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BDSM – What Is Erotic Humiliation?

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“BDSM” stands for “bondage, domination, sadism and masochism.” However, this is just a blanket term for many different styles of kinky sex, including fetishes and roleplay, as well as less common activities such as erotic asphyxiation or erotic humilation.

While erotic humiliation isn’t generally as dangerous as activities like erotic asphyxiation, it can be just as fascinating to see exactly what gets different people off. What is erotic humiliation, what does it involve and how would you introduce it or an alternative in the bedroom?

What Is Erotic Humilation?

Erotic humilation is a form of BDSM defined by Wikipedia as the “consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another; often (but not always) in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity.”

Depending on whether someone has a dominant or submissive personality, the act of being humiliated or humiliating another during sex can be very arousing for both partners. Rarely does a person enjoy both humiliating and being humiliated and many sexual partnerships are formed because one partner prefers domination while the other prefers submission.

The Difference Between Humiliation And Domination

Many people may confuse erotic humiliation with domination and other forms of BDSM, because the roles are very similar. There is, however, a simple distinction between the two. Those who enjoy dominating others enjoy “commanding” or “ordering” their submissive partner do do something, and the submissive partner enjoys being “commanded” to do something. With humiliation, the dominant partner enjoys verbally or physically belittling their partner, and the submissive partner enjoys being belittled and humiliated just as much.

Verbal Means Of Erotic Humiliation

Depending on the agreement between the dominant and submissive partners, verbal belittlement may or may not be an accepted part of humiliation. However, it is much more common to see verbal belittlement in a humiliation situation than a great deal of physical humiliation. Verbal belittlement during sex might include:

  • Being a human “pet,” complete with collar and leash. This may include eating or drinking out of a pet bowl or off the floor.
  • Name calling such as “slave” or “whore”
  • Belittling the body, suggesting that it is “dirty” or “ugly”
  • Men who enjoy being humiliated may enjoy their partners belittling their penis size
  • Asking for permission to eat or use the restroom
  • Being verbally mocked or ridiculed

Physical Means Of Erotic Humiliation

When couples desire more than verbal belittlement offers, they may decide to move into more physical means of humiliation. This can be something as mild as spanking or can be very extreme. When combined with sexual activities and verbal belittlement, the humiliation factor can be very powerful. Many dom/sub couples may choose to forgo the physical aspect, or they may participate with a lighter attitude. Physical humiliation might include activities like:

  • Being slapped on the rear or in the face
  • Having the hair pulled
  • Ejaculating in the face or on the body
  • Being required to perform oral sex on the dominant partner without getting anything in return
  • Being forced to worship the body of the dominant partner
  • Physical punishment such as spanking or whipping when the submissive partner is “disobedient”
  • Torture of the nipples or the genitals

How To Approach Erotic Humilation In Your Relationship

If you’re interested in erotic humilation, you may be unsure of how to approach the subject with your partner. Remember that while being open and honest about your sex fantasies is extremely important, going slow and giving your partner time to warm up to the idea is even more so.

The first step is to determine which of you has a dominant personality and which of you has a submissive one. If you and your lover are both dominant or both submissive, erotic humiliation is generally something that won’t work well in your sexual relationship. Ease into it slowly, by introducing one new concept at a time and only when your partner seems ready for it.

If You’re A Sub

  • Offer to be you lover’s sex slave for the day and see what happens
  • Tell your partner you’d love to be spanked during sex
  • Come to bed wearing a collar
  • Experiment with handcuffs and bondage
  • Ask him to call you his “slut” or his “whore”

If You’re A Dom

  • Pinch your partner’s nipples during sex (not too hard without the green light first)
  • Ask your partner if they’ll be your sex slave for the day
  • Go shopping with your partner for sexy accessories, like collars or tiaras
  • Ask your partner to give you a blowjob or go down on you without reciprocation
  • Ask your partner to let you ejaculate on their face

Special Note: Never be derogatory or dominant towards your partner without their knowing and consent first. Not letting your lover in on what’s going on before verbally belittling them or physically humiliating them will only end very, very badly.

