Sex Tips & Advice

Love, Sex, and Dating 2008 – The Best of Dan and Jennifer

By loveandsex

Just in case you missed any of the excitement this year, here’s a wrap of 2008!

I’m including our best, most talked about, and most controversial love, sex, and dating topics of the year.

Enjoy!

Love & Relationships

Sex & Intimacy

Singles & Dating

What ME a Sex Addict?

By melody

Only a few of us think that the way we participate in sexual activity is addictive, but often the beginnings of sexual addictions show up in covert ways that we may miss if we are not attentive.

I just spent three days at a symposium on addiction and the speakers there reminded me of just how ubiquitous sexual additions are in our society.

Most of the time I tend to think of men as the ones harboring secret sexual addictions but, of course, women are just as subject to sexual addictions as men. We really are not that different, are we?

The Truth About Sexual Addiction

Strangely, most sexual addictions have little to do with sex, other than the fact that the behaviors take place in the context of sexuality. Exhibitionism is really about wanting to feel the power of having shocked someone. Pornography is about fantasy.

Most of the others, like sadomasochistic fetishes are all about regaining a sense of power and control. Strangely enough, even the avoidance of sex can be a “addictive” behavior according to Maureen Canning of the Meadows Treatment Center.

As a wife who avoided sex over the course of many years of my previous marriages, this one got my attention. I was, as many women are, quite able to enjoy a courtship and “honeymoon” phase of an active and athletic sex life during the beginning phases of my relationships.

But, as the relationship moved out of the fantasy stage and into the reality of a real, day to day set of interactions, sex disappeared. It didn’t disappear because my husband wasn’t interested. No, it disappeared because I became angry and disgusted with his continuing to be happy with sex as the lifeblood of our relationship.

Once we were married I think I expected our relationship to magically blossom into a real intimate connection. Never mind that I had no clue how to do that. But I was certain it was my husband’s fault because HE was such an angry, avoidant, workaholic.

Certainly I was the innocent victim of his deliberate withholding of time, attention and kindness. So, I withheld sexual contact from him because I was so angry with him. I never thought of it as being addictive behavior.

But if you re-frame how you think about what addiction is, you can easily see how it really is an addictive process. As Maureen Canning says, most sexual addiction is really about power and control.

I was clearly attempting to get a sense of power in the relationship by moving into the Self-Protective withdrawal position. I put up barriers to prevent myself from feeling vulnerable to his angry, avoidant behaviors. I did this in an attempt to get power and control over feeling like his Victim…

Sexual Anorexia

How many wives do this? I asked Maureen if she new of any other resources for information about this form of addiction she calls “Sexual Anorexia” and she directed me to a book by Patrick Carnes. I have not yet gotten a copy of the book but I do think it’s fascinating.

A lot of unhappy husbands will probably relate to this scenario. Maureen talked about the “offending” quality of this behavior. I have to admit I never would have thought of myself as doing any “offending” by this behavior, but I was clearly damaging my relationship.

The word offending does bring up legal or even criminal meaning, but one simple definition is “wrong”. And it was indeed “wrong” of me to withhold sex in order to meet my own power and control needs.

But don’t you offending men take heart at this either, because addictive relationships generally require two addicts. The partners to the Sexual Anorexic are obviously the “Co-dependant” in the relationship and just as addicted in their own way. One partner is generally a “Sex Addict” and the other is the “Sexual Anorexic”. Both are just opposite ends of the spectrum from the other.

The more classic “Sex Addict” is the one who gets a sense of power and control by engaging in some form of sexual activity. Of course, the sex act itself is mood enhancing and can be a way to alter an unhappy mood.

Where Is The Real Problem?

Sex is not meant to be about power and control or even mood enhancing. Sex is supposed to be intimate, passionate play with your partner. Any other covert use for it is “wrong” or “offensive”. If passionate play is not how either of you experience your sexual relationship, then there is a problem.

So What Do You Do If You Are Using Sex Addictively?

First of all you have to just recognize that you are using sex (or your sexual power as in Sexual Anorexia) in a way that is harmful to your relationship. Once you recognize what you are doing you have to stop the offensive behavior and deal with the feelings that are buried underneath the behavior.

This can be a simple but uncomfortable process, or it can be a complex and debilitating one. If you begin the process of eliminating your sexual addictive behaviors and find yourself feeling overwhelmed. Don’t hesitate to call a professional because, like any addiction, if it is severe enough it can be life threatening.

