My boyfriend had sex with a prostitute when he went to Amsterdam. It happened before we were together, but I’m still shocked and disappointed. What should I do?
She Said:
I’d say let the past be the past, as long as that past includes having been tested for AIDS and other STD’s. Your boyfriend made a choice before you two met; at least he was honest with you about his sexual history with a prostitute. Thumbs up for that!
He Confided In You
He’s revealed something to you that most guys probably wouldn’t share with their girlfriends. You might want to consider making him feel safe, instead of judged, now that he’s confided in you. I can understand feelings of being shocked – I’m sure it was the last thing you expected to hear. However, he can’t change what he’s done so making him feel bad is not going to get you anywhere.
Of course, your feelings need to be respected as well. If it’s too difficult for you to hear about, thank him for confiding in you and close the subject. P.S. – once the subject is closed, that means you have to drop it. However, if you’re curious, consider asking him about his sex experience with the prostitute.
He did bring up something that easily could have been kept a secret. Perhaps there were portions of the experience he had that you might find titillating. You can explore these things in a safe place, between the two of you.
Whatever you choose, please act respectful of each other. And I’m serious about making sure he was tested after his experience. Prostitution is legal and regulated in the Netherlands, but extra precautions regarding health would be extremely wise.
He Said:
I don’t know how to tell you this, but your boyfriend is an idiot. Unless he caught something from her there (and if he has an STD there may be a chance he got it from someone else), I can’t see any logical reason for him to tell you this.
He Should Have Kept It Confidential
It’s like if he were to ask you your number of partners. There is no way to win that argument, regardless of relationship status. It’s a lose-lose-lose situation. He doesn’t need to know how many people you have been with and you don’t need to know how many people he has been with, plain and simple. The exception is if he has some sort of STD, then of course the person with the condition would need to disclose it. I’m assuming you have already been intimate with him, so presumably you have already had this conversation.
Testing should happen after every partner, be they professional sex worker or not. And I wouldn’t necessarily freak out because he was with a professional. Typically, in a highly regulated scenario like Amsterdam, a prostitute is regularly tested and they are highly aware of the risks involved and more importantly, how to minimize them – usually by using a condom. Some girl he met at a bar in the states may not know how to do that.