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How To Get Her To Reveal Her Darkest Sexual Fantasies

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Sexual fantasies are one of the best tools in the pleasure arsenal. If you act out or talk about your partner’s fantasy during intercourse, you’re likely to amp up her arousal dramatically. Her sexual fantasies can also give you ideas about which techniques and positions she may be most open to trying.

Some Sexual Fantasies Should Stay Where They Belong

Remember that some fantasies are not meant to be act out. A client of mine from a few years back had a partner who fantasized about watching him receive oral sex from another woman. This was not a fantasy she wanted to really see, however. Instead, it represented how turned on she became by watching people having sex. Fantasies involving violence or bondage may represent a partner’s desire to take a more dominant or submissive role during sex but may not mean your partner literally wants to be hit or tied up.

It’s A Two Way Street

Conversations about your fantasies should also be a two-way street. If you’re asking her to confide her innermost secrets, then you need to be willing to confess yours as well. Let me give you a word of caution about revealing your fantasies. Most of us have multiple fantasies and some of those fantasies may involve women other than our partners.

If that’s the case for you, keep those fantasies to yourself. Nothing makes a woman feel less desirable than knowing her partner is fantasizing about other women. It may even make her feel like you’re cheating, even though you’re technically not. Fantasy discussions can take place almost anywhere. The bedroom is a good place because sometimes just talking about fantasies can turn one or both of you on. However, you could also have the discussion anywhere you have some privacy. Also, it should be obvious but it’s worth stating anyway that whatever your partner reveals to you should remain confidential.

Keep It A Secret

Don’t go running off to people you know and telling them what your partner fantasizes about. When she finds out, and she will, her trust in you will plummet and you’ll never get her to confide in you again.

Of course, you should also share with her the details of your own fantasy. If she tells you her fantasy first, then follow her lead. The more details she includes in hers the more details you need to include in yours. It wouldn’t seem fair for her to provide an elaborate description of her fantasy only to have you say, “I dream about having sex with you on the hood of a car” or something similar.

If she’s not comfortable talking to you about her fantasy, then you may want to go ahead and tell her yours. Once you’ve confided your secret it may make her feel more secure about telling hers. If not, drop the subject and come back to it after you’ve been together a little longer. The more trust you build between you in the relationship the more likely she is to tell you her secrets.

5 Ways To Discover Your Kinky Alter Ego

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Kinky sex can be a great way to spice up a boring sex life, but just how do you get there? Check out these five tips to reveal your darker side.

Finding your kinky alter ego doesn’t have to be a difficult task. So many couples go through vanilla sex and don’t address it. If you and your girlfriend have had “the talk” about a bland sex life then you are a step ahead of the game. Sex is an important part of the relationship and it can be a very frustration endeavor to keep things spicy.

If you’re looking for a way to bring out the inner-freak, there are a few things that you can do. You don’t have to head out and get a latex suit or become a certified dom. You can find out what turns you on very quickly with minimal hassle and little effort.

1. Ask Her What Turns Her On

Most of the time a guy will simply get turned on by having a girl turned on. When women find themselves so hot that they can’t contain it anymore, guys are instantly in the mood. Most of the guys that you talk to will tell you the same thing. They are much more concerned with getting their girlfriend or wife off than actually getting off themselves. Take this into consideration when you are trying to spice up your bedroom activities.

2. Do You Get Embarrassed?

There are a lot of guys that are easily embarrassed when it comes to sex and sexual fantasies. Maybe you want your girlfriend dress up like a Catholic schoolgirl or maybe you want her to dominate you. These are both fairly common sexual fantasies. However, there are a lot of guys they get so embarrassed when they talk about their fantasies that they can’t actually act upon them. Talk to your partner in an open and honest, nonjudgmental way about what would really turn you on.

Try to come up with a way that you won’t get embarrassed halfway through and have her reassure you that you are not strange or weird because of your sexual fantasies. A girlfriend that is confident in her own sexuality and willing to play a part of your sexual fantasy will help the relationship immensely.

3. Watch Some Pornography

Say what you want about pornography, but it is one of the best tools to get men and women going. One of the easiest ways to use pornography is to help you discover what your sexual fantasies are. Whether you are into straight sex, domination, lesbian porn or all of the above, pornography can help you get there.

Take your girlfriend or wife to an adult store and search through the porno section. Decide on a movie that you will both enjoy and then take it home and watch it. Relationships are about compromise. If you are trying to find common ground in spicing up your sex life, deciding on a porno for the both of you is a great first step. If you can’t decide on one movie, find two or three and take them home for a whole weekend of fun and exploration.