No joke, the feelings underneath the sexual addictions can be very intense and lead to severe withdrawal symptoms. Take care of yourself as you open your eyes to how you may have been unwittingly causing harm to your relationship.

Men, Think Your Penis Is Too Small? Here’s How To Gain Another Inch Naturally…

By rogermiller

Let’s say the average penis size is 6 and a ½ inches. And that’s a generous average. How would a guy with that starting size feel if he were told that, with work, he could gain one inch in length?

Pretty happy. Very happy. In fact, most men would be completely pleased with a one inch gain in length. They wouldn’t much mind if that’s the most they could physically gain.

Now there’s some good news and some bad news. The good news is that most men can gain an inch in length. The bad news is that it takes at least a fair amount of work. Sometimes it can take a lot.

But consider this situation. The pros heavily outweigh the cons. Most men don’t know it’s even possible to improve the size of their privates.

So…that first inch. Let’s make that your main goal. That is what you’re going to aim for. Now, how are you going to achieve it? Here is how.

Total Motivation – You Have To REALLY Want A Bigger Penis

The idea of having an extra inch of penis is already a pretty motivating one, but it’s not enough. Most men will give up long before they’ve done enough exercise routines to gain noticeable new size. So, total motivation is necessary.

Start by getting an erection and looking down at it. You know the sight well. Now place a ruler along the side of it. Don’t cheat. Place it from where it starts at the base to where it ends at the very tip. Now move your eyes along to that golden starting figure.

What is it? Let’s say it’s 6”. I want you to visualize one more inch on top of that. Extend the shaft in your mind. Picture it longer and thicker. Imagine the difference in weight in your hand. This is a tool you’re looking at and you need to vividly picture it one inch bigger, no more, no less.

Burn the image of it one inch bigger into your mind’s eye. Now imagine the feeling you WILL experience when you reach your goal of being one inch bigger. The feeling of knowing that it’s always going to be longer and thicker, for all time. It’s a good feeling and it’s one you will experience if you follow the rest of these tips…

Creating A Solid Penis Enlargement Routine

If you rush into natural penis enlargement, you’ll tire out the tissues of your penis from the get go and, as a result, you’ll struggle to gain new size. You need to stay calm and relaxed.

Put together a simple routine that you will use, unchanged, for two weeks.

Something like: three sets of 10 wet jelqs (look them up if you don’t know what they, or any of these exercises go like). Each wet jelq lasts 3 seconds and there is a one minute gap between each set. Then you do 5, 5 second stretches at 20% erection.

Then 20 Kegels, finishing with 15 dry jelqs at 60% erection, each one lasting 4 seconds. That’s a great beginner’s routine. So memorize it and start using it two or three times a week for the next two weeks. Do it.

Restrain Yourself From Measuring Your Penis Too Soon

You should take your starting measurements ONCE before the two weeks begin, then refrain from measuring again until the two weeks are up. The temptation to measure is strong, but don’t do it. There’s no point. Just focus your attention on completing your routines in a full and high quality way. No slacking or cheating.

Keep It Up For Two Weeks and Then Check Your Penis Measurements Again

Complete the two weeks and then take your flaccid and erect measurements again. Have you gained? If not, so what? You’ve not lost anything, you’ve learned something. You’re going to increase the intensity of your routine by upping the rep numbers. Simple. If you’ve gained, then great! Continue using the routine until the gains slow down or stop. Then up the intensity.

These simple tips will help you towards achieving your goal of gaining that first magical, wonderful, glorious inch. It feels good…trust me.

Not Having Enough Sex? Here’s The Secret To Increasing Her Sex Drive

By cynthiaperkins

One of the most common points of conflict for couples in a long-term relationship is the loss of sexual desire for the woman.

The loss of sex drive for women may occur for a variety of reasons, some of which may be physiological, but putting all those aside for another conversation, it may surprise you to learn that what I hear from many of the women I work with in my practice is that one of the primary causes for loss of desire is unmet needs.

As they tell me their story, they are not usually aware it’s their unmet needs that is the culprit of their dilemma, but it is what we uncover as we explore their situation further.

Why Women Lose Their Sex Drive

A great deal of women lose their sex drive for one very simple reason she is not enjoying the sex. When sex is not pleasurable for the woman, she responds by withdrawing and shutting down sexually. Think about it, would you want to have sex if it weren’t satisfying?

Sex is not enjoyable for many women, because not only are her sexual needs not being met adequately, but neither are her emotional needs and for the woman, both are equally important.

