Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for Sex & Intimacy / Sex Tips & Advice

He Pulled Out… Can I Still Get Pregnant?

By

You and your partner having been having intercourse for some time now. You feel like a couple, you’re committed to each other . . . and you’ve been having unprotected sex.

Sure, he’s been pulling out or you’ve been using the calendar method, but how risky are you actually being? Can you get pregnant?

There’s no easy answer to this question, but the answer is always the same. Yes!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 years now. We’re having sex like a couple and he wants to get married and we been having unprotected sex, well he went to pull out but made it to my leg before his cum came out could I get pregnant from that?

– Alyson, Nebraska

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pumISRts4tg[/youtube]

Any sex at all can lead to pregnancy.

While birth control methods work well, whether you’re using hormonal birth control, barrier methods or spermicides, you still run the risk of getting pregnant. Your risk of getting pregnant as a result of protected sex is much, much lower than if you were having unprotected sex, but there is still a risk. The only time you are fully protected against pregnancy is if you’re abstinent.

Pulling out…does it work?

Pulling out is a popular birth control method of choice for many couples who do not want to wear condoms and do not have access to hormonal birth controls. It is sad to say, but pulling out before ejaculation does not protect you much from getting pregnant! It is not a safe method of birth control!

If any sperm get in or near the vagina, you could get pregnant. When pulling out, this could happen a number of ways. Your partner could fail to pull out quickly enough and ejaculate inside your vagina, dramatically increasing your chances of conceiving a child. Your partner could ejaculate on your leg and the ejaculate could get onto the outside of your vagina. If the sperm travel to your fallopian tubes (which they can), you could get pregnant.

Let’s not forget that men also emit pre-ejaculate during sex that they usually can’t feel, that can contain sperm as well. All of these things could get you pregnant!  It is much safer to use protection of some sort while engaging in sexual activity.

Are we being too risky?

What is considered “too risky” is up to you. Are you prepared to conceive a child? Are you prepared for the consequences of what could happen if you become pregnant? Have you talked to your partner about how the situation would be handled should you find out that you are pregnant?

If you are not ready to become pregnant, have a child, prepare to end the pregnancy or place the child for adoption after the birth, you should seriously reconsider having unprotected sex even if you’re pulling out or using the calendar method! If you do believe that you and your partner can truly handle the prospect of getting pregnant after having unprotected sex, then it’s up to you whether or not you wish to continue having unprotected sex.

Talk with your partner and talk with your doctor about how you can start having safer sex. If you do not want to become pregnant, you need to use some method of birth control. Condoms work especially well and are easy to purchase from supermarkets and convenience stores. Hormonal birth controls and spermicides are effective as well, and for extra protection you could consider using both.

The best person to counsel you on how to have protected sex is your doctor or a sex therapist or counselor! The bottom line is if you don’t want to get pregnant, don’t risk it with unprotected sex, ever!

Frustrated Man Can’t Orgasm Wearing A Condom!

By

If you dislike wearing a condom during sex, you’re certainly not the first! Many people dislike the feeling a condom has or, more to the point, the lack of feeling.

If your partner insists on having you wear a condom during sex every time, you may be frustrated, especially if she’s already using another type of birth control such as the pill.

Why do you have to wear a condom every time?  Can you convince her otherwise?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi I’ve seen your videos on YouTube. I’ve enjoyed learning new things and love that you’re so willing to share your knowledge. I’ve been seeing this girl for a little while now, things are great, we’re very comfortable and physically compatible in bed, but I haven’t finished inside of her yet.  She wants me to, but so far she insists on using a condom and I can’t climax with it on and it’s getting frustrating. The part that really bothers me is that our relationship is suffering because of it. I want to understand why she wants to use a condom when she’s already on the pill.  I’m not looking for unprotected sex. What can I do to save our sex life?

– Stan, Ohio

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofz57bChMoU[/youtube]

A Layered Defense

First of all, whether you wear a condom or not is not your choice. It’s hers. That may seem a bit unfair, but in all reality, if you want to have intercourse with her, you’re going to have to don the wet suit before you dive if she asks you to. You might be able to better accept the fact that she consistently asks you to use a condom if you understand why.

Don’t be shy. Just ask her!  The topic is probably open to discussion, but it’s important not to be critical. Chances are, she’s really not ready to have a baby. She may be doubling up on protection. Birth control in conjunction with condom use provides an extra layer of protection and makes the probability of conceiving a child much, much lower. I

f this is her reasoning, you really can’t refute that. You can suggest using spermicide instead of a condom, but it truly is her decision.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases . . . .

Your partner may insist that you wear a condom for every act of sexual intercourse to reduce the risk of contracting or passing sexually transmitted diseases. This is a legitimate reason for insisting on condom use, because no other type of birth control or contraception will protect against sexually transmitted diseases.

This is something you have to ask your partner . Is she afraid of contracting or passing a sexually transmitted disease? If this is the case, you might be able to suggest that you both get tested. If you’re both tested for STD’s and come up clean, she may not ask you to wear a condom anymore.

