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4 Ways To Make Sex More Spontaneous

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Making sex more spontaneous is something that a lot of couples try to focus on when working on their sex lives. Spontaneity can bring a lot to people’s sex lives. This can bring passion and more intimacy to a couple with very little effort. It’s easy to fall into the trap of having the same old boring sex on the same day every week, especially if you’re in a long-term relationship. So in an effort to break this monotony, couples are engaging in more spontaneous and “in the moment” styles of sexual activity.

If you would like to take your sex life out of this rut, there are a few ways to make sex more spontaneous.

1. Toss The Schedule

So many couples rely on a schedule for sex that it completely downgrades their sex lives. This schedule might not be set in stone or written down, but if you know that you always have sex on Saturday morning at 8am it’s probably time to toss the schedule.

A scheduled time to have sex will not only hinder the excitement, it can lead to less intimacy. A relationship is a partnership and having this set day to have sex can make it seem more like a chore than a meeting of the minds. Make a conscious decision to never follow a timetable in your sex life.

2. Always Have Condoms

While this rule might only appear to be geared toward men, it can also be applied to women. One of the biggest reasons that couples can’t have spontaneous sex is because of protection issues. It is a great idea to always carry condoms with you, but if you’re specifically trying to make your sex life more spontaneous, this is a must.

Having the proper protection with you at all times will prevent pregnancy and the spread of STDs. This can also give you a “ready anytime” attitude with your partner. This suggestion also extends to women. There are going to be times when your husband or boyfriend does not have condoms on him.

Surprise him by whipping your own stash when the moment strikes. There are a lot of women that consider using birth control for this very subject. Birth control can be a great way to add peace of mind and spontaneity to your relationship, but always check with your doctor beforehand. Different women have different side effects with the birth control they use so you want to bring any issues up with your physician.

3. Discover Each Other’s Fantasies

When you know what turns on your partner, you can easily avoid the pitfalls of mundane sex. Make it a point to share your fantasies with each other so you can spice up your love lives with some spontaneity. You can start to feel those butterflies at any moment and an opportunity might present itself in the blink of an eye.

Say your boyfriend has a roleplaying fantasy and you just happen to be dressed up as a sexy businesswoman. This is an excellent opportunity to take control of his desires and make your sex life a little less ordinary. When you share each other’s fantasies he will also be able to take you up on a spurt of the moment romp. This can also work for women.

Say that your girlfriend has a fantasy of being taken by a mechanic. You’re working on your car one day and boom, she is instantly turned on. Communicate with each other your sex life will thrive.

4. Have Date Nights During The Week

Date nights are usually relegated to Friday or Saturday nights. Why not shake things up a bit and turn date night upside down by utilizing it during the week? Tuesday, Wednesday or even Monday night can give you a little something extra to look forward to when you have a spontaneous date night. Men are expected to make the plans for the date and oversee all of the details.

If you want to have a more spontaneous romance, the woman can take control. Surprise your husband or boyfriend with a date night in the middle of the week. Plan everything yourself and simply tell him that you’re taking him out. This is a great way to break up the week and add to the spontaneity.

A great date night is to meet each other in a bar and pretend that you have first met. Have your boyfriend try to pick you up for some extra spontaneity.

5 Sex Secrets He’d Die From If You Found Out

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Sex secrets are the cream de la cream of secrets in a relationship. There are a lot of guys that are into some very out of the norm stuff and if you ever found out, they just might kill over from it. The thing about male sex secrets is that they aren’t as obscure as you might think. Many straight men are turned on by things that are traditionally considered a little effeminate. So if you want to know some sex secrets that are extremely common with straight men, here is a short list.

Sex Secret #1: He’s A Cuckold

A cuckold is a special breed of man. Cuckolding is essentially when a man is in a relationship with a woman and gets turned on by another guy having sex with her. This usually happens in front of the boyfriend or husband. Cuckolding is very popular in the swinger community, but it’s also something that he will probably never admit to. Guys that don’t have the nerve to tell their wives or girlfriends about this fantasy usually masturbate to the thought of it. If you believe that your guy is a cuckold and you’re okay with it, you might want to approach him with this thought. What seemed to be his unbearable sex secret could turn out to be something that you both enjoy.

