By the time this is published, I’ll be out of the woods. You see, my husband and I are in the middle of a situation created by the differences between the sexes, and my goal is to refrain from making this particular difference an issue. I so want to point out an oversight he’s made! But that is exactly what would make this particular difference an issue. So, I figured I’d write about it instead.
So here’s what’s going on. To set this up, I need to tell you that my husband and I work together from home. We have separate offices and actually spend a lot of time apart but are mostly just a few steps away from each other. With our lifestyle we get a lot of quality time together. It also means that we like to go out for lunch regularly in order to connect as a couple, rather than as business partners.
Beginning the day after tomorrow, we have commitments that will require a four-day separation. It means that tomorrow is our last day to have lunch together before we go four days hardly seeing each other. I was looking forward to having him to myself tomorrow at lunch. I was also looking forward to lunch with him my first day back.
With two phone calls this afternoon, he arranged for us to have lunch with his son tomorrow and he arranged to have lunch with a friend on my first day back. You’re probably saying, “What is the big deal?” Well, it isn’t a big deal. But it became an opportunity for me to NOT give him a hard time about not seeing the big picture.
The Difference Between Men And Women
That’s the difference between the sexes that we are caught in at the moment. As a woman, I see the big picture and I’ve been making plans around the big picture for weeks! As a man, he is very focused and efficient. The difference means he is missing the opportunity for two separate romantic encounters – the “good-bye” lunch and the “I’m home” lunch.
So, I made the decision that without bitterness, pettiness, or hurt feelings I would leave this alone. I would not point out to him the “mistake” he made. Nor, on the other end of it, when he’s hurting as much as I am that he added more separateness to a time of separation, will I point out to him that he made a “mistake.” To be perfectly clear, I twice put the word mistake in quotes because no mistake has been made. There is absolutely no value distinction between seeing the big picture verses being focused and efficient. Rather, it’s a difference in perspective that can sometimes be beneficial and other times drive a couple crazy – that’s all.
With the exception of the relief that writing this article gives me, I choose to let it go. I can promise you that the marital bliss will be great and far superior to the short lived thrill of being able to say, “I could have told you so.”
Embrace The Difference Between The Sexes
Let me share with you those rewards. If I keep my cool and refuse to let this situation hurt my feelings, I will experience his missing me, which is flattering. I will experience his longing for me, which is also flattering but, more importantly, his longing for me will deepen my yearning for him. When we finally have the time to be alone, conversation will be deep and meaningful as we share our experiences born of the recent separation and our lovemaking will be fun and especially satisfying!
Do you see? There is so much more satisfaction awaiting me by allowing, even embracing, this particular expression of the differences between the sexes. Your relationship is a daily laboratory for growing more love when you take potential problems and turn them into opportunities instead.
Next time you find yourself caught in the battle of the sexes, try slowing down to find the opportunity in it. The pay off could be delightful!