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You are here: Home / Archives for Sex & Intimacy

Sex Tips & Advice

Top 10 New Year’s Sex Resolutions

By loveandsex

There are 100’s of New Year’s Resolution lists out there, but they’ve all forgotten one of the most important areas of our lives – SEX. The most I’ve seen this topic covered is something like “have more sex” or “have better sex”.

We’ll I’ve decided to give you some ways that will actually help those resolutions come true…

Here are my Top 10 New Year’s Sex Resolutions. Add these to your list and you’re guaranteed to have more and better sex this year!

1. Lose the Idealism
To truly enjoy sex, there is one thing that you absolutely must do – Stop worrying about what other people think. Get rid of all of those self-imposed limiting beliefs that are keeping your sex life utterly boring. You know the nice girls don’t do this, good boys don’t do that, and this is how sex should be stuff…

Find someone who likes to play the way you do and have fun!

Sexploration’s, Brian Alexander said it best this year: “Can we resolve to get over the idea that his holding your wrists down to the bed means he’s a Neanderthal brute, or that she’s a bitchy feminist if she wants to ride you like Sea Biscuit? Sex is supposed to be joyful, exhilarating, intimate and revealing.”

2. Try New Things
Vow to try new sex positions, new sex toys, and new sex acts this year. Variety is the spice of life and adventure broadens your horizons. Don’t be timid in the New Year, keep an open mind and try something new in bed, whether it’s anal sex, a threesome, or living out your wildest fantasies. It could even be as simple as just admitting that it’s OK to like sex.

3. Embrace Erotica
Read more erotic books and watch more erotic movies (ideally with your partner, but if you’re flying solo – enjoy!). Don’t like porn (we don’t either)? So watch some of those very erotic but not quite porn movies like “Wild Orchid”, “9 1/2 Weeks”, “Body Heat”, and “Sliver”. They get me excited every time!

Commit to reading at least one erotic novel each month. My favorite author in this genre is Don Winslow, but there are many more to choose from. Find an author and a theme that you like and start reading. I challenge you to get through one whole book without getting excited.

4. Have More Sex. Lose Weight. Feel Great.
Sex is great exercise and it’s WAY more fun than going to the gym. Sex improves circulation and aerobic fitness by increasing heart rate and respiration, and exercises many major muscle groups. Did you know that you can burn between 100 to 300 calories per hour during sex? …

5. Talk About Sex
Have a conversation with your partner or friends about sex. Again, lose the idealism. If your friends don’t like to talk about sex – find some friends that do. If you have a partner, how else are you going to know what turns them on? How will they know what turns you on? Not talking about sex is a certain recipe for disaster, or at least a really boring sex life.

A word of warning… Please use compassion when talking and listening about sensual topics. For some reason, it’s really hard for most people to talk about sex. Our egos get offended and our feelings get hurt. So be patient and listen without judgment or bias. In the end everyone will learn something about sex and you may even be happier for it.

6. Masturbate
This is something that just about everyone does and almost no one talks about. Get over it! With all your efforts toward self-improvement, don’t forget to reward yourself with some good old-fashioned masturbation. It’s one of the best ways to relax, ease your tension, and get in touch with your body. Take a time-out from your hectic schedule and spend some quality time with yourself.

If you can’t enjoy and love your own body, how can you expect anyone else to ever please you?

7. Live Your Fantasies
Make a commitment to live your fantasies this year. What do you think about when no one else is around or when you’re masturbating? Write it down and share it with your partner. Who knows, they may just want to help you play out your favorite fantasy and you’ll both be in for some exciting surprises. Just talking about your fantasies with your partner can often lead to hot sex on the spot.

8. Organize Your Sex Toys
Quit tossing that vibrator under the bed with the dust bunnies. Keep your ropes, leather straps, dildos, vibrators, and other sex toys clean, organized, and carefully stored in a drawer or box. They’ll last longer and you’ll always know where to find them when you need them.

Having said that – sex toys may not be your thing… But don’t make that decision until you’ve at least tried several variations.

9. Dress to Impress
Do you really expect your partner to see you wearing your baggy shorts with the hole in the backside, your hair sticking out, and those glasses at the end of your nose as you read the paper, and still find you sexy? Do you feel sexy when you dress that way – NO.

Save those “extra comfy” clothes for those times when you’re alone – wear something nice when you’re together, or at least get dressed…

10. Put Your Partner First
Guys, be more considerate – let your partner orgasm first. She puts up with a lot, so try putting her first once in a while and give her a screaming orgasm (or two or three) before you even think about it. Ladies, surprise your man with impromptu quickie sex – they love it!

I hope you’ve enjoyed these ideas for a very sexy 2008.

If you have any other ideas to make 2008 absolutely orgasmic, please share. We’d love to hear your ideas and so would our other readers.

Filed Under: Sex Tips & Advice Tagged With: dating, dating advice, premarital sex, Relationship Advice

Is it OK to Have Sex for the Sake of REALLY Good Sex… With No Relationship Commitments?

By loveandsex

The Question:

I recently broke up with my boyfriend and father of my 2 year old daughter. I’m 35 and he’s 28. He is now seeing a 22 year old girl for the use of her truck – I believe. He says that he still loves me (maybe just for the sex) and we have continued to have sex since breaking up. He is, however, very irresponsible in a relationship. The sex is great between us and I have a hard time turning him down because I do still love him. I think that I may want him back because I can’t stand to see him with someone else or to think that he is sleeping with another person.