Pubic Humiliation

Another aspect of erotic humiliation which may be arousing to both partners is public humiliation. Sometimes, consenting partners will use verbal belittlement in public and very rarely will they humiliate physically in public. However, some couples may be part of groups that also enjoy this activity and may have “sex parties” in where one or more subs are humiliated in front of the crowd.

Alternatives To Extreme Humiliation

If the idea of humiliating your partner or being humiliated turns you on, but you’re not ready to go to the extreme with it, start small and work your way up. Alternatives to more aggressive forms of humiliating might be:

  • Nibbling or biting your partner
  • Spanking or asking to be spanked
  • Light bondage
  • Dirty talk with a dash of humiliation thrown in
  • Online or long distance humiliating

9 Handjob Techniques That Will Make Him Beg For More

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A handjob is often severely underrated by both guys and gals. Guys assume that if they can masturbate, why do they want to have their woman do it for them? Especially if he can have a blowjob or have sex instead? Girls often assume that guys don’t want a handjob for the very same reason. However, a handjob can be absolutely divine if done correctly. Here are nine handjob techniques that will make your man beg fore more.

Hold His Scrotum Right Before He Is About To Orgasm

Right before your man is about to have an orgasm, lightly grab hold of his testicles, cupping them in your palm. If he enjoys firmer pressure, feel free to grasp more firmly or tug a little, depending on what feels best for him. Having this extra stimulation on his scrotum will intensify his orgasm, as well as allow you to feel his ejaculation from beginning to end.

Have Him Thrust With His Pelvis

Instead of moving your hands alone while your partner sits or lies and receives his handjob, have him thrust with his pelvis while you hold your hands still. Not only does this make getting a handjob feel much different for him, it will also make him feel more in control of his climax. He may be able to reach orgasm faster this way, and it may be a technique you want to use if he takes a long time to reach climax through manual stimulation.

Form “Rings” With Your Thumb And Forefingers

Take your thumb and forefinger and touch them together, forming a “ring” with your fingers. Apply a generous amount of lube to your partner’s penis, and slip the “ring” over his shaft, moving it up and down. Tighten your fingers together as much as is pleasurable to your man. Doing this softly or firmly will change the sensations and you can mix it up between the two for different feelings. You can also increase the pleasure factor of this technique by using both hands – two “rings” instead of one.

Rub Only The Tip Of His Penis

This works well if your partner is uncircumcised or has a very sensitive penis. If he doesn’t and requires firm stimulation of his shaft or scrotum to reach climax, this technique will not work as well. To do this, place a dollop or two of lube in your hand and rub your palm in circular motions over the head of his penis. Hold his shaft with your other hand (or have him hold it for you) so that his penis stays in place. This technique can also be applied to a blowjob as well by simply keeping your mouth on the tip of the penis.

Use Both Hands

Instead of using one hand to give your lover a handjob, why not try using two? Rub the tip of his penis with one hand as indicated above, while massaging his scrotum or stroking his shaft with the other. He’ll love the sensation of two hands on his penis, because the majority of men only use one hand on themselves during masturbation.

Blindfold Him

While it’s true that men are visual creatures (duh – that’s why porn exists), sensory deprivation can be just as hot. Bring this element in to a handjob to make it extra sensational by blindfolding him when you start. The idea of not knowing what is coming next or exactly what you’re doing to create the sensations he’s feeling will get him hotter than ever.

Masturbate – With His Penis

To give yourself pleasure while you’re pleasuring him, try rubbing his penis against your clitoris. You can rub the length of the shaft on it or simply just rub the head of it against you. Either way, it will feel absolutely divine for both you and him. Just make sure you use lots of good lube so everything is nice and slippery.

Describe The Handjob To Him As You’re Doing It

Dirty talk is a great way to spice up just about any sex act, especially a handjob. Describe what you’re going to do to him before you do it, what you’re doing as you do it, what it feels like for you and how much you love it. Use lots of sensual, descriptive language like “hard” or “throbbing.”

