Sex Tips & Advice

Why Condoms are the Latest Trend in Women’s Personal Care Products

Mention it and you can clear a room faster than yelling “FIRE!”

So what do we all have against this poor little piece of latex?

Well, it can be an awkward addition to a passionate event… sort of the third party of a love triangle you don’t want to deal with.

But practically speaking, you should always have a condom with you.

Women should listen intently to this…

The Condom is a WOMAN’S Product

The condom is a very effective means of contraception, and helps to protect against Sexually Transmitted Diseases, including HIV. Women are at higher risk for most of these infections than men, simply because of the way we are designed. Some 300,000 American women have HIV or AIDS alone, and there is a new diagnosis about every 30 minutes. By age 50 at least 80% of women will have acquired genital HPV infection.

If the condom is there for contraception and to alleviate some of the spread of these viruses why aren’t more women carrying them?

It’s ironic that women can take birth control without much social consequence. Yet somehow if a woman carries a condom it places a stigma on her and conjures so many questions. Why does she need to carry condoms? Is she looking for sex? Is she easy? A woman’s answers to these questions are her own, and no one else’s business unless she invites someone into her business.

So while we all do our part to shift the stigma away from a woman taking care of herself, we can make carrying condoms a bit more discreet and a lot less embarrassing. There are so many products out there to alleviate this issue.

New Trends in Feminine Condom Accessories

You can carry them in a luxurious condom compact, like the one called Just In Case, that looks like a make up compact, but has a secret compartment for two condoms. You can even open the compact and use the mirror without giving away your secret stash! Check it out at www.JustInCaseInc.com.

If you want to keep condoms near your bedside, take a look at the Devine Condom Cube. A cute little leather cube with a magnetic closure that will hold your condoms with a little more design flair than the box they originally came in. Check this one out at www.RomanticGifts.com.

Hate the packaging of the condom itself? Check out ONE brand condoms; a new brand with a designer flair. At first glance you may not even know what it is with it’s new round packaging and avant-garde graphics. You can find these little gems at www.JIC2compact.com.

It’s Time to Shift the Paradigm for Women Carrying Condoms

The new reason to carry a condom is self respect. The new reaction to women carrying condoms must be positive. There is nothing sexier and more attractive than a woman who takes care of herself in every aspect of life. A woman who gives herself the gift of self-respect and self-love, will require that from her partner, and that woman’s partner will return the gift by honoring her request for protection. It’s a dance, when we’re unsure, we step on each others toes. When we know the steps, and follow the music, it can be the most beautiful time in your life. Keep it beautiful, keep yourself protected.

This article is brought to you by JustInCaseInc.com. To sponsor an article on AskDanAndJennifer.com, Click Here.

Who’s Responsible for Contraception – the Man or the Woman?

By speaksexy

Having sex for the first time with a new partner is always an exercise in silent negotiation.

Issues such as who will take the dominant role or when the undressing will begin abound and are often worked out using body language, eye contact, and other non-verbal communication cues.

Although these stealthy tools are enough to successfully answer most of the questions that arise during those initial moments of sexual bliss, the issue of contraception is not and should not be one of them.

Don’t Rely on Your Partner to “Take Care Of” Contraception

Unfortunately many women still rely on the man to bring a condom, and many men still rely on the woman to be “on the pill.” Obviously this can lead to a very unfortunate situation in which he doesn’t have a condom and she in not taking an oral contraceptive, leaving them with the choice of either not having sex at all, or having unprotected sex.

Both of these options are bad, and more often than not couples will choose to have sex anyway. This decision not only increases their chances of an unwanted pregnancy, but also of acquiring an unwanted sexually transmitted infection such as HIV or herpes. (Remember condoms should not only be used to prevent pregnancy but to prevent the spread of STD’s as well!)

The easiest way to avoid having to make such a hormonally charged decision is for both partners to take equal responsibility for having a condom on their person – be it in a pocket, a purse, a sock, where ever. Even though it’s the man who wears it, the woman gets just as many benefits from its use, and she should feel comfortable taking the initiative to safeguard her own health and well being. In fact some condom companies are marketing male condoms directly to women by using sexy packaging and imagery in order to promote this healthy habit.

Oral contraceptives do not prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections and should not be the only form of protection used between new lovers. It’s also important to remember that many women rightfully refuse to use oral contraceptives because of the negative side effects they experience while taking them or because of other health concerns. (For example women with a familial history of strokes are advised not to use oral contraceptives).

