tips & Advice

What is Sex Honesty to Me?

When Dan asked me to be a part of their new site, I began to think about what sex honesty means to me, and how I think it can help so many people out there. My first thought was, “you can’t have safe sex without honesty, and you can’t have honesty without safe sex.” Let me break that down.

What Exactly Is Safe Sex?

Safe sex doesn’t just have to mean protected sex with a condom or some sort of birth control – although that’s crucially important as well, in most cases! Safe sex should also mean intimacy with your partner, trust in your partner and in your relationship, and commitment to each other. You can’t have all these things – what I would deem as the broader definition of “safe sex” – without having honesty in a relationship. If you don’t know that your significant other is going to be honest with you, how can you trust them? How can you have true intimacy? How can you really commit to a person or a relationship if you’re not even sure what that relationship encompasses, or who that person is. Therefore, you can’t have safe sex without honesty.

In a sexual relationship, the converse is also true: you can’t have honesty without safe sex. Using the broader definition of safe sex – one that encompasses intimacy, trust and commitment – you’ll find that all these components must be present in order for honesty to factor into the equation. If you remove one of them, it becomes much harder to be honest. Sex honesty is an inter-connected idea, a cycle that must be maintained by both people in order to have a healthy relationship. Since you can’t have safe sex without honesty, and you can’t have honesty without safe sex, a couple has to work on making sure that both honesty and the components of safe sex are present in their relationship. That doesn’t mean that everything is going to be in perfect balance all the time, but learning to identify the deficits that may arise in these areas can go a long way towards insuring a healthier, “safer” sex life, and a more fulfilling, honest relationship.

Having Sex – More Than What Meets The Eye

This is also why I think having sex with someone should be more than a spontaneous decisions. It’s hard to be honest with someone you don’t know very well and therefore it’s difficult to have a truly honest, sexual relationship with that person. This, I believe, is often why casual sex doesn’t work out to the benefit of both people involved. Sex should be something that’s arrived at through intimacy, trust, commitment and honesty. By skipping those steps, you’re selling yourself and your relationship short.

Additionally, honesty in a relationship means fidelity – sexually, financially, and emotionally. I talk about putting relationships back together in my books “Adultery, the Forgivable Sin,” and Can we Cure and Forgive Adultery?” and highlight the idea that monogamy is a conscience decision. Fidelity – in its various forms – is a decision you make to stay honest in your relationship. Fidelity, honesty, sex, and finances are all inter-connected. In a healthy relationship this can be a great thing!

So, to make a short story long, I would answer that sex honesty to me is the culmination of intimacy, trust and commitment – all which ideally lead to fidelity and fulfillment in a relationship!

How Do I Know If I’m A Nympho?

By loveandsex

Women who truly enjoy sex often get labeled as nymphomaniacs, or “nymphos” for short. Just because a woman likes sex and enjoys having it, does that make her a “nympho?” What if she’s recently lost weight or had a big life change and has started to see herself in a more sexual way? Here’s what you want to know about sex and lots of it – as well as what’s safe and what’s not.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve recently lost a lot of weight and rediscovered my sexuality. I may have awakened a nymphomaniac! I think about sex all the time. Is there something wrong with me?

–Jane, Georgia

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvAE7lAIsNM&feature=channel_page[/youtube]

When Your Body Changes

If you’ve lost a lot of weight, or recently started working out or even just gained some self esteem about the way you look, it’s perfectly natural to start feeling more sexual. It’s to be expected – you’re starting to see yourself as more attractive and people are starting to feel more attracted to you. Not only have you become more physically attractive, your own confidence in yourself has made you doubly attractive. No wonder you’re feeling more sexual than you have before! Embrace this new feeling – it’s an incredible feeling and you should feel proud of yourself for making such a great life change!

How Much Is Too Much?