Sex Secret #2: Cross-Dressing

Cross-dressing is another sex secret that is very common among men. This is more of a fetish that he doesn’t want you to know about. Every straight man likes to see their wives or girlfriends in lingerie, but the cross-dresser secretly wants to engage in the lingerie himself. If you ever find that your panties, bra or other clothing is not where you left it, you might need to have a chat with your guy. While cross-dressing is not something that is completely out of the ordinary, it can put a strain on the relationship. Some women really like that their man puts on their clothes whereas others get very weirded out by it. Talking to your guy about his secret fantasies can alleviate any embarrassment associated with cross-dressing.

Sex Secret #3: Domination

Domination is a very common sex secret that men have. Whether it’s that he wants to dominate you or he wants you to dominate him, having this fantasy can be extremely hot or extremely lackluster unless you know what you’re doing. If you think that your guy really likes dominating you, make it clear that you think it’s hot too. If you think that he gets turned on more by you dominating him, make an effort to help him fulfill his fantasy. Be a little rougher with him during sex. Order him around. Make him tell you how sexy you are. Whatever he needs to get turned on. Having communication is essential for a relationship and it’s hard to make him completely happy if you’re not up front about wanting to know what he likes in bed.

Sex Secret #4: Prostate Massages

The male prostate is said to be the equivalent of the female g-spot. However, there is a perception that a man having something put up his butt is gay. The fact of the matter is that prostate massages are getting very popular with men. If your man lets off a shriek of delight when you start to go near his anus he might have a secret fantasy of getting a prostate massage. If this is something that you would be interested in doing, you might want to ask him about it. Guys are very open to doing things that are a little questionable with women they feel comfortable with. And you might just be the one that he opens up to about his secret sex fantasy.

Sex Secret #5: He Wants To Do It In Public

Exhibitionism is another very common sex fantasy among men. The fact that he secretly wants to take you in public shows that he’s not ashamed of your body or his own. If he has been beating around the bush about taking you in public, consider this a compliment. There is a certain element of danger associated with having sex in public and this is something that he thrives on. Having sex in a public place can be very hot and very spontaneous, but you need to be comfortable with it. Some men do not have the confidence to fulfill this fantasy so they will need an extra push in the right direction. If you feel comfortable enough to do this for him, you might just have a lifelong relationship on your hands.

The Female Orgasm Explained

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For a very long time, female orgasm was considered to be a myth. With nothing but personal accounts to go by, it was hard for male scientists to accept that there was a function and reason behind the elusive experience. Now scientists of both genders think they understand some of the purpose and evolutionary benefit of female orgasm.

We now know that the muscular “flutter” that occurs during female orgasm helps to encourage fertility. The strong muscle contractions in the pelvis, vagina and uterus occur rapidly at less than one second apart, allowing the cervix to open up for incoming sperm. The consequence of this is biologically significant and a verifiable physiological phenomena; couples who are able to have orgasms during penetrative sex are more likely to conceive.

A recent study found that when a woman reaches climax anytime from one minute before and 45 minutes after her partner’s ejaculation, her vagina takes up significantly more sperm than during sex when she does not orgasm. Even more surprising, a woman who orgasms before her lover by any more than one minute retains as little sperm as those who don’t have a female orgasm at all, making it necessary for her to either orgasm during PIV sex, or find a partner who will continue to stimulate her (with his dexterous hands!) after he has reached his own orgasm.

The Steps Of Female Orgasm

Orgasm is a three-step process, the culmination of a lengthy build up beginning with psychological desire, climbing through the various plateaus physiological arousal and peaking in the spasmodic release of orgasm. There are some times in a woman’s monthly cycle when she may be naturally aroused both psychologically and physiologically, depending on her libido type, but these days are few and far between. The rest of the time, you’re going to need to know how to really touch her, inside and out, to get things moving in the right direction.

1. Building Arousal

The signs of physiological arousal are obvious, if you know what you are looking for and are paying attention. Increased blood flow to the genitals caused by hot thoughts or stimulation results in swelling of the labia, clitoris and vagina. Increased lubrication helps make the peak experience of orgasm possible, opening a woman up for more intense activity.