But I Can’t Climax!

If you’re anxious to get rid of condoms because you’re not able to climax with a condom on, it may be something you need to examine on your own. Most men are able to climax with a condom, so if you are consistently unable to, you may want to try a few new things.

Try using a little lubricant on the inside of the condom, or have lots of foreplay so you’re very close to orgasm before you begin intercourse. You can always get the input of your doctor too.

It’s important that you reach a compromise with your partner. If you are able to switch to birth control and spermicide instead of condoms and birth control, it may solve the problem. If you are able to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases and you are both clear, you may be able to engage in sex with your partner without a condom.

Just remember, while it is mostly your partner’s choice, you can always choose not to have sex with your partner. If it is that important to you and you and your partner can’t reach a compromise, you may both be better off going your separate ways. You should know that a condom is as much for your protection as it is hers though!

Can We Salvage Our Sex Life If We Don’t Fit Together Physically?

By

It’s a fact of life. Physically, we’re all different.

We’re different shapes and sizes when it comes to our chests, butts and legs, so why wouldn’t it be true with our genitals?

Well, it is true.  Everyone’s penis and vagina is shaped differently from someone else’s, so it’s entirely possible to get a mismatch in shape and size.

What can you do if you feel like you’re physically and sexually incompatible with your partner?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m married and had an affair. Okay, I’m not perfect. It’s been over for a while now.  But this isn’t about that.

I’ve found over the last couple of years that the shape of my wife’s vagina isn’t — I don’t know — right for me.  I have a very hard time climaxing with her.  I am reasonably certain that it isn’t something about me, because I haven’t had the same problem with other women.

Is there something we can do, or am I doomed to a lackluster sex life?

– Brian, Oregon

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaFHIYk4IX4[/youtube]

Explore other avenues

Make sure you’re not judging your mismatch in shape and size solely on one or two sexual positions.

Grab a copy of the Kama Sutra and give a few other angles a try. You might be having trouble “clicking” with your partner in one position, but from a different angle or in a different position, you two might fit together like Legos.

Even if all the possible positions and angles have been exhausted and you’re still not getting anywhere, try a few other sexual techniques before you give up all together.  You can certainly try oral sex or anal sex, or try using toys, lubricants and other sexual enhancers.

The idea is to try more than one way to have sex with your partner so if it still isn’t working, you can truly say that you did try and that you know it’s not.

What if it really isn’t working?

That’s when it comes time to really look at your relationship.  Is your relationship strong enough to withstand a lukewarm sex life?  Do you love your partner enough to want to be with them and share your life with them even in spite of problems in the bedroom and incompatibly shaped genitals?  If so, then relax.

Enjoy being with your partner and living life with them. There are other ways to be intimate with your partner and feel close to them outside of the bedroom.  Depending on the strength of your partnership and your trust in each other, you could consider having an open relationship.  If you do so, just remember to be safe and smart about it.

Although it may seem harsh, if you really take a look at your relationship and find that without a great sex life there isn’t really anything else there, it might be time to move on.  This won’t be easy, especially if you care a lot about your partner.  But you have to be honest with yourself. If it’s not working, admit it.  You’ll feel better about this decision if you know you really did try to make it work.

No matter how this situation ends, one thing is for sure. You need to be honest with your partner about what is going on.  It’s not fair to keep them in the dark about something that is rocking the boat or could potentially end the relationship.  Share with your partner how you’re feeling sexually, and how you feel like there is a mismatch in the mechanics.  Do they feel the same way?

Let your partner in when you’re trying new and exciting things in the bedroom and if it’s really, truly not working, it’s important that you are honest with your partner about that as well.  Discuss the possibility of an open relationship or the possibility of ending the relationship.  Perhaps you can both come to an agreement or compromise that works well for you and your partner.

My Vagina Is Too Small To Enjoy Sex – What Can I Do?

By

There are many women who have never had an orgasm.

For those who have regular or multiple orgasms, this seems absurd. But for the women who truly have never experienced one, it’s a painful reality.

Fortunately, there is help on the horizon for women who want to enjoy sex with their partners and end up feeling satisfied after a climax.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I, of 7 months, are rarely having sex.

I was told by OBGYN that I was so small in the vaginal region that I should purchase dilators to prevent tearing.  I have never torn but honestly do not enjoy sex with my husband.   We do talk about it openly and honestly, but in the end, it’s not rewarding for me, and to top it off my husband says “men never have bad sex” what a charmer.

As a good Christian wife, how can I find ways to enjoy it and or have an orgasm? never happened. Suggestions?

-Tabby, TX

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4EoyI05VyA[/youtube]

Get your doctor’s advice.

Look to your OBGYN for an explanation first.  Is your vagina too small?  Is your cervix tilted, making your G-spot harder to get to?  There are many things that your OBGYN can do to help.  If that road goes nowhere, you can always get the help of a sex therapist.

