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Q&A: I Want to Take My Girlfriend to a Swinger Club

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Swinging and threesomes – it seems as though it is everywhere and is the new “it” for sexual relationships. Is it? Should you incorporate swinging into your lifestyle? Would your partner enjoy going to a swinging club?

I just celebrated my 2nd anniversary with my girl and I was thinking of asking her to go to a swing club – what should I do?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjS8nwBSMGI[/youtube]

Evaluate Your Intentions

First of all, if you’re thinking about taking your partner to a swinging club, think about why you want to take her to a swinging club. Is this something she is interested in, or something you want her to be interested in? Is this something you want and just want her to go along with? Or have you and your partner talked about swinging in the past and both you and your partner showed interest in swinging? The reason you need to look carefully at why you want to swing is because swinging isn’t for everyone. In fact, only the strongest and most trusting relationships can survive swinging. You and your partner both must be completely non-jealous and confident in each other to be able to swing successfully.

Ask Yourself Questions

Sit down and ask yourself a few questions to better guage your partner’s possible response to being asked to a swinger’s club. Does your partner get jealous easily? Is she very possessive of you? If so, swinging may not be her style. Does she show interest in the same sex, or in threesomes or foursomes? Has she talked about swinging or having an open relationship in the past? If this is the case, you might want to talk to her about it. It’s important to think about how your partner will react to being asked to swing before you ask them. If you jump in without thinking ahead, you may offend your partner to the point of damaging the relationship. Sure, it may not be a big deal to you but swinging is that big of an issue to some women. Even suggesting it if she is not open minded may make her feel as though you don’t like her sexually or that you are interested in other women, both of which are not good things for a woman to think.

How To Approach It

Do not – and we repeat – DO NOT ask your girl to go to a swinger club if you haven’t talked about swinging or threesomes first. If swinging is something you would like to try or you think your partner might be interested in, approach the subject slowly. Watch some threesomes with your partner and ask her what she thinks of them. Take it slowly, but communicate with your partner about what she likes and where her interests are. If she respons well, suggest that she might enjoy going to a swinger club. Make it seem like her idea. If she is not open to the idea of swinging, definitely don’t push it. Leave it alone and learn to enjoy sex with your partner in a variety of different ways. Forcing the swinging issue with an unwilling partner isn’t worth it if you value the relationship at all.

How To Get A Threesome

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Threesomes are pretty much everywhere. Music, movies and television have been saturated with threesome fantasies and group sex, making having an actual threesome seem more taboo and even more sensual than it ever has before. Western society believes that if one thing is good (i.e. a sex partner) then more of that same thing is even better, therefore threesomes have quite the reputation as the “holy grail” of sex.

It’s most men’s biggest fantasy – 2 girls at once! But how do you make your threesome fantasy a reality? First, you have to get your partner on board. Here are some tips to help your wife or girlfriend be OK with and even want a threesome as much as you do!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucjLo6E5t9o[/youtube]

Make It Her Fantasy

You will never get anywhere with your partner if a threesome is your idea. She may begrudgingly agree to this to make you happy, but it will do nothing but turn this fantasy into emotional warfare between you and your partner. It may even end your relationship. So the most crucial thing you can do before you have a threesome is to make sure the threesome is something that she wants. How can you do that?

  • Watch adult films with her – and we don’t mean “porn.” Most porn is not something that is going to turn a woman on, at all. It can even be derogatory and turn her off of having a threesome altogether. Find a film that is more sensual and erotic, especially one that paints a threesome in a nice light and emphasizes how pleasurable having a threesome can be for the women involved. You can also try erotic literature. Many women respond better to erotic literature than they do visuals because they enjoy using their imaginations more than having simple visual stimulation.
  • Roleplay. Talk about having a threesome with your partner, and have a threesome roleplay session with a toy. Use your imagination to kind of bring the threesome idea into the bedroom, and playing pretend can sometimes be just as fun as the actual threesome itself!

