Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies

Fisting For Beginners

Fisting is an intense, overwhelming, and challenging experience for any couple, and is definitely not for everyone. Putting the entire hand inside the vaginal cavity is possible; the vagina is made to stretch to fit a crowning baby. The size of your hands and the elasticity of your wife’s vagina, however, will be determining factors when assessing your ability to explore this activity, perhaps more so than your wife’s willingness.

If you are brand new to the intricacies of fingering, don’t start with fisting. Take your time to learn and enjoy fingering itself, because this will help increase her ability to accommodate your whole hand. Women tend to be deeper and more accommodating, and their cervix softer and more receptive to touch, when they are fertile. Try to schedule your time during this window each month for best results.

Oil & Lube

For this kind of intense stretching and stimulation, lots of lube is required. Don’t forget that you can prepare ahead of time by having different lubes on hand, such as water based and silicone or flavored, to make the experience more enjoyable.

Massage Her Vagina Slowly First

Focus especially, but not exclusively, on the rear wall of the vagina and the perineum. If your wife has given birth before, you may have been taught this technique already, as a method to help prevent tearing during the birthing process.

You have nothing so dire to worry about while fisting, unless your hands are the size of newborns, but the massage will help to improve her body’s ability to stretch and fit around you without undue pain.

Loosen Up

When the two of you have decided that it’s time to give fisting a try, set aside a few hours of your day. Yes, hours. This is no wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am sort of affair. Fisting takes time to work up to and to come down from, so plan accordingly.

The most effective way to loosen the vagina is orgasm, as the muscles release during the refractory period, so the best candidate for fisting is a multi-orgasmic woman with excellent control of her PC muscles.

Start out with only as many fingers as can comfortably fit inside her, even if it is only one or two. Make your way around the entire circumference of her vaginal wall, starting at the opening and then circling deeper inside her. Try to thrust gently, while massaging the vaginal walls, in this same circular motion.

Stay In the Game

It is important that your wife maintain a certain level of excitement and arousal during the process, to ensure it is enjoyable and she stays relaxed. Make sure she breathes deeply into her belly even when she is very turned on and breathing very rapidly. Don’t forget to keep stimulating her while you’re working on stretching.

Only put in as many fingers as is comfortable, and don’t force anything. Make sure you ask her to let you know by using the safe word if she experiences any discomfort, and back off a little bit whenever she does. You may not make it in during your first time, or even on the third occasion you attempt it in earnest, so you should be sure to remember you are both there to enjoy the ride, not the destination.

Thumbing A Ride

When it comes time to add your third finger, forget about your ring and pinkies for a while. Turn your hand so your wrist faces up, with your thumb on top, and slide these two fingers down along her perineum. The three inserted digits – index finger, middle finger and thumb – should form a triangle that flares out toward your hand.

When you add your fourth finger – the ring finger – it’s time to move the thumb back a bit. This will elongate your fingers, but lessen the circumference of your knuckles a bit. Your thumb should rest in the center of your middle finger, and should be flanked by your index and ring fingers on either side, forming a diamond shape with your thumb a bit further back than the rest. Keep your pinkie out of the way as you continue to stretch her.

If you are able to work all the way up to the fifth finger, just slide the thumb back a bit further, to where the middle finger meets the palm. Keep your index and ring fingers turned in a bit, on top of the middle finger, in the same diamond formation as before, and place your pinkie on top of your ring finger.

This position helps you to keep the circumference of your hand fairly small, keep your thumb tucked away so it doesn’t catch on anything inside, and keep the tips of your fingers close together so you don’t inadvertently bump her cervix too hard, which can be painful for many women.

Twister

Once you’ve reached her maximum capacity – whether that is two, three, four or all five fingers – don’t just start trying to thrust away. She will feel incredibly full, and too much thrusting may push her over the edge too hard and too fast.

Instead, try focusing on twisting back and forth for most of the stimulation. Your twisting need not be forceful. If your twist until the knuckle of your middle finger is facing up on the front wall of her vagina where her G-Spot is, with your thumb stimulating the back wall, just a slight rocking from side to side should be enough to produce incredible orgasms.

When She Comes

She may not need any movement at all for this to feel good, so you may instead want to focus your other hand and tongue on pleasuring her clitoris directly. Be sure to add a bit of lube to your hand, here and there, as you work up to fisting and orgasm.

Keeping her wet and slick is the best way to ensure an enjoyable experience for everyone. Don’t be surprised! You will feel some potentially powerful clenching when she comes, so don’t freak out. Stop moving and just let her muscles push you out and pull you in, until she has been completely sated. Don’t try to pop your hand out all at once; take your time. Ease your way out slowly.

