Sometimes in a relationship, men and women can get off the same page when it comes to sex. As often as it happens, it still makes for an uncomfortable and awkward, not to mention unsatisfying sexual relationship.
A lot of times, a sexual rift comes between two partners after they’ve just had a baby. What can you do?
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
I had a baby and now my husband won’t have sex with me — he only wants oral sex? Is there something wrong with me? What can I do?
–Stacy, New Hampshire
He Wants Oral Sex Only – Help!
If you and your partner are experiencing a sexual rift, he may start to want oral sex more than traditional sex. He may not feel up to being intimate with you sexually, and prefers to ask you for oral sex only to satisfy his sexual needs.
Logical as it may be, it’s incredibly frustrating for the other partner when she can’t get her sexual needs met as well. The first step to fixing the problem is to take a long, hard look at the possible reasons behind the sexual rift.
And Baby Makes Three?
A lot of times, a new baby coming in to the mix can cause sexual rifts faster than anything else. It might freak your man out a little bit to see you caring for this new little human being and being a mother, when he used to see you more sexually as a lover.
It might be throwing him off a little bit to see you in this new light and it might take a little while for him to get used to it. It might also be that he’s a little freaked out about your equipment. After all, if you had a vaginal birth, your equipment might look and feel different than it did before.
Then again, he may just be having some emotional issues that have nothing to do with a baby. It’s best if you take an understanding approach to the situation rather than a critical one.
Talking It Out
Approach your partner in a positive, non critical way and ask him about the situation. Tell him how you feel, but also give him an opportunity to open up to you about how he feels as well. Listen to what he has to say!
The most important part here though is to remain calm and try not to be critical or negative towards him. Avoid using words or phrases like, “you never” or “you always.”
If you give your partner the opportunity, you might be able to talk it out with them and reach a solution or a compromise to the issue that leaves you both satisfied sexually and emotionally.
If you try talking to your partner and nothing seems to be helping the situation, you might consider visiting a non-biased sex therapist. A sex therapist can help your partner work out any inner emotional issues he may be having that is causing him to want oral sex only in a way that directly relates to your sex life.
You can also try implementing new things in the bedroom, such as dressing sexy to help him see you as a more sexual being, or just spending more time together trying to connect. With time and effort, you and your partner will once again have a sex life that is incredible for both of you!