Bring In Props

Don’t be afraid to bring a few sex toys into the bedroom when giving your partner a handjob. Male masturbators feel absolutely amazing for guys when used with lube, and cock rings can prolong his erection and make each sensation much more powerful. Experiment with different sex toys to change up the different styles of pleasure you can give him with your hands.

Sexting: Give Her Permission To Be Your Slut

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Sexting is a great way to get your female partner turned on, but even if she’s aroused, she still may have trouble letting go and letting her inner “naughty girl” out. The pressures that society puts on women to be prim, proper and professional are strong, and most women have trouble getting rid of the facade, even behind closed doors. Here’s how you can use sexting to give your girl permission to be your slut and get her to let go of her inhibitions and get down and dirty.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1EgIC62TNw[/youtube]

Women Really Have Higher Sex Drives Than Men

It’s a common misconception that women have lower sex drives than men. This is usually because a woman doesn’t reach her true sexual potential until she reaches her mid to late thirties and early forties. By this time, she has learned to keep her sex drive very well hidden, mostly because being labeled a “slut” in a negative, derogatory way is something that no woman wants.

How A Woman’s Sex Drive Stays Hidden

A woman’s libido is like an oven – it takes a while for them to “preheat” and get warmed up, and after it’s hot and ready, it takes a significant amount of time to cool down. After the cool down period, it takes a while to get warmed back up again. Men, however, are different. Most men stay turned on pretty much all the time, without a long warm up or cool down period. Like a blowtorch, a man can be hot and ready almost instantly.

Since women will naturally go back to “zero” or square one when they’re not turned on, they learn to stay there. Even if they’re incredibly aroused and about to rip their clothes off, they learn to show nothing on the outside. That facade is what keeps them from being labeled a “slut” and allows them to function well in a society that looks down on women for being “slutty.”

Women Want To “Belong” To A Strong, Confident Man

Women are attracted to strong, confident men. It’s something in their genes that says, “He’s in control. He could take care of me. He would protect me.” Even the most independent women who can obviously take care of themselves will be attracted to men who are confident and in control.

Women also want to “belong” to a man, especially the strong, confident type. While many people have the misconception that “belonging” to another person (especially if it’s a woman “belonging” to a man) it’s always in a derogatory, “ownership” sort of way, that’s not what this means. Women want to “belong” to their man in a loving, safe and sexy way.

How To Get Her To Act On Her Impulses

  • Make her feel safe. A woman who doesn’t feel safe isn’t going to let any of her walls down, period. Make her feel safe in your relationship and safe being herself – the real her, not the person she shows everyone else.
  • Let her know she won’t be judged. It’s very important that you let your partner know that you’re not going to judge her, no matter what. Women get judged daily on how they look, how they act and who they are. Let her know that she can be herself around you and you’re not going to pass the least bit of judgement. Go one up on that and let her know that you are going to love her no matter what.
  • Let her act out her dirty side. When she gets a little frisky in the bedroom, make sure you offer her positive encouragement and let her know that what she did or what she’s doing really turns you on. If she goes a little outside her comfort zone and she doesn’t get positive feedback from you, she’s not going to go back out for awhile and not without a great deal of coaxing. If you let her know you really like it when she gets naughty, she’s going to want to do it more and more to please you.
  • Make her feel like she’s “giving in” to those desires. If you do this the right way, you’ll make her feel as though she “couldn’t help herself” and that she’s not responsible for her actions. This is absolutely key to getting a reserved woman to really let go and be naughty. This is also part of why a woman is much more attracted to men that seem as though they’re in control. If you’re in control of the situation, it gives her an excuse to get out of control!

How To Use Sexting To Unlock Her Inner Slut

So how does all of this apply to sexting? How can you use sexting to unlock her inner “slut” and become “your slut?” Sexting allows you to have a secret, private conversation with her, without her having to let her guard down visibly in front of others or in public. She can be as dirty and naughty as she wants to in a text, and no one will know about it but you. This is a very powerful concept for a woman and one of the reasons that sexting works so well. She doesn’t have to let go of her facade to let go of her inhibitions.