An even greater number of women discontinue using “the pill” during periods of prolonged abstinence – such as between relationships. So even if she has used oral contraceptives with her past lovers, there’s a good chance that she is not currently using them if this is your first time having sex with each other! Never assume a woman is using an oral contraceptive. If you are unsure, ask her. If you are both ready to have sex, then you should be able to have an honest conversation about contraception.

SHE Should Not Be the Only One Deciding IF Contraception Will Be Used

Another very common, and I think disturbing, trend is…

many men will leave it completely up to the woman to “stop” the progression of sexual activity in order to demand the use of a condom, instead of simply putting the condom on himself without needing to be told to do so by his partner. This behavior unfairly shifts the responsibility of condom use fully onto the woman, and implies that without her demand, he would happily have sex without using a condom at all.

Why are women stereotypically placed in the sexually “responsible“ role? Aren’t men just as concerned about their own health as women? Then shouldn’t men be equally as likely to “stop” the sexual activity in order to use protection?

The usual justification for this scenario is that men get “carried away” in the heat of the moment and “forget” about the consequences of their sexual behaviors, whereas women do not get swept away by their sexual passions and are therefore the ones who must be “responsible” for them both. This argument is based upon too many incorrect culturally-bound assumptions regarding female sexuality to explore in this article. Suffice to say that women are equally as “impassioned” as men, and should not be the only ones who decide whether or not contraception will be used. The “heat of the moment” is not an excuse for irresponsible sexual behavior for either women or men.

Do Have a Verbal and Explicit Conversation About Contraception

Having a conversation about contraception does not have to be as uncomfortable as most people believe. The key is to broach the subject during a non-sexual, calm moment together. One of the worst times to have this “talk” is right before sex because it will certainly kill the mood. It’ll be much better, and lead to a much smoother first time, if this issue is already taken care of and both partners are comfortable knowing that they’ve made a healthy, loving, and respectful decision together.

How Long Can You Go Without Sex?

By speaksexy

Although you’re probably familiar with the terms “sex drive” and “libido,” how much about your own sexual clock do you understand?

For example, can you list your sexual “need” signs?

How long can you go without sex before it starts to negatively affect you?

Are your needs generally assuaged by “affection” or does it take full intercourse to make you feel satisfied?

Because most people never ask themselves these questions, relationship problems often occur due to misunderstandings regarding the differing sexual needs of the partners. One of the best ways to preempt these common predicaments is to know the sexual needs of your own body and to be able to communicate those needs to your partner in a non-threatening manner.

Why is Sex a “Need”?

The same way your body sends out signals to let you know when you’re hungry or thirsty, it also sends out signals to notify you when it’s time to have sex – or to engage in some kind of physically intimate contact with another human being. These needs have two biologically-based reasons to exist, though both reasons are heavily debated within the scientific community.

The first reason is, of course, reproduction. We have a sex drive so that “mating” happens relatively frequently and we can continue the species.

The second reason is a little more complex and has to do with our survival-of-the-fittest need to live in social groups and act cooperatively.

As the theory goes, we are too physically weak as individuals to protect ourselves from the dangers of our environment, and have survived mainly because we stick together. It’s the “united we stand, divided we fall” philosophy of biological survival. One of the ways to promote this kind of banding together is by making the act of socializing with other members of our species an enjoyable and rewarding experience. In monkeys this is reflected in the importance of social grooming, and in the case of bonobo monkeys, sex.

Now I’m not saying you’re a monkey, but I am saying that like monkeys, humans have an innate desire to physically connect with others of our kind because it has helped us to survive as a species. That’s one of the main reasons we long to be with others – to hold and to be held, to kiss and to be kissed. Rather than just superfluous “wants” these are, in fact, “needs” and should be given the attention they deserve. After all, you eat when you’re really really hungry don’t you?

What are Your Sexual “Need” Signs?

It’s very easy to overlook your body’s sexual needs signs since they are often signs of other problems too. The best way to pinpoint which symptoms are yours is to see which ones seem to go away for a while after you’ve had a satisfying sexual experience – and remember, this kind of experience does not always have to include someone else. (Yes,we can fool our biological needs to a certain extent)!

Some of the Most Common Signs of Sexual Need are:

General and Mounting Irritability
Overall Feeling of Frustration without Knowing the Cause
Feeling Stressed for “no reason”
Excessive/Lack of Hunger or Sleep
Anger and/or Other Unexplainable Negative Emotions Toward Your Partner
Vivid Sexual Dreams that May Lead to Nocturnal Orgasms (Wet Dreams) for both Men AND Women

Basically lack of sex makes people feel disgruntled, to sum it up. Some people even claim that their skin itches, or their everyday thoughts are unusually pervaded by sexual fantasies. What ever your particular signs are, knowing them and recognizing them when they are occurring can be very relieving in and of itself. At least now you’ll be able to know why your body feels so tense!