Sex therapists are wonderful. They’ll get you back on track with your sex life by helping you open up and discover both the physical and psychological reasons that are keeping you from having an orgasm.

Try new things.

Many women who have never had an orgasm admit to never having masturbated or tried a sexual position other than missionary during intercourse with their partners.  First of all, masturbation is one of the best ways to learn about your body and to learn how you like to be touched and what feels good.  If you don’t know what feels good and what will bring you to orgasm, how will your partner know?

You need to be in control so you can give your partner a few directions during the deed to help him to get you to climax.  If you don’t feel comfortable masturbating, start slow.  Start by touching yourself just a few times and go from there.  Relax. Masturbation by men and women is a completely natural thing.

Second, missionary positions rarely lead to orgasms for women so if that’s all you’ve tried or the position you use regularly, it’s a good idea to try a few new positions to figure out which one works the best.  Many women love to be on top.

They can control the speed and depth of penetration as well as gain clitoral friction to help them reach orgasm faster and have a more powerful climax.  There are dozens and dozens of different positions that you can try. Don’t be afraid to speak up and let your partner know that you’d like to do it “this way” for a change.  He’ll probably be more than happy to roll with the punches.

You can also incorporate other things such as sex toys and lubricants to enhance sexual play.  If you’ve never tried oral sex either, that can be a wonderful way to achieve orgasm and since the pleasure is focused solely on the woman, it allows her to revel in what feels good and orgasms will often come naturally this way.

The point is to experiment. If you’ve never had an orgasm, don’t continue doing the same thing you’re doing, hoping that one will come along someday.  Mix it up, try new things and see where they take you.  If you find a good position or a good toy to use, make note of it and use it more often.  Experimenting and trying new things in the bedroom is all part of a healthy sexual relationship, so give it a shot!

Help! I Can’t Feel It When We Have Sex Anymore. Is My Sex Life Over?

By

Whether it happens suddenly or it’s something that happens over time, losing vaginal sensitivity can be extremely upsetting for a woman, especially one that’s quite sexually active.

This can come as even more of a shock if a woman has previously enjoyed G-spot or vaginal orgasms and great sex, because the loss of sensitivity may create some feelings of inadequacy. What can a woman that has lost vaginal sensitivity do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I was married for 11 1/2 years and the sex was good. Then I divorced and remarried. While my husband (now) and I were dating our sex was AMAZING!!! I never knew a woman could have an orgasm like that. I would drench him and the sheets by just having regular sex with no stimulation of the clitoris.

We’ve been married for 2 years now and for the last year I am not able to be stimulated inside anymore. I feel his penis in me but it doesn’t get stimulated. I asked my doctor and he just says to stimulate my clitoris, well I don’t want to have to do that all the time. I want to feel the stimulate my vagina again.

Why has this happened? What went wrong? Please help.

– Michael, Florida

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqj2224mdE0[/youtube]

Realize that it may be age or frequent sex that has caused the loss of muscle tone.

Both age and frequent sex cause the loss of muscle tone. It’s something that happens naturally, so if you find yourself in a situation where sex isn’t as great as it once was, age and sex may be the culprits. The loss of vaginal muscle tone also happens after a woman gives birth vaginally. That said, however, you certainly aren’t out of luck when it comes to this situation.

You can increase vaginal muscle tone by doing Kegel exercises. Kegel exercises work to improve the strength of the pelvic floor muscles, which are responsible for holding in urine among other things. You can do Kegel repetitions by simply squeezing your vaginal muscles as though you were going to stop a stream of urine before you had completely finished. No one’s going to know you’re doing it, so feel free to sneak in a few Kegels at your desk or in line for lunch! Regular Kegel exercises will improve vaginal muscle tone, making it easier for you to climax vaginally without any external clitoral stimulation.

Seek a sex therapist.

You may have visited your doctor, thinking something was wrong with the machinery down there. This is most likely not the case, although mentioning the situation at your yearly visit to your doctor won’t hurt anything and it’s always nice to get a professional medical opinion about an issue that you’re having. Sex therapists, however, have more to offer in that department so you might want to seek one out to help you with your vaginal sensitivity loss. They’ll have plenty of tips, tricks and things you and your partner can try to get your sex lives up and running again!

Work with different positions.

Nothing stays the same all the time, especially sex. Even if it’s with the same person, sex can change. You can get into a routine where you’re comfortable with sex and nothing out of the ordinary happens. Comfort sex is great, but it can be frustrating when you’re looking to get those mind blowing orgasms back.

Don’t be afraid to try new things and try new positions and realize that the same position that gave you that great orgasm a few months ago might not work now. That’s okay and that’s one of the great things about sex – it always keeps you on your toes, looking for new things to do and new ways to achieve good orgasms and please your partner!

The loss of vaginal sensitivity that many women experience is a mixture of many different factors. It never hurts to get a medical opinion, but if you’ve tried several different sexual positions and nothing is working for you, see a sex therapist. If after a few months of trying to get back into your groove it still isn’t happening, relax. Find a new and different way to enjoy yourself and just go with the flow!