Simultaneous orgasm has long been touted as the be all and end all of great sex. But can you have incredible sex without a simultaneous orgasm?
A destructive myth running rampant among couples today is the belief that: Great sex has to be characterized by simultaneous gratification.
A lofty standard, don’t you think?
The pursuit of simultaneous orgasms, as one consequence of this mindset, has partners on the ever frustrating hunt for this phenomenon. But no matter what they say, synchronized orgasms are rare, and only a few couples ever achieve them on a consistent basis.
How This Myth Can Ruin Your Sex Life
This can create a stigma for the partner who climaxes first – whether it’s the man or woman – especially when they think that if sex is a race, and orgasm, the finish line, the ideal is for both partners to finish together. After all, they started at the same time, right? So they should climax as a couple!
However, the physical and psychological differences between men and women make this rarely achievable. Men are aroused faster than a speeding bullet, women are not so. Penetration has more orgasm potential for men than women – who have their clitorises only indirectly stimulated by the invading penis. This usually leads to the man peaking first. And if ‘great sex’ for you means simultaneous climaxes, then you’re going to have some problems.
Sexual syncronicity doesn’t necessarily mean the couple orgasming exactly at the same moment. Climaxing together may be highly sought after, but the practical and more realistic way of doing things is to take turns!
Why It’s Better When You Take Turns
Sexual pleasure needn’t be concurrent for partners, a give & take view is much better — with a time for giving and a time to be on the receiving end.
Yes, both pleasures may coincide and there are lots of instances when this happens. Kissing and hugging are examples. Enjoy them, but don’t make them the standard. Pleasure doesn’t have to happen simultaneously; sometimes it’s even better that way.
Take the ‘69’ position for example. Though erotic, it’s frankly not so effective because so much is going on at once. Your brain has to decide if it’s going to focus on the pleasure received, or the pleasure given.
TAKE TURNS. When you both try to lead and put on a show, sex will feel like Greco-Roman wrestling. Sex is EQUAL & MUTUAL, but not necessarily simultaneous. There will surely be moments when you do most of the work and she’ll just lie there, with eyes closed, enjoying you. Other times, you’ll be still and she’ll be riding you like a veteran cowgirl.
Switching off gives both the chance to completely focus on what’s happening. When she’s receiving, she can just relax as your tongue explores her innermost sanctum. She doesn’t have to do anything while you’re at it. Although you’re getting satisfaction by seeing her enjoyment, your role is primarily that of a giver. And when it’s her turn, she can focus on what she wants to do, instead of giggling or writhing about as a result of your maneuvers.