Using Sensual Language In A Story

When it comes to sexting and making it effective at getting your lover aroused, it’s very important to use sensual language to describe describe what you want to do, what you want her to do and what you’re looking forward to when you get home. Take that up a notch by using sensual language to describe a story where she’s being particularly slutty, in private with you.

Describe her giving you a sloppy wet blowjob (in detail) and tell her how much you love it. Or, describe bending her over and taking her without warning and tell her how much you love it when she gives herself up to you and lets herself be your slut.

Sex – What Guys REALLY Want (And What They’re Afraid To Tell You)

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When it comes to sex, every guy has their preferences. However, there are some things that pretty much every guy wants a woman to do. The thing is, there are so few guys that actually want to tell their lovers what they want! Ladies, while reading his mind is pretty much impossible, take these cues to find out what your guy likes – and then surprise him with his secret sex fantasy!

They Want A Girl Who Will Masturbate (In Front Of Him)

Some women feel that it’s the guys’ job to make her feel good. Most guys don’t have any problem providing their partner with a mind blowing orgasm, however, sometimes they wish that a girl would take charge of her own sexual pleasure. Ladies, it requires at least a little effort on your part to get yourself in the mood, so why not take it a little further?

A lot of guys (okay, most) would love to watch their girl masturbate, especially if she had no idea he was there watching. What is so hot about this is that during female masturbation, he gets to watch you touch yourself exactly how you like to be touched. There’s no guessing if it’s the right thing or it feels good. He gets to see first hand what really turns you on and it will turn him on like wild fire!

They Want To Watch – In The Mirror

Guys are visual creatures – that’s pretty much a given. A lot of men enjoy watching porn for that specific reason, but does that mean that they enjoy watching the other women because they’re hotter than you or because they turn him on more than you? Absolutely not! In fact, your guy would probably give his eye teeth to actually watch you and him getting it on!

Filming a naughty video together is great fun, but there’s always the risk that it will get out, especially if you and your man don’t work out in the end. Instead, surprise him by installing a full length mirror in your bedroom – the bigger, the better. Allow him to watch you getting it on – he’ll love getting to watch it in real time, as it’s happening and he’ll love getting to feel exactly what he’s seeing. Try lots of different sex positions so he can see you from every angle.

They Want A Girl Who Is Not Afraid To Get Dirty

Let’s face it – guys don’t want to get it on with a prude. If all you’re into is the missionary position, he’s probably not going to be that into you. Almost every guy wants to get busy with a girl who isn’t afraid to bring on the kink! Try out a little light bondage to get started, and then move into something a little naughtier.

Whether you’re indulging his secret sex fetish or coming to bed wearing nothing but tall, black stilettos and a rhinestone necklace, he’s going to love that you’re showing off your naughty girl side.

They Want A Girl To Take Control

Sometimes guys want to have the reigns, but other times they want the girls to be in control over what happens and when. They just want to lie back and relax, while you savor every inch of their body. Surprise him one night by tying him up (this is optional if he’s not into bondage) and having your way with him! Let him lie there and get a good look at you while you give him oral sex, then go for the woman-on-top or reverse cowgirl sex position, depending on what he likes to look at best – your breasts or your butt.

They Want A Girl Who Will Give A Blowjob – And Likes It

Sure, most girls will give a guy a blowjob. Some won’t. The true gem, however, is the girl who loves giving a guy a blowjob! Blowjobs are probably in the #1 spot on the list of “Sex Acts That Guys Can’t Live Without.” Think about this – how enjoyable is it when a guy goes down on you like it’s a chore and like he really doesn’t want to be down there? It kind of puts a damper on the whole thing, doesn’t it?