Most people enjoy sex and some people enjoy sex more often than others. There are no guidelines as to “how much is too much” when it comes to sex, but there are a few questions to ask yourself. Is your newfound sex drive interfering with your daily life? Do you find it hard to function if you haven’t had sex recently, or do you find it hard to focus because you’re thinking about having sex all the time? If you truly find that your sex drive and the need for sex and sexual satisfaction start overtaking your life – almost like drugs – it’s time to see a therapist or a counselor to talk about your feelings. If you just find that you enjoy sex and do it when you can, you’re probably just like everyone else on the planet – human!

Playing It Safe

If you have started to enjoy sex more and have started to have more sex, it’s important to play it safe. Don’t be promiscuous and make sure you’re well informed about sex and especially sexually transmitted diseases. Take the time to educate yourself about sex, sex toys, STD’s, various forms of sex and sexuality and everything sex related – going into it well informed can help you make safe and smart decisions that will help you enjoy the moment more instead of creating a moment that you’re likely to regret later. Get tested regularly if you have multiple sex partners, or find friends that you can have fun and experiment with who stay monogamous with you. It’s all about finding a balance between what is fun and sex and what is safe!

If you take the time to educate yourself, feel confident about body and lifestyle changes and play it safe and smart, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with liking sex, enjoying sex and having sex, even lots of it! Find a partner who enjoys sex as much as you do and have fun with it. Life is short and as long as you’re not ignoring the facts, it’s time for you to love yourself enough to do what you enjoy doing!

He’s Just Not Interested in Sex

By melody

“I’m not interested in sex anymore…I’m only 28… What is wrong that I don’t have the desire anymore?”

“I’m not interested in sex with my partner anymore, I don’t have any desire for it and I do it just for the sake of the marriage and I have to do it. I have no feelings at all and no sensation.”

“Why? Why are we so scared to say, ‘Hey! I’m not interested in sex!’ Is talking about having no desire to touch another person’s genitals so taboo?”

When she was in her 30s, Lillian* ended a relationship because her boyfriend liked sex less than she did. “He thought sex once a week was more than enough,” she recalls. “I wasn’t looking forward to having sex as much,” he says. “It was, ‘If we do it, we do it; if we don’t, we don’t.’”

“What is wrong with me? I’m not interested in sex at all and I am really bothered by it.”

Help! He’s Not Interested In Sex!

I was at a party recently with five women, ranging in age from 25 to 55 and all of these women were complaining that their husband’s are not interested in sex. They would rather play video games, work, or watch TV than make love to the woman they love. My husband’s initial reaction was, “Frankly, I’m disappointed in the American male.” But in fairness, his statement is blaming the guy for something they obviously can’t help. What is going on with these guys? And is this really as common as this party would suggest?

I personally suspect that it is just as common as this party would suggest. Out of all the couples there, only two of us wives could claim the joy of being sexually satisfied. There is a statistic out there that says something like 70% of all women have affairs, generally in their 40’s. I think I am beginning to understand the statistic. They don’t want a divorce but they don’t know how to make it better for themselves. One of my girlfriends once told me that her husband and lost all interest, and she was desperate. He told her to go out and find sex outside of the marriage and he would not care. How sad is that? They obviously love each other but have no capacity to enjoy the passion that had once filled their marriage bed.
For most of us the axiom that sex ends after marriage comes from men who are dissatisfied with the level of sexual activity from their wives. So it came as a shocker to me that this is, perhaps, more of a dominant problem for women.

Why would this be? How could so many healthy men be so disinterested in sex? After all, biology would have us believe that their sex drive is higher than women’s and they should be the ones incessantly demanding more frequent sexual encounters, but this doesn’t seem to be true!

Holding Back On Passion

What is holding back their passion? They love their wives and, I must say, the women at this party were no dogs. They were beautiful, intelligent, interesting, passionate women who were as perplexed as I was that this is a problem for their husbands. This is when I started to get really interested, because I have always said that I believe that men and women are not really so different. Men and women both need emotional intimacy to enjoy frequent, spontaneous and joyful sexual encounters. But so few of us know how to obtain that connection. The sad thing is that so many of us think we have that connection, simply because we have nothing to compare it to so we think it’s adequate.