Why aren’t these needs being met, you ask? Because many men and women alike don’t truly understand what it is a woman needs.

A lot of couples are not aware that the sexual needs and biological responses of men and women are quite different and it is essential that they understand these crucial differences to have a sexual relationship that is equally satisfying for both partners.

Increase Her Sex Drive by Increasing Her Pleasure

Solving her sex drive problem should be a joint effort. It should not rest on his or her shoulders alone. However, if you’re a man reading this page I’d like to make you aware that there is a simple solution to keeping her sexual desires alive that is totally within your control. Take matters into your own hands and make sex irresistible for her.

Dazzle her by focusing on her needs. Blow her mind by getting to know her body better than she does. Help her expand her horizons to places she’s never gone before and you’ll be viewed as an amazing lover that she deeply appreciates. Once she sees how enjoyable sex can be, she’ll become more willing to explore and be adventurous.

She doesn’t know what she’s missing, but once she discovers it with you, she’ll be grateful that you took her on the journey and this will strengthen her bond with you. Coach and encourage her to express her needs to you and show you what is pleasurable for her.

Deepening The Connection

Fill her emotional needs by deepening your connection with her. Make her feel special, appreciated, valued and important outside the bedroom as well as inside. Shower her with affection and give her adequate foreplay,

When sex is more satisfying for her, it benefits the man as well. She’s going to be more willing and even eager to give you pleasure in the way you desire, such as more oral sex. She’ll be willing to have sex more often and you may find that she’ll even be the one initiating it.

Phrases like "I have a headache," or "I’m too tired," will no longer be part of her vocabulary. Your sexual adventures will be more satisfying for both of you. When you share a strong sexual bond that is mutually satisfying, it keeps your sex life fresh and exciting, prevents your love from eroding or diminishing and you develop a stronger and more fulfilling relationship all around.

Practice Makes Perfect. Yes, You Can Train Yourself To Last Longer in Bed

By edwardwhite

Edging is a technique that can be used to increase your ability to refrain from climaxing when you’re really stimulated and turned on. It goes like this.

Sexual Stimulation on a Scale of 1 to 10

You imagine a scale of stimulation from 1 to 10. 1 means you aren’t stimulated at all. It’s how you are before you even start to have sex. 3 means you’re starting to become physically stimulated. In other words, you can definitely feel it, but it’s not enough to make you come too early. 6 is where you really start to feel stimulated.

If you carried on with this level of stimulation, you’d rise to the next number on the scale: 7. 7 is where you’re very sexually stimulated. When you go above a 7 on the stimulation scale, you get close to the point of no return which is a 9.

The Point of No Return – You Will Orgasm

Passing the point of no return means you’re definitely going to ejaculate, no matter what you do. The edging technique involves masturbating until you get to a 7 on the scale, then backing off and slowing down until you’re back down to a 4 or 5, then speeding up until you’re about a 7 or 8 once more.

Using this method, you can learn to control your stimulation levels and thereby extend how long you’re able to have sex without coming. Once you’ve used edging alone for a while, though, you should take it to the next level: edging with your partner. Here’s how to do that.

How to Use Edging During Sex With Your Partner To Prevent Ejaculation

Begin sex with your partner. You should have already discussed that you’re going to try edging during this sexual encounter and she should be happy and enthusiastic about the idea. After foreplay, enter you partner in the position you know creates the smallest amount of sexual stimulation for you.

Now slowly build your way up to 7 on the stimulation scale. Be careful! It’s easy to jump right past 7 and pass the point of no return when using the edging technique in ‘live’ conditions. Once you’re at or just beyond 7, and therefore fairly close to coming, slow down or withdraw from your partner, wait a moment, then build it back up once more.

Keep going just as you do it when performing edging by yourself. After a while, you can switch to your next least intense sexual position and start the edging process once more. Of course, your partner doesn’t have to just lie there and let you beaver away throughout all of this.

The Perks for Her- Extended SEx

You can still kiss her, talk to her, tease her, etc. In other words, done right, this technique is awesome for your partner, even though it’s serving a productive purpose for you. Keep going through sexual positions, edging throughout each one. If you come after a while, don’t worry about it. You’ve made good progress. Next time, you’ll be able to go even further.

You won’t believe how effective this technique is when used in conjunction with deep breathing exercises. After just three or four sexual encounters, during which you’ve used this technique, you’ll notice that you can last two or even three times as long as you used to, before you used this method of edging.