“Wait, before we take another breath, before we’ve lived another moment of our lives, and now is fast becoming then. Wait, before you take your lips from mine, how quickly where we are is where we’ve been and give is given.”
~ Alan & Marilyn Bergman
Remember That Falling In Love Feeling?
Do you remember what it felt like when you fell in love for the very first time with someone who loved you back? Every word, every glance, and every touch filled the air between the two of you with such meaning.
Little confessions and secrets shared made you feel naked and vulnerable long before any clothes came off! There was no frame of reference for the experience of falling in love for the very first time! It meant every moment together was infused with the raw energy of newness and loss of innocence. It was intoxicating!
Innocence lost is never recovered. We measure every subsequent relationship by the relationships that came before it. You watch his or her behavior and choices as closely as you watch your own; looking for clues and hoping this time, it will be different. Maybe this time it will last. If you aren’t careful, the fear of repeating the past becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Heighten the Chemistry
In your current relationship, though, there is a way to heighten the chemistry between you; making this love, which has never been experienced or expressed before, full of meaning, purpose, and delight. Begin by turning off the multi-tasking and teach yourself to be present in the present moment.
Many things demand our attention, taking us out of the present moment. There is the ever-lengthening “To Do” list. There are deadlines at work, school, and at home. There are relationship issues with any number of people in our lives.
There are health issues tied to food, sleep, rest, and medications. There is study that needs to happen, entertainment, and fun too. There are so many demands on individuals and couples today that multi-tasking is as essential to living as anything we learned in school!
How do you slow down and be present with your romantic partner when there are so many demands on your time and attention? By making the commitment to choose, on a regular basis, to stop thinking, turn your attention to him or her, and then listen and feel where he or she is coming from.
Being Present
Study his face as he shares a story or concern. Admire the self-conscious grin that crosses his face when he boasts. Watch his eyes change focus as he considers what he is sharing and how his expression changes when he’s ready for your feedback.
Get close to him and breathe in his scent, remembering what it was like when his scent was new to you. Reach out and gently trace his face with your fingertips. Without saying a word, admire him the way you did when you first met. It will give your eyes a “come hither” look that will he will surely notice.
Get close to her when she is in the middle of a routine task like washing the dishes or reading. Touch her somehow. If she is at the sink, come up behind her and nuzzle her neck. If she’s reading, rub her shoulders. Give her a reason to stop for even a moment to let you nurture her.
Smell her hair and complement the scent of her shampoo or perfume. Run your fingers down her arm or back and appreciate the fact that this woman is yours and that she opens her body and soul to you.
Building Intimacy
Any amount of being present can lead to sex, that is certain! But not always. Being present can become a way of building intimacy and checking in using few words. Ceasing your own internal chatter and really taking in your partner whether he or she is sharing something or doing something or even sleeping is honoring.
Things like building intimacy and honoring one another heightens the chemistry, the energy, between you. It is a delicious way to attend to yourselves as a couple without requiring the “hard work of making a relationship work.”
Enhancing your relationship can be delicious, fun, and sexy! You can become more appealing to each other as time passes. Being present for no other reason than that you love and honor this person fuels the delicious, sexy fun of heightening the chemistry between you!