Should I stay with him just for the sex? Or should I make him make a choice of getting no sex unless he’s willing to make the relationship work between us? What should I do?

The Answer: Our answer to this question may seem controversial to some, but here goes…

What is a relationship?

A relationship can be defined as “a state of connectedness between people”. Because of the fact that the two of you have a child together, you will always have a parental relationship and parental responsibilities. The choice that each of you have to make is what type of relationship you want in addition to being the parents of your daughter.

Here are just a few ideas:

An intimate relationship is a relationship with a great deal of physical and/or emotional intimacy – romantic or passionate love and attachment with or without sex.

A casual relationship (sometimes referred to as “friends with benefits”) is the physical and emotional relationship between two unmarried people who have a sexual relationship or a near-sexual relationship without necessarily demanding or expecting a more formal relationship as a goal.

Friendship, is a relationship that results when two people have found a common ground and consists of mutual love, trust, respect, and unconditional acceptance of one another.

I recommend that the two of you have a heart to heart, open and honest discussion about what you both want and are willing to accept around your relationship as adults and your relationship as parents.

It is critical to check your ego at the door.

We have been known to use a code word or a physical object to use as a flag when someone’s ego starts flaring up. Once that happens, any intelligent conversation is over. If someone’s ego takes over the conversation (you’ll know when this happens by tone and number of snipes the other person starts making), take a 15 minute break in separate rooms to allow yourselves to cool down. And then resume the conversation.

A brief discussion on jealousy.

Jealousy can be defined as “a boundary-setting custom developed for limiting sexual access to those relationships that a group defines as important.” It’s that feeling of fear, suspicion, or envy over something you perceive as your possession.

I’m going to get on my soap box for a moment here…

In modern society, many people mistake a romantic relationship, for a purchase contract. If we could simply understand that we do not and should not ‘own’ or try to control another person, there would be no jealously.

Jealousy is a very primitive emotion based entirely on fear and the desire to control other people and their actions – When in reality, the only real control that we have is over ourselves and our actions.

Jealousy and fear are engrained in our society and encouraged by governments and religions to exercise control over the population. That’s why when you get married, you sign a “marriage contract“, to take possession of your spouse… (I warned you this was going to be a little controversial.)

Here’s an idea. Try replacing jealousy, control, and ownership with forgiveness, acceptance, and unconditional love in all of your relationships. You’ll be much happier in all areas of your life once you let go of fear and wanting to control others. Really – give it a try…

Staying with him just for sex.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having sex just for the sake of good sex! IF you’re both emotionally mature enough to enjoy it without feeling guilty or trying to make the other person feel guilty.

Take a step back to understand the reasons that you want to have sex with each other. Are you trying to fill an emotional void? Trying to hold on to previous feeling about each other? Do you simply enjoy it? What are your personal reasons? Make sure they resonate true to you and actually bring you joy. Don’t do it for the wrong reasons.

Making him choose between sex and relationship.

My advice on this one – Don’t ever push a man, or anyone else, into a corner by forcing a decision like that, they’ll run every time :-).

Instead, take some time to REALLY get to know each other on an honest and very deep level. This is that heart to heart discussion that I mentioned at the beginning.

If you can’t be honest with each other, you lose from the beginning.

In summary…

  • Spend some time with yourself to understand what you really want out of the relationship.
  • Talk to each other openly and honestly about what type of relationship your both want and will agree upon – and stick to it.
  • Replace jealousy, control, and ownership with forgiveness, acceptance, and unconditional love.

Filed Under: Sex Tips & Advice Tagged With: breaking up, dating, dating advice, premarital sex, Relationship Advice

Want To Spice Up Your Next Date? Try Boston Not So Proper…

By loveandsex

Looking to get some hot new clothes for your next date? Or maybe some exciting new lingerie for that intimate evening you’ve got planned?

We’ll you’re in luck…

Jennifer gets this women’s clothing catalog from Boston Proper. They’ve got some really steamy but classy outfits throughout, and the models are, well, certainly endowed and prone to show off.

We jokingly refer to the catalog as Boston Not So Proper. Seriously, check out their stuff when your thinking about your next date with your significant other. And of course, there’s always Victoria’s Secret… They have some really sexy date clothes as well.

Now, for lingerie, check out Fredericks. They have a great selection.

Also, a good friend of ours, Bethany, has a great lingerie site – Totally Sexy Lingerie. She has great prices and a good selection. Plus, she’s cool and will handle your order personally, so go check out her site and pick up some sexy lingerie today.

But is it ok to buy this stuff? What if you offend your woman? Ladies, afraid ‘he’ won’t like you anymore?

Ladies, face it, your significant other loves to see you in this stuff. There’s lingerie out there for every body size and shape.

And guys, yes it’s ok to buy your special lady sexy lingerie. She’ll be flattered that you think and fantasize about her. Yes, she DOES like the fact that you think that way about her – and not about some other woman! In fact, tell her often in a discreet and loving way, that you think about her body and that you really want her.

A woman wants few things more that to simply know that her man desires her.

On that topic, look for our series of articles on relationships and the hidden porn epidemic:

  • “Quick, Hide the Porn, Your Wife Is Coming!”
  • “How Can You Make Your Man Stop Surfing Porn After You Go To Bed?”

Have an awesome day!
Dan & Jennifer 

Filed Under: Sex Tips & Advice

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