Well, the “proof is in the pudding”. If you are not having frequent, spontaneous, joyful, sex than there is something missing in your emotional connection with your partner. Discovering what is missing has sent people packing off to therapy only to be disappointed at the outcome because underlying problems were brought to the surface and rather than resolving them the couples ended up divorced!

What To Do If Your Partner Has Problems Connecting With You Sexually

If your partner is struggling with their desire for sexual connection there are some important things you MUST do:

1) Have them get a physical (this is important for both sexes but VITAL for men as Dr. Oz says, “The penis is the ‘dipstick’ for physical health” and it’s often the first indicator of a problem)
2) Make sure hormone levels are where they need to be for you to feel desire. (I have suffered from low desire my whole life and found out a few years ago my Testosterone level was WAY off).
3) Start educating yourself about communication, connection and intimacy. There are many good sites online that will help you transform your intimacy (www.thisisgreatsex.com is but one)
4) Stop taking it personally. This is not about you having failed your partner or your partner having failed you. It is simply that you both need to take ownership of the problem as a couple. It’s a relationship problem you can solve together.
5) Understand that men are just as sensitive emotionally as women are and we all carry with us baggage from our pat that impacts our sexual desire and our ability connect emotionally

Having exciting, frequent sex with your partner is not just good for your relationship, its also good for you. Your health and emotional well-being are greatly enhanced by engaging in satisfying sex. It’s not a secret any more that if you want to keep your relationship alive you have to work at it. If the sex is not alive then there is something amiss in the relationship and there is no one to blame, only work to be done. The good news is that it’s not something that takes years and years to do and it’s an exciting thing to participate in even if you don’t get immediate results. Cement your future, your relationship and your health by making sure that his, or her, passion is reignited.

3 Reasons Why Men Need To Become Better Lovers

By leejenkins

“Was it good for her?” This is just one of the many questions which most men are hesitant to voice out after a session in the sack. Unless you’ve had rave reviews about how much of a stud you are in bed from the women you slept with in the past, it is but natural to have these insecurities.

The Top Three Reasons Why Men Need to Become a Better Lover

To start right off, let us take a look at the top three reasons why men need to become a better lover:

1. Do away with boredom in the bedroom.

Let’s say that you and your girlfriend have been going out for quite some time now. The longer that you and a woman have been together, the more comfortable you will be with seeing each other’s bodies in your birthday suit. This comfort factor can be the bane of your intimate relationship, because that’s when boredom in the bedroom occurs.
If you don’t want that special woman in your life to leave you because your sex life is not something to rave about anymore, then you should do your part in making sure that your skills as a lover is improved.

Basically, the best way to revitalize your sex life is to relive the ‘newness’ of your relationship. You can become a better lover by determining which aspect of your sex life needs improvement.
You may need to refresh your knowledge of different sex positions because the missionary and woman-on-top variations have suddenly grown old. If there’s even a doubt in your mind that she is faking her orgasms, the best way to prevent her from not doing it again is to be adept with your oral loving skills.

Or, you might just need to change the pace of your lovemaking. It could be that you’re lacking in foreplay – or you’re not giving her enough of a rush by indulging in quickies. No matter which aspects of your sex life it is that can do with an improvement, find ways to work on them so that you can be a better lover.

2. Stop suffering from humiliating experiences from women.

If you think that humiliation in the eyes of one woman that you’ve had bad sex with is the only embarrassment that you’ll suffer from if you are a bad lover, think again. For example, if you’ve slept with a woman who’s working in the same building as yours and you had really bad sex during that one time that you’ve gathered the courage to ask her out.

Word about how bad you are in the sack could leak, until it reaches such a point that you cannot ride the elevator anymore without getting odd glances from women who might have heard about your lack of skill in bed.
This is just one of the worst case scenarios that you can experience if you don’t become proactive enough in bettering your skills as a lover.