The First Time Is About Her

When you finally do have the opportunity to have a threesome with your partner, don’t focus so much on yourself the first time. You may be super excited to finally be acting out your ultimate fantasy, but this often leaves the partner feeling like the “third wheel” which can be absolutely detrimental to your relationship! Make absolutely sure that the first time is all about her and she feels like the threesome is you and another girl pleasuring her and not you getting pleasured by another girl while she watches. Make her the star of the show this time and you’ll most likely have another chance to enjoy yourself in a threesome. If she feels like a third wheel, or feels like you are paying too much attention to the other girl the first time, you can bet your bottom dollar that you’ll never be having a threesome with her ever again.

Make Sure Your Partner Knows You Want Her

After a threesome, communicate with your partner how much you love her and cherish her. Make sure she feels that you are attracted to her and value her above all others. Ask her how she felt about the threesome and ask her if there’s anything she would have done differently or would like to try in the future. Give her a say in it and make her feel loved and you have a much better chance of a repeat threesome.

Best Threesome And Swinger Articles Of 2009

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Open relationships and swinging topics were more popular this year than ever before. With songs like Britney Spears’ “3,” having a threesome is on everyone’s mind. Lots of people have already experienced a threesome, and many are still curious about how to swing and have a good time with your partner and your friends. Swinging, however, takes a bit more finesse and planning than simply getting drunk and fooling around if you want it to be successful. One of our favorite topics on Ask Dan And Jennifer is swinging, from everything on how to tell if your relationship is ready for swinging to what to do if you’re curious about having a threesome. Take a look at some of our favorite threesome and swinger articles of 2009, because next year, threesomes and swinging might just be even hotter!

Britney Spears “3” – Are Threesomes “In?”

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It’s every guy’s wet dream right – and no, we’re not talking about the Princess-Leia-in-the-gold-bikini fantasy. We’re talking about threesomes. Threesomes have long been touted as the “holy grail” of sex for guys, and any real life threesome gives a guy automatic bragging rights to his friends. Women who are down with threesomes are considered wild and fun, and as society becomes less censored and more open about human sexuality, threesomes are actually a commonly accepted practice. So are threesomes the new black?

Britney Spears “3” is one of the most popular songs out there right now, but how many of you have stopped to actually listen to the words? Britney claims that threesomes are the new “in.” Well, that’s what we’re talking about today on the show. Are threesomes the new “in” or a disaster for your relationship?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-h1oJJ-5I5U[/youtube]

Why Are Threesomes So Popular

Guys are visual. We all know that. One naked girl = one erection. So what about two naked girls? More erections? Double the pleasure? What about if the two girls start getting sexual with each other while the man watches? Or better yet, what if the two girls start getting sexual with each other and with the above mentioned man? Guys tend to like “bigger” and “better” things, and there’s really nothing “bigger” or “better” when it comes to sex than threesomes or foursomes. Not only do you have twice – or three times – the visual stimulation, you also have several different physical sensations going on at once. When you take all emotion whatsoever out of it and think about it like a guy does – that is, looking at it from a purely physical standpoint – it’s not hard to see why threesomes are so popular. Many women enjoy threesomes as well, if they are secure and confident in themselves, their relationships and their sexuality. Sometimes, three’s not really a crowd.

Will A Threesome Destroy Your Relationship?

Some women – and men too – absolutely refuse to have an open relationship or even consider having a threesome. Some girls are afraid that if they are open to having a threesome, it will ruin their relationship. Not only can jealousy ruin a threesome, it can hurt too. It can also be hard to imagine going back to a normal sex life after introducing a threesome or a foursome. How can you ever top that? How can you ever keep your man from wanting to add another girl every time? There are definitely a lot of concerns for women when it comes to thinking about having a threesome or foursome. How can you handle those concerns?

