The female orgasm is extremely elusive. It may be easy to assume that because you have an orgasm most or all of the times you have sex, your wife is having a smashing time as well, but statistics also show that only about 44% of adults are happy with their sex life. While you are more likely to be concerned with frequency – 41% of men are – your wife and I are more concerned with our feelings. Only 29% of women want more sex, which means the chances are that your wife is not entirely satisfied with the quality of your sex life, rather than the quantity
How She Comes
The most frequent sex act reported by couples is by far coitus, yet only 6% of women report being able to orgasm from penile stimulation alone. Even with clitoral stimulation or vibration, only 29% of women are able to orgasm every time they have sex. Your hands may not be the most obvious sex organ, but the science is clear – 34% of women say that masturbation with their hands or rubbing up against something is their preferred way to reach orgasm.
In the heat of the moment, when she is panting from your foreplay and begging for more, your penis isn’t necessarily what she means. Tradition says that variety is the spice of life. Switching to your brand new “swirly whirl” technique just as she’s about to come will probably stop her dead in her tracks.
Trying new sex positions and different stimulation keeps things interesting, but when it comes to making her come, all the tricks in the book can’t replace the dexterity and strength required for the consistent movement that will bring her over the edge. She has had decades of practice at this subtle movement. If you don’t learn to mimics her own masturbation, she’ll be left wanting. In the heat of the moment, when she is panting from your foreplay and begging for more, your penis isn’t necessarily what she means.
One Way or Another
Do you have a defeatist all-or-nothing attitude when it comes to sex? Do you pass up the chance to get down and dirty for the sake of scheduling, or do you take the time to play when the opportunity arises? When I used to wake up in the morning and try to cuddle with my husband, he would always push me away.
We were so busy that he didn’t think we had time for all the hard work he would have to put in to getting an erection and having an orgasm, so he didn’t even want to bother touching me. Making love is supposed to be an emotional, shared experience and shouldn’t be relegated to goal-oriented time slots when you can run the full routine.
Foreplay, intercourse and orgasm are a great combination, but each activity is also enjoyable on its own. Sometimes my husband and I have time to kiss and fondle, sometimes there’s only a few minutes for a rushed quickie, and other days we may have a long, luxurious afternoon to tease and please each other.
Don’t push away the chance to make your wife feel good because you’re worried you won’t get off in the process!
The Dirty Thirties
While people in their thirties tend to be a bit more adventurous, they are also on average much busier than their younger (or older!) counterparts. Young children are incredibly demanding of both time and energy, and according the sexpert Tracey Cox, the average parenting couple have sex around once a month and if that frequency rises as the child ages, it does not start to for several years.
This kind of physical rift in a relationship can cause long term emotional and physical problems that permeate the later years of a marriage, especially if cuddling, kissing and foreplay disappear with the all-or-nothing approach. Paradoxically, a woman’s capacity for orgasm rises dramatically during this time period as well.
While only 23% of younger women come on a regular basis, 90% of women over thirty report frequent climax, mostly during masturbation.
The Fighting Forties
As a result of the sexual dysfunction of an earlier decade, both men and women in their forties begin a downward swoop on the roller coaster that is sex and marriage. While only 23% of younger women come on a regular basis, 90% of women over thirty report frequent orgasms, mostly during masturbation.
More than half of all men develop erectile dysfunction and this number only rises steadily from age 40 on up. People in their forties also drop way off on their rate of sexual activity – 69 times a year compared to 86 times the decade earlier.
The numbers regarding fidelity are not much more encouraging. In fact, it doesn’t take much for someone to cheat – somewhere between 25% and 40% of people have been unfaithful to their partner, and not all those people were unhappy in their marriage. Those who were “pretty happy” were twice as likely to cheat as those who were “very happy,” and those who were “not too happy” were three times as likely as their very happy peers.