Keep in mind that she will be very sensitive, and probably a bit tender, for a few days afterwards. If you are expecting to have intercourse with her, you should do that before you start fisting, and give her at least a day or two to rest afterward, unless she says that is not required.

How To Turn Her Into A Nasty, Naughty Girl

By loveandsex

Kinky sex can be so much fun, but many women aren’t into it. Here’s how you can get your partner to LOVE kinky sex – and practically beg for it!

Relationships are not sustained by sex alone. However, having great sex with your girlfriend or wife is a giant plus. If your girl is not the most experienced in the bedroom or she isn’t very confident with her abilities to please you, you are probably wondering how your sex life can improve.

Women that have high inhibitions or get embarrassed easily can make for very boring lovers. If your girl isn’t willing to experiment as much as you would like to, there are a few things that you can do to bring out her nasty, naughty side.

Improve Your Emotional Relationship First

There are so many people who talk about sex advice without getting to the root cause of why the partner is not willing to experiment in the bedroom. The number one reason that your girlfriend or wife is not willing to get down and dirty with you is because she is probably feeling stressed or overwhelmed by the relationship. If you are having problem in the bedroom, you can bet that there is something wrong outside the bedroom.

Talk to your girl about what is going on and arrange for more time together if needed. Simply taking your girl out for a date night more often or picking up around the house can lead to better sex and better communication.

Find Out What She Likes

So many guys instantly want to do what they like in bed. Whether you have a thing for role playing or dominant behavior, remember that it’s not about you. A lot of guys assume that what they find is hot during sex is universal. If your girlfriend or wife is not very vocal during sex or does not initiate sex, they are probably submissive.

This isn’t always true so you will need to know what they like. You could be in for a surprise. Some girls are waiting for their guys to take control. If this is something that will get her hot, then all you have to do is ask. If she’s not vocal about what she likes then she could also be embarrassed by her fantasies. Ask her to share her fantasies with you so the both of your can work on having better sex.

Build Comfort

The comfort level between the two of you should be excellent. If your girlfriend or wife does not feel comfortable around you or in bed, she is not going to open up and become the nasty, naughty girl that you want. Try using trust building exercises or simply talk about what she finds hot. Letting her know that you’re not going to judge her based on her sexual fantasies is essential. If your relationship is just starting out, she will probably find it hard to trust you right from the start.

However, even a lifelong relationship such as a marriage is not devoid of potential embarrassment. Try sharing some of your fantasies with her in order to get her to open up. Discuss what she wants without judgment or embarrassment so she knows that she’s in good hands.

Don’t Give Up

Like a relationship, all sex lives take work. If you don’t get it right the first time, don’t get discouraged. There are a lot of couples who have to constantly work on intimacy, sex and other aspects of their relationship. The only way that you will fail with turning your girl into the nasty, naughty girl of your dreams is to give up. You might be in for the long haul so gear up. If she gets embarrassed halfway through her fantasy, make it a point to not force her into anything. If she wants to stop, let her stop.

Use Sex Toys & Other Adult Items

Sex toys, pornography and costumes are all part of the fantasy. If you really want to turn your girl into the nasty, naughty girl of your dreams, you going to have to bring in some help every once in a while. Buy her a new vibrator or dildo. Put on a costume that you know she will like.

Do a little role playing. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you take it to the next level. You going to have to build the relationship up until she feels comfortable and turned on by the situations or positions that the two of you perform. Sex toys are the easiest way to get her there. Take a trip to the adult store and find something you both like.

12 Unbreakable Domination Rules

By loveandsex

Domination can be fun and sexy, but you need to make sure you don’t cross the line. Here are twelve things to keep in mind when getting your BDSM on.

Here’s how this game is played: one partner is the dominant one (the top) and the other plays the submissive role (the bottom). It is the power component that differentiates this form of lovemaking: the bottom accepts the vulnerable position and leaves all responsibility in the hands of the top.

Before engaging to it, be sure that you’re both aware of the following four conditions for good B/D:

You know and trust each other enough to go beyond the “normal code” of sexuality
You both agreed to practice safe sex and take all the necessary safety precautions so that nothing stands in the way of your pleasure.
Neither you, nor her is pressured or uncomfortable doing it.
Whenever something starts to feel painful or wrong, you stop immediately.

Do NOT Break These Rules

1. Be Careful With Your Knots

Don’t do anything air, circulation or joint constrictive. Don’t use slipknots (they’ll tighten up when pulled) or stockings (being so thin and slippery, they also tend to tighten up under pressure). The act of bondage is just make believe, so use knots tied very loosely or even thread.

NOTE: keep a pair of scissors nearby, just in case.