Give your guy a blowjob like you never have before. Act like you’re starving to death or it will be the end of the world if you don’t get him in your mouth right now. Make sure that he knows you’re really enjoying going down on him by making pleasure noises while you lick and suck him, and making eye contact with him. He’ll really appreciate your enthusiasm and he just very well might return the favor!

They Want Rough Sex

Every guy wants to pound a girl into orgasmic frenzy, but very few men will actually tell their partners that. This is usually because he’s afraid to hurt her.  If you enjoy rough sex, don’t be shy about it with your lover. Next time you have sex with your man, assume the doggy style position and tell him that you want it fast and you want it hard. He’ll happily oblige!

Sometimes rough sex can become unsafe, so it’s important to take a few precautions first. Decide beforehand on a safe word so that if it becomes too much, you can use the word to let your partner know that you want it to stop immediately. Don’t forget to use lots of lube!

They Want A Girl Who Has Confidence

Confidence is sexy! Unfortunately, lots of women – no matter how hot or how beautiful they are – are insecure about themselves and the way they look and have low self esteem. However, what your guy sees when he looks at you (especially when he looks at you naked) is not the same as what you see in the mirror. Let go of your insecurities and inhibitions and look at yourself the way your partner looks at you. See what he sees and show it off! Men love women who have the confidence to show their bodies off during sex, because men love naked women – period.

Public Displays Of Affection: Where Do You Draw The Line?

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Public displays of affection aren’t at all uncommon. Love and amazing sexual chemistry can be like blinders on a horse. You’re out with your significant other, and all you can see or focus on is them. That’s a wonderful feeling to be sure, but you have to be careful about just how far you go when you’re out in public. This is not only because no one really wants to be that inappropriately gross couple, but also because you never know who might be around.

If you’re dry-humping on a blanket in the park and your boss or your grandmother happens to stroll by and see you, you are going to be in for some major embarrassment. Consider your surroundings and the likelihood of such a scenario occurring before you start getting hot and heavy.

Location, Location, Location

Engaging in appropriate levels of PDA is not unlike purchasing real estate—it’s all about location, location, location. There are loads of questions to ask yourself when you’re out with your S.O. and feeling frisky.

  • Are you somewhere that relatives or co-workers of yours often frequent?
  • Is the location the kind of place where lots of children will be around, like a playground or amusement park?

In these scenarios, it’s probably best to go no further than some hand-holding and the occasional kiss or two. Your company’s friends and family picnic is hardly the appropriate place to make out with your boyfriend or girlfriend for an hour.

On the other hand, if you’re out dancing at a club, you’ll be much more likely to get away with lots of kissing and getting handsy. If you’re on some tropical getaway where you don’t know anyone, you can feel free to indulge yourselves as well. As long as you’re not doing anything that might get you arrested if you get caught, there’s really no need to worry.

Even if someone walks down the beach at night and sees you fooling around on a lounge chair, the odds that you’ll ever encounter that person again are slim-to-none.

How Dark Is It?

Light levels are another important factor to take into consideration. If you’re out in broad daylight or in a well-lit room surrounded by people, everyone will know exactly what you’re up to. If you’re in the last row in a dark movie theater or the back corner booth at a bar with low-lighting, most of your antics will be obscured from the general population’s view.

It’s even better if you can make sure that you’re located out of the sightline of most of the people in the space you’re in. Again, the last row in a dark theater works if there’s really no one sitting near you. If the theater is packed, you might want to keep your activity to a minimum. You probably wouldn’t want to be sitting directly next to a strange girl giving her guy a handjob if the situation was reversed, so show the people sitting near you the same respect.

The Defining Question….

Perhaps that’s the most important factor to consider. If you were out and about and saw a strange couple doing what you’re about to do, how would you feel about it? When we’re head-over-heels, it can be difficult to keep a grasp on what’s acceptable or not.

It’s easy to feel that we’re different—an exception to the rule. So pull yourself out of the situation for a minute and imagine if you were the accidental observer of the movie theater blowjob or the heavy makeout session at the mall. Showing others the courtesy that you would expect will typically help you from going too far when it comes to PDA.