Jealousy can rear its ugly green head when you least expect it. Even when you think you’ve moved on from a relationship and are healthy and happy, you can get pangs of jealousy when you thought the worst of it was over. How do you get over jealousy when your last S.O. is going to be hitched to another woman?
A while back, I broke up with my long term partner. Time’s passed and I found myself an amazing man and we’re in love. Then I find out my ex is going to marry to the first chick he dated after we broke up. I’m super angry, hurt, pissed and bummed. Why? How do I make it stop?
What She Said:
It’s natural to feel weird when someone you once loved has officially moved on. In fact, there’s a possibility he felt the same when he heard about your happy relationship. But the reality is that you’ve both moved on in big ways; the sooner you embrace that, the better.
Keeping Some Things To Yourself
It may go without saying, but I’d recommend keeping your depression to yourself versus confiding in your mate. I’m not advocating lying or keeping secrets – but this feeling will pass and it could be misconstrued in a detrimental way if you let your partner know you’re grieving the loss of your ex’s singledom. You’re happy, so why rock the boat?
How To Move On
If you’re feeling really bummed out, try writing a letter to your ex and then burn it. The purpose of this exercise is to express your feelings in a safe environment, then release them. Whatever you do, don’t send it or leave it lying around! It’s okay to feel sad for a bit – it is the end of an era. Acknowledge it – and then continue moving on. Surely you and your ex broke up for a reason. It might be good to revisit some of the bad times to ensure you don’t romanticize this guy too much.
You’re happy, you’re in a committed relationship and you’ve got nothing but the future ahead of you. It doesn’t involve your ex, but it does include a lot of new and exciting things. That sounds pretty good to me!
What He Said:
I guess the big question here is: why do you care? Maybe this guy was a real fixer up project when you met him. Maybe he was some fat, out of shape, slob with mommy issues and you turned him into a big man sized bowl of grade a quality ass. Then some other chick is enjoying the fruits of your labor? That would piss me off too. And you’d have every right to be upset. She owes you royalties, in that case. Or something.
Maybe you’re like this girl I used to know. She called herself the “practice wife” because every guy she was dating would immediately marry the next girl he dated after they broke up. She hated it. Eventually, she found a guy and they’re engaged.
This Too Shall Pass
Try not to read too much into this. Yes, it sucks. But it will pass. You’re happy in your new relationship, so what else matters? Jack shit, that’s what. Maybe you had visions of marrying that man, and maybe in retrospect, it wasn’t the best idea to start picking out your China patterns before it’s actually time to pick out the China patterns.
If getting married is something you want, sooner or later it will happen. That much is a given. The challenging part is enjoying the journey as much as possible and being kind and compassionate to yourself along the way. There’s really no point in being hard on yourself. Life is hard enough, and there are people lining up around the block to make it even harder on you. So why add on to the pile. Relax, enjoy and forget the douchebag. He’s her problem now.