2. Never Use Alcohol Or Drugs Before Or During

Don’t abuse alcohol or drugs before doing BDSM. Your judgment will be impaired and you might overdo everything.

3. Use The Right Tools For The Job

Don’t improvise. Use specially designed sex toys for bondage, if you want to remain on the safe side. They are easy to use and don’t present complications.

4. Always, ALWAYS Have A Safe Word

Invent an escape word. Agree on an escape word that ends the game immediately when uttered. A clear and established sign is more prone to be taken into consideration than mere begging, which might be taken as a game play move.

5. Establish Boundaries First

Create a checklist. Sit down with your partner and write what is ok to do and what is not, so that there are no misunderstandings.

6. Don’t Forget The Intimacy

Keep the heat on. Whether you are on the giving or receiving and of the bondage equation, take every opportunity to behave seductively toward your partner. If you want this to work, you must not allow yourselves to get lost in the preparations and forget the goal of all this experience, which is to feel good and share your love for one another.

7. Don’t Aim To Hurt

Stay on the comfort side. The purpose of bondage is to restrain the body for sexual pleasure, but it shouldn’t cause you pain or irritation. It might end up distracting you and putting you off.

8. Keep It Simple

Rope, and handcuffs, and leather, and ear bunnies, and spanking, and dirty talk – sometimes too much is just that- too much. You don’t need to re-enact everything that you’ve read in all the books and magazines that have passed through your hands. Excess fumbling and fussing over elaborate details obscure the ultimate goal.

9. Know Your Limitations

As adventurous as you might be, there are some things that you just can’t do, and attempting to impose or maintain a position at the expense of anatomical realities eventually results in frustration and disappointment.

10. Know How To Release Your Partner Quickly

One of your first purchases when you’re preparing for this type of sexual activity should be a pair of paramedic scissors from a medical supply store. The blades will be at a ninety-degree angle to the handle and the lower one will have a blunt end to avoid cutting skin as you cut rope. If you’re using locking restraints (such as handcuffs), know where the key is at all times, and always have a backup one for emergencies.

11. Pay Attention To The Warning Signs

The human body is extremely unpredictable and no two bodies react the same to the same things. Fainting, out-of-focus gazing and talking, flushed an pale face, clammy skin, all these are signs that she’s not really liking what you two have put together. If you see any of these signs on her face, be prepared to put her out of the restraints immediately.

12. Never, EVER Leave A Partner Who Is Tied Up Alone – EVER

Not for a minute, not for a second. She’s helpless and she’s counting on you to be there. No matter what role play game you’re ‘pretending’ to play, always keep in mind that you’re responsible for whatever outcome this has, since you’re the one pulling the shots. Stay in the same room at all time and keeps your eyes and ears peeled for the tiniest sign of discomfort.

Should You Accept Your Lover’s Strange Fetish?

By dicksinthecity

Kinky sex is a great way to keep your relationship fresh and new. But should you accept your partner’s strange fetish or should you draw the line?

What She Said:

I think this might be more fantasy then fetish.

Whether its BDSM, high heels or having your eyeballs licked, everyone has a sexual trigger, a turn on, a mild or full-blown fetish. This day and age with so many easy access to porn online and “personal” massagers that you can pick up at the grocery store, it seems that everyone has an easy outlet for their turn on.

With so many odd fetishes it makes me wonder if regular vanilla sex is now the odd sex act. When you are in a sexual relationship, you want to do any thing and everything to please your partner. But, how do you handle them having this interest that you are not in to? Maybe your guy is into a 3 some with Asians. That idea is a turn off to you.

But before you worry about him jumping on a plane to Thailand, there are options. You could watch some Asian porn with him. Or why not dress up like a geisha. What if your man is into hardcore SM? And your idea of a hot night does not include you dressed in leather wielding a horse whip.

As a compromise, you could wear big black boots and spank him a little. Basically every fetish has its oddities. But in a relationship the best gift we can give our partner sexually is to offer them a safe place to share their fantasies with you. A safe place to experiment and a place where there is no judgment.

No matter how kinky you find it to be, if you are open and honest with him about his desires, he in turn will be open to yours. One night you smack him around a bit, and the next he might give it to you good ol missionary style.

What He Said

Be Proud Of Your Fetishes And Fantasies

I really think that thanks to the internet, vanilla sex is the new kinky sex. It’s like “Really? You just want to pound me missionary style? And a little oral sex? Well, you did buy me dinner and a movie. But that’s way too crazy for me! Can’t you just do something normal like punch me in the vagina repeatedly while humming the Star Spangled Banner and making tacos?”  No?