3. Be a ‘master lover’ in your own right.

Now, this is the exact opposite of the previous entry. Once your skills in bed are improved, you can become a master lover in your own right. You can make women have orgasm two, three, four or even five times a night! You can make them return the favor because you’re so good at giving her some oral love. You can have sex anytime you want to.

It doesn’t even matter whether you have a below average, average or above average-sized penis. Knowing what turns women on and how to use her multiple erogenous zones at your disposal is the best way to become a better lover than you already are.

A Final Word about Becoming a Better Lover

The possibilities that you can learn about how to be a better lover is practically endless. Kissing, foreplay, oral sex, stimulating her clitoris and G-spot – these are just some areas of your lovemaking skills that you can improve on.

At the end of the day, it’s important to acknowledge that there is always room for improvement when it comes to your lovemaking skills – so bring out those “How to be a Better Lover” guide books, brush up on your techniques and be the best lover that you can be!

Are You Too Goal-Oriented When It Come To Sex?

By hollypage

Do you focus on getting A’s instead of learning in school? Do you work towards hitting your numbers rather than doing your job well? Do you worry about how much you weigh instead of how healthy and fit you are?

Then chances are you focus on the orgasm instead of just enjoying sexual experiences. And you’re missing out.

While in many aspects of your life being goal-oriented may help you achieve, it definitely isn’t helping you out in the bedroom. Goal-oriented sex, when one or both partners are just focused on orgasm, tends to be formulaic, stressful, and disconnected. Maybe you achieve your “goal” and orgasm, but you’re actually missing out on sensual and intimate lovemaking.

The cliché “life is a journey, not a destination” is one we often hear and promptly dismiss, because it isn’t a mantra that fits into our goal-oriented culture. But when it comes to sex, the more attention you pay to the “journey” – looking into your lover’s eye, enjoying each other’s bodies, connecting on a physical and emotional level – the better the “destination,” or orgasm, is.

Negative Effects of Goal-Oriented Sex

Goal-oriented sex minimally causes you to miss out on more sensual and intimate sexual experiences. At its worst, being too focused on orgasm could actually be preventing you or your partner from enjoying sex. Think about it – has your focus on your orgasm or your partner’s ever created pressure and interference? Of course it has. That’s because you are focused on the wrong thing.

Before we get to how to take the focus off orgasm to have better sex, let’s look a bit more closely at the negative effects of goal-oriented sex.

For men, goal-oriented sex can result in premature ejaculation if the excitement of orgasm is too great. It can also lead to performance anxiety around pleasing his partner. Finally, goal-oriented sex can result in a sense of entitlement to orgasm even if the woman isn’t into it.

For women, sex is often connected to her emotional or psychological state. Goal-oriented sex, then, can create such pressure to get aroused and orgasm that she often can’t do either. The context of lovemaking can be as important as the sex itself in creating pleasure.

How to Avoid Goal-Oriented Sex

If you’ve been worrying too much about the big O, slow down and take the scenic route the next time you make love. Here are three things you can try to take the pressure off orgasm and put the focus on enjoying the range of sensual pleasures in the moment.

Put the play back into sex play. Remember when you first started exploring your sexuality, you would make-out for hours without any goal other than satisfying your curiosity? Next time you fool around, don’t have intercourse. That will alleviate the pressure to orgasm via intercourse, and instead give you the chance to explore each other’s bodies again.

Be more sensual. Be conscious during your next sexual encounter to be more sensual. Take a lot of time to touch your partner with different pressures and speeds. Add some feathers, satin, or ice to your play for varied textures and temperatures. By putting more focus on the sensual experience, you’ll be more in the moment and less goal-oriented toward orgasm.

Talk. When you start your lovemaking, tell your partner what you like and describe how it feels. The communication will not only be erotic, but it will also raise your awareness to what’s happening in the moment versus letting your mind wander to think about what’s to, er, come.

Try out one or all of these tips to take off some of the pressure on orgasm, and to heighten your intimate, sexual experiences.