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Is It True That Orgasms Kill Brain Cells?

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While that may seem like a silly question, it’s actually not.

What it is, however, is urban legend.  Many people hear these types of urban legends from their friends or from their relatives, and they were probably started to discourage people from having sex.

Remember the one about how masturbation gives you hairy palms?  Or about how masturbation can cause blindness?  Truth be told, masturbation causes none of these things and the same can be said of orgasms.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Do orgasms kill brain cells?

– Kristen, Pennsylvania

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnFSJyq0TVE[/youtube]

But wasn’t there a study?

That said, there is probably a study out there, somewhere, that suggests otherwise.  Of course there is!  There are studies all over the place that suggest things are harmful, but other studies that suggest that they’re not.

For example, studies for the longest time showed that red wine and chocolate were harmful to the body and recent studies are showing that red wine and dark chocolate are full of antioxidants and are actually good for you.

So you need to take what you hear with a big grain of salt and, of course, consider the source of the information.

Did you hear that orgasms kill brain cells from someone who might have an ulterior motive, such as someone who would want to keep you from having sex?  Or did you hear it from a friend who might want to be jerking your chain? What about finding the information on the Internet?  Who published it and what website did you find it on?

Do some digging and you might just find out what you heard or read is complete bull, and that’s true for a lot of things.  If you hear of something you suspect to be true or untrue, make sure the source that you heard or read it from is credible.

What’s most important?

The most important thing is for you to live your life.  If you really think about it, there’s something to be afraid of around every corner you turn.  Statistics point this way and that way and every time you turn around, there’s a new epidemic to be frightened of or studies that show something you’ve done for years is suddenly bad for you.

If you don’t learn to just live your life and dismiss complete bunk right along with your kitchen garbage, you’ll spend the majority of your life preparing for the worst and most likely watching nothing happen.

That said, it’s important to be smart and safe as well.  Does Bloody Mary appear in the bathroom mirror when you turn out all the lights and say her name three times?  No.  Do orgasms kill brain cells?  No.  Does masturbation cause hairy palms and blindness?  No.

Does unprotected sex have the possibility to cause pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases?  Sure does. So make sure when you do have sex that you’re being safe about it and you’re not engaging in something that really is dangerous to you.

Don’t miss the forest for the trees and ignore safe sex because you’re worried about orgasms killing your brain cells.  You’ll be just fine as long as you play it safe and play it smart.

3-Before-Me: A Proven Guideline For Great Sex

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Have you ever heard of the “3-Before-Me” rule?

Simply put, it means that you do whatever it takes to make your woman experience an orgasm 3 times before you even allow her to start pleasuring you.

Now, just the thought of this may tire you out but we’re not really talking about orgasms during intercourse here. We mean the following (and in this sequence):

  1. Clitoral orgasm
  2. G-spot orgasm
  3. Blended orgasm

It’s best to bring your woman to a clitoral orgasm first for the simple reason that the clitoris is easiest to stimulate and will be most responsive to your ‘attentions’ at the start of making love. Furthermore, a clitoral orgasm prepares her physically for that all-elusive G-spot orgasm.

A G-spot orgasm will give your partner a different kind of sensation compared to a clitoral orgasm.  Many women claim that it’s ‘deeper’ and more ‘body-rocking’ than clitoral orgasms.

After a G-spot orgasm, it’s time for blended orgasms, which is that magic combination of a clitoral orgasm and a G-spot orgasm.

Why the “3-Before-Me” Rule Rocks!

Now you may be wondering, “Why give her 3 orgasms first before I even have 1?”

Well, there are plenty of reasons supporting this and trust me, it will benefit you as well.

Did you know that about 70-75% of women do NOT reach an orgasm during sexual intercourse?

Imagine the frustration this brings! So with the “3-Before-Me” rule, you’re actually physically setting her up for a vaginal orgasm. And even if she doesn’t reach an orgasm at this stage, IT’S OK.

After all, she already reached her climax 3 times before right? So no sexual frustration on her part anymore even if she doesn’t have an orgasm during intercourse.

Be the Sex God You’ve Always Wanted To Be

As mentioned above, a great percentage of women do not reach an orgasm during sexual intercourse, yet few men go out of their way to ensure that they’re sexually satisfied in bed. If you practice the “3-Before-Me” rule, she’ll be talking her head off to all her friends that she’s found THE man that can really fulfill her in bed!

It Doesn’t Matter If You Can’t Last Long In Bed

With the 3-Before-Me rule, it doesn’t matter if you can’t last long during sex.  Some men get so excited in bed that they tend to come just a little bit sooner than what their partners would like. However, if you pleasure her first, do you think she’ll notice how soon you come during intercourse? I bet she won’t!