4. Sex Toys

Sex toys can be a great way to find out exactly how kinky you are comfortable being. But if you get the wrong sex toys, you might put yourself and your partner in an awkward position. Have you ever had the fantasy of using a vibrator on a girl? How about a butt plug? Before you do any of this you’re going to need to talk to your partner.

It is her body that you’re going to be experimenting with after all. Sit her down and talk to her honestly. Tell her about how hot you think it will be and tell her that you believe it could bring the two of your closer in your sex life. You will probably be surprised on how open she will be to your honesty.

5. Be In The Moment

Most women love a guy that can be in the moment. If you have talked about getting more kink in your sex life, go ahead and do it. You girl is going to be much more open to things in the height of her arousal than talking about it afterward or before. If you want to try a new sex position, tell her in the middle of sex. Sometimes putting her in that position without asking can be a huge turn on for women. If she doesn’t feel comfortable with something, she will tell you. Don’t try something crazy on a whim, but you shouldn’t be afraid of trying something new on a whim.

Rough, Hard Sex – Is It A Fetish, Or Something More?

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There are as many ways to have sex as there are people in the world – whether you enjoy slow, sensual intimacy with your partner or a little raunchy fun, sex is an incredible experience between two people. Many people enjoy rough, hard sex – is it just a fetish or something more?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I love rough, hard sex.  I like to have it all the time!  Is this just a fetish or is there something wrong with me?

–Alyssa, New Jersey

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What Goes On Behind Closed Doors?

What goes on in your bedroom – or living room or kitchen, for that matter – is your business as long as it is between two consenting adults and isn’t harming anyone. Most of the time sex – even the rough, hard kind – falls into this category but occasionally it doesn’t.

Make a mental checklist of what is going on between you and your partner when you have rough sex. Are both parties consenting adults? Is either party being hurt in some way? Usually, this is where some types of rough, hard sex cross the line.

Some people enjoy being hurt, but it’s important to look at the extent of it to decide how much is too much. Strangulation and asphyxiation are especially dangerous, as are things that would require either partner to seek a doctor’s attention afterwards.

If you like rough, hard sex, just make sure you’re being safe.

Is It A Fetish?

Typically, a fetish is an obsession with a single thing – such as shoes or bondage – but that doesn’t mean a liking for rough, hard sex is excluded. If you enjoy rough sex all the time, so much so that you avoid having any other type of sex, you might have a bit of a fetish.

That’s okay – as long as you’re not truly hurting someone or involving someone that doesn’t want to be involved. If your partner really enjoys rough sex and you do too, it can be a great way to connect in the bedroom.

If your partner enjoys rough, hard sex and you typically do not, that’s when it may cross the line.

Open Communication

If your partner likes hard sex and you don’t, make sure your partner knows this right away! You don’t have to submit yourself to sex that isn’t enjoyable to you and may be hurting you.

Chances are, your partner will be open to finding new ways of pleasing you and themselves without rough sex.

If feel that your partner might have a serious issue with rough sex, especially if they refuse to stop even after you’ve asked them to, it’s definitely going too far. If this is the case, consider the fact that you and your partner might not be a good match for each other.

Whether you enjoy rough, hard sex with your partner or prefer a softer side of your partner in the bedroom, just keep the lines of communication as open as you can.

Whether it’s coming up with a safety word that lets you both know it’s time to stop or simply letting your partner know you’re not really into the hard sex fetish, communication is the key to a healthy and happy sexual relationship.

4 Myths About Bondage

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Bondage is gaining popularity, but there are many misconceptions about it. Check out these four untruths you didn’t know about bondage.

Bondage is pleasure-inflicting, fun and, most of all, safe, as long as you’re both aware of your roles and never cross the line.

The bound person finds it exciting because it provides him/her the opportunity to be ‘lazy’ but get all the attention at the same time; the only thing he or she has to do is relax and enjoy what his or her partner has in stall for the evening.

There is also the pleasure of suspense, of waiting to see what is going to happen next, where the dominator will decide to touch and how he is going to do it. Consensual, agreed on bondage gives the one that is dominated a paradox of feelings, which is quite enthusiastically perceived by the lovers of such a sexual activity; it puts you in state of vulnerability, but also gives you security, because the one that is doing it is a loved and trustworthy person. It’s a sort of a calm and serene surrender. A surrender that engenders new heights of sexual arousal.

