If you’re a female frustrated by not being able to orgasm through oral sex – especially if you used to be able to – you’re not alone.
That probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but take heart in the fact that there are some things you can do to help solve the problem and once again climax through oral sex.
Here’s a question from a girl who is feeling incredibly frustrated by her inability to have an orgasm, even if her boyfriend tries for 45 minutes!
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
Any advise for WOMEN on receiving oral sex? It seems to take longer and longer to reach an orgasm lately and quite often I get so frustrated that I lose the mood. I feel tense during oral sex and I’m sure that has something to do with it but I just don’t know how to make myself relax.
It used to be wonderful, but now I feel like it’s a waste of time. I feel bad for my fiancé who spent as much as 45 minutes there only for me to give up from frustration.
PLEASE…. I need help here! I WANT THAT FEELING BACK! Any advice?
— Amber, North Carolina
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8ihQi16hc8[/youtube]
Ask yourself – can you still climax well by yourself?
If you notice that you’ve been frustrated while masturbating as well, you might want to mention the fact to an OBGYN or sex therapist. If you’re still able to orgasm well while you’re masturbating, everything is probably fine with the mechanics.
Are you focusing too much on orgasm?
Many women who are unable to climax through oral sex (or who are no longer able to after having been able to for awhile) are often too focused on the end result and they’re just not enjoying the ride. Relax and let the feeling of oral sex take you over.
Don’t think in your head, “Am I close yet?” If you do, you’ll never get close – it’s a lot like watching a pot that never boils. Try simultaneous oral sex with your partner. You’ll be both giving and receiving pleasure and it might take your mind off of the end result long enough for you to actually have an orgasm.
Give your partner direction.
Don’t be negative. Telling your partner how you don’t like what he’s doing will only serve to hurt his fragile ego. Be positive and tell him what you do like. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Guys love that. They also love that they’re not shooting in the dark trying to pleasure you. They enjoy having feedback so they know what to continue doing.
Let your partner know that you like it a certain way, or if he’s in a good spot. If he’s not in a good spot, try telling him to move a little one way or the other way. Give it time to get synced together when it comes to giving directions – it may not happen right away for you. Before long, however, your partner will learn what feels good to you and repeat only those maneuvers – sending you into climax heaven.
If it’s still not working, you should take a break from trying for a little while. You know how you look for something you’ve lost, and you look and look but once you give up, you usually find it within a few minutes? This might fall along those same lines. Relax and try something new for awhile, such as experimenting with sex toys or new intercourse positions.
After awhile, when you and your partner both feel like you’re ready to try oral sex again, give it a shot! You might just find out that a solid break is exactly what you needed to revive yourself and get back into the oral sex groove! Often times, repeating oral very often will lead to less sensitivity, so taking a break might be the ticket out of the funk you’re in.
Above all, don’t put too much stock in one single act of sex. There are plenty more things to do with your partner where you can experience both intimacy and orgasm!