A threesome won’t ruin a relationship or even damage it, in and of itself. It’s what can happen when there’s no clear communication between all the parties involved in the threesome, and when someone’s expectations are too high. There are, however, ways you can avoid trouble when it comes to inviting another person – or persons – into your bed.

How To Make A Threesome Successful

First, talk to your partner about having a threesome. Is it something you both want? Do you want to have a threesome just to please your partner, or is it something you would enjoy too? Making sure you’re on the same starting page is the first step. When you’ve come to the decision that having a threesome is something you and your partner would both enjoy doing together, talk to each other and establish some ground rules. What are you both expecting out of a threesome? Is your partner expecting you to have threesomes often if you’re comfortable with it, or is this a once-in-a-lifetime deal? Talk about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with, and how you want to deal with things that make you uncomfortable. Once you’ve reached common ground when it comes to the threesome, above all, make sure anyone else that is involved in your threesome is in the know too.

Would You Have A Threesome?

32% of users who answered our online threesome poll suggested they would “absolutely” have a threesome, no questions asked. 40% suggested they would have a threesome if they were with “the right group of friends.” Only a small percentage – 29% to be exact – suggested they wouldn’t even consider having a threesome. So are threesomes “in?” Would you have a threesome? Take our poll here, only on Ask Dan and Jennifer.

Swinger Danger! What To Do When Swinging Goes Wrong?

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Swinging can be fun, but sometimes one or more people find themselves in an uncomfortable situation. Can “swinging gone wrong” be prevented? How do you figure out what went wrong so it doesn’t happen again – or is there nothing you can do to keep uncomfortable swinger situations from cropping up?

A swinging situation involving rough sex goes wrong – what went wrong and how could it have been avoided? What you need to know to prevent swinging mishaps from happening to you!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-mBXnrgbUI[/youtube]

Communication, Communication, Communication

When it comes to communicating with your partner before swinging, and your potential swinging partners, there just isn’t enough. You simply can’t go overboard when you talk to your significant other and your friends before, during and even after each swinging session. The “before swinging” talk is the most important, especially if you’re with a new couple. Get to know your potential swingers before you actually swing. Talk about what you like, what they like and what you both don’t like or are uncomfortable with. The most common swinging “mishap” is when someone does something that someone else is uncomfortable with, but nobody said anything beforehand. Talk about your boundaries with your partner and your potential swinger friends. What are some things you aren’t willing to do? Cover your bases before you take your clothes of – you’ll save a lot of frustration and embarassment later. Don’t be afraid to hash out even the smallest of details. Don’t like red panties? Let it be known. Silly as it may seem, swinging is about people having fun together and it’s no fun if someone is uncomfortable.

Don’t Go Too Fast

When it comes to swinging, going slow is the way to go. You might be eager to jump in feet first, especially if you’re a first time swinger and have been thinking about it for awhile, but it’s difficult to go backwards with swinging. Start out by just making friends at first, or flirting a little. Have a few drinks with your potential swinging partners and get to know them. Talk about sex, and perhaps watch them having sex or let them watch you. Take baby steps. Doing a full swap right away can definitely be uncomfortable for first time swingers, and after a full swap, it can cause problems if you want to take it back to watching, or just oral sex.

Voice Your Concerns

So you’ve covered everything – at least you think you have – and you’re ready to start swinging. Your first swap goes great, until someone does something that weirds you out. What do you do? Keep quiet and say something afterwards? Let it bother you and ruin your fun? Absolutely not! While you want to be tactful and polite (even if something really bothers you), you want to be able to say something during the swap. That’s why it’s so important to swing with people you know and are comfortable with! If you let everyone know that something isn’t working for you, good swingers won’t judge you or criticize you. They’ll simply find another way to have fun that’s good for you too. If you swing with people who aren’t that way, find yourselves new swinger friends fast! Also, you want to be the kind of swingers that other people want to swing with too – so don’t be critical or judgemental if someone else pipes up with a concern. Take it all in stride and remember it’s about having a good time!