The 3-Before-Me Makes Sex Better

Since you’ve gone out of your way to pleasure her and bring her to orgasm three times, can you imagine what she will do to YOU to show her gratitude? Many men claim that sex is definitely better after they pleasure their women first.

Keep in mind that “3-Before-Me” is really more a guide than a rule. It’s not written in stone so don’t feel that you’re doing something wrong if you don’t make her experience a female orgasm 3 times all the time.

What you must remember is this: please her first and you’re in for a rocking time in bed!

4 Reasons Why Female Orgasms Are So Hard To Achieve

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There seems to be a conspiracy. Men want women to climax, women want to climax. So why is that, according to studies, about 70% of women never reach an orgasm during intercourse?

We can of course focus on other methods women can orgasm (e.g., oral sex, fingering, etc.) but even those may not be enough to giver her an orgasm if she has negative sexual issues with herself.

Female Orgasm Difficulty #1: Shyness

One of the main things that prohibit women to let go between the sheets is good ol’ fashioned shyness. If this is what’s stopping your woman from reaching an orgasm, then there plenty enough ways to help her out.

For one, dim the lights or turn them off if that’s what she prefers. Many women have body and weight issues so the harsh reality of being naked in front of you will not only make her uncomfortable but make her mind focus on the wrong things (i.e., how she looks versus the pleasures her body’s getting).

Another way you can help her out is by actually encouraging her to keep her top on. Tell her how you like seeing her nipples hard and straining against her shirt or lingerie. This will make her think she’s doing you a favor by not removing her top, and help her be less self-conscious at the same time.

Female Orgasm Difficulty #2: Performance Issues

She knows she’s not your first and sometimes, this thought gives rise to nagging performance issues between the sheets. How does she compare to all your other love interests? Well, put her fears to rest and make her focus on reaching her own orgasm by compliment her or whispering her name often while making love.

Female Orgasm Difficulty #3: Physical Pain

Not everything you read or see in X-rated films is what they’re made out to be. A seemingly hot sexual position may actually be causing her a physical discomfort and may not be sexually stimulating at all.

So pay attention to how she REALLY reacts when you try out new moves in bed. If sexual position is not the cause of any physical discomfort she feels, a visit to a doctor may be necessary.

Female Orgasm Difficulty #4: Past Negative Experiences

A bad experience with a former flame may also be inhibiting your woman to let go and enjoy the pleasures of sex with you. For instance, one woman had a former boyfriend confess to her that she smelled funny down there.

This bothered the woman so much that long after the boyfriend had gone, she has never allowed anyone to perform oral sex on her again. Worse, she was so focused on this ‘bad thing’ that sex altogether became unpleasant and she was starting to wonder if she was frigid.

If you notice anything like this with your woman, discuss it while re-assuring her all the while that you do like making love to her and that all you want to do is make her experience the same physical pleasures you’re experiencing. It’s worth the shot!

Frustrated Girl: It Takes 45 Minutes to Orgasm with Oral Sex!

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If you’re a female frustrated by not being able to orgasm through oral sex – especially if you used to be able to – you’re not alone.

That probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but take heart in the fact that there are some things you can do to help solve the problem and once again climax through oral sex.

Here’s a question from a girl who is feeling incredibly frustrated by her inability to have an orgasm, even if her boyfriend tries for 45 minutes!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Any advise for WOMEN on receiving oral sex?  It seems to take longer and longer to reach an orgasm lately and quite often I get so frustrated that I lose the mood. I feel tense during oral sex and I’m sure that has something to do with it but I just don’t know how to make myself relax.

It used to be wonderful, but now I feel like it’s a waste of time. I feel bad for my fiancé who spent as much as 45 minutes there only for me to give up from frustration.

PLEASE…. I need help here!  I WANT THAT FEELING BACK! Any advice?

— Amber,   North Carolina

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8ihQi16hc8[/youtube]

Ask yourself – can you still climax well by yourself?

If you notice that you’ve been frustrated while masturbating as well, you might want to mention the fact to an OBGYN or sex therapist.  If you’re still able to orgasm well while you’re masturbating, everything is probably fine with the mechanics.

Are you focusing too much on orgasm?

Many women who are unable to climax through oral sex (or who are no longer able to after having been able to for awhile) are often too focused on the end result and they’re just not enjoying the ride.  Relax and let the feeling of oral sex take you over.

Don’t think in your head, “Am I close yet?” If you do, you’ll never get close – it’s a lot like watching a pot that never boils.  Try simultaneous oral sex with your partner. You’ll be both giving and receiving pleasure and it might take your mind off of the end result long enough for you to actually have an orgasm.