This is prime time for using your ten best assets – your fingers! With such an incredible range of movement, those miraculous movers are exactly what you need to keep her going even when you can’t. And hey, your grandkids will secretly thank you for your Don Juan progeny.

2. Increasing Arousal

Sex educator and author Lou Paget points out in a Men’s Health article that too much repetitive sensation, especially in the early stages of arousal, can actually make the vagina numb. If you go ahead and plunge into intercourse before she is fully aroused and open, you aren’t just depriving her of the pleasure of your hands, but actually decreasing her chances of being able to have a female orgasm with you inside her! By “saving your energy” for the act of coitus itself, you are in fact ensuring that it doesn’t function properly.

3. Orgasmic Release

Female orgasm is an extreme sensual experience. The heart races, breath quickens, pupils dilate, skin flushes, lips and breasts swell with anticipation of the pelvic floor muscles contracting and sending out a ripple-effect that emanates through the rest of the body.

Each woman experiences this process differently, and for most women, every female orgasm is unique. Some may be the powerful, earth-shattering things we see in pornography or on television, but others are simpler, quieter and cascade like gentle waves along the body instead of a raging tsunami thrashing with ecstatic energy. They can be silent or deafening, or even both at the same time.

In her own medical practice, author Rachel Carleton Abrams M.D. explains that many women who come to her for help to reach female orgasm are in fact already experiencing them regularly during sex, albeit mildly. They just didn’t realize it, after the false expectations set by pornography and Hollywood’s over-the-top acting led them to believe that what they were feeling somehow wasn’t orgasmic enough.

Learning to experience several different kinds of orgasms by experimenting with stimulation involving a variety of techniques aimed at eliciting different but complimentary reactions is the best way to help a woman discover her orgasmic range, her preferences and desires, her favorite moves and, most importantly, the best combinations to ensure that sex satisfies both of your needs and desires every single time!

How To Make Sex Better For Her

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Sex is about both partners – you and her. Make sex even better for her by using these simple but powerful tricks to get her completely engaged.

You have figured out how to get her talking outside the bedroom, but you need to be sure she doesn’t clam up as soon as you’re both naked. Here are a few ways to encourage her to talk before she has the chance to turn let her nerves get the best of her:

Sex Show & Tell

As soon as things get heated up and her shallow breathing and flushed skin shows she is moving beyond desire to arousal, give her the chance to show off her best moves. If it will make her feel less self-conscious, offer to masturbate for her as well. Just make sure to keep your composure and pay attention to what she’s doing.

Once she has gotten comfortable masturbating for you and showing you what she likes, ask her to describe what she’s doing and how it feels. This will almost certainly be more difficult for her, so be sure to give her lots of encouragement. Ask qualifying questions, like how much pressure she is using, what the texture of her labia feels like under her palm, how the temperature of her skin is changing, if she can feel her genitals swelling, or how the level of her arousal is changing.

Be ready to reciprocate if she wants to turn things around on you!

Use Compliments

To make her even more comfortable showing you how she likes to be touched during sex, you need to be sure to give your wife lots of honest compliments. Tell her how beautiful she is, how much you love to watch her, how sexy her body is, how aroused she makes you feel, how much you want to give her pleasure, and how hot it is when she talks about what she’s doing. The more she knows that her words and actions are appreciated, the more comfortable she will feel and the more turned on she can get!

Responsiveness

Even more important than compliments is responsiveness. Don’t just respond to her descriptions with “Mmmm, yeah” or “Oh, that’s hot.” Say things that let her know, without any doubt, that you are listening and paying attention. If she is describing how she likes her clitoris to be touched, say something back to her like “You look like that feels so good. I can’t wait to make you feel that good!” When she talks about her levels of arousal rising, tell her the things you can readily see that send you the same message – that she is lubricated, that her skin is flushed, that her body is warm, or that her breath is hot and heavy.

Tell her how hot she is and how turned on her arousal is making you, too. She will appreciate your attention! When you are in the act, pay attention to her sounds, and respond to them. If she obviously doesn’t like something, apologize and ask her if she liked the last thing you did. Go back to that before moving on. If she is really into something you are doing, moaning and enjoying herself, why not up the intensity a little bit by telling her how incredibly sexy she is when she’s getting off? Whisper in her ear “Mmm, you really like that, don’t you?” and wait for her to melt in your hands.