How Long Can You Go Without Sex Before it Starts to Negatively Affect You?

Once you understand your body’s “I need sex!” signs, the next thing to make a note of is how long between sexual encounters it takes for you to start feeling icky again. For some people, it’s a day. For others, it’s every two months.The amount of time varies greatly from one person to the next, and changes frequently depending upon lifestyle factors (pregnancy,menopause, etc.), relationship status (new relationships tend to increase libidos), and health status.

It’s this internal sex timer that tends to cause the most problems for couples in long term relationships because one person “needs” sex much more frequently than the other. Often the partner with the shorter sex timer gets rejected again and again which leads to feelings of being unloved, unwanted, and eventually resentment toward their partner. Such issues can be avoided and successfully compromised upon when both partners understand the differences in their underlying sex drives. But in order for this to happen, each partner has to first understand his/her own sexual signs and needs.

What Does it Take to Satisfy Your Needs?

The last thing you must consider is what kinds of sexual contacts satisfy your needs. Again, this tends to differ greatly between partners, and especially between men and women. For a lot of women affectionate touches are enough to assuage their sexual desires. Kissing, petting, and manual stimulation are all that may be necessary to make her feel happy again. However, some women don’t feel truly satisfied until they’ve experienced multiple “O”s, so it really depends on the individual.

Men, on the other hand, are usually more “straight forward” in their needs – an orgasm will typically do the trick regardless of how it happens. This is, of course, a huge generalization and some men do feel satisfied with less-than-orgasmic sexual experiences.

Know Your Own Needs First

Once you’ve figured out what your sexual need signs are, how frequently your body requests sexual contact, and what it takes to satisfy those needs, you are well on your way to being able to talk honestly with your partner about what you expect from your sexual relationship. If you’re lucky enough to be with someone who also knows what their particular needs are, then the possibility of you enjoying a sexually fulfilling, long-term relationship increases dramatically!

Satisfaction or Frustration – How Would You Describe Your Sex Life?

By melody

A while back I sat with a beautiful older woman who had been struggling with depression for most of her life. She and her husband have been married close to 40 years, and their relationship has become distant, though they still report to love each other.

I was shocked to learn that in 40 years she had never experienced a climax with her husband. She didn’t even know what it was until her body did it spontaneously during a dream.

My grandmother was 65 before she had ever experienced one either. She had been married to my grandfather for 50 years. After he died a man she had known in high school contacted her and eventually they married. Only then, at 65 did she discover what sex was all about. That was 20 years ago.

I foolishly have thought that women today are not in that same boat; that with all the sexual education there is out there today, women couldn’t possibly not know about climaxing. Obviously, I was wrong. As I sat looking at my client who had opened up about this for the first time in her life I realized that there must be other women out there like her. I am sure she is not the only one.

It would be easy to blame the husbands for not being sensitive to their wives needs, but that would be wrong. The reality is that these men know as little about sex as their wives. I cannot imagine that men who love their wives would knowingly not want their wives to enjoy their sexual relationship. But they are obviously unaware of what is happening with their wives and have never really enjoyed true physical intimacy with their partner. How terribly sad this is for both partners.

Society teaches men that they are supposed to somehow innately know how to please their wives, and that if they don’t, they are not real men. How many men out there don’t even know that they don’t know? Men, believing that they should know, are forced to act as if they know. Women without any awareness of sexuality or their own bodies don’t know what or how to tell their man any different.

Talking about sex, whether you are a man or a woman is touchy. How do you tell your husband, “Honey I love you but the sex is terrible.”

How do you tell your wife, “I don’t know if I am pleasing you.”

Both situations leave us feeling inadequate and fearful. But if we don’t find a way to breach the subject we run the risk of living 40 or 50 years without the joy of true sexual intimacy.

If you are a husband and haven’t talked with your wife about her sexual satisfaction, you are limiting not only her joy, but also yours. Having a sexually satisfied wife will make your life better; trust me. Her overall sense of well being will increase, her satisfaction with you as a mate will increase, her mood will be more stable and she will be more attentive to your needs. No matter how anxious you are about it, just asking will help her know that you love her and care for her.

Likewise women, ask your husband about how you can make love in a way that is more pleasing to him, and this will open the door to talking about what he can do to make lovemaking more fun for you. Then, take a breath and tell him what feels good to you. Our bodies were designed to give us pleasure and the act of making love is designed increase our sense of intimacy with our partners.