Give your partner direction.

Don’t be negative. Telling your partner how you don’t like what he’s doing will only serve to hurt his fragile ego. Be positive and tell him what you do like.  Don’t be afraid to speak up. Guys love that.  They also love that they’re not shooting in the dark trying to pleasure you.  They enjoy having feedback so they know what to continue doing.

Let your partner know that you like it a certain way, or if he’s in a good spot.  If he’s not in a good spot, try telling him to move a little one way or the other way. Give it time to get synced together when it comes to giving directions – it may not happen right away for you. Before long, however, your partner will learn what feels good to you and repeat only those maneuvers – sending you into climax heaven.

If it’s still not working, you should take a break from trying for a little while.  You know how you look for something you’ve lost, and you look and look but once you give up, you usually find it within a few minutes?  This might fall along those same lines.  Relax and try something new for awhile, such as experimenting with sex toys or new intercourse positions.

After awhile, when you and your partner both feel like you’re ready to try oral sex again, give it a shot!  You might just find out that a solid break is exactly what you needed to revive yourself and get back into the oral sex groove!  Often times, repeating oral very often will lead to less sensitivity, so taking a break might be the ticket out of the funk you’re in.

Above all, don’t put too much stock in one single act of sex.  There are plenty more things to do with your partner where you can experience both intimacy and orgasm!

Why Can’t I Let Go and Have An Orgasm With My Partner?

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Having an orgasm doesn’t mean losing all control – it just means letting go.

Still, some women find themselves incapable of having an orgasm or stopping one that is on the way – often because of emotional baggage that keeps them from releasing their inhibitions.

Therapy can help women work through their issues and build enough self confidence to start enjoying themselves sexually with a partner they trust.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hey there, I have a question that I’m embarrassed asking. I have had a series of bad boyfriends, hurtful, hateful relationships. The times I had sex with them I never got any pleasure and I have never had an orgasm. I have read that you lost control during orgasm. I do not wish to.

I have a new boyfriend 🙂 He is so sweet and caring, and he cares about making me happy and giving me pleasure. But I cannot bring myself to let him make me cum. I always stop him the minute it starts to feel good. I know he is hurt. What can I do to make myself orgasm? How do I stop myself from stopping? What does it feel like? I’m a little confused.

-Sarah, Canterbury, New Zealand

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-sSpT4lsTk[/youtube]

Why Can’t I Let Go and Have An Orgasm With My Partner?

Some women find themselves unable to orgasm – while this can unfortunately be common, less common are the women who actually stop an orgasm from happening.  Their fears of losing control overwhelm them and they are unable to have an orgasm, even if they’re already on the path to one.

Let’s examine why having an orgasm is not “losing control” but actually just “letting go.”

It’s not unreasonable to think that having an orgasm means you have to lose control – losing control and letting go are actually very similar.  What you should understand, however, is that even though you are letting go of your inhibitions to have an orgasm, you are still in control.  You are in control as long as you are a consenting adult who is having sex with a partner with whom you desire to have sex with.

With that said, inhibitions are often what stop many women from having an orgasm.  A woman who is self conscious or is overwhelmed with emotional issues will have more trouble letting go than a woman who is self confident and emotionally secure.

What if you can’t orgasm?

If you find that you are unable to have an orgasm or find yourself stopping an orgasm, you really need to sit down and think about why.  If you’re with a partner who wants to please you and you feel comfortable with them, chances are it has nothing to do with your partner.

Are you able to orgasm during masturbation?  If so, what makes you feel like you can’t orgasm with a partner?  For some women, strings of bad or abusive relationships can take their toll on the emotions and keep them from being able to let go and have an orgasm.

Can emotional issues be solely to blame for a women not being able to have an orgasm?

You bet – but you can talk to your doctor just to be on the safe side.  This isn’t necessary if you find yourself actually stopping an orgasm from happening because that’s not physiological – that’s just you.

Confront the issue

A good way to overcome this issue is to confront it.  Don’t be embarrassed about it and don’t run away from it.  It will only get worse as time goes on and may cost you relationships.  What can you do?

See a therapist.  See someone who can talk you through your emotional issues and help you confront them.  A good therapist can help you sort things out and give you the tools and resources you need – not to mention support – to overcome the inability to let yourself have an orgasm.

Above all, don’t get angry with yourself or punish yourself because you are in this sort of situation.  It’s nothing to be embarrassed about and it’s nothing to be afraid of or angry about.  Working with a therapist can help you build enough self confidence so you can truly let go of your inhibitions without losing control and be able to experience a wonderful orgasm with a partner you truly love and care about.