For the one that does the ‘bonding’ however, it’s more about power in its purest physical and psychological form. No one else but you is really in charge in this particular erotic scenario. The visual appeal of having complete control over the other, tying him or her up and listening to him or her begging for ‘mercy’ is undeniable. His or her body is there for you to tease and please as you see fit.

Since I’m pretty much assuming that you’re aroused by now by the mere thought of trying it as soon as possible, I’ve put together a few comments and explanation so that you don’t fail from the first try, and, most importantly, don’t hurt anybody in the process, either physically or emotionally.

1. It’s Perverted

People involved in BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadomasochism) aren’t perverts who enjoy harming others, this is a prejudice older than Buddha and it makes me mad whenever I see that there are still people who think like that. Every couple can experiment with bondage if they are determined to change the “vanilla” setting of their love life with something hotter and spicier. Exploring your sexuality is something to be desired, not ostracized.

2. The Toys Are Violent

In itself, no sex toy is ever violent or abusive. The way you choose to use them can be, though. If you spank your girlfriend or tie her to the bed without her initial consent, then you’re in deep trouble mister, but you don’t need me to tell you that. If your action and intention are harmless, the toy is too. If you use it carefully and how it should be used, the only “violence” you’ll get is that of your partner’s orgasm.

3. It’s Addictive

People with obsessive-compulsive tendencies become addicted to their own behavior, whatever that behavior is. Bondage is not an illness or a drug, to become addicted to. If you have a fetish for this kind of sexual activity, it’s normal to want to do it more often than not, and if your partner consents to it or likes it just as much as you, bondage can be explored for as long as you like, without being considered to be an addiction.

4. People Who Like It Were Abused

Bondage is not a crime and people who want to experiment with it should not be made to feel guilty about it. As long as you are well informed about it, take responsibility for your pleasure and not listen to traditional authoritarian voices that belong to the past.

How To Introduce Her To Kinky Sex

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Kinky sex can be lots of fun, but some girls have never tried it. Getting your lover into kinky sex isn’t difficult, but you want to approach it the right way.

The fashion of the more risqué among us has spilled out into everyday culture, with corsets and leather collars becoming almost mainstream. Having said that, most of my clients and friends are curious but aren’t sure how to incorporate a bit of ‘spice’ to their sex lives, even though we’re surrounded by sexy messages on a daily basis.

The Recipe

There are a variety of things to try when it comes to getting frisky with your partner: spanking, bondage, role-playing, or sensation play (like hot wax or ice cubes) are just a few. But the biggest difficulty isn’t in deciding what to do, but rather, how to broach it with your partner. Even if you’ve been together for a long time and trust each other, it’s a scary thing to suggest something new that may not go over well.

Before you broach the subject, applaud yourself for connecting with your sexual being and learning more about what turns you on. In today’s society, that’s a challenging thing in and of itself. Once you’ve patted yourself on the back, try these ideas to get going:

Talk It Out

You don’t need to make the conversation into ‘The Talk’ by blurting out you need to tell her some big secret. Instead, go about it gently, from a different angle. Share what turns you on with your partner on a regular basis. Tell her what makes you hot, and what it is she does that makes you dizzy with arousal. By chatting about sex more frequently, you’ll open the lines of communication so that when you are ready to take another step, you’ll feel more comfortable and at ease.

Dirty Minds Think Alike

Write down the craziest, funniest, sexiest things you’ve heard of, and then draw lines down the page for several categories, like “never in a million years,” or “maybe with some prodding,” or even “I’ve never thought of it, but sure, I’ll try it.” This is a fun game to discover lots of sexual interests you never knew you shared.

Media Sharing

Pick a storyline that explores something you’re curious about sharing with your partner, and be observant of her reaction. Sometimes it’s easier to broach the subject when it’s not coming right at you, and then you can discuss what you thought was hot, and a total turn off, in turn.

Create A Safeword

When folks in the kink community negotiate a spicy interaction, they create a safeword to be shared amongst the participants. Basically, a safeword is something that you wouldn’t normally say in a sexual encounter such as “purple elephant” that tells your partner you need to stop. Some folks just use colors to explain what they are feeling, such as red for stop and yellow for go slower or more gently please.

Start With Baby Steps

Even if what you have in mind is a huge production, and you’ve played out every variation for more than a decade in your mind, you don’t want to start with the whole shebang right away. Start simply, with just one aspect of the concept that gets you going. See how you both feel after, and then decide if you want to do it again, try something different, or incorporate more of the sexual fantasy into your playtime.