One important caveat: Start this discussion during a quiet afternoon or morning with your partner outside of the bedroom. Bring it up when you are not in the process or about to be in the process of making love. That time is too sacred, too fueled with insecurities and vulnerabilities to be optimum.

When we can allow ourselves to take the risk of asking for what we want, we have the potential for having not only a more satisfying sexual relationship, but a deeper intimate connection with our loved one.

Danger! Is Too Much Sex With Your Wife Bad for Your Health?

By loveandsex

Having hot, passionate sex with someone you love is a wonderful experience, certainly more fulfilling than sex with someone you barely know.

And having lots of sex and erotic adventures with your partner is usually a really good thing. But how much is too much?

Here’s a question from a man in India, who’s happy to be having a lot of sex with his own wife. But he’s worried what might happen if they have TOO MUCH sex!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How much sex can I have in a month with my wife? If I have more, will it be bad for my health?

— Sorri, India

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szBKMTkr1x4[/youtube]

Is Too Much Sex Bad for Your Health?

The biggest question is – what do YOU consider to be “too much” sex? Some people can’t conceive of having too much sex, and many people (men especially) tend to always be looking for ways to have more of it.

Aside from sheer exhaustion and maybe the occasional soreness, we’ve never heard of any real problems resulting from too much sex.

Sexual Health Warning!

Just like starting any other vigorous exercise program, you should always consult your physician first. And if you feel any pain or discomfort, stop all “exercise” immediately and consult your physician!

Wait. Can More Sex Actually Be GOOD for You?

A great article from Forbes points out some amazing benefits of actually having frequent sex, and enjoying it!

Improved sense of smell: After sex, production of the hormone prolactin surges. This in turn causes stem cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain’s olfactory bulb, its smell center.
Reduced risk of heart disease: In a 2001 study, researchers found that by having sex three or more times a week, men reduced their risk of heart attack or stroke by half.
Weight loss, overall fitness: Sex, if nothing else, is exercise. A vigorous bout burns some 200 calories–about the same as running 15 minutes on a treadmill or playing a spirited game of squash. The pulse rate, in a person aroused, rises from about 70 beats per minute to 150, the same as that of an athlete putting forth maximum effort. British researchers have determined that the equivalent of six Big Macs can be worked off by having sex three times a week for a year. Muscular contractions during intercourse work the pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and thorax. Sex also boosts production of testosterone, which leads to stronger bones and muscles. Men’s Health magazine has gone so far as to call the bed the single greatest piece of exercise equipment ever invented.
Reduced depression: Such was the implication of a 2002 study of 293 women. American psychologist Gordon Gallup reported that sexually active participants whose male partners did not use condoms were less subject to depression than those whose partners did. One theory of causality: Prostoglandin, a hormone found only in semen, may be absorbed in the female genital tract, thus modulating female hormones.
Pain-relief: Immediately before orgasm, levels of the hormone oxytocin surge to five times their normal level. This in turn releases endorphins, which alleviate the pain of everything from headache to arthritis to even migraine. In women, sex also prompts production of estrogen, which can reduce the pain of PMS.
Less-frequent colds and flu: Wilkes University in Pennsylvania says individuals who have sex once or twice a week show 30% higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A, which is known to boost the immune system.
Better bladder control: Heard of Kegel exercises? You do them, whether you know it or not, every time you stem your flow of urine. The same set of muscles is worked during sex.
Better teeth: Seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to retard tooth decay. Since this is a family Web site, we will omit discussion of the mineral delivery system. Suffice it to say that it could be a far richer, more complex and more satisfying experience than squeezing a tube of Crest–even Tartar Control Crest.
A happier prostate? Some urologists believe they see a relationship between infrequency of ejaculation and cancer of the prostate. The causal argument goes like this: To produce seminal fluid, the prostate and the seminal vesicles take such substances from the blood as zinc, citric acid and potassium, then concentrate them up to 600 times. Any carcinogens present in the blood likewise would be concentrated. Rather than have concentrated carcinogens hanging around causing trouble, it’s better to evict them. Regular old sex could do the job. But if the flushing of the prostate were your only objective, masturbation might be a better way to go, especially for the non-monogamous male. Having sex with multiple partners can, all by itself, raise a man’s risk of cancer by up to 40%. That’s because he runs an increased risk of contracting sexual infections. So, if you want the all the purported benefits of flushing with none of the attendant risk, go digital. A study recently published by the British Journal of Urology International asserts that men in their 20s can reduce by a third their chance of getting prostate cancer by ejaculating more than five times a week.

OK, so how about getting a firm grip on your health? Find someone who likes to play the way you do and have fun – lots of it!