Stop, Slow, Full Speed Ahead!

I assume that you know the difference between a moan or coo of pleasure and a groan or grunt of pain during sex. If not, you should consider using a safe word of some kind, even if your play isn’t kinky. I prefer Red Light for “stop everything right now!” and reserve it only for emergencies, pain or panic. A Yellow Light means “Ooh, that’s a bit much, let’s try something else” and is a nice, low-pressure way for her to say that something isn’t working very well. If you ease up when you should be speeding up, she can use Green Light to let you know everything is okay. If she doesn’t just want to scream “Oh yes, more more MORE!”

Focus!

Luckily for you, being turned on is a great way to remember the new sex skills you are going to be learning and practicing! A 1999 study found that the cognitive processes involved in arousal also make the brain more receptive to forming new memories. Even so; I know that it can sometimes be hard to focus when there is so much going on in so many different directions. Take a deep breath and practice a few of these exercises when everything seems to be a bit much, or you find your mind wandering off somewhere else.

Many concentration exercises suggest you start by focusing on your own breath. Instead, I want you to focus on her breath during sex. Listen to the sound of her sighs or gasps, watching her chest rise and fall as her lungs fill and empty again. Find the pattern and join in, matching your breathing to hers. Allow your movements to fall into rhythm with her breath, and don’t look back.

If you are getting so good at a few moves that you can handle closing your eyes, try to eliminate distractions by placing your palm over her heart and shutting your lids. Fall in line with her heartbeat and let everything else melt away. Open your eyes when you are once again ready to focus only on her.

5 Hot Spots That Will Drive Her INSANE During Sex!

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Sex isn’t all about you – in fact, you should make it all about her! Give her an incredible orgasm by touching one of these five super hot spots.

Besides the now-famous G-Spot, there are a few other spots in the very sensitive genital area that have a tendency to produce especially powerful orgasms. You don’t have to go searching blindly for these special spots. Here’s a general guide to get you started.

1. The A-Spot

Three to four inches into the vagina, on the front wall of the canal and near to the cervix, there is a large, bell-shaped, rough patch connected to the extended clitoris and the female ejaculatory system. Stimulating this area during sex is a great way to induce more lubrication in as little as five to ten seconds and to reach orgasm in only one or two minutes. Don’t ignore this one just because you’ve found the G-Spot.

2. G-Spot

Fingering is definitely the best way to hit this well-know spot and produce orgasms that gush instead of sex. Just a quarter inch or so long, on the front of the vagina, just an inch Besides the now-famous G-Spot, there are a few other spots in the very sensitive genital area that have a tendency to produce especially powerful orgasms. Place a finger or two inside the vaginal opening, there is a rough patch similar in texture to the A-Spot, which lies further in.

Using what is often referred to as a “come hither” motion,you can coax an orgasm, perhaps even ejaculation, from this stimulation. It rubs  the ejaculate-producing Skenes gland near the urethra.

3. U-Spot

Between the vaginal opening and the clitoris there is a tiny bundle of erectile tissues, surrounding the urethra, for which the U-Spot is named. She may find this spot a bit uncomfortable if you start with it, but if you are stimulating the G-Spot, a little added attention to this little area during sex might just give her what she needs to go over the edge and ejaculate!

4 & 5. X & Y-Spot

In a recent article, Kinsey Institute researcher and Men’s Health columnist Debby Herbenick, Ph. D. explained, “The most recent anatomical research suggests that the clitoris is perhaps better described as the ‘clitoral complex,’ where the vagina, urethra, and clitoris all function as a unit rather than as individual parts.”

The X-Spot and the Y-Spot are located on the left and right side at about 2 and 4 o’clock in the vagina, at about the same depth as her G-Spot. The Taoists describe this as a ring of pleasure that should be stimulated fully with shallow thrusting that curves to meet the vaginal wall, all the way around, for the best results reaching a multi-orgasmic ejaculation.

Using one or two fingers and a bit of lubrication, you can gently explore the entire surface of the vaginal canal, the major part of the clitoral complex, and find the spots that stimulate her pleasure centers in new and interesting ways!