That’s never happened to you, well, if it hasn’t you’re just not doing it right. It’s your duty to please that booty, so you should at least try to do what your partner is into. Don’t want to? Well, I’ve got news for you sparky.

You might not want to try oral sex or anal sex, but I guarantee your partner doesn’t want to do half the things they do just so they can get in your pants. That’s what love is: doing things you’d rather take a cheese grater to the genitals than do just to get laid. I mean for the one you love.

I think a lot of people are irrationally afraid of coming out to their partners about their fetishes, or fantasies whatever they may be. It doesn’t matter how weird or depraved or sick your sexual fantasy is. Someone wants to do it with you.

If that’s what your into, then be out and proud about it. If your partner isn’t into it, and you can’t come to some kind of understanding on the subject, then that’s a deal breaker. Get rid of them. It may suck, but finding your type of sex is an important key to happiness. I think Buddha said that. Or Oprah. Same thing.

They say life is too short to be unhappy. That’s not true. Life is too long when you’re unhappy. It goes by slow. Like slower than being suck on a Stairmaster next to someone having a conversation on their cell phone while reading a book on their iPad all while “exercising.”

Life is only short if you’re having fun. It’s the times that people enjoy that go fast. The things that suck (and not in a fun way) go by very, very slowly, and will eat you from the inside and literally kill you with boredom, worry, stress and all other manners of boring shit.

That doesn’t mean you have to get rid of your current lover. Just talk to them and be honest about who and what you are and what you are into sexually. You’ll both be glad you did.

How To Introduce Your Girl To Your Smoking Fetish

By kendallashley

A smoking fetish can be a scary thing when your girl is not ready. A smoking fetish is probably one of the most daunting tasks to introduce into a relationship. Having a smoking fetish can make you feel ostracized from the rest of society, but it’s important to remember that there are a lot of people out there with the same fetish as you.

This is very common in the BDSM scene and it shouldn’t be hard to tell your girlfriend about it if she is open minded. Every relationship has conflict, but your partner should be open to your sexual desires and making you happy. Here is how you should introduce your fetish to your girlfriend.

Tell Her About It

Before you can introduce this to your girlfriend you will need to tell your partner about it. Chances are that if you have a smoking fetish you are probably already having pretty hot sex. If you are already using bondage or S&M in your sex life with your girlfriend then this will probably not bother your partner all that much.

There is a chance that she is not turned on by smoke so it’s important to consider if this fetish is a deal breaker for the relationship. Sit your girlfriend down and talk to her about it. Tell her why it turns you on and ask if she would be willing to try it out with you. If she is open minded, she will probably want to make you happy.

What If She Doesn’t Smoke?

If she doesn’t smoke there is a major issue. Asking your partner to take up a habit that could potentially be addicting and lead to cancer is not fair. Smoking a cigarette every once in awhile is not going to kill your girlfriend, but it could lead to regular use. It is never recommended to ask a partner to start a dangerous habit for your sexual desire.

There is a code in the BDSM scene called SSC (safe, sane and consensual). Smoking goes against the safe notion of this code so it’s important to realize that she probably will not go for it if she is not a smoker. If you are dating a smoker then she is going to be more opened minded about your fetish.

Establish The Ground Rules

Ground rules are essential for a smoking fetish. There are several varieties of a smoking fetish that are common in the scene, so it’s vital that you have some rules in place. For instance, many people who have a smoking fetish with BDSM like to use their partner as an ashtray.

While others don’t take it this far, some people even like to flick the ash onto their partner’s face. If you are going to be doing this then you need consent from your partner. The majority of guys get off on having a girl smoke while having sex or while giving a blowjob.

Talk to your partner about what she is willing to do and what is not willing to do. If you want to smoke while you are having sex with her, you need to make sure that she is going to be comfortable with this.

Be Safe

The problem with a smoking fetish is the chance that it could slip out of your hand or her hand. Make sure that you are being safe throughout the experience. There is always a chance that she could slip and burn you in a not so hardy area so be aware of this before you implement it into your sex life.

Have ashtrays and cups of water around the room. Open a window and use a fan if possible to get as much smoke out of the room. If you are smoking in a room that is carpeted you run the risk of the smell lingering.

Opening a window and using a fan can cut down on this immensely. Smoking involves fire and the heat of the moment could lead to drapes, carpeting or bed sheets getting burned.

Understand Breath Issues

Breath issues are always a concern with sex, but they are even more important with this fetish. Most guys are drawn to a woman inhaling and blowing out smoke instead of the smell on her breath.

Keep different forms of breath mints around the room for controlling cigarette breath. Listerine strips work the best because they dissolve instantly and kill bacteria in the mouth. This is will not get in the way as much as having to chew gum or suck on a mint.